My beating heart

⚠️Read "My Burning Desire" before reading "My Beating Heart".⚠️ Preface You know your life is over when everything that you worked so hard for is destroyed. When everything is flipped upside down and you have no clue how to change it back. And you have no clue to how it even happened in the first place. When he stalks you and your family to the death and you can't even fight back. When's he stronger than you are and there's no way to win. Love destroys things, I should know. Dreaming I ran hard. The forest flew by me in a moment before I realized I was closer to home than I had originally thought. He must have tricked me, making me think that there was no way I could get home fast enough. Jason was dying in my arms, bleeding. But the blood meant little to me now. Jason was a werewolf; it was completely unappetizing to me. I didn't feel any different about him though. Werewolf or not, I loved this boy. But I couldn't love him anymore if he died. I pushed my legs faster. It was at time like this that I was glad I was a vampire. That I was able fast and not get tired at all. Who knew I would be so thankful for being who I am when Jason was going to die. But I couldn't let him. I had to find some way to save him. I could bite him, but who knows what that would do? It could kill him. My venom could be poison to him now, but what else is there to do? There had to be some way to save him! I couldn't just let him die without trying something. I saw my house about a mile away, stretching over the sand. I burst out from the trees and then I was flying over the beach. It was pitch black out now, the moon rising, full. The irony struck me that Jason would die on a full moon. I shook the thought from my head. He wouldn't die. He couldn't. I pushed life back in him and he shoved it back out. "Stay with me." I growled. I was sure he couldn't hear me. He'd been unconscious for about five minutes. And if there was only one thing I had learned about him, was that when he was out, he was out. Then my house was coming closer, but it was like I was getting slower, like I couldn't run any faster. I kicked the door open, and ran in the living room, my hands full. Everyone was frozen, puzzled at what they were seeing. But only for a moment. Then they were moving almost as fast as I was. Cody threw together a thing that looked like something you would see in a hospital, but it was only a piece of furniture. Angel brought down bucket after bucket of warm water, while Trevor looked at Jason. I knew how he would feel. He would feel helpless that he couldn't do anything, but we were going to save him. Then I remembered how much I didn't know about him. Though I've spent so long with him, I didn't even know his religion. Jason never talked about church or a god he believed in. Was he going to heaven? I sure hope so. A memory came into my mind about a man I met so long ago. The one who claimed himself as the Messiah. He was killed and he came back to life in three days. I knew the truth of it because I could feel his life. He really did die and he wasn't a ghost. He was alive. Skylar brought me back to this century. "Claire what do you want us to do?" he was cleaning the wound and Nick already had an IV in his arm. I heard his heart getting slower and if I was going to act I had to act soon. There was only one way to save him and I had to do it now. I felt weird, like someone was draining the life from me, but I couldn't think about that now. I leaned down to bite his neck. Then I began to dream. Five Years Later… I miss him. I couldn't go a day without thinking about him. My heart ached for him, but that was a thirst I couldn't quench. I don't know what to do without him. I don't know how to live, how to breathe. Again my mind flooded with the night it ended. To five years ago… Jason was alive. He was healed and I didn't even need to bite him. The werewolf in him healed the wound much quicker than I would have thought, but he was ok now. Then I knew what I had to do. I knew he could never forget me, so I didn't try to pull what Edward had done with Bella, but I told him it was too much of a danger to be around him. I was dangerous and he was going to end up dying the next time Cody got his hands on him. "Claire…" He whispered. He held onto me tightly, but not tight enough. He wasn't strong enough and that was exactly why we all had to leave. "Jason, I'm sorry. It's for the best." I didn't want to let go either, but I had to. "Just promise me you won't ever forget any of this." I looked up into his deep Hazel eyes. He smiled, his eyes starting to water a bit. "I promise." He vowed. He kissed me and let me go. There was no big goodbye scene, I told Jason we might run into each other again. It was just too hard to keep him alive. I was leaving because I loved him and I had to make sure he knew that. "Je t'aime." He called, his voice cracking on every syllable. He waved and I stepped into my car, Skylar in the drivers' seat. I smiled, waved back, and then we disappeared from sight. There wasn't too much to remember, but at least it was something to do. My life had made a complete one-eighty. Instead of having fun, I didn't smile anymore. I didn't laugh, but I didn't mope around either. I took care of my family, what was left of it anyway. Sam had died trying to save us. It had worked, but it wasn't the way I had planned it. It wasn't that way any of us would have thought would happen, but they followed me anyway. Keith was gone so that was the bright side to it all. He had been gone for five years, no sign of him at all. And there was no reason for him to show up. I killed him. He couldn't have risen from the dead, unless Cody made him, but I highly doubted it. Keith was going to kill me, there was no way Cody would let him live. Believe it or not Cody did have his moments. We made our way to Alaska. Settled down in Anchorage, and was going to attend school like normal. We had no parents as our usual story and I was the eldest so I was in control of them. It was going to be our first day. Though it was August there was a thick blanket of snow. It wasn't going to heat up for a while so we were free to roam around like normal people. I wasn't very social anymore so no one would have to worry about me getting caught up in anything else, but I couldn't love anyone other than…him. I could say his name, but it hurt. It wasn't tearing me apart like Bella had described it, but it had a very hollow feeling. Like I was empty, like something was missing. Which there was, but I tried to avoid that sensation at all costs. The sun rose and everybody was ready to leave. We cleaned our new house, made the beds and made sure it was nice looking, not that it was dirty before anyway. Laughter filled our large home and I didn't stop them. Though he was family to them, they never did have quite the bond with him as I did. It would be really awkward if Skylar loved him the way I did. Normally a joke like that inside my head would make me laugh, but I didn't even c***k a smile. And no one made me. They could see the hurt on my face, but they didn't dare try to help. It was no use. It only made me feel worse. So I didn't stop their fun, I just didn't join it. Angel wanted to take his mustang, but when she saw the way I looked every time I saw it, she said she didn't want it anyway. She missed him too and she wanted to remember him, but I didn't. Of course I didn't want to let go of all the memories, but it too much. What was it that Bella said? Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. That seemed to match perfectly here. "Claire, you coming?" Skylar asked, pausing at the door. His face was worried, but he knew it wouldn't work to try to get me to smile. He stopped trying a long time ago. "Yeah. I was just…thinking." Skylar and I weren't as close anymore. I didn't tell him everything and how I felt, but he understood. He nodded and waited for me, holding the door wide open for me to pass by. He shut it and dead bolted the door, but I was sure no one would even think about stealing stuff from our house. It didn't have the much stuff in it anyway. Skylar drove my viper to our new school. Anchorage West High School to be exact. It was pretty nice and it reminded of me of the school in Oregon. At least it was the eagles instead of the Hawks. We parked in the back of the lot. We didn't bother trying to get close, it didn't matter how far vampires walk anymore. Though they were still curious, the teenagers got over the new comers quickly. Especially my red eyes. To be blunter they didn't really seem to care. Skylar and I went to our homeroom-history-while Angel and Ben went to Chemistry. Nick, Syd and Taylor made their way to math. I knew how Taylor hated math so she wasn't going to be in a good mood. But I couldn't judge. I was never in a good mood anymore. I only talked to Skylar and the kids realized soon enough I was ignoring them and I didn't want to speak. I hoped they didn't take it personally, they just didn't know my past. And they weren't ever going to know. The teacher walked in, but nobody got quiet, but the teacher didn't mind. In fact these students seemed to like him, by the way they sort of hushed their voices and how they didn't mind history. I wonder if he was a fun teacher instead of the boring ones that I've met. "Ok Class, welcome back to school." His voice was oddly familiar, but I just couldn't place it. There were a few groans, but none of them were disrespectful. Everyone was smiling and they looked like they were waiting for the fun class to begin. He stood with his back to us. He had short blonde hair, I want to say buzzed but it was a little longer than that. He was about five foot eleven. Even under his suit I could see he was pretty buff. As I glance around it looked like some of the senior girls might have a crush on him. I rolled my eyes. Teenagers. "It seems we have some new students." He said, still having his back facing us. That voice! Where had I heard it before? "Could you please say you name out loud so we can all hear them." He was writing something on the board, not seeming to pay attention. "Claire Emerson." I said. Skylar spoke a little louder. "I'm Skylar Emerson." The teacher froze. He dropped his marker on the floor and the books he held in his hand were forgotten. He turned around slowly. Then I saw his face. I knew it anywhere. His jaw dropped and his Hazel eyes locked with mine. "Jason?" Skylar and I said together, amazed he was here. They were a few shocked murmurs from the rest of the kids. They wondered how we knew each other. I could tell him that I was a vampire and he was a werewolf and I left him to protect his life, but that wouldn't have gone too well. Jason didn't speak. He looked older. Well he was older. I couldn't believe he cut his hair. So without thinking I blurted out the first that came out of my mouth. "You-cut-your-hair." Skylar busted out laughing. He must have thought that I couldn't say anything better. At least it was original. Jason walked slowly over to me, like this was a dream and he was waiting to wake up. He touched my hand. I could feel the warmth of it. Then the smell hit me. It made me want to hiss, but I held it back. Jason was a full werewolf now. Of course he was. Why should I have expected it any different? Maybe because I tried to not think about him period. But it didn't matter. Every part of my body knew this was the man I loved, werewolf or not. I saw his nose wrinkle, but he was still smiling. He pulled me up-surprising me of the strength he now possessed-and held me tight. I held on back, not ever wanting this moment to pass. There was a wolf whistle from Skylar. How ironic. "Nice to see you again, Jason." Skylar said, punching his arm. "I haven't seen Claire smile in who knows how long." I couldn't believe it. Skylar was right. The corners of my lips were pulled up into a wide grin. It felt so right. It felt safe, it felt like home. And in a way I was home. Jason was my home, where ever he was, that would always be my safe haven. Then Jason was kissing me with such force is shocked me. I couldn't believe how strong he was. It must be a werewolf thing. I didn't stop him either. I kissed back. I put my hands on the back of his head, trying to find his curly hair. I laughed on the inside. I settled for wrapping my arms around his neck. I pulled away. "Jason we can't do this." I said above the shocked gasps coming from the people around us. His face fell, but for some odd reason, mine didn't. I was still smiling. "Why?" he asked, still frowning. I didn't know why my face didn't frown in return. "Because I love Cody." And then Cody was in my arms, but as I soon as I said the words, they didn't feel right. You know that music that plays in a horror movie when you realize that something is terribly wrong? Well it was playing loudly in my head. In fact I don't remember ever loving Cody. I don't remember falling for him again. I didn't remember what I had done for the last five years. I didn't know anything. Then it all went black. I didn't feel anything and I couldn't see anything. But I could hear a faint voice in the back of my head. "When will she wake up?" Asked a worried voice. I could barely hear it, but I made out the words. They must have been talking about me. "I don't know, Jason." Skylar said. I could make out his voice. So it was Jason talking. He sounded so different. He sounded like him, but something was off. He sounded more graceful, even in his words. I felt something ice cold put pressure on my wrist. "It's been five days, Skylar." His voice was louder, closer. I could hear it better. Five days of what? "She's not dead if that's what you're getting at. Can't you hear her heart?" My heart? Since when did I have a heart? My eyes flew open and I heard a few sighs of relief. Everything was fuzzy in my view. It wasn't as clear like normal. But as I blinked a few times I saw that nothing changed. Nor was it going to. "Claire?" Skylar's face was in mine. I could taste his breath. It was sweet, but I couldn't taste it like normal. It was like my tongue wasn't as sensitive anymore. "What?" my voice even sounded wrong. It wasn't as clear and musical as it had once been. What was going on? I looked around, but I couldn't see everything I had once seen. "What happened?" I craned my neck and leaned up to see. Jason looked different, but it was a good different. He was a little paler, but he still had the same hair and eyes. He seemed to have gotten more muscle if that was even possible, but it wasn't too much. His eyes were the same color of Hazel that I loved. "You fell asleep." He said, his voice shimmering. He looked perfect. And as he said the words it was familiar to my mind, but I didn't understand at first. "Oh ok." I said. Then it clicked. "Wait did you say I fell asleep?" I looked at my normal colored body. It wasn't pale anymore, it was quite tan. Jason and Skylar looked at each other for a moment. Skylar spoke. "Claire…you're human."