A Borderline Life.

Uneventful, finally.

A couple of uneventful days went by while staying with William at his house. But for once in my life I was comfortable where I was. I don’t know about the path that I am heading down right now in life but I feel like it is good. Like this could be a good thing for me.

William makes me feel welcome here, it makes me feel like I am not a burden and I am actually wanted by somebody.

I haven’t been on my social media in forever and I finally got ahold of my phone so I decided to look into my stuff and see if anything was new and exciting..

That was a bad idea.

I opened my messenger to find four messages - one from my brother, one from one of my sisters, and two from my mother who had previously blocked me on all of my social media.

“You’re dead for what happened today, I hope you know that” Jonathan wrote, the same day William hit him.

“I don’t know what you did but Jonathan's out for blood” My sister Angela warned. That was new. She normally doesn't give a s**t.

“Don’t you ever set foot into my house again ever again or else I will have you removed by the authorities” The first message from my mother said.

“I don’t care where you go or what you do. Stay out of my life and leave us all alone. Do us a favor and just disappear like we keep telling you to. You’re a burden, a mistake. You don’t deserve happiness. Now get lost!!!” read the second message.

I wasn’t surprised. And it didn’t hurt. It made me mad. More mad than I’ve ever been before in my entire life. I don’t understand what’s going on with me. My mind is going everywhere and my emotions are out of control. All I want to do is hurt somebody or let my anger out but I can’t do that because I don’t know how to do it properly and healthy.

For once in my life I am not sad, I am not hurt, I am not depressed but I am enraged.

What did I ever do to anyone to deserve to be treated like s*** like the way that I am? I have never done anything wrong. I have lived my life very quietly and normally happily.

Ever since I found out about my borderline personality disorder and I have been going to the doctor more often for my mental health, I have been getting my emotions better on track with things. Sometimes I still feel hopeless and helpless and all of that nonsense. But sometimes I feel hope and happiness and William is a big part of that. But right now, I feel like I'm on fire I'm so mad.

I am on like 4 different medications for my mental health and they have always worked. They have always helped me so I have never had to change my medications or anything or even the dosages to be honest with you.

I’ve been starting to think that that may have to change. I have never been this angry in my life. I know that I have every reason to be and that it's expected in situations in life but i'm not an angry person i am not used to this. I don’t like being angry all the time it’s just not me.

Today I have decided that I am going to make dinner for William tonight when he gets home from work. I am not a good cook In even the slightest sense of the word. But I do make a killer pancake. So breakfast for dinner it is!

Once I started baking, I felt really good. I felt like I was doing something good and helping somebody else by making them dinner. Not by too much but it is a help at least. William Has been doing so much for me, it’s the least I can do. He helped me so much. Not only by just giving me a place to stay but by being there for me and caring about me and not making me feel like I’m a burden or taking pity on me.

When William got home from work he was really surprised he couldn’t believe that I did something so nice even though it wasn’t much at all. He is always so incredibly thankful whenever I do anything for him whether he asked for it or not.

We sat down and started talking about each others days. He had a good day at work even though the boss is stressing him out. He absolutely loves being a mechanic because he likes to do what he does and that’s working on cars.

He told me about a late model BMW that he had been working on today an I was so intrigued.

That was until he asked me how my day was and I ended up telling him about the messages that I got from my family. He was so incredibly upset about me getting all of those messages but he knew that what he did was right by taking me away from them. He looked at my brother's message and was upset because he didn’t want anything bad to happen to me and promised me that nothing ever would.

William ate all of his pancakes and I felt really good. Someone actually liked something I did for them. Someone who wasn't Sam. Finally I feel like I did something right for once.

Later that night we decided to go out to the movies again. It was fun and uneventful, the way I like it. The movie was surprisingly good, it was called "The Zombie" I love horror movies. William and I have that in common too.

Sitting there and holding hands with William, everything felt complete.

We were driving home that night from the movies and we decided to stop by the park and have some fun on the swings. That may sound crazy but it’s my favorite thing to do, always has been. William was pushing me on the swing and I was smiling silently, feeling free.

I feel so good and happy right now. Safe too.

I wish it would stay like this for once..