Chapter 1
Some time before that
‘Miss green, we will not tolerate another truancy,’
Mrs. Cole our dean of science, speaks pointedly.
‘Professor Glenn said that you constantly miss classes.
He complained a lot about you. We must warn you, miss…’
‘Of course, I understand.’
The woman presses her purple lips together and
Sternly looks me up and down. She pays close attention to
my appearance, especially my outfit: shabby jeans and a
faded Homer Simpson sweatshirt. The lady frowns at me as
if I'm standing naked in front of her. I am not a schoolgirl;
here is no need to wear a school uniform. Or maybe she
noticed the dark circles under my eyes? My bad, I haven't
slept for several nights in a row! Got it?
Dolores.she strikes a softer tone, her thin lips drawn
into the semblance of a friendly smile. ‘Do you need help?’
‘It is not the word,’ I mumble under my breath.
‘No,’ I say finally.
‘You can take a year out if you need to. It might be
hard to study and work at the same time. We’ll try...’
‘Thank you, I am fine.’
Lord, have I interrupted her again? No matter. It
would be better if she kept silent, never interfered in my
life, and most importantly – wiped that false purple smile
from her face! No one can help me. Neither she, my
friends, nor even Queen Elizabeth. The only person who
can settle the issue is me. And the ones who are watching
us from heaven.
I brush aside all the unpleasant memories, wipe off the
past that poisoned my present and future, and shake out of
my head all the problems that are piling up like a snowball.
‘You may go then.’
I’d rather ignore Mrs. Coles request and not
waste my time after classes. Why should I give her
explanations? Why should she care about me? Why should
they all care about me? That's right; they shouldn't. They're
not a charitable foundation for students in need, and they
don't make as much money as gangsters do. Therefore,
they are unlikely to be able to help me.
‘Hi there, wae!’ My irreplaceable friend calls me from
the other end of the hall. Mathew looks cheerful and happy,
which is completely out of keeping with my mood. He has
his favorite hat with bear ears on, just like always! Thank
God there are no sunglasses on his face today. ‘Are you
going to the club tonight? I prepared a great show!’
‘Not today, sorry,’ I look with regret into my friend's
shining brown eyes.
‘You're going to visit him, aren't you?’ My friend's
cheek muscles are flexing. It happens every time I refuse to
hang out with friends for this reason.
‘I am.’
‘He’s not worthy of your attention! Just leave him
alone and live your life!’
‘mathew, it's too hard for him,’ I say in a tired voice.
‘Anyway, stop sulking! So much time has passed.’
‘Sure,’ the guy snorts, looking away.
Why does he have a beef with my brother? I have no
idea. The guys have been friends since childhood, but now
they don’t want anything to do with one another. I am
wrong, though. Mathew is the only one who feels this way.
‘Anyway, you should come today,’ my friend, his eyes
blazing with hope, hands me a booklet about a new show at
the nightclub, London. Sorry, mathew, but I can’t promise
anything.
I say goodbye to my friend and run to the dorm.
Fortunately, I have no roommate. No one snoops into my
life and no one controls me or asks awkward questions. I
occupy one of the bedrooms and have access to a shared
kitchen and living room. I take a shower, put on the same
sweatshirt and jeans, and run to the hospital. I have to get
there before visiting hours are over. Besides, chirstine asked
me to take over my shift a bit earlier.
I walk down the long corridor, nodding to nurses as if
we were friends, and enter the room on the third floor. It's
a comfortable ward with a TV and a refrigerator, which is
cleaned more often than the streets of Berlin.
‘Hi baby,’ max blurts out, smiling crookedly and
making a peace sign with his fingers.
‘Stop calling me baby!’
‘Come on, I say it affectionately, sis.’
Yeah, sure. I was teased that way all through high
school!
‘I am sick of injections!’ My brother is pouting his full
lips as I sit down on the bed next to him. ‘When will this
shit stop?’
‘Dr. Brian promised that we’d see the test results
today,’ I say, patting my brother's bald head soothingly. I
doubt it would comfort him. He’s seeking a normal life.A
human life. But how can one get it when death is breathing
down his neck?
‘I don't care.’
Just as I expected, he’s been like this for six months.
Never asks about parents and friends. Never asks about
Mathew. It's too hard to talk about the family and friends
who have already forgotten about him.
‘So... How are you doing, max?’ Dr. Brian, the
attending physician, comes into the room.
He is a good-looking man in his mid-thirties. They
recommended him when my brother was put on a six-
month waiting list for treatment. But time played against
us. Max needed chemotherapy as soon as possible. Of
course, I immediately transferred max to a private clinic
where he could get the proper treatment before the waiting
killed him.
‘Awesome possum,’ Max puts on a false smile. ‘Are
you going to check me out?’
‘Not yet. Your test results came in today, and my fears
have been confirmed. You need surgery.’
The suffocating silence overwhelms the room, and no
one dares to break it. Max's gaze goes down to his palms,
carefully examining the needle marks on the crooks of his
arms. Not all of them are caused by medication injections.
Something in my chest tightens abruptly, becomes heavy,
and then hits the tile floor along with the remnants of my
soul that I have preserved after the death of my loved ones.
‘It demands a special technique and can be performed
only by the best neurosurgeon in the country.
Rehabilitation will be short; the surgery guarantees a long
life and…’
‘I see,’ Max answers for both of us because I'm not
able to say a word.
‘Think it over.’
Dr. Brian politely gets out of the room, leaving us in
silence. In a tense, exhausting silence that swallows
seconds one after another.
‘You may skip the shift today. It won't help anyway,’
Max voice sounds like a voice from the dead.
‘Don't say that again, okay?’ I sit down on the bed in
front of Max and carefully shake him by the shoulders,
since I don't want to hurt him. It can be more harmful to
him than chemotherapy. I make him look into my eyes. ‘We
can handle it,’ I say sternly. ‘You'll have the surgery, and
you'll be back to normal in no time. Got it?’
He nods without any objections. I look at my brother’s eyes.
They’re sky-blue, just like mine, but lackluster due to heavy
treatment. I'm trying to give him hope for the future, for
the day when he returns to normal and gets his life back.
But, how can I when all my hopes are dashed as soon as I
enter Dr. Brians office and hear those fateful words?
‘How much time does he have?’
‘A couple of months, maybe three if we are lucky,’ the
man says in a flat voice. ‘If we don't do anything during this
time, the tumor will spread to the brain, and then...’
‘How much does it cost?’ I ask, realizing that our
overdue insurance will not help much in paying for the
surgery.
‘Fifteen thousand pounds.’
‘What?’ My eyes are practically popping out.
Fortunately, I managed to keep my mouth closed.
‘We can't do anything else, Miss Green. As soon as you
pay for the surgery, we’ll start preparing him.’
Holy crap! What should I do? I make a thousand
pounds a month, including tips. Where the hell can I get fifteen thousand? Besides, I have to pay for the hostel, food,
and max's stay in the hospital. Should I try to get a loan?
‘I’ll get the money.’
I say it in a strong, self-confident, girl's manner. Yes, I
sound like someone who has no doubt that she will handle
three jobs, studying in the first shift, two part-time jobs,
and remain cheerful until the end of the day. Certainly,
there are thirty six hours a day!
But I’mm not really like that. I’m weak. However, for some reason people believe otherwise