PROLOGUE
A Goodbye to the Man I Loved
I never thought that out of all the men I could have known,
my heart would choose one wrapped in shadows, cold as stone.
But why is love so cruel, why must it leave such pain behind?
Why does it heal the soul, yet wound the heart and cloud the mind?
Is this the cost of loving, is this the price we pay?
Must every heart that falls in love be led somehow astray?
I often ask the silent night why it has come to this,
for all I did was dare to love and dream of borrowed bliss.
Whenever I see him, even from afar,
my heart begins to race as though it knows just where you are.
And every time he’s near me, my poor chest becomes a drum,
beating for a man whose love belongs to someone else, not mine to come.
Yes, I know the truth, I know the fault is mine,
for I keep choosing suffering and call the hurt divine.
Yet even if he cannot love me back the way I do,
it is enough to see him smile, though that smile is not for me, but you.
Still I am afraid that one day I will tire,
that even love this deep will lose its faithful fire.
I do not want that day to come, for I know he needs a light,
someone to help him heal his soul and guide him through the night.
I wanted to be that person, the one to make him see,
that love could still be gentle, that love could still be free.
But no matter what I offer, no matter what I do,
his eyes still search for only her, his heart still beats for you.
Will he never truly see me, will he never turn around?
Will I remain a silent ache, a lost and nameless sound?
Oh heart, can you still bear this, can you survive the strain?
For even now my mind cries out, enough of all this pain.
Oh heart, if you are weary now, then please, I beg you, rest.
For even my exhausted soul can no longer bear this test.
I want to choose my happiness, I want to choose my peace,
I want to free myself at last and pray this torment cease.
I wanted joy beside you, I wanted you with me,
I wanted love that did not beg, but simply came to be.
But if you never want me, if your heart still beats elsewhere,
then I will let you go at last, though loss is hard to bear.
I need to breathe, I need to live, I need to break away,
from feelings that have poisoned all the light within my day.
For even if I love you still, with every fragile part,
I cannot keep on fighting for a place within your heart.
So please remember this one thing before I let you go,
I never wished to leave you, this much I need you know.
I never wished to lose you, I never wished to part,
but you became the reason for the breaking of my heart.
You gave me every reason to surrender what I feel,
to face the truth at last and let these open wounds now heal.
Some hearts, no matter how we try, were never ours to claim,
and some loves leave us only tears and memories without a name.
So this is my goodbye to the man I truly loved,
the one I held so high below, the one I dreamed above.
Goodbye to all the hope I kept, to all the dreams I made,
goodbye to all the light I found before it slowly faded.
Goodbye to the man I loved with all I had inside.
Goodbye to the one I could not keep, no matter how I tried.
And goodbye to the love that once gave color to my skies,
but slowly took the sun away and left me here with sighs.
