Black Hole

Date Night

More than ever Callan was on my mind. He’s all I'd been able to think about since we kissed. It killed me that I couldn’t spend every minute kissing him. Now that I knew what it felt like I couldn’t go on without wanting to do it.

The next day after school I was with Carmen and some girls from the cheer team when Vanessa walked by. I could tell she was indecisive about saying hi, so I decided to.

“Hey Vanessa.” I said walking over to her. She looked relieved and shocked.

“Hey Jay, how’s it going?”

“Pretty great,” I smiled. “Tomorrow is going to be so fun!”

“I know! I’m so excited. Maybe we can get ready together?” She asked.

“Um, absolutely!” I exclaimed. “I have some gold pieces that I think you’ll die for!” I winked.

I knew my friends were giving me strange looks, but I didn’t care. 

“A girl after my own heart,” Vanessa leaned close. “You can also tell me that thing you need to tell me.”

“Oh yeah that,” I said casually. “I’ll text you.”

“See you tomorrow,” She giggled before walking away.

“What was that about?” Natalie Moon asked.

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“Um since when are you friends with that wannabe Cleopatra Vanessa Samaha?” Carmen asked.

“Since I talked to her and realized how great she is.”

“But she hangs out with those weirdos Callan Mewes and Howie Conrad. And Josh Kane, who used to be cool.” Hanna Benson pointed out.

“And that weird chick Lucy Montgomery.” Misha Waters scoffed. 

“Okay!” I snapped. “They’re not weird. They’re really nice people and you would know that if you ever bothered to talk to them.”

“And why would we do that?” Daphne Rivers asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I guess you wouldn’t. See you guys later, I have a date with Leo.”

“What are you guys doing?” Carmen asked.

“Dinner at my place and heading to bed early.” I shrugged.

“We all know what that means!” Misha winked.

Carmen shot her a look and she stopped smiling. Seriously did everyone know and choose not to tell me?

“Yep.” I said. “We’re getting down and dirty tonight. Later.”

“Damn.” Natalie whispered as I walked away.

^^^

“So Lilian tells me Leo is coming over for some big date night.” Mother said.

“Yeah, I hope that’s okay since you’re going out of town.” I responded.

“Of course it is. I’m so glad to see you two getting along again. I hope you two have fun.” She winked.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You're both eighteen, don’t think I don’t know you two have sex.” She grinned. 

“Ew, mom! I don’t want to know that. And you shouldn’t want to know that.

She merely laughed and walked out of the kitchen leaving me shuddering.

The evening wasn’t going terribly. We ordered Chinese and watched Napoleon Dynamite.

“I love that after all these years, you still consider Chinese food a nice meal.” I laughed as we sat on the couch.

“I’ll have you know Chinese food is very nice. It even comes with inspirational dessert.” Leo smiled at me.

“Yes it’s so inspirational that all of your fortunes say “Help I’m trapped inside a cookie factory” or whatever that silly joke is.”

“That is a solid joke and the best I have in my repertoire.”

“That’s just sad.”

“Hey, I’m an athlete, not a comedian.” He grinned.

“I’ve always said that’s your biggest flaw.” I rested my head on his shoulder. 

Moments like these made me remember why I had fallen in love with him. Before the cheating and the lying and the toxicity, things between Leo and I were amazing. How could he ruin that just to get some ass on the side?

Leo turned and kissed me. I was surprised when I didn’t have to force myself to kiss him back. I just did. He pulled me into his lap and I straddled him.

I was even more surprised about how into this I was. I actually wanted to have s*x with him.

“Let’s take this to your room, huh?” He whispered. I nodded.

Sex with Leo had always been great. He knew me and my body and what I liked. It’s like s*x was the one part of our relationship that’s not all about him. He cared immensely about pleasing me and he never failed. Not once has he ever rejected going down on me. In fact I think it might be his favorite part.

I always wondered if this is what he’s like with other girls. Did  he go out his way to make Carmen feel this good? Did he touch the others the way he did me? Did he take his time or did he do it quickly and then get out of there? Did he stay on top of them even after it’s over, kissing them and getting them hot and ready for round two?

I liked to think he didn’t. I wanted to be special to him in some aspect when it came to s*x. Leo finally got off of me and laid next to me breathing heavily.

“Wow. That was something,” He said, smiling. “You were an animal tonight.”

“Well you did a pretty good job of taming me.” I laughed as I rolled out of my incredibly messy bed. I went into the bathroom to clean up and wash the smeared makeup off of my face. 

“I don’t know why, but I’ve been so horny lately. I want you all the time.” Leo said.

“Well it’s probably because-“ I stopped myself. “Never mind.”

“What?” He called.

“It’s nothing,” I insisted as I slipped into my nightgown. “We’ve been having a good night and I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Come on, tell me, Jay. I won’t get mad.” He assured me. 

I exited the bathroom. Leo was now in his boxers. “Well, you’re used to getting more s*x than you’ve been getting lately, so now that you’re not getting it, you want it more, you know?”

“What the f**k, Jay I thought we were past this.”

“I didn’t bring it up to guilt you Leo, I was just pointing out something.”

“You shouldn’t have brought it up at all,” He snapped.

“Well you shouldn’t have cheated at all.” I shot back. I was playing with fire and I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself.

“I can’t change that now. I don’t do it anymore.” Leo sighed.

“But why did it happen in the first place?” I asked as my voice broke. “Why do you have to be with other girls to feel good? Why aren’t I enough for you? What have I done wrong? Why am I not good enough?” I hated how insecure and desperate I was being, but I couldn’t help it.

“My cheating has nothing to do with you, Jay. It’s not that you’re not enough.” He shook his head and pulled me towards him. “I didn’t go out looking for other girls, they came to me. I am the most desired guy in the school. There were only so many times I could say no and then I couldn’t resist anymore. I wanted to stop, but how could I when I was getting all that attention? Girls are always throwing themselves at me and I’m only human Jay! You just don’t understand!”

“Oh, I don’t understand?” I asked incredulously, pushing him away. “Like I’m not the most desired girl in school? Like every single guy, including your best friend and all your little football buddies don’t want me? Guys throw themselves at me in all directions! I could snap my fingers and those boys would do absolutely anything I asked them to do. But do you see me f*****g anything that breathes in my direction? No, because I cared about our relationship more than getting laid.”

“I didn’t choose them over you, Jay. None of those girls ever meant anything to me like you do. I rarely ever slept with them more than twice.” He held me trying to calm me down.

“What about Carmen huh? You’ve f****d her way more than twice.” I squirmed out of his grip and angrily wiped the tears from my face. “How could you do that to me? Fine, let’s say I get the other girls, but my best friend? Why would you do that to me Leo? That’s so f****d up!”

“It was different with her, but I still never had real feelings for her and-“

“You told her you loved her!” I screamed.

“I didn’t mean it!” He shouted. I knew he was getting angry, but there was no way he was angrier than I was.

“But you said it! You made another girl, my best friend, think that you loved her while you’re supposed to be in love with me!”

Leo ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. “I am in love with you Jay. I’ve just made some mistakes. You need to get over this and forgive me!” He slammed his hand against my dresser.

“Would you forgive me?” I asked. He didn’t say anything.  “What if I told you I f****d Alan?” Leo took a picture frame and hurls it across the room. The sound of shattering makes me jump. 

“You did not f**k Alan.”

“What if I did?” I pressed, knowing I was taking it too far. “I mean it would only be fair right? You and Carmen f****d, why can’t Alan and I? Maybe I let Alan take me out in his Ferrari and f**k me in it. It’s small in there so you know we’d have to be real close. Can you picture it, Leo? Me on top, riding him and he’s got a fistful of my hair. And he’s grunting in my ear. I’m screaming his name. Maybe I gave Alan what he’s always wanted. He looks happy lately, doesn’t he?”

“Jay, stop it!” He growled, stalking over to me.

“Why? You didn’t stop f*****g Carmen until you knew I knew about it.” I said nastily.

Leo grabbed my wrist and yanked me towards him. There was fire in his eyes. I had gone too far now. I felt like he would snap my wrist any moment. “You’re hurting me, Leo, stop it.”

“Tell me right now whether or not you f****d him.” He demanded, shaking me.

“I didn’t f**k him,” I spat at him. “But believe me, if he wasn’t your best friend I would have f****d him a long time ago!”

Leo shoved me hard and I slammed into my dresser hard and collapsed on the floor. Picture frames and trinkets fell on and around me. I looked up at him. He was practically seething. I didn’t know the guy in front of me. This was not who I had fallen in and out of love with. 

This was someone I was terrified of. Someone who scared me to death.

Leo seemed to have realized what he had done. “Damn it, Jay, I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to do that. Just the thought of you with someone else makes me so angry. You get it right? I just lost control, I didn’t mean it.”

I couldn’t speak. I was too afraid I would say something that would send him over the edge again.

“I’m going to go to Alan’s. I think we need to cool down. I’m sorry babe, I really am.” 

He quickly gathered his clothes and left me there on the floor bleeding, bruised and afraid.