Hide and Seek (Filipino)

Chapter 5

"Daddy, she's awake!" Marahan kong idinilat ang mga mata, isang puting kisame ang bumungad sa 'kin bago lumingon sa nagsalita,

Napahawak ako sa ulo ng bigla akong nakaramdam ng kirot, ang naalala ko lang bago ako mawalan ng malay ay yung anak ng boss ko na tinawag akong mommy

Teka, m-mommy?

Nanlaki ang mata ko ng magsink in lahat sa utak ko ang nangyari at agad na napabangon, lumingon ako sa bata na nasa gilid ng kama kaya mas napaatras ako

Lungkot ang rumehistro sa mukha ng bata bago humarap sa daddy niya na nakasandal sa pinto,

"She still hates me, daddy.." parang kinurot ang puso ko ng may tumulong luha sa mga mata niya bago tumakbo at yumakap sa ama

Tiningnan ko nang puno ng pagtataka ang boss ko,

Isang tipid na ngiti lang ang isinagot niya sa 'kin bago humarap sa anak,

"Listen here baby, mommy can't remember you.. us," tumigil ito bago tumingin sa 'kin,

"When she left, 3 years ago she was involved in an accident, she had an amnesia, she lost her memory" para akong nanunuod ng intense drama kasi bigla na lang humikbi yung anak ni boss na anak ko rin daw,

"M-mommy doesn't have an idea how bad s-she is before?" Mahina lang na bulong niya pero rinig ko,

Naknang tinapa! Kung anong kinabuti ngayon, kabaliktaran pa ata ng ugali ko noon!

"No baby, she wasn't bad before, and still not bad until now.." hinimas ni boss ang buhok ng anak bago nginitian upang kumalma,

"But she's mad at me before daddy, she always said i'm not her daughter and she hates me.." humihikbi parin 'to kaya niyakap ng ama, pakiramdam ko napakasama kong tao noon para saktan ang mag ama na 'to

Napansin ko rin ang pagtulo ng luha ni boss kaya umiwas na rin ako ng tingin at yumuko,

Ang sakit sakit na makita sila na ganito, napakabuti nila bakit pinahirapan ko noon?

"Rest now baby, tomorrow we will go on a date with mommy," umangat ang ulo ng bata bago tumingin sa 'kin,

ibinaba siya ng ama, pero bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto ay nginitian niya muna ako, "Bye, mommy.." biglang tumulo ang luha sa kaliwang mata ko ng tuluyan na siyang nakalabas,

Ang bigat sa dibdib ng mga nangyayari,

Lumapit si boss sakin at umupo sa gilid ng kama,

Nanatili akong nakayuko dahil hindi ko alam ang sasabihin, ang sakit sakit sa ulo ng mga nalalaman ko.

"I'm sorry.." umangat ang tingin ko sakanya, isang malungkot na ngiti lang ang sinagot niya bago nagsalita, "i know, you're confused, but Tahlia i'm begging you, accept her, accept Natasha, she's our daughter.." ramdam ko ang hirap niya sa pagpapaliwanag, mukhang hindi niya alam kung saan nga ba dapat magumpisa,

Napalunok ako bago nagtanong,

"B-bakit niya sinasabi na ayoko sa kanya? Na sinasaktan k-ko siya?" Tinitigan niya ako bago sumagot, "because i told you, you hate my existence, everything about me.." gulong gulo ang utak ko,

"W-why do i hate you?" Isang luha ang pumatak sa berde niyang mga mata ngunit nakatitig parin sa 'kin, nakaramdam ako ng pagkabalisa

"O-okay sige, next question, ilang taon na siya?" Binago ko ang tanong kasi hindi rin ako handa sa isasagot niya, may tamang oras naman siguro para dun.

"The day after tomorrow is her 5th birthday that's actually the reason why we came here." Hindi ko pinahalata ang gulat sa mukha ko kaya tango nalang ang isinagot ko,

"She was just 2 years old when i left?" Grabi! Napakasama kong nanay, bakit ko ginawa yun?

Tumango siya,

"Wait me here, i'll show you something.." tiningnan ko lang siya na lumabas sa kwarto,

Napabuntong hininga ako at napatitig sa kawalan,

Maraming tanong ang natakbo sa utak ko, pero hindi ko alam kung paano makakakuha ng sagot

Napalingon ako sa pinto ng pumasok si boss, may hawak siyang parang album,

Nang makaupo ay iniabot niya rin sa 'kin yun,

Isang photo album

"That's our family album, most of your pictures was stolen shots, i always took photos of you when you're not looking, and you hate taking pictures with me and natasha so i decided to edit some." Nakangiting paliwanag nito, para namang nginagngat ng daga ang puso ko dahil sa sinabi niya,

Pati ba naman sa pagpapakuha ng litrato ayoko parin sa kanila? Jusmiyo marimar.

Hindi ako nagsalita, binuksan ko ang unang pahina

It was natasha and him playing, he was holding teddy bear for natasha, while i was in the corner holding a bottle of wine.

"Our maid took that photo, our first family picture that's why i placed that in the first page." Paliwanag nito, napalunok ako. Family picture, Seriously? E mukha nga akong walang pakialam sa kanila sa larawan

The next photo was inside a room, they're sleeping together, i wasn't there

"Our maid also took that, it's cute right? She really loves to sleep beside me and that's our first photo together in one bed." Tumingin ako sakanya, nakangiti siya at bakas ang kislap sa mga mata habang inaalala ang bawat litrato na nakikita,

"By the way, until now we're sleeping in the same bed, i became her mom and dad when you're gone, the cuppycake song is her favorite," tumigil siya at tumingala, "A-and she always wants me to sing that song, 'Daddy sing cuppycake before i sleep please' that's her favorite lullaby" tumulo ang luha sa mga mata niya na kanina pa niya pinipigilan, napalunok ako

Pinahid niya rin to agad at ngumiti,

"I have lot of regrets, s-specially to the both of you.." tumitig siya sa 'kin, "i made you suffer, i hurt my only daughter, her mom hates her because of me" hindi ko na rin napigil ang pagtulo ng luha ko, ramdam ko ang pinaghalong lungkot, sakit, panghihinayang sa boses niya.

Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit sinisisi niya ang sarili niya sa nangyari,

"W-why are you crying?" Bakas ang pagaalala sa boses niya, tuluyan akong napahagulgol sa pinaghalo halong emosyon,

"I don't deserve the both of you, n-napakasama kong ina at asawa.." nagulat siya at natarantang lumapit sa 'kin,

"N-no you're not bad, s**t i don't know what to do-- wait i'll get you water, ah no tissue, you need tissue where's the tissue" natataranta siyang nangalkal sa buong kwarto,

Kahit umiiyak hindi ko parin mapigil na hindi matawa,

This is his adorable side, cute

Lumapit siya sa 'kin na may hawak na tissue, inabot niya sa 'kin yun bago umupo sa harap ko,

"A-are you okay?" Tango lang ang sagot ko bago ngumiti, binuksan ko ulit ang photo album

Sa pangatlong larawan ay yung 1st birthday ni Natasha,

Wala ako sa litrato tanging si boss lang na karga si natasha ang naroroon kasama ang mga maids na nagaasikaso,

"Bakit wala ako rito? This is Natasha's first birthday, nasaan ako?"

Pero nagkibit balikat lang siya,

"I told you, you hate us. You spent your day alone while everyone's celebrating her special day,  you don't want them to know she's your daugther, so instead of pushing her away infront of people, you decided to hide yourself alone in this room" napatikom ako ng bibig bago iginala ang mata sa loob ng kwarto,

Kwarto ko pala talaga 'to noon pa.

"Nasaan nga pala mga magulang mo?"

"Someone killed my dad, my mom was depressed when my dad died and then weeks later she took her own life, i'm only child."

Napatutop ako sa bibig,

"I-i'm sorry to hear that.." bakas ang lungkot sa mga mata niya, bago bumaling sa 'kin,

"No, it's okay. That was 6 years ago." Halata sa mga mata niya na may gusto pa siyang sabihin ng makarinig kami ng mahinang katok sa pinto,

Bumukas 'yon at pumasok si Natasha na kinukusot pa ang isang mata,

"D-daddy.. i want to sleep beside you." Lumapit ito sa ama niya bago nagpabuhat, kinarga naman ito ng huli bago marahang tinapik ang likod,

Saglit lang rin ay nakatulog na si natasha, mukhang naalimpungatan lang din,

"Dito mo na siya ihiga para hindi ka mahirapan." Mukha namang nagulat siya sa sinabi ko at sabay ng pagkunot ng noo,

"Are you sure?" Nanantiyang tanong niya, tumango lang ako bago umusog para maihiga niya ng maayos si natasha,

"If she wakes you up in the middle of the night, call me okay?" Tinaasan ko lang siya ng kilay,

"Excuse me?? Inuutusan mo ba 'ko?" Natahimik naman siya bago umiling,

"N-no, i m-mean just in case--" hindi ko na siya pinatapos nang magsalita ako ulit,

"You can sleep here. Malaki naman yung kama." Umiwas siya ng tingin at mukhang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko, namumula siya

"Hoy wag kana maginarte! Matutulog lang tayo, wala tayong gagawing masama!" Inirapan ko siya, pero tiningnan niya lang ako bago tumayo ulit at nagmamadaling lumabas

Gulat na tiningnan ko ang pintong nilabasan niya,

Like WHAT THE f**k???? tinanggihan niya talaga alok ko?!!! Punyemas!!

Pero mas nagulat ako ng pumasok siya ulit pero may hawak ng camera,

"Akala ko ayaw mo?" Tiningnan niya naman ako na puno ng pagtataka bago lumapit at pumwesto sa kabilang gilid ni natasha na mahimbing na natutulog,

"I didn't refuse your invitation, i just took this camera, is it okay to take some shot?" Ako naman ang nagtataka at hindi siya maintindihan,

"This is our first time to sleep together, i want this to be memorable, can we make it?" Mariin ko siyang tinitigan, naknampucha.

Asan na yung amo kong matapang? Yung nakakatakot?

Tumango nalang ako bilang sagot, umayos ako ng pagkakaupo ganon din siya bago kumuha ng litrato, dalawang shot lang yun pero ngiting ngiti na siya.

Ang weird.

"You don't have an idea how happy i am right now.." bulong nito na nakatitig sa litrato namin bago bumaling sa 'kin, "Thank you so much." Umiwas ako ng tingin bago humiga sa tabi ni Natasha,

Ganon rin ang ginawa niya bago yakapin ang anak,

"Bakit nga pala Natasha pangalan niya?" Curious lang ako, common na kasi masyado,

"Actually, it was your idea." Tiningnan ko siya, lUh cyst bat ako?

"You want to name her Ash, i was so happy that time, when the doctor asked you what will be her name," he stopped then he placed his right hand in natasha's hair, "You didn't stop shouting, 'Ash', so i told the doctor, it's Ash. she's Ash, but when i asked you why you want to name her Ash,"

Tumigil siya at mukhang ayaw ng magpatuloy, pero curious ako kaya naghintay

"You said, you want her gone. you want to see her in ash, you can't stand to see her if she's not an ashes inside the urns." nakaramdam ako ng sakit at tuloy tuloy na pagdaloy ng luha,

Anong kasalanan ng bata para hilingin ko ang mga bagay na yun?

Pigil ang hikbi ko ng magpatuloy siya,

"I don't know what to say, even the doctor and nurses was shocked. I just gave them an assurance smile," tumigil ito sa paglalaro sa buhok ng anak bago ito yakapin, "Natasha was the first name came out in my mind, it was closed to Ash, the one you want. So i told the doctor, she's Natasha"

"After the pain i brought to you, i promised to myself, i will do everything to remove your hatred," huminga siya ng malalim bago nagpatuloy, "back then i thought Natasha will make you change, i was wrong, everything's getting worst.."

"You can't accept natasha as yours. You were always at your room and leaving natasha's alone. There was one time, when she was 5months you left her in the nursery room, you went out without saying anything, we only had one maid and she's off duty, I went home early coz i know, you can't handle natasha because our maid is off duty,"

"I was so tired and stressed that time, i'm in a hurry to go home, to see natasha, she's my stress reliever. but in my shocked, you were not there, i heard natasha's heavy breath i run inside the nursery room, just to see her.."

Napigil ko ang hininga ko dahil sa bigat sa dibdib ng naririnig, hindi ako makahinga habang pinipigil ang hikbi,

"Pale.. she looks pale and her lips were violet, she lost her voice so i immediately bring her in the hospital, the doctor says she was starving, and she's been crying for an hours. if i became late more, she might die.."

Hindi ko na napigilan nang tuluyan na 'kong humagulgol, sunod sunod ang hikbi ko dahil napakasama kong tao,

"I-im sorry.. i-m sorry.." he looked at me and gave a smile,

"I was so mad at you that time, because of your selfishness, i will lost my daughter.. she was in the hospital for one week, and you never show up, it makes me mad more, because you're the reason why she's in the hospital but why you didn't come to visit?"

"After that incident, i still forgave you, because i love you and i don't want to have a broken family.."

"W-why are you telling this to me? You can lie, b-but why can't you?"

"I've done enough pain, and making lies will make things complicated more."

"But you're hurting me.."

"I know, and i'd rather hurt you with the truth than comfort you with lies."

Hindi na 'ko sumagot dahil tama siya,

Mas gugustuhin kong masaktan ngayon, para itama lahat ng pagkakamali ko.

Bukas at bukas rin, itutuwid ko lahat ng baluktot kong desisyon,

I will make them feel what they deserved.

And that is to be loved.

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