GOING BACK TO THOSE EYES

The wedding bells rang and it pulls some senses back, i look around and remembered what today is... its my wedding. i look at the groom that i am about to get married and smiled, his handsome today and he will always be handsome. I held his arms and lean on it already dreaming about our future yet he looks at me... coldly. of course, he doesn't like this. he never did and he never will for he love someone else. this is just a marriage contract... ****** "Will you calm down! " he angrily shouted while I threw a tantrum, I have the right to be angry I'm his wife "then can you just explain what were you doing with her! " I yelled at him with tears about to form "she and I were just working on some project, boss to employee" he explained but I didn't believed any of it. but I calmed down anyways, went to him and hugged him " I believe you, just please keep your distance, it breaks my heart" I told him and he wrap his arms around my waist and nodded. both of us know that we are lying to each other, what more can I say we were married through business between our fathers. Ian's father is the boss of X company and my father is just an employee, his father's favorite employee was my dad and they place an agreement to help my dad stand a company of his own if I can get Ian to marry me. I love him, I adore him but he doesn't, not even once... those kisses he planted all over my body were fake yet I thought it's real. how naive of me to think that, I guess that's what happens when you're in love. at our room, Ian was asleep while beside him was me crying. I'm scared, I keep telling myself to stop getting mad and ignore all those so he wont bring up divorce or leave me but I am also tired of this one sided love. I cover my mouth to not let any crying sounds and just cry silently but I slipped, he turns around and stares at me. he wasn't asleep, he just stares at me while I calm myself down and wipe my tears. I look away for a second and look back at him with a smile "you're awake" I spoke. he sat down and stare at the ceiling "let's talk about it" he said and I look at him confused "about us" I guess he wants divorce, I know this day would come and I know when I'm gone he is going to be with his lover. how could I not know about his lover, I just lived with it blindly. "okay" I toned down my voice looking down at my hand fiddling my thumb "do you love me? " he ask, I took a deep breath and sigh then look at his green eyes " do you? " I ask and he looks away not saying a word "it's okay, I get it. it's just an arranged marriage, we've been like this for 4 years so I'm used to it" "but I'm not used hearing you cry every night" he says and I frowned, biting my lips from bursting into tears "I'm sorry, I won't do it again" I have memorized that sentence a hundred time each year I did a mistake, it's basically my everyday sentence. "don't keep saying that" his tone felt like his annoyed, I saw him frowned irritated of what I just said " I'm sorry" he unexpected said, I quickly look at him and smiled "it's okay, I love you anyway" I laughed those fake laugh that I have mastered, he looks at me with wide eyes and looks away again. yeah, his annoyed by my face, I get it. I lay down facing away from him and close my eyes, he did the same but his facing my way wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the nape of my neck. what is this? is he finally noticing me? or am I just dreaming again? if it is a dream, I wish to never wake up.