If Only

Chapter 1

2 years later...

"No, I am fine," I tell Adam's mom as she asks me if I wanted more mash potatoes.

It has been 2 years since I married Adam and nothing has changed. I am still married to him and I am still living this fake life. Since the day we got married we barely even talked and if we do it always ends in arguments. He still sees me as the replacement.

I haven't heard a word from Spencer since the day she has left. I have tried calling her many times and getting in contact with her but she has never done the same. and eventually, I gave up and accepted the fact that she will never contact me. She's living the life she wanted as I suffer in this misery because of her.

Adam and I have made some arrangements throughout the years we have decided to stay married for the sake of his reputation and in return, he had promised me to never contact and bother Spencer again. We have decided to be the fake happy couple that everyone believed including his parents.

"Are you sure dear?" She asked with a smile on her face.

"Ya, I am sure. Thank you," I tell her politely.

"So son how is everything going with the company." Adam's dad Gary Wilson asks as he takes a bite out of his chicken. "Great! We have decided on launching this new product that I think will be a great hit." He says.

I roll my eyes at how perfect he sounded. Adam was the CEO of a multimillion-dollar company that he inherited from his dad. He was a heartthrob and every girl in the whole planets wanted to be with him and I have gotten much hate from the fact that I was married to him.

-

We finally came home after 3 hours of being at his parent's house. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I went into our room and quickly removed my clothes and changed into some comfy pyjamas and went straight to bed. I didn't really know where Adam was and frankly, I didn't care. I liked having the bed all to myself and for many nights I did.

Adam and I have moved out of his great big mansion and instead, we live in an apartment with one bedroom because his parents ordered us to do so because it was apparently a tradition in their family for newly wedded couples to have their own house to learn how to do things without the maids around. Whatever that means.

I was completely against it but I was forced to accept it by him like most things I am always forced to do.

I felt someone crawl into bed and I sighed loudly at the disappointing fact that I didn't get the bed to myself.

"You should talk less when we are with my parents." He says and I roll my eyes because he commands me to stop things I can't control. "You can't force me not to talk!" I tell him raising my voice a little. But suddenly he turns me over to my back and hovers on top of me. My eyes widen at how fast my position changed in matters of seconds and my breathing gets heavier.

"I can tell you to do whatever I want! Remember that and remember whose wife you are." He says before returning to his position and leaving me breathless and crying. He controls my life.

-

The next morning I wake up early considering the fact that he was still in bed. I get off the bed and go make breakfast for myself after brushing my teeth and washing my face.

Adam and I lived our separate lives at home. We never ate meals together and most times when either of us comes down to eat I leave or he leaves.

We never shared anything except for the bed we sleep in. Half of the time we want to rip out head off.

I know he blames me for Spencer leaving and thinks it's my fault but really she never wanted to be with him from the beginning. He couldn't stop blaming me but I think it was the only way for him to cope with it. For someone to be responsible. But it has been 2 years and he still couldn't let go of it.

I started to make a bowl of cereal as I watched my eggs fry in the pan when I heard him come downstairs. I turned my head to see him with only his PJ bottom. I took a long look at his toned body before I turned my head focusing my eyes on the frying eggs. As much as I hated to admit it Adam was devilishly handsome. Almost perfect to exist. I sometimes wonder to myself how could she have left such a perfect man?

I quickly removed the eggs placing it on a plate taking it to the living room turning the t.v on and plopping down on the couch.

Focusing my attention on the tv, I almost didn't hear the loud noises coming from the kitchen. But the loud cry from my husband made me immediately get on my feet and rush to the kitchen to where he was.

I noticed him holding his fingers as the flowing red liquid spilled from them. I rushed to his side grabbing his fingers and running it down the water.

"What happened?" I questioned. Yet he pulled his hand from mine. Not bothering to say anything. I sighed loudly stomping my feet in frustration. I exited the kitchen running into the bathroom.

I told my self not to care because what is there to care about. I wasn't allowed to be mad or to get mad because that would show that I cared for him and in the last 2 years that's the one thing I have been avoiding.

I washed my face forcing myself to forget what had happened and get ready for work.

In marrying Adam I have made one thing clear to him and that it is I didn't want or need his money. I worked at a small company just outside of the town. It paid good enough money and I was able to provide for myself. Adam never cared about what I was doing. So he never asked about where I work or what I did. Like I said we live in separate worlds.

-

I clocked in and took my seat at my assigned cubical and turned on the computer when my co-worker and friend Kathy noticed me.

"How is it going?" She asked with a pleasant smile.

"Fine. what about you?" I asked with a smirk. She giggled.

Kathy was wild and crazy. She lived for parties and went to one almost every night. She didn't care if she had to work early the next morning she went out. But she also was an amazing friend. She was the only person I trusted enough to tell her about my situation at home.

"Oh man he was just amazing," She said tilting her head back. I laughed at her remembering the text I had gotten from her last night about some hot guy.

"You know you should come out with me someday," she said. "I don't think my husband at home will like that," I said sarcastically. Kathy rolled her eyes and said: "Like he even cares," turning her chair and facing her computer. I rolled my eyes as well turning my chair to face my computer wondering if she was right.

Would he care if I went out?

-

We were walking to a quiet coffee shop near the place where we worked at our lunch break. We usually just stayed at work ate something at the cafeteria but Kathy complained that she wanted to go out and how we always stay here. But I didn't really complain I loved the coffee shop where we were going. I found it sometime back with Spencer and I usually come here to read a book when I am free.

"So, how is Mr. Douchebag," she asked as we sat outside after ordering our food. "Oh you know... still a Douchebag," we both laughed at that. "I still think you should just divorce him," she said. She has been trying to convince me to divorce him the minute I told her about Adam. I have told her much time that I didn't have a choice in the matter.

"You know if I could eat one thing for the rest of my life I would choose this," She said pointing over at her mouth-watering quesadilla that had just arrived. I laughed and looked down at my plain salad. "You know you should try some," she says reaching her quesadilla at me noticing at the fact that I wasn't enjoying my food. "No no it's okay I am fine," I assured her. she shrugged her shoulder and continued to devour her food.

We ate our food peacefully chatting about anything.

"Is that Mr. Douchebag?" Kathy asked looking behind me. I slowly turned to look over to see my so-called husband with another woman touching her in ways he shouldn't be. But she looked like she enjoyed it.

I waited to feel a sting in my heart I waited for any source of jealousy to hit me. But it didn't. I didn't feel anything I didn't care what he did.

I turned back to look over at Kathy and said: "Ya I think," she looked almost surprised at my response. "You're not going to do anything?" she asked wondering if I felt anything. "Why would I? I don't care what he does," I said. Kathy opened her mouth to say something but she quickly closed it looking once again behind me.

I felt a sudden tap on my shoulder making me jolt in surprise. But I knew exactly who it was.

I turned my head to meet his face and the face of his little w***e.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work what the f**k are you doing out?" He questioned me.

I first was of all was surprised that he knew I was at work.

"I am on my lunch break," I told him not really in the mood to argue. He nodded his head. He looked over at Kathy for a moment who sat there awkwardly.

"I am not going to be home tonight," he said turning his face over at the tall blonde smiling at her.

"When are you ever?" I mumbled.

"What?" He asked loudly. "Nothing. Have fun," I said with a fake big smile as he looked at me annoyed.

He left shortly after. Kissing his slut in front of me just to annoy me.

"He is an asshole," Kathy said turning to me as soon as they left. I laughed and said: "I have to live with that asshole,"

"Well, at least I get the bed to myself,"