Trapped in Our Hell

Chapter 11:

Jason pulled an old blanket over Lusie who was asleep. He had been worried the first night they had came in and while he talked to his mom he noticed she had fallen asleep. He had been terrified that she had a fever from how cold she had been. Swiftly he carried Lusie farther in the cave where he could find the wood he left long ago to make a fire. Not caring that his mother's spirit had been around he undressed her until she was in her underwear. His mother helped him find the stack of blankets he had kept hidden in the cave. When he had those he laid one of the thicker ones on the ground. Without a thought Jason had undressed to his black boxers and pulled Lusie to him wrapping them into another blanket. He rested his back to the cave wall and let the warmth from the fire along with the thin blanket take the chill from her.

Jason remembered how cold she felt then and cursed himself for forgetting about it once he saw his mother's spirit. Her spirit told him that she wouldn't leave until he was ready. Even tonight as he walked across the cave from Lusies spot by the fire to his spot he could see her spirit next to his makeshift bed. Jason relaxed into the blanket with his attire on. A smile curled his lips as Lusie's reaction to waking up after the first time they slept wrapped up. She blushed brightly and tried to curl up in a embarrass ball.

"She will be fine. You were quick on your feet." The soft voice of his mother spoke next to him.

Jason stared into the low fire. He was not sure he had but he was glad there was no fever for either of them. "I'm just glad we found shelter." He spoke low not wishing to disrupt Lusie's sleep. She looked so at peace. Jason sighed and stretched his right leg out while his left leg was bent at the knee that kept his left arm relaxed on it.

"You would have made something work. Your determined and intelligent." She said.

"I've had to be since dad…" his throat thick with past emotions he held deep inside him. Jason pushed the emotions down before they could take over. "Why? Why are you showing yourself now?"

His mother was quiet for a while probably trying to pick her words carefully. He just stared into the flames not wishing to see any of the emotions on his mother's face if he could read anything. In life she was never one to really have her emotions open like a book. His mother only did it when the emotions grew too passionately or she was angry enough.

"I don't know why you could not see me before. When I pasted on I stayed with you. I would go with you everywhere but you never noticed my presence. Not even in the moments demons or evil spirits approached you. I just don't know. This girl though…" she paused looking in Lusie's direction. "When you ran into the forest together I could feel her energy. I felt a pull to let her know I was here. Like she needed to know and memories of you as a child filled my thoughts."

"So you never left? You know everything that I've become." Jason stumbled over his words as emotion threaded in his voice. He was not proud of his past nor how much blood was stained on his hands. Jason's eyes sought Lusie. No matter how much he wanted to be different than a monster Jason would never be someone to stay by Lusie. His half of their soul was too tarnished for Hell while Lusie was the angel girl who would end up in heaven. Someone who deserved to be happy while he deserved loneliness.

Warm energy flowed from his mother's hand to his arm. Jason was drawn back. Looking into his mother's eyes Jason could not say anything. Too much emotion filled him as memories that he tried to keep down surfaced. He desperately wished to go back to the time he was a little boy before he lost both his parents. The time when his father did not use him for experiments. When his mother was still alive and could hold him. Jason's fists clenched.

"Yes. I know you are not proud and you feel like a beast. Your father sure treated you like it. However Jason you are not. Your father made you into something so he would not lose you. He just did not think of how dangerous or hurt you would become." His mother whispered.

"I am a monster. I've killed a dozen men. My hands are stained red just like my eyes when I feel the pain of others. I'm like the demon who possessed me as a child. Nothing but a monster who feels pain and wishes to inflict it." Jason kept his voice low but his voice made a growling vibration.

His mother opened her mouth but the words that came out were not her. It was Lusie's voice who said clouded with sleep. "You're not a monster." Jason turned facing Lusie who had sat up across the cave. She had a blanket wrapped around her being held in one hand. Her other hand ran fingers through her hair away from her blue eyes. Eyes that stared straight into him. He was held still as Lusie continued. "You are a guy who did what he had to do so he could survive. If you were a monster I would feel scared and run the opposite direction. You have been nothing but cold and kind to me."

His mother smiled. She knew her son was stubborn. That he blamed himself for the pain he inflicted on others while under the possessions William put their son through. She may have not been alive in his life for longer than 11 years but she stayed with him giving Jason the energy he needed to get through the worst of the pain. Now someone was here to do what she hadn't been able to do. To save her son from drowning in the darkness. Giving him a reason to hope instead of turning to the first thing that could unsuccessfully kill him to escape. Maybe with this girl he can heal, she thought as her son silently tried to hide his emotions down.

Jason snorted. "You have not seen me at my worst. Nor have you seen me stain my hands with blood."

Lusie looked at Jason. She could see his eyes flicker with some red in his brown eyes. His energy gave off a chilling effect. Wrapping the blanket to her tighter did not help. Yes he could be intimidating and made her self conscious of herself around him. However even with the look he gave after she first saw him Lusie was not afraid. Jason's eyes then had been fully red and full of hate mixed with pain. No she was not scared of him even though he could snap her neck at any moment.

"I may have just met you in person. You're right that I have not seen you like that and honestly I'm glad. However just because I didn't see what you experience I felt it. There were nights when my skin created markings that I would find in the morning. Markings as if I had been scarred all over with things that I didn't know what. I dreamt of darkness holding me down like bricks crushing me. Some nights I dreamt of blood all over my hands while I was locked away in a white room with handcuffs on me. Those things were what scared me. When I meet you the very first time after you threw the doctor at the wall…" Lusie bite her lip as the memory appeared. "Well you had red eyes that I could not look away from before we fainted. I should have been terrified of you. I should have slammed my door and hid from you. Yet I wasn't. All I felt was surprise and relief that someone had enough of his torture like I was. Someone that fought back and was brave about it. I still feel that way."

Jason's brown eyes were wide as he listened to Lusie. His chest squeezed with emotion. Emotion that he was not sure of what kind but silently he took in her words. He thought she was saying this just because he was her other half or that it was because she had not seen him at his worst. A part of him that seemed to be growing by inches did not want Lusie to change how she saw him. Jason was afraid to speak.

Jason's mother would have cried if she could. She knew that Jason would be in good hands. Lusie saw her son the way that she knew Jason did not seem himself. She honestly wished that her time with them would be longer to watch as they connected and see them successfully escape.

Lusie started to blush as the cave was in silence after her speech. She could not handle the feeling of their gazes and out of habit Lusie hid her face. No it did not help the embarrassment but at the very least she did not have to watch as they processed what she said or what they thought. Lusie was not sure she could handle it. That was probably the most she had spoken to anyone besides her parents in a long while. Whatever possessed her to speak the thoughts out loud she did not feel as brave after them.

Without another word just to escape this awkwardness Lusie rolled back into her makeshift bed. The way she rolled allowed her to keep her eyes open and stare at the wall. Lusie tried to listen to the waterfall to drift to sleep like the couple nights they had slept here. Her thoughts were running in circles of what Jason could be thinking of her words. There were a couple things she wished she had changed or not said at all but even though she knew there was no taking it back didn't help her stop thinking it. Stupid, Lusie thought to herself, this is similar to the time you woke up against Jason's chest and freaked out the whole day.

Jason closed his eyes to give Lusie some privacy for her embarrassed feelings. He was not sure what to say in return nor did he think the words would come out if he did know. His throat was pretty dry. That's it. He just needed some fresh air and water. Quietly he got up and left towards the front of the cave. He needed space to think so the best place to be while he knew the police or his father could not find him at night was by the water from the waterfall. Maybe it would help him feel normal and calm. He could try to wash himself to feel clean. Jason shook his head as the thought came to him. No that would not accomplish anything but make him freezing.

Jason's mother watched as Jason walked away to the caves entrance and down the edge. He has a long way to go. "Lusie." She spoke softly. She was not sure if her son was too far away to hear her but she needed to speak.

Lusie turned and faced her. The only acknowledgement she gave because she did not speak. As if she would say something embarrassing. His mother looked at her with a warmth that Lusie used to feel when her own mother held her. It was very comforting.

"He can't do this alone. No matter how he acts or believes it. He needs someone to be by his side and help him. Even if it's just to support him or lift him up from the dark thoughts that haunt him. His father unfortunately drilled in him that he was not worthy of anything. That he would never have anyone that cared for him enough to help him. That he was a demon just like the ones that possessed him. He needs someone that will stand by him even when he is possessed. When he is at his lowest. I was and am not able to be. I regret how much pain and suffering Jason has experienced completely alone. Can you be there for him?"

Tears ran down Lusie's cheeks. She could feel the mother's regret as if it is her own. No matter how many times Lusie listened to spirits requests she was consumed by their emotions. Her heart was heavy and tears continued to fall. Her throat felt swelled up. Lusie whispered, "I will. As long as he needs or wants me I will be with him."

Jason's mother smiled at the girl. Relief washed away her regret. She knew that Lusie was the only one that could stand by her son now. Give him what he needs to feel more like a human and is not the demons that possess him.