Redemption Crash Series Book Three

Lost to me

Mason

Today was s**t. Tonight, might be shittier, the look of betrayal and hurt on Aria’s face earlier has haunted me all day. Usually, she’ll join me in the kitchen when she gets home later than I, it's our nightly little ritual. Not tonight, she ran straight to the bathroom, she hid. Then she refused to look my way. Clearly, I have some apologizing to do.

Pouring the wine into two glasses I reach under the sink for the bathtub table tray, a thick wooden piece that fits perfect on the edges of the jet tub. Walking across the penthouse towards the master bath I try to reason my way through the next little bit of Hell I’ll have to suffer through. She’s angry for good reason, I never called her when I said I would, I would have been livid too had the situation been in reverse but how can I reason with her, how can I give her an answer to why when I can’t begin to put into words the reason behind my trepidation and hesitation. At least not words that will satisfy her into forgiveness.

Not when the thought still persists, more and more turning into an eventuality rather than a maybe or what if.

She’s still self-emerged in the water her face the only thing peeking out from the pink and purple bubbles and foam. The room is steamy, the lights on low, the setting perfect for one of our normal romantic baths, if only tonight was one of romance rather than forgiveness and maybe sorrow.

If she agrees tonight could be a goodbye. As soon as tomorrow she could be out of my life for maybe forever and that thought has me stopping in my tracks, halting my heart, stopping my breath, and clogging my throat from forming any words as I stare at the one woman in this world that I’ll ever love with my body and soul and everything in between and beyond.

I want to marry her. I want to see her in her dress her make up and hair done as she walks down the aisle straight for me our eyes stuck in a connection no one can possibly understand after only eight months of knowing one another then again no one has gone through the trauma we’ve suffered this past eight months either.

“Are you just going to stand there all night,” she asks without opening her eyes.

“Here.” Setting my glass of wine on the bathroom counter I untuck the tray from under my arm carefully setting it on the edge of the tub, her glass of wine following. The water splishes and splashes gently on the porcelain as she rises, the tops of her breast exposed to the cool night air.

“Thank you.” She still doesn’t look at me, her eyes go straight for the wine as do her hands, she gulps down a few sips before placing it back on the table.

“Can we talk or do you still need some space?”

“Are you getting in ?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I always want you.” My heart lurches with her words, I’m in total agreement there’s never been a time when I haven’t wanted her, even if I wanted to not want her.

Peeling off my clothes I slide in behind her, wine glass in hand, my abs connect with her silky back in an instant. The tub isn’t as big as the one back home at the mansion but its still relatively big. Big enough for both of us to fit snuggly together. She scoots back pressing herself tight against me, her head falling back to my shoulder her eyes still closed.

Setting my glass on the table I wrap my arms around her, tucking my hands into the curve of her upper thighs. Leaning down I place gentle kisses along the side of her neck, watching as goosebumps pop up and her thighs squeeze my hands tight. She feels so right, perfect in my arms.

“Why didn’t you call Mase?”

“It was a problem after a problem and I just got caught up.”

“That’s bullshit Mason. You could have taken a second of your time to text me something. I tried calling you…” Calls I ignored.

“I know. I know.” Groaning I drop my forehead down to her neck, I’m still not sure what to say. “I was busy Sweetheart.”

“Yet, you had time to call up Trisha.”

“Trisha is my PR rep. I needed her there.”

“Oh I know Honey. I know she is more important, sorry though for assuming I held some sort of importance. Enough to let me know you were f*****g okay.” She chugs the rest of her wine, pulling herself away from me and closer to the table. Grabbing my own glass of wine I tip my head back letting the deep red blackberry wine drip down my dry throat.

“Crash-” I prob gently.

“Don’t Crash me! Stop with all this sweetness Mason. Just say what you’ve been dying to say since last week. Tell me what it is I’m going to do like you’ve been wanting to. Lets stop pretending like I have an option in any of this.”

“You do have a say in all of this Aria. This is our life and I have no more say then you do.”

“It’s a relationship that requires two people to be in a mutual agreement. You’re pulling farther away each day. You had a lot to deal with today, a ton actually. You’re under a ton of stress, stress that’s growing each and every day. You want me to go into witness protection and you need someone on your arm that’s more like Trisha. Someone that hasn’t murdered three f*****g people.

“I even get it. She’s beautiful, sophisticated-”

“Stop it. Just stop it.” Grabbing her shoulders I pull her through the water back towards me. Tipping up her chin I stare into her beautiful broken eyes. “Trisha is beautiful but I don’t want her. I don’t crave her. I don’t think about her every day. Or wonder when I’ll see her next. I don’t miss her smell or want to know her touch.

“I don’t care for her opinions or to seek out her every day advice. She’s an employee only but you…” She tries to pull away but I hold her tight. She doesn’t like to be opened with me, doesn’t find it comfortable to let me see her vulnerabilities through her gorgeous eyes, but when I hold tight, when I persist she gives in, she flowers.

Leaning my face down above her own I hold her eyes watching as her emotions play out before me. “I love you Aria Crawford. I love you. the klutzy brave mess that you are. I love you so much I feel like you’re a part of me, so intertwined that when you aren’t around I’m aching to be next to you again. I want you and only you, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

“I want you away from all of this, away from the persistent danger. Away from the risk. Witness protection is the safest place for you yet that means I have to willingly walk away from you. I have to let you go and ache with every breath I take. You know how hard that is for me? How desperately I want to marry you before I get to take you on our honeymoon.”

“Technically I’m taking you on our honeymoon.”

“While I want you to take me on the wonderful honeymoon you planned. I want to watch you walk down that aisle towards me, I crave calling you my wife. Mine forever. But I cant in good consciousness marry you and mark you with a big x.”