The Mess Inside Me

Moma was the sweetest woman in the world and she loved me without a doubt. We were always extremely close. She was the good to all of my mornings and nights and I was hers. We could talk about anything in the world. Read each other's minds. Feel each other's pain. We were best friends. We loved each other more than anything in the world. Everybody loved my moma. Moma loved all of her kids. She had a great, close relationship with all 6 of us. Our relationship was extra special though. I sat in her lap until I was in my 30s. Moma had been married 2 times and had 4 kids by the time I was born. Her first husband drowned while she was pregnant with her first son, Joe. Her second husband, Haskell fathered Karrie, Jimison, and Davy. Then she met my daddy in 72. I was born in 73 and Troy in 76. Her and my dad were both alcoholics. They drank almost every single day, but no matter what moma took good care of me and Troyboy. We weren't dumped on babysitters or family members. We were always with moma. She wasn't real good with discipline though. I think she s*****d me once that I can remember. She would sometimes cry when my daddy s*****d us. She hated for us to be unhappy, even for a second. We didn't have much money but we always had what we needed. She was a desk clerk at a hotel for a few years til she got robbed at gunpoint. Then a convenience store clerk...got robbed again. After that she cleaned motel rooms. Daddy was disabled and was trying to get disability so her income was all we had. Once his disability came through it was around 700 a month. So they struggled alot with bills and his medicine. Moma used to go to churches to get help getting his prescriptions filled, utility bills and food. Our school clothes and Christmas were usually bought by the older siblings. Around 1987 she had to quit working to take care of him. He had health problems with his lungs and was dying. He was given 9 months to live when Troy was born in 76. Moma loved than man. She really loved him. And he loved her. I've never seen a love like that...