A Borderline Life.

This is new.

Ever since our first kiss, I feel like I’ve been walking in the clouds.

Weird eh?

Like I’m actually happy for once. Like someone actually cares about me and I don’t have to be on my own anymore.

It feels really, really good and I love this feeling. I’m so cautious though because it’s just so damn new to me!!

William is amazing. I don’t even think he knows that was my first kiss in like 7 years. Maybe I’m good at it! I don’t want to tell him because I’m 23 and that’s sad. Ugh.

Anywho, since that night I’ve been happy.

But there’s a really big part of me that’s waiting for everything to come crashing down. It’s like I just can’t find a way to accept this and just be happy.

I haven’t seen my mother in going on a month now. And for once it’s actually really not bothering me much anymore. I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m better off without her in my life after all. And I’m starting to be okay with that. I think I’ve found peace with it. Atleast for now.

I miss Sam now more then ever before. It’s been so incredibly hard without her. I’m slowly learning how to be me without her here and man is it ever painful. Everything reminds me of her. We used to watch the sun set together when we were little. Now I can’t even be outside when it happens without breaking down.

Williams been helping with that. He loves hanging out and being around me. Even if nothing is being said at all and we just sit quietly. The quiet used to bother me but not with him. It’s peaceful and I feel safe with him.

I know you’re wondering if anything else has happened. And it hasn’t. But I really hope it does! Man, do I ever like this man.

Someone called me last night. But I didn’t answer.

BUZZ!!

“Sorry, forgot you’re a texter!! LOL”

William.

“Hey! What’s up? I had fun the other night!” I texted happily.

BUZZ!!

“Good, me too! Was wondering if you’d possibly be able to do it again tomorrow night? But maybe we can go out instead? I wanted to as if you’d like to come to dinner with me?”

“Absolutely. Sounds good to me. Name the time and I’ll be ready.” I said back, trying to sound cool.

God I’m so giddy.

Gross.

BUZZ!!

“Amazing! Pick you up at 7!! How’s your day going?”

“Pretty good. Hanging around the house keeping away from my siblings, you know the drill. Haha. How about you?” I said back innocently.

Unfortunately this wasn’t the whole truth. I had an issue with my brother in the morning. He thought I went in his room and he threw me into the doorway. I have a bruise to show for it but thank god I can hide it. He’s never gotten physical before today. But I’m used to the hatred.

BUZZ!!

“Oh good okay. Glad you’re staying out of trouble Darlyn. I gotta head into work now but I’ll ttyl!!”

I sighed. I hate saying goodbye. It makes me feel alone all over again. But alas, tis life.

“Okay!! Have a good day and try not to work too hard” I texted.

Ugh. Time to overthink.

William is a mechanic. He loves cars just like me which is really cool. We can talk about cars all day long. He can build a car from nothing just like my dad can. It’s really cool I just hate that he works so many hours. 10 hours of work a day can really get to you over time!! I don’t want him burnt out!!

Growing up my dad worked a lot. From 7am-7pm everyday. It was a lot. I missed my dad a lot of the time. It wasn’t enough for my mom though because she made him take Saturday shifts too. He got worn out fast and now he has major back issues at 55 years old. I don’t want that for William but cars make him so happy, I’m really glad he loves what he does. It would suck to hate what you do.

I wouldn’t know. I’m on ‘disability’ assistance because of my damn borderline brain. Can’t hold down a job.

Let alone a stable life.

I can’t wait for tomorrow!!!