Redemption Crash Series Book Three

Selfish

Aria

My posture stiff, shoulders squared, I lurch away from Mason’s side, discreetly wiping sweat away from my brow.

“No that’s okay you clearly have things you need to deal with and I need to get back to Shirley’s. We can talk tonight.” I turn back to him raising my arms in the air as I look around at the c*****e. He really does have a mess to clean up and honestly, I’m pretty pissed he called Trisha before he called me.

I get she’s a little more important in the scheme of things to the business and the moment but dammit if I’m not offended he couldn’t even give me a reassuring text. Right now I just need some space, space to process everything that’s happened, and a moment to take a breath.

Am I overreacting?

How could I be? She just flat-out told us to call off the relationship. And that bullshit about not sticking up for Mason during my interview, she’s f*****g right I should have said more or done more to show my support for Mason and the career he’s building. Instead, I dismissed the conversation completely because I was overwhelmed and I am undertrained.

Again she was right. So I’ll leave, I’ll give him time with a woman he does need right now. Someone that can support him that’s highly trained and won’t find herself overwhelmed by a few questions and bright lights. Someone that does have a better image and better understanding of all of it.

And you know what’s worse? I’m starting to wonder if he’s right. Am I being selfish for staying? If I leave, if I agree to witness protection would he be better off without me? He could be with Trisha or someone like her, someone that fits him so much better than me.

Is that, no is she, a part of the reason he wants me to go and he’ll stay?

Does he finally realize like everyone else what a monster I am? How much better he can do. Or is the time crunch he's under making him realize how much dead weight I carry?

Because I am.

I’m realizing all of that in seconds as my gut twists and my head starts to pound.

“Out everyone but you,” Mason demands.

“Mase I have to go.” I don’t want to talk, don’t want to argue with people listening from the other room while I air out all my insecurities and discuss our relationship. I won't let Trisha win like that, not here not now.

The room starts to empty out Trisha the last to leave. I stay back but I don’t plan to for long. I have to get out of here.

“You have five minutes to spare you just got here,” He insists.

“Not right now I don’t.” Shaking my head I look down to the ground lifting my legs high as I watch each careful step.

“You don’t have five minutes?” He’s following me at my heels his heat at my back.

“No, I don’t. Kinda like you didn’t have five seconds to text me that you were okay.”

“Crash-” I stop him in his tracks turning to face the man I love without good reason or a clear head feeling something inside me shift.

“No Mason not now. I need some space we can talk tonight.” With that, I walk out of the room, past Leo, Trisha, and Jaxson Wyatt and Connor follow behind me the three of us stay quiet as we leave heading back to my bakery where I can lose myself to dough and batter.

***

My day doesn’t get any better not with the thoughts running through my head so its no wonder when I get back home I go straight for the tub ignoring the smell of a late dinner coming from the kitchen or the low hum of music, I high tail it straight back to the master bath. Our room is quiet and neat, Ray is long gone as is Mrs. Desmond. The soup kitchen dinner ran long tonight after one of our regulars Derick showed up with a broken nose and black eyes. He wasn’t fast to tell us what happened to him, which riled the room up.

Dericks an older man with mental health issues. He’s a nice man, quiet, reserved. He stays on the streets somewhere but goes to Paul’s for his meals and sometimes he’ll come to Shirley’s. He was there this morning looking as he always does, with long shaggy hair, a scraggly beard, and wide brown eyes.

By dinner he was beaten and bruised his day ruined but surprised to find that so many people cared about him when the room burst into abject horror and shock at his horrible appearance. Everyone wanted to know what happened and who did it.

I was right there with Paul and Tessa one of the other volunteers as we pulled open the first aid kit and worked on cleaning the poor man up. Wiping the blood away from his nose and carefully looking into his eyes doing the best we could to check his vision without a medical degree.

He was flinching away clearly in pain but his pupils were dilating and he could follow our fingers. We encouraged him to go to the hospital to even go to the police but instead, he refused and chopped it all up to some harmful idiots looking for an easy target and they found one.

We stayed late giving him an extra blanket, and good food, calming people down and trying to talk him into getting into the shelter tonight. Something he also refused but at least we know he’ll have a full belly and his injuries aren’t deadly that we could tell. Everyone was awfully uneasy after.

I rattle the golden handle bending over and feeling the stream of water that pours out waiting for it to get to the perfect temperature before I grab a bath bomb from under the sink dropping it into the pooling warm water. It fizzles and foams purple and pink while the smell of cocoa butter permeates the room.

I’m standing butt naked one foot in the jet tub when the door opens behind me. I don’t look over my shoulder, I don’t need to to know Mason is standing there, looking as yummy as always, I can feel his eyes take in my body as I sink into the hot tub, refusing to look at him. Refusing to melt into my normal puddle when it comes to this man, I need to hold on to my hurt and resentments. I need to get them off my chest before I fall at his feet weak as I always am when Mase is around.

“Can I join you?” What do I say to that? I always want him to join me, I crave him like my mom craved men and money and my dad craved alcohol. He’s my addiction, my weakness, and right now every time I shut my eyes I wonder how long after I leave before I hear the news? Before he’s with someone new, someone better. Or until he falls into bed with Trisha when I’m out of the picture no longer a wall in their way to being together.

How much does he want me to leave, am I easy to forget? Like today when he called her instead of me? How do I open my mouth and air my insecurities to someone that can cut me deeper than Brian, deeper than the Russian?

Sliding down the tub I hold my head right above the water my arms on the side of the tub as I watch the pink and purple swirls take over the water. “Will you grab us some wine?”

“Yes.” He walks away buying me more time to process, to prepare.

I don’t want to leave, my life here is amazing far greater than anything I ever hoped for. I came to Boston wanting a bakery eventually. I had a five-year plan that had in no way accounted for Mason Maverick and the doors he opened up for me. I now have a man I love endlessly even if he can be an Alphahole he can be even sweeter. He always means well. He respects my voice and my opinions and listens when I talk even if he gets his way in the long run.

He is neurotic, compulsive, and overwhelming.

He is also kind, considerate, and patient.

He’s always there for me whenever I need him no matter what he himself is going through. He’s controlling but he’s looking out for my safety and his own. He’s worried about me, he cares about my well-being. He encourages me to fix myself while teaching me and giving me the tools to do just that. he forces me to be a better person and there's absolutely no part of me that wants to leave him behind.

Let alone Shirleys, the bakery I just opened even with the damages and petty crimes I’ve experienced it’s still performing amazingly well. Better than I would have done had I had half the budget like I would have had Mason not given me my dreams.

My show Perfectionary wouldn’t have happened had Mason not taken me on a perfect date catered just for me. He listened and knew exactly what to do to give me the best time. Something meaningful, impactful, and loving. Darius Parker is still my idol and now I can call him a friend and a coworker. I never even thought to dream of such a thing yet here I am.

Now I’m going to walk away from all of it. The friendships I’ve begun to build, my relationship, my business, my show. My whole future so I can be someone else, someone that won’t be allowed to even like baking any longer?

Am I not selfish for staying? Selfish for bringing danger to so many and like Trisha said I’m not who Mason needs right now. Because I love him shouldn’t I walk away?