The L Word (Lust or Love)

Chapter Nineteen

As the nature know how broken Siara was, the pouring rain was represented her heart. She stared at busy streets through the coffee shop window. Her coffee was turned cold but she only had sipped it once. The bitterness of her coffee only made her pain worsened. She don't know what to think. Her mind suddenly stopped working. She never thought that Jonathan would hurt her like that. She remembered his wife, Anna Sullivan. His wife was a model. She was beautiful, thin and had a nice smile. Compared to Siara's petite form, surely she was no match. But what made her confused, why Jonathan have to did this? Cheating on her wife? Wasn't his wife not good enough? To made it worse, he even brought her here. Was he insane? His wife could be walked in every time they had s*x. Not to mention his children too, would saw how unfaithful their father. She felt repulsive. The headache and the sickness in her stomach much gotten worse as she thought about it. She stressed out.

Siara took a glanced at her phone. There was exactly eighty eight missed call from Jonathan. The man surely know she was missing by now. But he never gave up to called her. It was her jerk move to just left without heard his explanation, just like she did when her heart broken due to Julian's lying. Siara never wanted to confronted what was wrong in her love life. She just simply walked away and forgot. Never and ever bring that up again. It was not mature move but she couldn't helped it. She didn't want to deal with the pain anymore.

Her phone was vibrating again and this time Bianca's face popped out from her screen. She answered it immediately.

"Where the hell are you?" Siara's spat.

"I'm sorry, girlfriend, I was busy with work not holid-" Bianca's answered but cut off.

"He's cheated." Siara sighed.

Bianca paused for a few seconds, "What do you mean?"

"Jonathan." Siara paused, shut her eyes, "He's having a wife and children, B."

There's silence between them for a long time. Only their soft breath was heard.

"What?" Bianca asked again. Her tone was in disbelief.

She sighed, "I'm not going to repeat it again."

"Okay, you need to stop feel irritated with me. I'm just shocked as much as you are! How the hell you know this, S?"

"The man was famous enough in England, B. And he married a f*****g model to add his popularity." Siara said still looked through the window.

Siara heard Bianca sighed across the phone, "That bastard! Where are you now?"

The only one who really understood her when she was had problems was Bianca, her truly best friend. Bianca know enough when Siara had problems, she probably run away from the problem itself. She just know Siara would be run away from Jonathan's mansion as she ever told her the first time Siara arrived in England.

"In the city, you know, Manchaster. I clearly don't know where I am right now and I need your help." Siara plead. She played with her cup of cold coffee.

Bianca chuckled, "Good thing you had me as best friend. I will book you a ticket home as soon as possible and picked you up on the airport when you arrived, okay?"

Siara smiled a little, "You know how much expensive that and I forgot my credit card at the right time? That's definitely sounds okay. Thank you B."

"Love you too, girlfriend."

Siara end the call then sighed once more. She know she could counted on Bianca at the time like this. She put her phone again. She averted her gaze to the window again then she looked shocked. There's Jonathan and Andrew who got out from the car and strides their way to the coffee shop where she was. They definitely saw her there. She cursed herself for chose seat near window. Anyone could saw her.

Siara began to rose from her seat as Jonathan entered the cafe, followed by Andrew. They were honestly wet and they didn't care with everyone stares. Jonathan's eyes landed on Siara's petite form. Angry was reflected on his eyes. Siara gulped but felt hard. It felt like there's lump on her throat. She saw the man who she was avoid made steps towards her. She glued to where she stand, just stared at him. Her chest was rose and fell fast. She could saw the angry aura in Jonathan's. To tell the truth, Siara was afraid. When he stood in front of her, he just stared at her. There was a guilt and hurt in his eyes, Siara could saw it.

"Why were you left?" Jonathan asked in dead tone.

I'm dead now, Siara thought. She just stared at him without replied back his question.

"Siara, I asked you a question. Answered it." He demanded.

"Why did you lied to me?" She replied softly, "Why didn't you told me you married?"

He sighed but never put down his serious face, "I explained to you later. But, right now you need to come home with me."

"To where you wife and children live?" Siara snorted, "Yeah, right."

"Siara, please just come home with me and I will tell you everything." Jonathan tried to took her hand.

She declined being touched by him, "No, I'm going back to Jakarta tonight. I'm resign from your company too. Goodbye, Jonathan."

She tried to past him but he hold her hands again in fast move. Siara tugged her hand hard and run away from the coffee shop. She past Andrew smoothly before he could caught her. Jonathan followed her to outside.

"She's my f*****g ex-wife, Siara!!" He shouted, "She's already been my ex-wife since three years now."

Siara halted her moves without turning her head. The rain was turned to drizzle. She didn't even cared anymore if she got wet and nor Jonathan. He made step towards her. Close enough but not touching her.

"You remembered when I told you I have a brother?" He paused, "She was cheated with him. She was already cheated behind my back since we were engaged but they hidden their secret affair nicely so no one really know. The moment I knew about their affair, I divorced her."

"What about your children?" She asked hoarsely.

"Only a child." He smiled even though he knew she couldn't saw it, "A boy. I take a full custody of him. He's with my mother whenever I work abroad."

She just stood there couldn't form a single words. A part of her wanted to turned her body, looked at him then went home with him to called it a day, but another part and the stubborn one, she couldn't forgot it just yet. She felt betrayed. Not because Jonathan was cheated, but he doesn't trust her enough to told her from the beginning.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"That was never my intentioned." He sucked deep breath, "Look, Siara, I'm sorry. I didn't meant for that to be a secret. In fact I wanted to tell you today. Remembered when I asked you to meet my mother today? That's my intention. For you to know my past."

Jonathan looked her shoulder slumped, "But you never told me since the first time we met, why?"

"I don't know.... I guessed I want you to see me in perfect way."

She spun her body, looked at him in anger, "Nobody's perfect, Jonathan. Nobody will."

He nodded, "I know. That's why I want to tell you everything today."

Siara shook her head, "Don't bother. I already know and I was beyond hurt. You never trust me, Jonathan. Your possessiveness is driving me crazy."

"Siara, please-"

"Goodbye, Jonathan."

She walked away from him, leaving him behind. As she walked across the street, she heard a car with full speed honking at her. She looked to the car and was glued to where she was. Jonathan was running to her, tried saving her.

"SIARA!!!" Jonathan roared.

But the car was more fast than him. Siara was hit a by car. Her body jerked from where she stand before. Jonathan, including Andrew, who was with him saw this accident in horror. Siara was covered with blood, especially in her head. The two man approached her with pale faces. Their mind was blank as they saw Siara's critical state. They could only hope Siara could made it in this state.

-******-

It has been three hours since Siara was put into emergency unit. She lost too much blood. Luckily, Andrew had the same blood with her. He donated some of his blood to her in order to save her. Jonathan felt anxious as he waited for some good news. This was never meant to happened. Siara shouldn't be in here. Jonathan felt all the blame was on him. If only he could told her the truth, his truth, this accident wouldn't happened.

If she not made it...

Jonathan shuddered by the thought. Losing her was something he couldn't bear it. He remembered when his maid, Loretta, told him that Siara was left his mansion. He felt her heart shattered into pieces. Jonathan was grew fond of Siara's presence. He even didn't mind if she just there accompanied him without s*x. To him, Siara was special. When she left, he was determined to found her again. He wouldn't lose her again this time. He and Andrew spent three hours, looking for Siara in every corner of Manchaster city. When he finally saw her in some cafe, his heart was soared with relieved and happiness. The woman he love was still in England.

Love.

Jonathan realized he no longer felt lust towards Siara. It was something more stronger and more pure than that. As he know her good and bad times, parts, and memories, he wanted to protected her, cherished her, be with her for the rest of his life. Even it meant he has to marry her then he will make Siara love him too. If she made out alive from her critical state, he will definitely do anything for her.

"She will be fine, Jonathan, take it easy okay?" His mother said in soothing tone.

Jonathan called his mother the moment Siara was charged into the emergency unit. He need his mother to calmed him. Her mother already know her son was smitten by Siara as he wanted to introduced Siara to her. Since he was divorced, Jonathan never brought a woman to her home again. His focus was only Smith, his only son. After three years of bad divorced, he was ready to learned to love again. His mother, Helen, hugged him to calmed him down.

Jonathan sighed, "I hope so too, mother."

"Just keep praying, son." Helen squeezed Jonathan's hand.

After silence filled the air for ten good minutes, the doctor came out from the emergency room. Jonathan got up from his seat and rushed to the doctor who handle Siara. Helen came beside him, so does Andrew who held tight Smith in his arms.

"How is she?" Jonathan asked.

The doctor looked at him incredulously, "Are you Ms. Aurelia family?"

"I'm her fiancée." Jonathan replied fast. Both Helen and Andrew looked at him with disbelief.

"Okay." The doctor paused, "Before I give you my report, I want to ask first." Jonathan nodded, "Are Ms. Aurelia is on birth control?"

He nodded again, "Yes, it was already has been three months. Why?"

"Did you aware about your fiancée's pregnant?" The doctor asked again.

The three of them was shocked.

"What?" Jonathan shouted.

The doctor nodded, "Yes, Mr. Xavier, your fiancée is pregnant. One and half month. Even though she's on birth control, there's still a little chance she might get pregnant. And luckily your fiancée get that little chance."

Jonathan couldn't believe what he had heard. The man filled with joy in his heart. He soon going to be a father again. Smith would get brother or sister. Something his son always wanted. And to made him more happy, his unborn child is carried by the woman he love. Together they will build a family. A very happy one. He hoped that Siara was happy enough to accepted him again. He knew she needed time about all this drama that's been happened to her. But he tried his best to always be there for her. Jonathan promised this to himself.

"But this happy news was no longer happy as your fiancée was miscarried, Mr. Xavier."

With that, his smile was swept away from his lips and his heart shattered into pieces.