Ruin Me Gently

Chapter Thirteen

Scarlet POV

This can’t be happening. Why did I even ask? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it feels foolish and reckless. Now, I’m terrified of seeing Zain again.

I know I’ll have to talk to him eventually, but I’m not ready. I can’t sleep. I can’t even sit still without feeling like I’m crawling out of my own skin.

Grabbing my phone, I quickly type a message to April.

Got a spare bed for a night or two?

I pace the room while waiting, nerves buzzing under my skin until the phone lights up almost immediately.

Sure, you don’t need to ask.

Without thinking too hard, I shove some clothes into a bag, grab my charger, and slip out of the house as quietly as I can. I just need time. Time away from Zain. Time to get my head back in a normal place.

Because asking my gay best friend, who is very much in a committed relationship, to take my virginity is not normal.

The taxi stops, and I climb out, pulling my bag with me. When I knock on April’s door, she opens it almost instantly, holding out a glass like she was expecting me.

“You and Zain fallen out?” she asks with a smile.

“No,” I whisper, stepping inside and dropping my bag before sinking onto her couch.

“Then what? You only ever ask to stay when you fall out.”

I shrug slightly, staring at the floor. “I’m not ready to say. Actually, I don’t think I can ever admit to it. Can we just pretend I need a break from his over the top dance moves and swagger?”

April laughs and nods. “To be fair, you probably do. Liam gets time away from Zain while he’s working. You’re not in classes anymore, so you’re around him constantly. A break sounds pretty understandable.”

Her words help, a little. They don’t erase the shame curling in my gut, but they make it easier to breathe. I know I’ll have to talk to Zain, but not tonight. Not when everything feels so raw.

“You’re shouting at yourself again,” April mutters as she hands me the drink.

I nod, because she’s right.

We sit together, drinking and catching up on uni assignments. She’s so far ahead of me, and I hate how obvious it is that Zain has been a distraction. A bad one. I should be further along, more focused, but I’m not, and I can’t even blame him. I chose it.

At some point, I crawl into the bed she made up for me and stare at the ceiling, mind spinning.

I need to tell Zain I was wrong. I need to tell him it was stupid.

My phone buzzes against the nightstand. I hesitate, then grab it.

Couldn’t f*ck*ng sleep after that conversation.

Came to talk but you’ve gone, your overnight bag as well.

I’m not mad, just confused.

I still love you.

Zain’s messages tug at my heart hard enough to leave bruises.

I want to reply and fix it, but I don’t. I roll over, pulling the blanket up over my head, and let the silence swallow me instead.

Because right now, I need distance more than anything. And maybe, just maybe, time will help me figure out how to undo the mess I’ve made.

When I wake up, the sun is already high in the sky, casting a soft glow through April’s curtains. For a moment, I lie there, caught in that hazy place between sleep and reality, pretending that everything is fine, that I’m not running away from my best friend because I made the worst decision of my life. But reality doesn’t stay away for long.

Dragging myself out of bed, I find April already in the kitchen, hair tied up in a messy bun, humming to herself as she makes coffee.

“Morning, runaway,” she teases when she sees me.

I smile weakly and drop into a chair at the table.

We spend the morning doing normal things, drinking coffee, scrolling through memes, watching trashy TV. April does most of the talking, filling the silence with stories about her uni work and complaining about a professor who seems to have it out for her. I nod along, laugh when I’m supposed to, but inside, I feel like I’m floating outside my own body, like none of this really touches me.

My phone buzzes against the table, and I flinch before reaching for it. Zain’s name lights up the screen.

Hope you’re okay.

Please let me know you’re safe.

I miss you.

I stare at the messages, my chest tightening painfully. He isn’t mad. He isn’t even pushing. He just wants to know I’m alright. Of course he does. He’s Zain. He loves me. But all I can think about is how stupid I was. How selfish. How I crossed a line that should never have even been near.

I set the phone down without replying, pushing it away like it might burn me. April watches me carefully but doesn’t say anything. She just hands me another cup of coffee and turns the volume up on the TV.

I know I’ll have to face him. I know I can’t hide forever. But right now, I still feel like a fool. And hiding feels a lot easier than trying to fix something I might have already broken beyond repair.

“Look,” April says after a while and I look at her. “Go home, speak with Zain. Do it now before Liam comes home.”

My head shakes instantly.

“He’s worried, so whatever you did, it wasn’t f*ck*ng bad. Stop hiding, get your *ss up, and go home, you’re being dramatic.”

“I asked him to f*ck me.” The words come out and she drops her cup.

“You what?” She stares at me and I just nod. “You’re serious, you asked Zain, the most gay man you can find to f*ck you?”

My face heats up and I want to crawl away and hide.

“Get home. I’m not letting you hide from this anymore. He’s worried, he’s still trying to get in touch with you, so get your *ss home, and apologise.”

She says it like it’s easy, it’s not easy, at all.