come back to me

chapter 7

EVELYN

i stood there frozen on that spot.. it's not like we have never kissed but him initiating it when we are not having s*x is new. the only time he touches me is when we have intimacy.so him kissing me suddenly was surprising to me.. after some time i came to the real world by Erica's voice. the house helper.. she asked me if i was okay or not. and all i could do is nod at her then i went back to my room.. it felt like I'm in a dream.. our marriage was not a normal one. i remember how he and our friends had ignored me after that night

to be honest, i don't blame any of them. them thinking of me as a creep was normal to me because i had zero evidence of my innocence. but it still hurts thinking how no one actually believed in me.. luckily, i had my family. they believed in me. they knew that I'd never do anything like that at all. just as i started getting used to all the glances and whisperes, something big happened on our graduation day.. i was ignored all the time that day and from people i got to know that Jenna had decided to give Anthony another chance as it wasn't his fault.. i didn't feel anything about that news.i was just....numb.but after the graduation ceremony, when everyone was about to leave, i suddenly fainted.

everyone thought it was because of stress or tiredness. but when i was taken to the hospital, the doctor told me and my parents that i was pregnant.. this news changed everything.. Anthony's parents and he arrived there..i was so scared.. especially when I looked at him, i felt like I was going to die.. after everything, i didn't dare to look him in the eyes. his grandmother stayed as she wanted to talk to me.. she wanted Anthony to stay there as well.. "grandma, i didn't mean this to happen" i began

"well now that you're already pregnant then i think it's better for Anthony to take responsibility for his deeds" she said and i looked at Anthony.

"no need, i can manage everything on my own. I'll leave him and you all alone. i won't-" before i could finish he grabbed my chin harshly

"so now you're planning on taking my child away from me as well?" his words were harsh and i quickly shook my head

"i just don't want to bother you anymore" i said and i saw him scoffing

"you turned my life upside down and now saying you don't want to bother me? how sweet" he said and i pursed my lips together..

"you'll get married today. and that's final." his grandmother said.. "Anthony.. please" i pleaded but he didn't listen to me.. and on the same day, we got married.. there wasn't anything special.. on our wedding night, he said it's my punishment to drug him. now I'm trapped as well.. after a few days, we heard that jenna has moved out for good.. that night, Anthony drank a lot. he cried too.. i didn't know what to do.. after that, he has always ignored me.. drank a lot..after mark was born, he stopped drinking too much.

even though he wasn't happy with me, he was really good with mark.. the moment he saw him, he just fell in love with him..mark is not just my comfort person but also his.. he loves our son so much. i remember once i had mentioned about getting a divorce. it was when mark was four, he laughed that day and said that I'll never get one. i have to stay here. stuck just how he's stuck here.. i remember how he was rough with me that night, for the first time..

one thing about him, he never loved me yet he never cheated on me.. I've always thought he'd probably get a mistress since i made him feel disgusted. but i was wrong.. I've seen him reject any advances of women.. I've always wondered why he still came back to me when there were many women he could have if he wanted. maybe he has a good moral..

i stood beside the window while remembering the past.. especially this kiss.. it's making me remember those moments when he rejected my kiss..he never kissed me on the lips even while having sex.but after 3 years of marriage, it changed. he started kissing me but only when he had s*x. so without any intimacy, his kiss is new to me.

why sudden change? when I'm thinking about divorce?

he always confuses me like this. i hate it.. i hate to feel like this. it's better to know that he hates me than these confusing feelings.. especially when I'm ready to let go..

i can't let myself to hope for love from him.. it's painful..

Suddenly i remember that night when he came home late and without saying anything he just kissed me. three years after our marriage, that was the first time he kissed me..I don't what happened to him earlier but he was being desperate that night..and from that night, whenever we have s*x is the only time when i feel like he wants me.. it's so passionate that it makes me forget that he hates me..but the thing is he never stayed after we have intimacy. he'll always go out or at least stay away from me.. sometimes i wonder if both are the same man or not? how can he just act like i don't exist after doing the most intimate things?

i sat on the edge of my bed and scrolled through my phone.. suddenly i got a text from Michael, Anthony's brother "did jenna said anything to you?" he asked

after our marriage, his parents hated me but not him. we weren't that close but he was nice and polite with me.. so i replied "no, just said that she's here to take what's hers" i saw him seeing the text and typing for a moment but all he sent me was an "OK"

i really don't want to think about jenna now.. my mind is already a mess..