Regrets
768 Words
Kyle
Shit, s**t, what have I done? Looking down at my bloody hands, her blood, why did she have to push me? Why couldn’t she just let me taste her, I wanted her so much, Lily said it would be simple, that time away from him would give me the opportunity I’d been waiting for since we were kids, why did she have to be so difficult?
She didn’t even know that I’d always been there from day one, not him, me! I despised him, he would just use her and throw her away just like he had done with Lily, I didn’t mean to hurt her, I couldn’t control myself, I just wanted her, and she cursed at me with her foul mouth, look at me like I was s**t under her shoe.
I’d spent years executing the perfect meeting, the perfect plan, that date was supposed to bring me everything I had ever wanted since I was a teenager, but she rejected me and then fell into his arms, how could she?
Walking over to her, she wasn’t moving.
“Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead” I repeated.
I heard a slight groan escape from her lips.
“She’s alive, oh thank god, she’s alive”
A small tear fell down my face, maybe she was right, maybe I was a monster, maybe I didn’t deserve her, she would never forgive me for this, it was too late for redemption, I f****d that up the moment I laid my hands on her. This was wrong even by my standards, she was right, this wasn’t love, what was I thinking kidnapping her, oh s**t, what had I done.
Looking over at her lifeless body slumped over on the dirty ground, I had treated her like a wild beast then I’d injured her because once again she had rejected me, what kind of a monster does that.
Slowly bending down, I released her bruised wrists from the ropes that bound her, this wasn’t how it was supposed to play out, I could fix this, yes, I could fix the mess I’d caused.
Slowly cradling her in my arms I picked her up, she felt lighter than air and looked so innocent and broken, that was because of me. It was all because of me; I’d tormented her for weeks. It was my fault because she ran back into his arms. My stupidity had caused her to flee that’s why I came back before she disappeared again.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I loved her.
I lost her.
I hurt her.
I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’d done to her, how could I expect her to forgive me.
“I’m sorry” I whispered into her hair.
She stirred in my arms, for a moment just a moment I closed my eyes and took a mental image of how she felt so close, knowing I’d never feel her this close again, I breathed in her sweet scent that had plagued my senses many times before.
She slowly opened her swollen eyes and looked at me, this would be her last memory of me, not me as a crazed monster who pounded her out of rejection, this, silence, knowing, in my arms, safe.
“What’s going on? Am I dead?”
“Yes Kala, your dead, just me and you for an eternity” I rolled my eyes.
“Really?”
“No, not really” I chuckled.
She looked confused, but she would, the last thing she would have remembered was pain, even I was confused at my actions, I loved her, but she wasn’t mine, so I had to let her go.
My heart broke at the very thought of letting her go, I must be growing soft or something because this was the last thing I wanted.
“What are you doing?”
“Why am I free?” she sighed.
“I’m doing the right thing, angel, for once I’m doing the right thing”
Walking out of The Scarlet with her in my arms, I knew this was the last time I’d see her, but I had to let her go.
Dropping her off at the nearest hospital, I stroked her hair out of her face and kissed her sweetly on her head.
“Goodbye, Kala” I whispered so only she could hear.
She smiled and with that I turned and didn’t look back, maybe I’d see her again some day, maybe I wouldn’t but at least I’d know I did the right thing.
I let her go.
- Writer
