Listen To Your Heart

Chapter 4

The lemon cakes and the blueberry tarts were served and the crowd was once again paying attention to the food and wine in the tables in front of them. Elsie saw her sister serve herself with small lemons cakes and eat them with quite the enthusiasm. One of the servants asked her if she wanted cake or tart and she refused both. Her stomach was feeling funny since she entered the feast and it got worse once she didn’t find Gilbert in the crowd.

“Are you alright, my lady?” She heard Nycholas besides her. She could feel his gaze on her.

“Yes, I’m… I’m not really a fan of cakes and tarts,” she lied.

“Look, I could tell by your reaction that you were caught by surprise tonight. And I’d like to say that I understand because it’s weird to me as well, the thought of marrying someone I’ve never met, I mean. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and I promise you that I’ll try to make things the best they can be for you. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Nycholas said softy for only her to listen.

“Thank you,” Elsie replied surprised by his reaction, though she didn’t know if she could trust him entirely.

When the food was already gone and wine was still coming and going like water, Elsie finally had her excuse to leave. Anne was still staying because of her husband and she envied her younger sister for being able to leave earlier. The young girl went back to her chambers with her mind running wild with thoughts of what to do and what to feel.

Part of her knew this day would come eventually, though she spent most of her life denying it. She knew what was expected of her, but when she fell for Gilbert and started their relationship, she lived in the delusion that no one would ever find out and they would be together like there weren’t roles they were supposed to play.

Elsie got herself rid of her tight dress and shoes. She lit a candle on her nightstand and laid in her bed. It didn’t matter how tired she was, she couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts would always go back to Gilbert, the afternoon they just had, the stolen secret kisses, the way he made her forget everything else whenever he was near her, but the face he made when Nycholas proposed was stamped in her mind and she could perfectly see his disappointment as if he was right in front of her. She was still torn between the duty to her family and her duty to her heart.

She got out of bed and walked to her window. The full moon made it clear for her to see the tents and the people outside the castle’s wall. For the commoners, the party was still going and probably wouldn’t end so soon. The gates were closed that time of the night, but Elsie knew almost every exit and entrance there was on the keep, as she had spent loads of time running away from her duties and in a impulse, she changed clothes once again, blew out the candle and sneaked out of her room, knowing exactly what she wanted to do.

Quietly, but as quickly as she could, Elsie made her way to the back courtyard, heading to Ury and Gilbert’s cottage. She peeked through the window trying to stay as hidden as she could. Ury was passed out on his bed snoring loudly, but the rest of the place was too dark for her to see much further inside. It was when she heard a noise coming from the forge. It could only be Gilbert at that time of the night.

Elsie made sure that there was no one around to see her and she entered the forge without hesitation.

“Gilbert?" she called, but there was no response.

Elsie made her way into the hot chamber to find Gilbert sharpening an axe with a very intricate handle. His brain was making him work on automatic as his head was filled with anger and sadness after seeing the girl he loved getting engaged to another man, knowing he would never be worthy of her. He didn’t acknowledge her presence until he felt her hand on his shoulder. He was caught by surprise, dropping the honing stone and almost cutting his finger on the sharp blade.

"Damn it, Elsie. You know not to sneak in while I’m working. I could’ve hurt myself or you," Gilbert said putting his tools down and looking at her. Sitting on the bench he was almost was tall as her standing in front of him.

“I know, I’m sorry. I called for you, but you didn’t answer.”

“What are you doing here anyway? It’s late,” he crossed his arms.

“I needed to talk to you,” she was feeling nervous around him. It was the first time she felt this way with him since she told him how she felt about a year before.

“Talk to me about what? About how you’re engaged now and we can’t keep doing whatever we were doing before? You didn’t have to bother coming here, I got that much tonight,” he said letting his angry feelings take control.

"I knew you'd be mad, but no, that’s not why I am here for,” she said exasperated. “Besides, you know I didn’t have a choice.”

"You could've said no," he completely ignored the fact that she just said she wasn’t there to end things with him. He was still feeling like an i***t for not seeing her engagement to someone else coming.

"How? I was standing in front of my family and my father’s most important bannermen. Everyone was staring at me and waiting for me to say yes. If I had refused, I could've caused a massive chaos, especially to my father. The Sternlashes have been our bannermen for centuries. It would be a great insult to them," Elsie tried to explain.

"Right, I forgot. You're a Asheye of Nevettia and I'm just a bastard. The smith boy, isn't that what your sister calls me? Did she see us this morning, by the way? Or is your dirty little secret safe?"

“Would you stop being so stupid for a second and listen to me?” she pushed against his chest angrily. “You bloody well know that I don’t see you as just some bastard, you know you mean much more to me. Or do you really think that I would risk my reputation over sneaking out just for a whirlwind romance? Do you think I’d be wasting my time coming here to explain everything to you if that was the case? Do you really believe that I want to be shipped off to Shattered Lake to be a lady, to live with people I never met and serve a husband I don’t want nor love?”

Gilbert didn’t answer. Instead he got up and wandered around the room. He knew she was right and that he was being selfish, but to him there wasn’t any other way other than each of them following the role they were supposed to.

“God, Gilbert, would you even look at me?” she walked up and stood in front of him. “You know that I want you.”

“It will never work, though, will it? You have a duty to your family and to your father. I know you don’t want to let him down,” he said avoiding her gaze. “Honestly, I don’t know what we were thinking when we first started this. There was no way we could be together out in the open. How could we be so stupid to think this could work?”

“Gilbert…” She tried to speak with watery eyes.

"I just think that now that your engagement is official, we should go our separate ways. I'll stay here and become a blacksmith when I'm older and you can marry this Sternlash bloke. He'll give you a better life. A life that an Asheye really deserves."

“You can’t seriously want this,” she said softly while the tears rolled down her face.

“I don’t,” he wiped her tears away with his thumb. “But I don’t think there is another way.”

“Run away with me,” Elsie said after a while.

"What?" he asked.

"You heard me. Come with me, tonight. We just need to gather some clothes, I have some valuable things that we can sell. The horses are well rested because of the tournament. We can take a sword, my bow and arrow to hunt if we need and we can go wherever we want to go. Just you and me. No one else,” she said, her eyes sparkling with hope.

"Are you serious? What about your family? What about your duty to your father?" he tried not to fill his heart with the same hope as her.

“I am dead serious. If I get married to Nycholas Sternlash I would live far from here anyway. Being with my family would almost never happen. But if I’m nowhere to be found, then my father has a good excuse to give the Sternlashes and we could be together. We can be happy together,” she answered.

“It’s not that simple, Els,” Gilbert shook his head. “If I go missing, Ury will just think that I bailed on him because of some w***e and that I’m probably lying dead somewhere. He might shed a tear or two but he’ll move on and that will be it. But if your maids don’t find you in your bed in the morning or anywhere near inside this keep, your father will put the entire population of Nevettia after you.”

“Fair point. My father will definitely put his best men after me. But I know these woods. I have already studied the maps and I know the best ways to go without leaving any trails. The men are enjoying the feast, getting drunk. If we leave right now, we’ll have half a day of advantage. We can go to the shore, get on a ship and go to Poisart. We can start a new life and be whoever we want to be, no titles or labels. Come with me, Gilbert, please," she begged him.

“Elsie, think this through. Think about everything you’ll leave behind. I don’t have much to lose, but you’ll give up your entire life,” he fought his urge to agree to her insane idea. “I mean, yes, I'll go with you wherever you want to go, but don't you think this is just too rushed? I don't want you to regret it later," he answered.

"Yes, I'm sure," she put her hands around his face and put her forehead against his. "I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. I want this, I want us."

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her passionately, like he never did before. Elsie at first was surprised about how much intensity she felt through his body, but she melted into him feeling just as much.

“I’ll take that as yes,” she smiled after they pulled away from each other and he nodded smiling back at her. “Good, now, I’ll go back to my room and gather a few belongings that will help us. You take a sword and bring my bow with arrows. Gather your clothes and whatever belongings you want to take with you. Stay inside your chambers until you see a candle light at my window. It will mean I’m leaving the room and we’ll meet at the stables.”

“You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”

“Well, it’s not really the first time I thought about leaving this place,” she grinned.

“Alright then. You go now and I’ll wait for your sign,” he kissed her quickly.

“I’ll meet you at the stables!” she answered and ran out the forge.

Elsie made her way back to her room. Her heart was racing and she was high with adrenaline. She had never felt so alive, going out for her first real adventure with the man she intended to spend the rest of her life with. She couldn’t help but keep high expectations of what was to come their way, but her brave spirit would make her fight and persist every step of the way.

She fought the urge to run freely through the castle, trying not to get anyone’s attention. Once in the safety of her chambers, Elsie threw her bed clothes on the floor and gathered her simplest clothes and all the jewellery she could find, placing it all at the centre of her sheets and folding it into an improvised bag. She stopped for a second and it was when she saw the golden brooch her father had given to her on her fifteenth birthday. It was shaped as a winter rose, a flower of northern beauty, just like Elsie. She took it from her nightstand pinning it inside her robes near her heart, so her home would always be close to her. She took another quick look around her room, making sure she didn’t forget anything important and having done that, she lit her candle and rested it in the window, hoping the wind didn’t take the flame out before Gilbert could see her sign.

She grabbed her things wrapped in bed clothes and left her room once again, and this time for good. Tiptoeing to the stables, she met Gilbert waiting for her with a small bag hanging on his shoulder.

“Are you ready?” she whispered carefully and he nodded.

They made their way to the horses, picking the one Elsie was already used to and the one Gilbert used to go hunting with Theo. They struggled a bit sealing the horses quietly, but once it all got into place, it got easier.

“Now what?” Gilbert asked when they were leaving the stables.

“Now we just have to cross the courtyard to the east gate. It leads straight to the woods and it’s the least watched gate, because it’s rarely used,” she replied.

They led the horses to the east gate, staying close to the shadows and the castle’s wall, so no one could see them. Luckily for them, the only guard at the gate was passed out on the floor with a bottle of wine in his hand. Slowly as he could, Gilbert opened the gate and closed it after Elsie passed it through with the horses.

They mounted the horses and rode into the woods. It took Elsie a few minutes to locate herself by the stars’ positions because of the trees and for a while Gilbert rode carefully besides her. Once she had the path set in her head, she took the lead and sped up the pace.

They kept on going till the sun came up and cleared the sky. Elsie was finally feeling tired from the long day and night she had, but she fought the pain in her legs and her heavy eyes. She knew that the further they went the better.

“Elsie,” she heard Gilbert calling behind her.

She slowed down and waited for him to catch up to her.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m good, but I’m a bit hungry. Shouldn’t we take a break? Let the horses rest a bit at least?”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a lake not much further from here. We can make a stop there, let the horses drink some water. But we can’t take too much time. I don’t think there’s anyone after us yet, but it’s only a matter of time now.”

“Alright, take the lead, m’lady,” he mocked her knowing she hated when he called her that.

Despite hating her ladylike lessons, Elsie loved studying geography. Whenever she heard the lectures, she imagined herself visiting every place in the world. Experiencing new cultures and travelling were her absolute dream since a small child. She loved it so much she would spend hours studying the maps and that made her sure she knew where to go.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the lake Elsie had mentioned. It wasn’t a big one, they could easily see the other end of it, but it had very clear water and a small waterfall. There weren’t many trees near the riverbank, so the whole lake was bathed in sunlight. It was a beautiful view and very pleasant place to spend a hot afternoon.

Gilbert tied the horses to a tree by the lake where they could drink some water and build a small fire. Elsie hit two rabbits with her arrows and brought for them to eat. Gilbert helped her clean and put them in the fire. They took off their cloaks and hanged them on top of the horses.

While the rabbits cooked, they sat side by side and Gilbert hugged Elsie’s waist pulling her closer to him.

For Gilbert the ride had been quite boring, as all he could do was follow her and it made him feel a bit useless. As she was always in front of him and the horses were going fast, there was no time or place to them to talk, which, in his opinion, would’ve made things much better. He wished he was as educated as her so he could help her carry the responsibility of taking them to the right place, so she didn’t feel overwhelmed and he could feel a little more worthy of all the things she gave up for him.

However, Elsie had never felt so alive. She enjoyed the wind on her face and the sense of freedom pulsing with her heart. She was finally away from the big walls of Nevettia and with the man she loved, even though she was also feeling a heartache from leaving without saying goodbye to her family. If everything turned out the way she planned, she was probably never seeing any of them again.

“I’ve never been this far into these woods,” he broke their silence pushing her out of her thoughts.

“Me neither,” she admitted.

“You know where we’re going, right?”

“I’ve seen the maps a thousand times, don’t worry. We are heading east at first. It will take a little longer than if we just head south by the main road, but it’s safer. If anyone comes after us, that’s the path they’ll take, I’m sure. So it will take longer for them to find us and will give us two or three days ahead. Also, I know there’s a port on Darkwell. That’s our destination, we buy ourselves a cabinet on a nice ship and Poisart won’t be too far,” she explained.

“There is no need to get us both a cabinet. I can work as payment for the travel,” he felt bad for not having much to help their situation.

“Nonsense, stupid,” she poked him with her elbow. “I brought enough for the both of us.”

He didn’t answer. Instead he pulled the rabbits out of the fire and handed one to her. They ate silently, but finished fast, once they were both very hungry. Elsie got up and walked to the river to wash her hands and Gilbert followed her.

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” she turned to him.

“Me neither, honestly,” he pulled her in for a hug and kissed her forehead.

They kept hugging each other for a while until Elsie took a step back.

“Are you ready to go?” she asked.

“Now? Can't we just rest a little? My legs hurt. I've never spent so much time in a horse.”

“You’re such a spoiled baby,” she mocked him. “Stop complaining and get your big arse back to the horse.”

“Spoiled baby?” he acted like as insulted. “I can hammer fifteen swords a day, nonstop, and you’re calling me a spoiled baby?”

“Luckily for you, my love, you don’t have to hammer anything. Just ride,” she laughed at him.

“Come on, Els. Seriously now, can’t we stay just for a few minutes here?” he grabbed her by the waist and turned her so her back was on his chest and they were both looking at the water. “It’s getting hot and look what a beautiful lake we have here to enjoy,” he planted a few kisses down her cheeks and neck, giving her a chill on the spine. “There is just you and me here. How long did we wait for this to happen?”

“Fine, but just for few minutes," she gave in.

"Elsie, no offense, but I honestly think that we both stink. How about a bath?" he smirked

“What?” she had time to ask before he grabbed her bridal style and jumped with her on his arms into the lake.

When they emerged, she looked at him astounded and he just laughed at her.

"Damn you, Gilbert. It's freezing in here," she yelled. “How can you not be freezing?"

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her tenderly.

“I’ve got you to keep me warm,” he smiled slyly.

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” she threw her arms around his neck.

“You’re damn right I am,” he kissed her again, this time more passionately and hastily.

They just couldn’t get enough of each other and they only enjoyed the lake to stay close and spend a few carefree moments of laugh and love. After a while, Elsie convinced him to at least get out of the water so their clothes could dry in the sun at least a bit before going back to the horses.

They sat together once again in the grass in front of the lake. Gilbert noticed that Elsie seemed far on her thoughts once again.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess," she whispered.

"Did you regret this? Do you want to go back?" he put an arm around her.

"No, I don't, but I can't stop thinking about my family. Do you think there are people after us?"

"Definitely."

"Do you think they'll stop looking for me once they realize that I'm truly gone?" she asked.

"Hardly. Stubbornness is one of the main compounds of the Asheye’s blood,” he said and she giggled sadly.

"I'll never see them again," she stated.

"We can go back one day, if you want," he replied.

"They will kill us both."

"Me? Definitely death sentence. You? I don't really see that happening."

"Ury will absolutely miss you."

"Probably, but mostly because he'll have more work to do. As you already know, I'm just a bastard," he smiled.

"I hate when you call yourself bastard," she said resting her head on his shoulder.

"It's what I am. I can't change that," he kissed the top of her head.

"You're so much more than that. I wish you could see past it," she replied.

“If you do, that’s enough for me.”

Elsie kept quiet, just enjoying the moment with Gilbert. She was almost asleep when the sound of the wind on nearby trees got her in alert.

“I think we stayed for too long, Gilbert, we should go,” she said.

“We are going to need some sleep, you know?”

“I know. I’m pretty sure there’s a village not far from here. We can get there by sundown, I think. Most people will still be out in the tournament and we will be able to pass by without being noticed.”

“Alright, let’s go then,” he agreed.

They put on their cloaks and mounted the horses, riding into the woods.