My Boyfriend Has Tentacles

For the sake of a little excitement, I ordered a tentacle monster online and had him stay home with me every day to “cook.” But every time I tried to hint at something more, he pretended not to understand. He would simply grab his battered spatula and start stir-frying. Furious, I slammed my bowl onto the table. “False advertising! I want a refund!” The customer service representative, however, replied with a sweet little smile. 【Sweetie, our advertisement is completely accurate and reliable! Isn’t he making all kinds of delicious dishes? Don’t they leave you so stuffed that your legs go weak and your eyes lose focus?】 【Unfortunately, we don’t accept returns~】 I nearly choked on my own breath. But then she continued: 【However, since you’re one of our premium customers, just add 88,888, and you can take home a pure-hearted fox!】 【Broad shoulders, narrow waist, long fingers. I guarantee you’ll never forget him once you’ve tried him!】 【“Picture,” “Picture,” “Picture”...】 Damn it. He was ridiculously gorgeous! Before my brain could even catch up, my hand had already betrayed me and completed the payment. Who would have thought that, in the middle of the night, countless slippery tentacles would wrap tightly around me? The man rubbed my waist, his voice slightly hoarse. “Didn’t you say... you were going to give me a physical examination?” “Too—too tight!” I could barely breathe from the pressure and reached out to push him away. The moment my palm pressed against his chest, he leaned even closer. Warm breath brushed against the side of my neck, sending a strange, tingling sensation through me. The tentacles tightened inch by inch, slowly sliding along the curve of my waist. “It hurts like hell!” I gritted my teeth. “Are you trying to kill me and then find yourself a new home?” He loosened his grip, his voice muffled. “You said you were going to examine me tonight.” Only then did I remember. Yesterday, after pestering him for ages, I'd finally gotten him to agree to a physical examination. My original plan had been to use the opportunity to have my way with him. Who could have guessed... I sighed. “Fine.” I pretended to be professional, picked up his hand, flipped it over twice, and gave him an extremely perfunctory examination. “Mhm. Perfectly healthy. Go back to bed!” But he pressed his lips together, his handsome brows knitting slightly. The tentacles behind him became restless, slowly sliding upward along my spine. “Mm!” My face instantly grew hot. Then I snapped back to reality and glared at him. “That tickles! What are you doing?” “They won't listen—” I cut him off immediately and pointed at the door. “Out!” ...... I was completely disappointed in this guy. When he'd first arrived, I'd been absolutely thrilled by his incredible physique and countless slippery tentacles. I'd practically shouted, “The seller really wasn't lying!” and was about to pounce on him. But he'd dodged me, walked straight into the kitchen, and silently started cooking. I thought he was shy, so I figured I could take things slowly. But for several days, he wouldn't let me touch him. Eventually, whenever I got close, he'd hide his tentacles away so thoroughly that it was as if he were terrified I might lose control and pounce on him again. To win him over, I frequently strutted around in skimpy clothes in front of him, exhausting every possible hint and suggestion. And what did I get in return? He told me I was suffering from poor circulation and low energy, then proceeded to make me a giant pot of nourishing soup. Sometimes you have to endure a little humiliation to achieve the bigger goal. So I drank it. It was so invigorating that I couldn't sleep half the night! That bastard. No wonder he wouldn't let me touch him. —Only now did I realize that he was actually a chef! I pinched the newly developed little roll around my waist and sighed again. A message from customer service popped up. 【Sweetie, your hot and spicy pure-hearted fox is expected to arrive the day after tomorrow!】 I was half skeptical. “He isn't going to come here and cook for me again, is he? One chef is enough!” 【Don't worry, sweetie! You're a VIP customer now. We guarantee your delivery will be exactly as advertised~】 I finally relaxed and happily drifted off to sleep.