Leading Light Of Dawn

Chapter Three

Jordan's POV:

Im in love.

I'll say it over and over again until the entire world knows. Its funny though...everyone seems to know except her. How is that possible? How can someone be so surrounded by darkness that they fail to notice the closest source of light? I guess thats the best thing about her though. Even with all the darkness I notice the light that shines through the cracks. Something I wish to make her see in herself one day.

I know she hates me. I dont blame her...I deserve it! I left her when she needed me the most. I left her when she needed saving. I left her. I let my own insecurities cloud my judgement and lead me to believe she didnt need me. She did, but I wasnt there and now shes baring the brunt of the consequences that I let fall apon her, that i could have saved her from, that I could have stopped. Yet here we are. Her hating me and me loving her from afar.

She thinks I've been w*****g around and become an asshole all this time. Truth is I may have become an asshole to everyone but never to her contrary to what she believes. As for w*****g around...I would never touch woman that isnt her but she doesnt know that. Again I dont blame her. I didnt really give her a reason to believe anything else.

But in my defense I didnt have a choice. I know that if she knew the truth about that incident she would understand but that comes at a cost to her hating someone else who's an even more integral part of her life than I am. Its my job to protect her. Shes no damsel in distress, that she's proven but I love her...therefore its my duty to protect her even if its from afar.

As we sat in the car in silence, I cant help but remember the feel of her against me. Her shallow breaths and warm skin. My soul pays tribute to every little thing about her. Her perfection. She doesnt know how amazing she truly is and that adds to her beauty. No matter what she says and believes that moment with her perfectly moulded against me just proves thats shes mine. That its meant to be.

She doesnt believe in fate that much I know. She never did but I do. The idea that everything that's happening in the world is happening for not reason at all doesn't settle well with me. I want to believe that there's a reason behind everything, whether its the devil shrouding you in darkness or God liberating you towards the light. Regardless every action is driven by reason. If it's meant to be it will be and the fact that after all this time and after all the hatred shes shown me, I still wholeheartedly love her, just proves that this is meant to be.

Her sneaked glances, her side comments, her eratic heartbeat, her eartic breathing whenever I'm around, is clear indication that the feeling is mutual. I am going to fic everything like I promised. Starting with this moment right now.

Starting with explaining...starting with the truth...because my brain can handle doing the right thing but my heart just wants her at any cost.

"Sweetheart?"

"What did I tell you about calling me that?"

"Not to do it I know but I'm going to do it anyway because it's the truth. You are a sweetheart."

"Whatever" she said rolling her eyes at me. That had me chuckling. Some things never change I guess.

"Sweetheart, on a serious note I have something to tell you. It's really important."

"Is that why you're taking me there?"

"To the willow tree at the old park. Yes, Because that's the only way I know to show you how serious this is. We used to go there all the time when we were kids just to talk. That willow holds a place of significance for me...I hope you can understand that."

"I know...I remember. I can't forget the best years of my life..." Did she just say that!? The best years of her life!? Wow...

I pulled the car into park, by now the rain had stopped, and rushed over to her side to open the door. She quietly thanked me without putting up a fight for once. We began to make our way to the old willow tree. It was still the way i remembered it. With its leaves and branches creating a secrete hideaway. I held the branches away as she crawled into the crevice and I followed after. We sat down with her sitting across from me. I didn't like the distance so I grabbed her ankle and pulled her to sit right up against me. I expected her to protest but she didn't, she just made herself comfortable and rested her back agaisnt my chest.

"Jordan?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Why did you bring me here?"

Sighing I realized it was now or never.

"To tell you the truth Fire"

"Fire? I thought you forgot about that." She was playing dumb to distract me from what was important that much I knew. I gave into her and humoured her distraction.

"Of course. Its not just short for your name but an apt discription of you. The reality of what I see when I look into your eyes. A fire that burns so deep it eradicates all signs of darkness. You sweetheart are my Fire."

She sat quietly so I took that as a sign to continue."I have a genuine reason for being late today. I was on my way to you when I heard Kyle and Annie fighting. Annie went to run away from Kyle but ended up running into me. Thats how I got the lipstick on me. As for being late I couldn't just leave Kyle so I took some time to try to calm him down and talk him out of stalked the poor girl. I really am sorry sweetheart." She still didnt say anything.

"Fire?"

"Yes?"

"Say something"

"I don't know what to say to you Jordan. You've been MIA for so long now all of a sudden you make an appearance talking about the truth. What truth? You dont know anything! You left so how would you know anything anyway!?" Ouch...I'll admit that one hurt.

"Sweetheart I know. That's what I want to explain to you. I dont want you to hate me anymore. I want you to know why I wasnt there. I want you to know why I had to leave. I want you to know that I love you."

Nothing has ever felt so liberating. My intention was to bring light into her life but having finally been open with her it feels like the lights come back into my life but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. Nothing could have prepared me for the darkness that came like a flood right back in. Nothing left me so hollow as what came next. I knew she was broken...but not this much.