Underneath it All

Chapter 1 Waiting on the bus I take time to look back on everything that's been going on lately. I loved Nate at some point. I'm pretty sure I did. If I didn't then why do I always end up back where I started? In his arms in our bed that we been sharing for ten years. The day I married that man I thought it was the happiest day of my life, but I soon realized that it might just have been the worst day of my life. I never really known what love was supposed to look like, but I always had Nate and to me that was all I needed. However, all we been doing lately is fighting and arguing. He been spending more time out and when we are in the same space he goes to a different room. At first I thought my world was ending. How can something so good go so bad? How can two people who loved each other grow so far apart? I remember when we first met back in kindergarten. I was the new girl in class and he was the boy everyone use to pick on. But when I first saw him I saw something special in him. I really never had much family support hell much family at all. It was just me, myself, and I. But when I laid eyes on him I knew from that moment we was destined to be together. "Hey, you can sit next to me if you want. My name is Nate what's your name?" "My name is Rachel but everyone calls me Ray." "Would you like to be my friend Ray." Smiling the biggest smile a five year old can smile I turned to him and said, "only of you promise to always be my friend. Always and Forever!" he takes my Hand and he looks at me and say, "Always and forever. Across my heart hope to die I promise to be with you always and forever." And eversince then it's just been the two of us like we promised; Always and forever. Watching the rain hit the roof of this bus stop I can't help but feel a pain deep inside me. How can always and forever end up to be on pins and needles? I thought that we could be happy, like we were supposed to be happy right now. When did things go so far left so quick? How can he love someone else when he supposed to only love me and only me? "Are you getting on the bus or not lady? I have more stops to make and you wasting everyone else's time." "sorry." Walking up to my house I see my husband's car parked in the driveway. Funny thing is he told me he was working late tonight since I thought I had to stay for a extra shift, but I got to go home early since Maggie came in tonight. "Bae! I thought you said you had to stay late tonight? Where are you?" The house is quiet and the kids at my sister's house for the weekend he should be in the living room watching the game, but I don't see him. I hear a strange noise coming from down the hall. Nervously I walk towards it hoping to find my husband, but as I get closer to the kitchen I hear something I never thought would happen. I hear soft moaning. I keep walking, my hands starting to shake and I get light headed. I keep walking even though my whole body wants to stop, but I can't so I keep walking until I enter our master kitchen to find our babysitter Rose on her knees giving my husband head. "What the f**k is this Bullshit?" shocked they both broke apart. Him pulling up his pants her trying to put her clothes on. "I thought you said you had to stay late tonight why are you home so early?" "f**k all that s**t what the he'll you doing Nate? Why is it I come home to you getting your d**k sucked on by our f*****g babysitter? And Rose I treated you like family why? Like why? I never thought in a million years that this have been going on behind my back and the funny thing about it is that no one has any answer to my questions. The both of you looking stupid so tell you what, the both of you get the f**k out my house before s**t turns deadly in a real quick second." "I'm sorry Ray, but me and Nate love each other. I never wanted to hurt you and I appreciate everything you have done for me I real-" "Get the f**k out my house like now because I can only control my anger for so long so I suggest you find a way to get the f**k out my face." I feel broken inside, and I don't have any glue or tape to put back the pieces. I turn to the man I thought I knew and he grabs his stuff n he takes her hand and they both get into his car and drive away. I just don't understand how can someone who promised you always and forever could just up and abandon you like you meant nothing to them. How can you know someone, and I mean know they fears their pain and not know when that person no longer Care about you? When that person falls in love with someone else you not only lost, but you no longer know who you thought you knew. My head is spinning like crazy as sit on the floor and cry. I cry because it hurts and I don't want to hurt. I cry because I'm alone and I cry because I know my kids want understand, but hopefully one day they will.