Alone

Part 5: Sarah

Sarah

        Ben holding me in the car. His arms were so conforting but I felt so empty, so guilty. My heart never belonged to him but i feel so guilty because I've led him on for 2 years now. I felt I was in too deep because I truly loved Angelo. I loved Ben too but not as much. We arrived at the venue and i decided that i needed a smoke. I knew that Ben didn't smoke but i sarcastically asked "Want a smoke?". He simply looked at me and said "na". The venue doors were opening and we were getting ready to open and we made our way over to the doors and Angelo stopped us, "Hi im Angelo would you like me to buy you guys some beers so we can have a good time?". I looked at Ben wanting him to say no but he nodded yes so I just agreed.

        I was so stressed that both of my boyfriends were talking to eachother. Angelo knew about Ben but i didn't want Ben to find out or he would be crushed. I thought of this as Angelo was grabbing us some beers. He came back with the beers and we regrouped with the people we came with. I knew this concert was going to be an amazing experience but i really shouldntve come. Im risking so much, but i knew today i would have a shot at being with someone who truly makes me happy. I could finally be open with it but I morally couldn't follow through with hurting Ben like that.

        Tom pulled Ben and Angelo aside; Im guessing they were going to head to the mosh pits. I just wanted to hide away from all of this. I stuck around for the first concert with Jasmine and Esmerelda. After the concert I slipped off to hide in the bathrooms. Tom was just leaning against the walls and Ben was zoning out in the mosh pits. I went to the back room and made my way to the bathrooms. I heard the second band starting and I felt like no boy could follow me into the girls bathroom. I heard the door shut through the vents to the mens room.  "Did Danica say Bryce has her money" I heard one voice speak. "he doesn't so we'll have to take care of him after the show". It was quiet for a while until i heard a voice again "Go into the concert and supervise our friend Bryce". 

        Who was this Bryce guy and what did he owe these guys money for? I asked myself in my head but it was a good thought to keep my mind off of what was happening to me. I was starting to think maybe I was better off with Jasmine and Esmerelda. I walked out of the bathroom doors and saw the mens room opening up. Angelo was walking up the halls to check on me and i grabbed him and kissed him. I kept making out with him until the mens room door shut. I looked over and I saw Ben running down the hall. What have I done "Ben!" I shouted.

        I chased after him and I cut through a smaller part of the crowd to catch him. I stopped him at the front door "Ben". "just get away from me" he yelled. He walked out the front doors of the venue and I was on my knees in tears. I was about to chase after him and walk out of the venue until Angelo stopped me " don't go he needs this time alone". "he needs to know what really happened" i cried. He looked at me with a no s**t smirk as if this was a joke to him. I realized I shouldn't be with Angelo, I was better off with Ben all along. "you pulled me in and kissed me right in front of the guy" he smiled.

       I realized i'd lost Ben with that single unforgivable action. "No get away from me this was a f****d up mistake" I shoved Angelo away. I went back to Jasmine and Esmerelda in the middle of the main band. I felt like I must've interrupted a make out session cuz Esmerelda gave me the dirtiest look when i showed up. When the show was over I wondered why neither Tom nor Ben were back. As we were making our way to the front I heard a familiar voice up front. "please somebody call 911 my best friend is lying dead outside". Jasmine made her way to the front of the crowd and then Esmerelda said " lets follow her". I made my way to the front of the crowd and when I saw Tom I put the pieces together.

        The love of my life was dead after I destroyed his heart. "where is he?" I asked and Tom took me outside to see him. We stopped in front of the alleyway. The love of my life on the ground now as cold as winter snows. I froze in his essence. I whispered in his ear "its you, it was always you" those words broke my heart to say because he couldn't hear me. I took his cold hand and I said "this heart died with you my love". Tom pulled me away "we have to go". "jasmine" I heard Esmerelda call. Tom and I just kept walking. Im not sure if Tom felt my pain but I could see the devistation in his eyes.

        We all got in the car and I took shotgun with Tom. Jasmine and Esmerelda were in the back seat. Everyone in the car but Esmerelda had tears in their eyes. It was odd but she seemed to be in a deep thought but my mind was running pretty fast as well. We arrived at Esmerelda's house and she got out of the car without kissing Jasmine. She looked into the window and said " I guess this is goodbye". She ran for her front door and went in. 

        Tom looked back at Jasmine "I hate to say it but you've got an odd one there". Tom was clearly trying to take our minds off of everything. We arrived at Jasmine's house and she got out of the car. "im sorry" she looked at us. " you have nothing to be sorry for" Tom said as he shut the door. Tom was clearly suffering inside and i could see it. It was a long and quiet drive to my house. We had thoughts racing through our minds. They were caged birds, birds in a nocturnal state, so wild but never free. 

        We arrived at my house and I got out of the car turning away. "Sarah" Tom called and I looked back. "if you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you." he said glumly. "thanks" i replied in a low voice. I walked to my front door and my mind wouldn't stop racing about what happened that night. 

                                           I took out a sheet of paper and started to write.