Pleasure and Pain (Not your typical love affair)

Kabanata 7—Natigilan

I PUSHED him hard and slapped him on the face after. I was breathing heavily while glaring at the devil.  Accusing me as a sl*t and kissed me after is f*cking too much.

"H-how dare you, Ferranci!" I shouted and slapped his chest so hard. I really wanted to hurt him but I am not satisfied on what I am doing right now.

"F*ck you for doing this to me and f*ck you coz you really do not deserved Marhianna! I hope she would meet someone who is much deserving than you are!"

My conscience eating me already. I know, it's not my fault that he kissed me. But thinking Marhianna, pakiramdam ko'y tinaksilan ko ang sariling ina.

"Go to hell Juddah! Go to f*cking hell!" I shouted again but he didn't even budge. He's just staring at nothing na para bang natulala na siya.

"Damn you!" Unti-unting humina ang boses ko hanggang sa tumulo ang mga luha ko. "Damn you!"

Nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Just by thinking that he kissed me, I wanna vomit. It's disgust me.

Unti-unti akong tumalikod pero hindi pa man ako nakakalayo nang tila doon lang siya natauhan.

I faced him.

"M-Maldrid, I-I'm sorry. Damn it! I didn't mean to do it. Oh God," he said like he was confused. He even ruffled his hair and punched the wall.

I bitterly smiled. "The damage has been done, Ferranci. I really loathe you! A-ano na lang ang iisipin ni Marhianna dahil sa ginawa mo?"

Mukha naman siyang natigilan saka blangko ang matang bumaling sa 'kin. I don't know if it's just my imagination but I really saw his lips curve a bit like he was smirking.

"Marhianna," he uttered and averted his gaze from me. His jaw clenched and ruffled his hair again. He go back to the bar counter and sipped on his glass. He closed his eyes and murmured something that I didn't hear.

"What? Don't tell me you're not affected? Juddah what the f**k! You've cheated on Marhianna!" I went towards him and slapped him again.

Marahas naman niyang binitawan ang baso at nanlilisik ang matang ibinaling sa 'kin. "Slap me again!"

I was caught off guard. I blinked my eyes for how many times nang makabawi dahil bigla akong natakot sa kanya.

Juddah rose on his feet dahilan para tumingala ako sa kanya. I step backward when he started walking papunta sa 'kin.

"J-Juddah!" I trailed off when his arm encircled on my waist. Sinubukan kong kumawala pero mas lalo niya lamang hinihigpitan ang yakap.  "Juddah what the hell!" alma ko dahil natatakot na ako.

Blangko ang kanyang itsura at tila galit na galit dahil sa mahigpit na yakap niya sa 'kin.

"Cheated? Really Maldrid? I didn't cheat on her in the first place! I am not the one who did it first!"

I gasped when he renewed his hug at mas lalo pa akong inilapit dahilan para maramdaman ko ang matigas na bagay sa pagitan ng hita niya.

"W-what the f*ck are you talking about?" I don't understand him.

He smirked and started to vow on me. He nuzzled his face on my neck that cause me to gasp for air. 

He laughed dangerously. "Yeah, she didn't cheat on me because I am just her suitor. We are not together yet. That's why you wouldn't call it cheating."

"What are you--" For the second time, I gasp when I felt his tongue licked the sensitive spot of my neck. My eyes bulge when he bit and suck it. "J-Juddah, p-please let me go now. P-please."

He again chuckled on my earlobe. "Why would I? I know you want this. We both want this. I can really feel it. So... give in to me now, Maldrid. I assure you, you will like it."

Nanginig hindi lang ang mga tuhod ko. Pakiramdam ko ay ginulo niya ang sistema ko.

I am confused by his action. Parang nung nakaraan lang ay diring-diri siya sa 'kin and he even accused me of seducing him. But what the hell is happening right now?

"C'mon, Maldrid." Kumalas siya ng yakap at hinaplos ang pisngi ko.

Napakurap-kurap ako dahil sa apoy na nakikita ko ngayon sa mata niya. Napalunok ako at agad na nag-iwas sa kanya ng tingin.

I won't give in. And why the f*ck I would give in? This is a sin. Panta-traydor 'to kay Marhianna. Oh God!

"You know what? Go to hell!" I shouted and turned my back but he was too early at agad na naabot ang kamay ko at hinila ako papalapit sa kanya.

He pinned me against the wall and smirked at me. Gulo-gulo ngayon ang buhok niya pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang masulyapan ang kakaibang init sa mga mata niya.

"Don't deny it, Maldrid," he said as his one hand started to caressed my waist. "I know you feel attraction towards me. I am just a man and I can really feel it. But you're just holding it because you know I am your Mother's suitor." He started kissing my cheek and the side of my lips while looking at me.

Halos maduling na ako kaya ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata.

"But look at our situation now. We can do it already. I can give what you want."

Nagpumiglas ako dahil sa narinig. I am now fuming mad at him. He just won't respect me.

I was breathing heavily while glaring at him. I tried to jerk my hand pero mas lalo niya akong inilapit sa kanya.

"Don't fight with it, Maldrid. I know you really want this. And I am sure that we will both enjoy it."

I tried agaid to jerk but he didn't let me kaya napilitan akong gawin ang pang huling nasa isip ko.

"I'm sorry, Juddah. But like I said, you wouldn't have a taste on me," ani ko sabay tuhod sa gitnang bahagi ng hita niya.

Agad naman siyang napaluhod at namilipit sa sakit. "f**k Maldrid!"

He glared at me as I smirked at him. Serves you f*cking right.

"As*hole." I turned my back and went upstairs.

Pagdating sa kwarto, wala na akong sinayang na oras at agad na tinungo ang banyo. I cried under the shower as I think about my mother. Pinagtrayduran ko ang sarili kong ina na siyang bumuhay at nagpalaki sa 'kin.

I'm sorry, Marhianna.

I woke up late the next morning. Nagkulong lang din ako sa kwarto at lumabas lang nang magutom ako.

It's already weekend at semestral break na namin. Kapag bumalik si Marhianna, we'll be flying to palawan and spend the whole week there. She already make sure na clean ang schedule niya that time kaya tuloy na 'yun.

But I think, I wouldn't enjoy my vacation this year because of what happened last night. I don't know kung anong nakain ni Juddah at ganun na lang ang inasta sa 'kin. Pakiramdam ko ay nabastos ako dahil sa ginawa niya.

Kung makarating lang 'to kay Marhianna, I know she wouldn't think twice na paalisin si Juddah sa buhay niya. But I won't do that. Ayokong magparaya at magpaubaya lang siya ng dahil sa 'kin.

Bumaba ako at nagtungo sa kitchen para magluto pero nagulat ako nang makitang may nakahandang pagkain sa mesa.

And I was about to check what is it when someome cleared his throat at my back.

I remained my blank face as I face Juddah. He's just on his white V-neck shirt and a black pants paired with his shoes. Mukhang kagagaling niya lang sa labas. And why the hell he didn't go to his work today?

"Why are you still here?" I coldly asked as I started to get a plate. Wala akong pake kung siya ang nagluto ng mga pagkaing nakahanda sa mesa. Natural na gumawa siya ng gawaing bahay dahil nakikituloy siya.

"Your mother called and asked why you aren't picking up the phone."

I pulled a chair and sat on it. I glared at him. "Wow! Kung makapagsalita ka, parang wala kang kabalbalang ginawa kagabi." Ang kapal lang talaga ng mukha niya kung tutuusin.

Hindi siya nagkomento.  He's just leaning at the door frame, pinapaunod akong kumain. Kaya naisipan kong magsalita.

"Are you just drunk why you did it last night, huh, Juddah?"

Umayos siya ng pagkakatayo at nagulat ako nang maglakad siya papunta sa 'kin. Itinukod niya ang kaliwang kamay sa mesa, emphasizing his expensive watch. While his other hand is on my chair.

"You mean, our secret last night?" He smirked.

Nakipagtagisan ako sa kanya ng tingin. Putangina talaga ng gagong 'to. Hindi man lang nakonsensya.

"Don't you like it, Maldrid?"

Tinabig ko ang kamay niyang nagsisimula na sa paghaplos sa pisngi ko. Tumayo ako. "Putangina mo! Anong klase ka at hindi ka man lang tubuan ng kahihiyan sa ginawa mo? I know you are just drunk why you did that!" I cursed at him.

I thought he would get offended and gonna save himself but this jerk just f*cking laughed. "I am not. Trust me, Maldrid. I am much aware what we did last night. I am sober enough to feel what your lips really taste."

Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. Kumukulo na ang dugo ko. I know he's up to something. At kung ito ang gusto niya, ibibigay ko sa kanya.

I plastered my fake smile and touches his shoulder. Pinaglandas ko doon ang kamay ko pababa sa dibdib niya. This is wrong, I know. Pero putangina lang ang walang ganti.

"So how does my lips taste?"

Mukha siyang nagulat sa naging akto ko pero naging panandalian lang 'yun. And I almost trailed off when he hurriedly encircled his arm on my waist.  He smirked while his other hand started to caressed my back.

Gusto ko nang mapapikit. Manipis na over size T-shirt lang ang suot ko dahil akala ko ay umalis na siya kanina.

"You really wake the demon inside me, Maldrid," he huskily said. "You're provoking me." His brown eyes were staring directly at me. I can see the fire through it.

I gulped and wore my seductive smile. "Hmm really. What should I do to it then?"

Mas lalong dumilim ang mata niya at umigting ang kanyang panga. Mas lalo niya rin akong hinapit kasabay ng pagkilos ng isa niya pang kamay.

Napasinghap ako nang maramdaman ang matigas na bagay na tumatama sa tyan ko. I tried to step back pero huli na dahil sa pamamagitan lang ng isang kamay, natanggal niya rin ang pagkaka-hook ng aking bra.

My eyes bulge and he chuckled.

"Why so shock, Maldrid?" Ibinalik niya ako sa kanya at niyakap ng mahigpit. He stuck his tongue out and lick my jaw.

"J-juddah." I gasped. My both hand went immediately on his head and ruffled his air.

"Relax Maldrid."

Mas humigpit ang hawak ko sa buhok niya as he kissed my jaw. That's it Juddah. If you really think that I am seducing you, paninindigan ko na ang sinasabi mo.

Papatulan ko itong laro mo at aakitin kita but you will never get the chance to f*ck me. I will make sure na sa huli, ikaw ang talunan. You will f*****g stop messing my life as you will leave Marhianna's life.

"You're so f*cking hot, Maldrid." His hand travelled inside my shirt and cupped one of my breast.

I arched my back and let him be satisfied. Ibinalik niya ako para maupo sa upuan.

"J-juddah," Hindi makapaniwalang sambit ko nang lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. He parted my legs and he went between it. He played with my n*pple with my shirt still on.

Humabol ako ng hininga as I watched him kissed me.

"S-stop," I uttered. At kahit nanghihina, tumayo ako nang maramdamang ipapasok niya na ang kamay sa suot kong underwear.

Masyadong mabilis ang mga naging pangyayari. Makasalanan na akong matatawag dahil pumatol ako sa manliligaw ni Marhianna.

Three days passed at babalik na bukas si Marhianna. Pero kami ni Juddah ay parang naglalaro lang. Hindi rin siya pumapasok sa opisina at maghapon na kaming magkasama.

Juddah and I never talked about Marhianna. Nawala rin sa isip naming dalawa dahil ang huling tawag niya ay nung isang araw pa.

Alam kong mali itong ginagawa ko. But I really want to avenge. I will make sure na sa huli, si Juddah ang magiging dehado.

"What are you cooking?" I asked as I hugged him from behind. He's half naked and only wearing his pants kaya damang-dama ko ang katawan niya.

"Do you like sinigang na hipon?" He caressed my arm as he turn off the stove. He faced me and this time, he's the one who's hugging me.

His brown eyes stared at me. His hand move and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"You're really beautiful, Maldrid."

I chuckled and nuzzled his chest. I can hear the beating of his heart.

"I know that already."

After our dinner, Juddah and I just watched a movie at the living room. He set up my laptop and connect it on the T.V.

"Don't you really want us to watch in your room?" He naughtily asked. He draped his arm on my shoulder as he covered the blanket in our body.

I chuckled and just leered at him. Hindi ko siya pwedeng payagan na doon kami manuod at baka kung ano pang mangyari. Wala sa plano ko ang magpagalaw sa kanya.

"Are you sleepy already?" he asked when I yawned. "You want me to carry you in your room?"

It's already twelve midnight at nakakadalawang movie na kami at mukhang babagsak na rin ang mata ko.

Umiling ako. "No, we stay here. I still want to watch."

Bagaman madilim sa buong living room, ramdam ko pa rin ang mariing pagtitig niya sa 'kin. Kaya ako ang unang nag-iwas at itinuon ang mata sa TV.

He cleared his throat at inabot ang kopita ng alak sa glass table. He sipped on it bago niya muling idinantay ang braso sa 'kin.

"Maldrid."

Nakangiti namang lumingon ako pero ang ngiting 'yun ay agad na nabura nang sunggaban niya ako ng agresibong

halik.

I immediately kissed him back. Pinulupot ko rin ang kamay sa kanyang batok hangggang sa hindi ko na namalayang nakahiga na ako sa sofa at nakapatong na siya sa 'kin.

"Ferranci!" I said as I dig my nails on his back.

"I really want to f*ck you." He breathed heavily.

Bigla akong nataranta nang magsimula siyang maghubad ng damit pero kusang natigilan nang bumukas ang ilaw sa sala.

I immediately pushed him at umayos ng upo. Lumingon ako sa front door at nanlaki ang mata nang maabutan si Marhianna.

My heart f*cking beat so fast. Damn it!