I am the Night - the last She-Wolf

Chapter 3 - Ocean of Night

Endless winter. That’s the first thought that comes to mind when I take in the view from up the wall.

My feet dangling over the ground. On this side of the wall, the ground seems further away than anticipated.

“Jump,” I whisper to myself.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear footsteps approaching. They are coming to get me. I probably should have thought this through. It’s too late now.

Climbing the wall must have set off a security alert. Whether it’s meant to keep something in or out isn’t clear though.

What I know is that I have about two options right now. Stop and go back home like I was supposed to. Or I could jump and see how far I’ll get. See what awaits me behind these borders.

I’ve never been good at thinking things through. Especially when there are consequences involved.

I might get shot. I might get eaten by a bear or even one of those wolves lurking in the shadows.

But before I can bring myself to turn around, I push off the wall.

My stomach flips as I am soaring through the air.

I'm just starting to think that I won’t make it when my feet hit solid ground.

I land rather gracefully. As if driven by some sort of instinct that keeps me on my feet. Almost like a cat.

I turn my head to look back up. It was quite a leap. And I made it.

It must be a sign. A sign to follow my gut. To follow the quiet voice telling me to seek freedom.

No more books. I won’t find the truth in them. It’s somewhere out there and maybe I’m lucky enough to find it.

I don’t wait for someone to jump after me or shoot at me. I run into the night. Straight for the black wall made of thick forest. Not knowing what’s expecting me within its darkness. But darkness has become a friend of mine. We get along. It takes me in and shields me from harm.

Voices and loud shouts echo behind me. Chased by my own kind. The danger seems to be the same, but this time I don’t feel any fear.

If anything I am excited for the first time in years. I’m not the same girl I was a year ago. The day I thought was going to be my last.

A burst of laughter bubbles up in my throat as I touch one of the thick trees I am passing. I can feel its rough texture under my fingertips. It’s old and it survived against all odds. Against the cruel winter. Century after century.

With a deep, cleansing breath I become part of the forest, of the thick snow and the frosty air.

I am stealthy and fast. No one will catch me because I become the night.

My grandmother's voice comes to mind. She always told me to appreciate the night and what it holds.

The moon and the beauty that lies within. She always said that the moon will guide me. That she is my protector. I never understood what she meant by that.

She was a little crazy after all. But she taught me one or the other thing. She was big on herbs and their healing powers. How everything is connected. The good and the bad.

She was known for brewing potions. If I didn’t know any better my grandmother was a little bit of a witch herself.

I chuckle at the thought when I finally slow my steps. Silence has taken over.

I’m not sure where I’m going or how far I’ll make it, but it's beautiful out here. If I die, I can’t imagine a better place to do so. Right in the middle of the vast ocean of night.

That’s when the peaceful silence is interrupted by a soft, almost inaudible sound.

I stop walking and start listening closer. My heartbeat picks up as the sound erupts again.

A growl. A low, threatening sound raised the hairs on my neck.

Could it really be? A wolf? Out here? And it has to be me that stumbles across it? Again?

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Its pale color reflects the moonlight, making it almost seem to glow. I pull up the hood of Cillian's jacket to hide it. Hide me from the predator.

I take a slow breath. Letting it turn into mist as I breathe out. Watching the tiny cloud rise and dissolve in the air. A strange calm takes over, while my heart beats quickly. Alerting me that I am in danger.

Another deep breath. Another milky cloud disappeared right before my eyes.

There’s a movement to my right. An enormous shadow, barely hidden within the darkness. Almost as if the moon is shining a spotlight on the figure to my right.

The growl sounds again, but this time it’s followed by a clinking noise as if metal is hitting metal.

Something isn’t right. I should be dead by now. No questions asked. But I am not. I can still count my heartbeats. I can still feel my lungs expanding.

I turn towards the sound penetrating the silence around me.

I know I should run in the other direction. I know I shouldn’t hesitate.

I am challenging my luck. But I feel safe. I feel like there is nothing to fear since the full moon is shining down on me. Its light reflected in two glowing orbs fixed on me.

It’s a wolf, alright. But larger than your average woodland wolf. It’s massive. Muscular and strong. Deadly even.

Yet, it stands there staring at me. Baring its teeth in warning. As if I am the threat.

I am not. I’m nobody. Just a girl that once again finds herself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But the beast stays put, growling deeply to keep me at bay. It takes me a moment to understand why.

Its hind leg got caught in a massive trap. Set out to hurt a beast just like that.

It growls at me again, bearing its teeth, while he pulls on the trap tearing it deeper into his flesh.

“Don’t move,” I wince at the sight of the trapped monster. I know I should hate it. Instead, I pity it. Maybe this is another one of my glorious moments of none-thinking.

“Are you okay?” I ask taking a step closer.

I don’t know what has gotten into me, but it pains me to see the beast trapped like that.

It snarls at me, snapping its sharp teeth trying to scare me away.

I could just leave, but something tells me to stay. To help it.

“Oh god,” I whisper more to myself than to the wolf, “what the hell are you doing, Mika?” I ask myself, as I take another step closer.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I say to the creature.

It doesn’t snap at me, but it’s still growling. His eyes stay fixed on me, as I come closer.

“Please, don’t kill me,” I chant over and over again while I get closer. As I do, the creature becomes much bigger than I first thought.

I watch its muzzle move as he’s trying to make out my scent. I realize I am wearing a Hunters jacket. Probably not the smartest fashion choice while trying to save a trapped animal. The enemy.

“It’s not mine,” I say as if that explained anything. I don’t even know if he’s capable to comprehend anything I say.

From what I’ve read those wolves are rather primitive. Not the smartest bunch. Just violent. And here I am within biting distance.

Finally, fear gets to me and my fingers start shaking. I take a deep, settling breath and lift my gaze to meet his.

The growling has stopped and it just stares at me, almost in wonder.

“I want to help,” I say, “I’m just not entirely sure how,” I admit and risk a glance at his shredded leg. “Looks pretty bad,” I say but the animal stays silent. I take a deep breath and shake my head, “I’m going to take a closer look. Don’t bite me!”

The wolf doesn’t react at all. It’s just staring at me, watching me carefully with a healthy amount of distrust.

I’ve seen traps like that on campus. They are larger versions of a common bear trap. I think those sharp spikes are laced with something wolves really don’t like. Silver maybe?!

“Does it hurt?” It’s a stupid question. I can tell by the looks of his leg that it must hurt like hell.

The teeth of the trap cut deep into his flesh. Probably even broke the bone. I sigh and step closer.

“I’m going to open the trap. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be pleasant, so, if you feel the urge to kill me please do it quickly, alright!”

The wolf grunts. And for the first time, I actually get the feeling that it understands me.

“Okay,” I mutter, “here goes nothing.”

I try to open the trap, but it’s heavy and barely moving.

The wolf hisses in pain and I half expect him to push me away, but it doesn’t and so I keep going.

There’s a crunching noise, flesh-tearing from bone, and an agonizing howl from the wolf.

I close my eyes and wait for him to kill me, now that he’s free.

Nothing happens.

I open one eye to see what’s going on and why I am still breathing.

The wolf limps a few feet away from me before his massive body collapses on the ground with a heavy thud.

I sink down into the bloodied snow having some kind of Dejà-Vu. Not too long ago it was my blood that tainted the snow in various shades of red.

Tonight I just sit there, listening to the wolf lick its wounds. All the while ignoring my presence. This seems so strange, yet it feels pretty normal.

My mind is racing a hundred miles per hour. This is not the violent creature I have read about. This wolf is nothing like the one that chased me just for the thrill of it.

He is not out for blood. Or maybe he’s just too weak to attack.

But looking at the giant beast I know that’s not it. Because even though he’s hurt he doesn’t seem weak at all. No. This wolf has simply no interest in killing me.

“There are people out there looking for me. It’s probably only a matter of time till they find me. And you. And though I’m not a big fan of your kind, I don’t think you want them to catch you,” I say pointing in the general direction of the town.

I’m not sure the wolf is listening. Maybe it doesn’t understand me at all. This beast is probably more animal than man.

But it may also have a few of those answers I’ve been looking for in the library. It must know more than just stupid folklore, right?

It lifts its head and his eyes focus on me. It caught me staring at it and it growls low in his throat. It’s more an annoyed tone than a warning. I think.

I remember the snarl from that blood-thirsty creature that almost killed me. It was different. It wanted to kill me. Just for fun.

For a while, I thought that’s all they do. Kill humans for sport, but are they really? What if all they do is try to survive?

This one seems rather... well, I wouldn’t say friendly, but he hasn’t killed me yet.

I cross my legs and take a deep breath. Filled my lungs with the cold night air.

A strange kind of calm seems to settle around me and the enormous beast.

I still hear it tending to its wounds. But the strange sound becomes nothing but background noise, while I listen to the night.

Somewhere nearby I can hear a small animal searching for food. Every now and then snow falls off the treetops, trickling down to the ground. I don’t know what it is exactly but everything sounds so much clearer when it’s cold outside. As if each sound became sharper. So much more distinct.

I watch as the wolf starts to rise. He’s hurt, but he still seems very powerful.

His fur is dark, but in the light of the moon, I can see a hint of reddish-brown to it. His eyes glow dangerously as they zoom in on me. Again.

I stay very still as he takes a cautious step toward me. I guess this is it then.

He was probably just waiting for me to run, so I would make this chase more fun for him. But I won’t make this any fun at all. I’m going to stay still. Not a sound. Not a single movement as I keep my eyes fixed on the tainted snow in front of me.

Anticipation weighs heavy on me, making me bite my lip so hard that I can taste blood. A metallic taste on my tongue.

I listen to the beast slowly inhaling through its muzzle. Closer. I can smell it now. I expected something rotten or dirty, but it smells almost pleasant. Like almond maybe.

Surprised I look up, just as it pushes its nose to my neck. For some very strange reason, I am not as scared as I should be.

It doesn’t bite me, it’s smelling me. And it tickles. An involuntary giggle escapes my lips, echoing through the air.

The wolf doesn’t appreciate the sound and huffs and snuffs at me. But I am still alive. I am still breathing. And I am not afraid.

So, I slowly rise to my feet. The beast takes a step back, growling and baring its teeth in warning not to come closer.

“One of your friends tried to kill me once,” I say, brushing the snow off my clothes, “he didn’t hesitate. He didn’t even waste a moment looking at me twice. I was just there and he was in the mood for some killing I guess. You could have done the same thing to me by now. You didn’t. So, you can stop with all the growling and hissing.”

The wolf tilts his head. It does understand me. I think. “You should go! Now,” I say as I can make out the sound of motorcycles speeding through the woods. It doesn’t move. “Like right now?!” I say again, but still, it stays rooted in place. Watching me curiously.

“Well then, suit yourself. I’m out of here!” Bravely I start walking and to my surprise, it slowly follows me. “What are you doing?” I ask with a sigh, “I won’t carry you if that’s what you’re hoping for.”

A snicker. The wolf snickered. It’s either that I am losing my mind or it’s sort of communicating with me.

“Are you going to be okay?” I ask and stop walking. So does the wolf. Always keeping a safe distance. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Can you even understand me?”

His answering growl says it all. He can understand me. Perfectly clear. He’s not stupid and he’s not violent.

Everything I know about Lycans seems to be wrong. In a way I already knew that, but why teach these things? Why paint the wrong picture? Aren’t you supposed to know your enemy better than yourself?

“Mika!” A familiar voice echoes through the night. The wolf's head snaps into the direction of the voice, growling deeply. “Mika!” Cillian’s voice turns frantic. He must have heard the growl. He thinks I’m in danger. Here to save me. I don’t want it.

“Go!” I whisper and the wolf's head slowly turns back to me. “You need to go! Now!” But the creature doesn’t move.

“Mika!” My name leaves Cillian’s lips in a breath. Fear on his handsome features. Fear for me. Since I am in the presence of a wolf. “Don’t! Move!” he orders and slowly reaches for his weapons.

The wolf snarls and turns his body, blocking me from view. Almost as if he’s protecting me. Me! The wolf is protecting me!

He inches closer. If I stretch out my arm I can touch him. Touch his dark fur. I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like. It’s so tempting to just reach out.

“I’m okay!” I call, trying to look past the wolf but it won’t let me. It’s guarding me. Keeping me away from Cillian and his weapons.

“I’m okay,” I say in a lower voice so only the beast can hear. His answer is another growl, while his eyes stay fixed on Cillian. “Don’t hurt him. Please.”

And then I do something very stupid. I reach out and touch the wolf. I press my hand against his shoulder blade and a shudder runs through him.

His whole body stiffens for the fraction of a second before he tumbles away from me. He snarls and shakes his head before leaping off into the night.

Silence takes over and somehow my little heart is still beating.

Everything I thought I knew suddenly becomes false. It becomes a lie. Are those wolves really as vicious as we make them sound? Are they violent and limited in their primal instincts?

I gasp when Cillian suddenly grabs my shoulders and pats me down. Checking for injuries.

The snow around us is covered in blood. But it’s not mine. I am perfectly fine.

“Are you out of your mind?” he sighs and pulls me against his chest.

“I’m fine,” I sigh and close my eyes, slowly realizing that I helped the enemy escape. I helped him and he didn’t kill me for it. He didn’t harm me. At all.

“What were you thinking?” he asks, placing both hands on my shoulders holding me at arm's length. “Are you hurt?” I shake my head in answer. “Where did you think you were going?”

“Away,” I sigh and hold his gaze. Trying to tell him that I didn’t want him to save me. That my trust in him and the Hunters shattered tonight.

It cracked and crumbled. A million new questions are on my mind. Questions I know I won’t find the answer to within the walls of the Hunters village.