Her Ultimate Choice - Revisited

When did it happen? When did I lose the respect for, the interest in, and the love for...my husband?  Rachel found herself completely obsessed with this question. She had no idea before now that it had even happened. However, she was sure that her marriage was over. What a revelation! She spent the whole summer trying to convince herself that she still loved Donnell; that they could make it work, but the truth of the matter was she was completely fed up with her marriage. She had come to that realization and seemed okay with it. She was not dwelling in self pity or drowning in her own tears. She accepted the fact that her marriage was over. Now if only I could get him to realize it, thought Rachael, as she stared out her kitchen window. What a beautiful early Summer morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was already trying to come up over some of the tallest buildings as she looked to her east outside her window. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The city was already buzzing with busy people on their way to their respective destinations. This was not how she wanted to spend the beautiful summer morning though. She didn't want to spend it engulfed in pity for herself and her mess of a marriage. She was glad she had finally seen the light. Rachel's mind went back to the beginning of her marriage with Donnell when they were so much in love, had everything going for them -- no children, and of course, were well-to-do. They never wanted for anything. Donnell had a great job and was earning a six-figure income.  They had a beautiful home on the best side of town with the elite. They had the best of everything. They had plenty of friends and associated with all the right people. They ate out every night, partied every weekend, and drove around in luxurious vehicles. How, Rachel thought, did we go from there to here? Rachel looked around her present home - a two-bedroom, run-down apartment with only a kitchen, living room, and a bathroom.  In less than two years, they went from a spacious penthouse in the sky to a dark gloomy closet on the basement floor of their building. Rachael still couldn't believe they lost their home and everything in it just because they were several months behind on the mortgage payment. She still couldn't believe Donnell allowed them to do it. To this day, thought Rachel, I believe there was something he could have done to prevent it from happening. Mmmm, the coffee was finally starting to perk. Maybe, it will turn out to be a great day after all, thought Rachael. Yeah right. Get real! Today will be another one of those days when I race out of here like a bat out of hell, running late for work again.  Somebody there will end up ticking me off before the day is over and I'll come back to this rut of a home. Rachel just wasn't feeling it. As hard as she tried, it was difficult for her to be happy as she looked around at her current situation knowing all she had become accustomed to in the beginning of their marriage. Was she just supposed to accept, without complaining, going from being on top of the world to being at the bottom of the heap? She managed to always smile, and pretend that she was happy with the world. But in reality, she wouldn't be happy until she got her former life back. As she headed back to her bedroom to prepare herself for her usual early morning workout, Rachel considered the idea of having a life without Donnell. It might seem a little odd in the beginning, but I'm sure I'd get used to it, she thought. After all, we have not had a real marriage in years. We are married in name only. Half of the time, I don't even want that fat slob to touch me, she thought. As a matter of fact, I wish we had separate beds. Yeah, the magic is gone and soon I will be too. Rachel's mid-length jet black hair was tied neatly to the back of her head as she finished her morning workout. Now for that coffee, she thought, as she returned to the kitchen. Her honey brown skin tones were glistening and, for the first time in a long time, she felt rejuvenated. She knew she looked good for her thirty-four years. As she stared at herself in the hall mirror, she could have sworn the older she got the better she looked. Rachel loved to look at herself. She knew if anything would get her out of this mess, it would be her good looks.  There were plenty of men waiting for an opportunity to be her man. She knew it would only be a matter of time before someone would come take her away from this place -- this place she has been forced to call home. As she made her way into the bedroom, Rachael looked down at her husband who was sleeping. I can't believe this is the same man I married, she thought. He's 70 pounds heavier, looks 10 years older than he actually is, and this is the worst part of all -- he's jobless and broke. After eight years of marriage to Donnell, Rachel realized that vows were indeed made to only be broken. He promised me a big house with a white picket fence. He promised that I would only have to work if I wanted to. He promised me plenty of love and romance. He promised me that I would be happy forever. Forever, get real, it's only been eight years and I realized four years ago that my happiness had come to an end. Yes, four years ago when Donnell  lost his job, He had been with the company for twelve years and was earning top money. He was spoiling me to no limits. Now he's lucky to find a part-time job parking cars. His temporary job ended two days ago and this is how he spends his time, sleeping. Rachel shook her head as if sadly disappointed. Rachel heard the rustle of the covers as Donnell began turning over. Oh no, he's waking up, she thought. He's going to want to to do it. Oh, I've got to get up out of here, she thought as she quickly sprang off the bed. Twenty minutes later as she was coming back into the bedroom from her shower, Donnell, wide awake now, raised from the bed. "You're up already?" He asked. "Well, somebody's got to go to work," Rachel replied. "I'm sorry Babe," said Donnell. "I'm going out today to find some more work. Everything's going to be alright, you'll see." "Donnell, you've been saying that for the last four years." "That's because I know the Lord's going to work it out for us. We've got to wait on Him," said Donnell. "Look, time waits for no one," snapped Rachel. "We've got rent, telephone, electricity, and a car payment, all due next week. What do you want me to do? Call and tell them that the money will be there just as soon as the Lord makes a way?" The crying of a baby cuts Rachel off. She looks sorrowfully at Donnell, sighs and rushes out of the room, and around the corner to the baby. A few minutes later Rachel returned to the bedroom with a less noisy, beautiful toddler.  Kara was two and half years old. Holding her caused Rachel to think back to when she and Donnell first learned that they were going to be parents. They were struggling at the time, and a baby was the last thing they needed.  Rachel was already three and half months along when they found out. So, they decided that it might be best to see the pregnancy all the way through.  Although, they were told by doctors that they still had time to terminate the pregnancy. I was not going to let anyone take chances with my life. I love myself too much, thought Rachel. Of course that was her reason for keeping the baby in the beginning. But since then, Rachel has never regretted the day she gave birth to such a beautiful child. Despite the differences the two of them have with each other, they each show nothing but love to Kara. Rachel returned to the present. Realizing that she was definitely going to be late for work, she handed the baby to Donnell. "Here, I've got to go to work. You'll probably be here most of the day anyway." Rachel planted a kiss on Kara's cheek and made a mad dash for the door. In the meantime, Donnell waited dum-foundedly for his kiss, but it never came. He was left sitting on the bed holding Kara. My Lexus - the one thing out of all this mess I refused to give up, thought Rachael. No matter how rough times get, I'll find a way to make that car payment. Donnell said I should give up the car like he did, and rely on public transportation, but no way will I stoop that low. Go back to public transportation after living the high life? Not me.  Traffic was at its worst, so, as usual, Rachel spent most of her time honking her horn and putting her middle finger to use. Not that I am in any hurry to get to work. I hate that place. It only reminds me that I have not succeeded in life at all. I mean after all, who in the world would want to be somebody's waitress, and at frank's Place, of all places. Yes, Frank's Place, where the food is extra greasy, the clientele is always rude, and the closest parking lot is six blocks away. Additionally, the diner is located in one of the worst areas in the city. For blocks, there is nothing but homeless people. Every time you turn around, someone is holding their hand out for charity. Those people really get on my nerves, thought Rachel. They all expect handouts every time they see you, as if you are never supposed to be broke. One would think, that in the midst of all these Mom and Pop shops, instead of always expecting a handout, one of them would know how to mosey on over and ask for some work. Well, this is what you have to deal with when you're forced to live in such an environment. Would you believe, I actually had to move back over to this part of town? I cried for four straight days. I refused to leave that hole of an apartment and show my face. I was angry at Donnell for making me live there. Just the thought of having to come back to Frank's Place made me sick. Frank knows how to treat his employees though, Rachel remembered. He doesn't mind compensating me handsomely for a day's work. This was the only place in the city Rachel could wait on tables and do moderately well for herself. Rachel used to work at Frank's before she met Donnell. She met Frank on a bus route one day and they began to talk. She found out he had just opened a diner and was in need of some help. Although she didn't like coming to that area, Frank promised her a handsome pay. She was one of the first employees of the diner, well actually, the third. She worked there for three years and abruptly, she was gone. She vowed to all her fellow employees that one day she was leaving Franks' and would never look back. The first two years after marrying Donnell, she only worked there part time. After things tarted going so well for them, she decided to quit altogether. She left the place alright, only to return four years later, and after they had had Kara.  Of course, after making my foolish vow publicly, I only came back to Franks' because I was out of options. This place was a last resort, Rachel thought. The other odd jobs Rachel had didn't pan out because there was another mouth to feed. She needed Franks' and Frank was an okay guy. He took her back without any questions. This was probably because he secretly had a crush on Rachel since the day he met her on the bus. He didn't attempt the chase though. That's right, Rachel thought. He could immediately tell that a young, beautiful, and sophisticated lady like me would never fall for a grease owner like him. Therefore, he politely admired me from a distance and made me his head waitress.  Oh it wasn't because he thought Rachel was better qualified or anything like that, but, he just wanted to keep her happy. The happier she was, the longer she stayed. The longer she stayed, the happier he was. The rest of the work crew didn't care much for Rachel then, and now, they hate her guts even more. They were outraged when Frank took Rachel back, and if that wasn't bad enough, he made her his head waitress again! He told her right in front of the rest of the crew, "Now that you are back, you are in charge again." This meant, Angela, who was the had before I returned, got pushed to the side, Rachel remembered. I know it doesn't sound fair. But I did not make a fuss about it. After all, being head waitress meant that I would decide my own hours and would prepare schedules for everyone else. This was an advantage that any young, ambitious person would love to have. but it ain't all good. Every day that I go up in that place I have to watch my back, because I know I'm on dangerous ground.  Another day that Rachel is once again rushing to work. She finally finds an empty parking space, hastily locks her car and hurries down the street. Rachel thought, I'm late again, as usual. By the time she reaches the diner, Sal and Valerie are staring out the window. Checking up on me again, she thought. They love it when I'm late so they can run and alert Frank, as if he will actually do something about it. Haven't the bitches learned by now, that I am untouchable? Valerie and Sal did not know Rachel before she quit the diner.  They both had been working at the diner for less than a year.  However, they both knew enough about how the rest of the crew felt about Rachel.  They didn't mind being the only two White employees in the diner because they knew that Rachel was in the minority - all by herself.  Valerie and Sal had witnessed the others making nasty remarks about Rachel, or giving her the brush off. They always left her out of group discussions. While the rest of the crew isolated Rachel, Valerie and Sal always saw Rachel cozying up to Frank, giving the others the brush off, and taking advantage of every opportunity to make a sarcastic remark. If they were convinced that her always being ousted bothered her, then their attitude toward Rachel might have changed. As it turns out, Rachel actually seemed to be more comfortable in the work environment than either of them.  Even though this baffled Valerie and Sal, they said very little to Rachel, but were always commenting behind her back. That's White people for you, thought Rachel. Smile in your face but will take every opportunity to stab a Sista in the back. It's not their fault. They only listen to what the others say. The others being Vinnie, Lisa, and Angela - my old pals. I cursed all three of them out before leaving Franks'. So, naturally, they hate my guts. I'll never forget that touching moment with Angela -- Miss "I'm better than you" Angela. She always thought she was better than me. She always thought she could out dress me and walk better. She was so jealous it wasn't funny. Miss Lisa was always back-talking and wanting to be the one with the last word, and she and Angela were good friends. They both graduated from high school together and applied for this job at the same time. Frank took them in together, it was like a package deal. Actually, frank hired them before he hired me. The three of us were working together when Angela immediately decided that she did not like me. I made an honest comment about her hair, anyway, one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were argruing back and forth.  Lisa immediately took Angela's side and, here we are today. Lisa never had an opportunity to get to know me. Angela would not let her anywhere near me. Vinnie, the walking machine g*n, that big, over grown ox, was just a problem waiting to happen, I think he secretly fell in love with Angela. As soon as Vinnie started working here, Angela took him to the side in an effort to turn him against me, and told him a lot of awful things about me. He has been a thorn in my side ever since. However, I respect my brothers and sisters because they don't hide behind fake smiles. Unlike Valerie and Sal, each of us openly express ourselves. We let each other know what's up. Since they have come in the middle of all this mess, they appear to side with the majority. Yet, when I am alone with one of them, they each pretend to be my friend. This dishonesty causes me to have ill feelings toward White people today. They are so phony with their feelings. There you have it, that's my work crew, and this is Frank's Place. I live here about six days a week, and approximately ten to twelve hours a day. I make the schedule, therefore, some of the others are here for as long as fifteen hours. I love being in control. "Hey Sal, hey Val," said Rachel as she entered the diner. "Checking up on me again?" "No," said Sal. "We were admiring that beautiful SUV out there." "Looks to me like every morning you two have a different vehicle to admire." Rachel eases by them and goes toward the kitchen. Most of the kitchen staff were just settling down from the breakfast menu and were already prepping for the lunch menu. Most of them had been there at least three hours. They had already put in almost a half day's work. It was 7:10 am and Rachel's day had just begun. After washing her hands, Rachel immediately began prepping side orders. Ten minutes into opening and the diner was empty, but about an hour from now, it will be a whole different story. Regardless of how the wait staff felt about her, the kitchen staff loved Rachel. She would flirt with the guys in the kitchen most of the day, and be as pleasant to the customers as she possibly could. The male customers usually tipped her well. Rachel always got the most tips, and that created another problem with the rest of the wait staff. Angela and Vinnie arrived late afternoon. Rachel never wanted to share an entire shift with Angela so she always made sure to schedule Angela and her as far apart as possible. Most of the time when they worked the same hours, they only ended up working a few hours of the day together.  Very seldom did their paths cross because they usually worked opposite sides of the diner. Today was Lisa's day off. "Hey Rachel!," Vinnie yelled out as he made his way over to the table Rachel had just finished serving. "I need tomorrow off." "Well, you are scheduled to open tomorrow," replied Rachel obviously in a hurry to collect her next order. "Yeah, I know. Could you work for me?" Vinnie just would not back off! By now he was practically on her back. "Now Vinnie, tomorrow's my day off," replied Rachel. "Well, can you switch with me?" asked Vinnie. "No, I can't. I've got plans already," Rachel replied, feeling agitated now. "Oh yeah, like what? Are you gonna rob a bank to aid in your get-rich-quick-scheme?" smirked Vinnie. "Look Vinnie," said Rachel noticing some customers staring, "Why don't we discuss this a little later or at least when the diner is not so busy. I've got customers to serve and so do you." "But I want to talk now". Angela looked up from her table at them and smirked. Rachel noticed her looking. She loves it when Vinnie gives me a hard time," she thought. "Look Vinnie, if it's the morning you need off, Val will probably be able to switch with you. She'd rather open than close any day." "Just forget it," Vinnie yelled. "I ask you for a simple favor and you want to make a big deal about it. I don't need just the morning, I need the entire day." By this time, the attention of all the customers in the diner were focused on Rachel and Vinnie. "I'm sorry Vinnie, but there's nothing I can do about that, "Rachel replied sorrowfully.  Vinnie stopped dead in his tracks and said in a voice so commanding, "Yes there is. You can quit so Angie can have her position back. She'd know how to work it out." Angela stared with her mouth wide open. She was apparently taken by surprise. Vinnie gave Rachel a hateful look and walked off. Rachel felt uncomfortable because customers were still staring and shaking their heads. Actually, Vinnie frightened her with his unusual outburst. Something's not right here. That was unusual," she thought. Just then Frank came in from the back. "Rachel, is everything okay? I thought I heard Vinnie screaming." "Everything's cool Frank. He's just upset about his schedule. But there's nothing I can do about it in such short notice." "That's okay," said Frank calmly. "He probably went in the back, I'll talk to him." Frank gave Rachel a friendly smile and went back to his office in the back. He's always watching my back, thought Rachel. All of a sudden, she wasn't nervous anymore. Frank knew from the very beginning how the others felt about Rachel. He was also aware that giving Rachel that status over Angela, upon her return, would bring about controversy. But Frank did not care what his employees thought! His concern was for the best interest of the diner. In his opinion, Rachel's aloofness made her the perfect person to run things and eliminate bias. When Angela was in charge, she always tried to schedule, Lisa, Vinnie, and herself on the same shifts, and very rarely did Vinnie or Lisa close the diner. Valerie and Sal were always stuck with the worst hours. The blatant discrimination was too much! Now that Rachel is back, everyone takes turns closing, and everyone works with everyone. Even she and Angela are forced to share a few hours of the day together. It was all about fairness to Frank, and Rachel was the only employee he had that could make it fair. Frank also had to admit that he cared a lot about Rachael. He has been in love with her ever since he met her on the bus some years ago. It was just something about her personality that grabbed him and he hasn't been able to shake it. He would definitely talk to Vinnie because he did not appreciate the way he yelled at Rachel, and in front of the customers! Vinnie had one more time to create a scene like that, and he would have to go.