After the Breakup

Is it Over?

Khalil is back to his cheerful self again after I asked him to stay over. It’s good to think that he also feels the same, that we are both sad about the fact that I am leaving tomorrow. We walk towards the convenience store and bought some snacks for our movie night.  Or should I call it movie date? Have we been dating during the past 3 days? If not, what is it then? Do I clear things up with him before I leave or wait for him to say something?

“Kate?”

I was lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that he was talking to me.

“Yes?”

“I was asking if there’s anything else you need to buy?”

“Oh, ok. No, I’m good.”

He paid for what we bought and went back to the bnb. I’m little nervous though. This is the first time that we will be this close inside a room, with just the two of us. The breakfast we had were pretty casual and somehow rushed, but this time, we will be sitting together in a couch, side by side and for at least 2 hours.  I can feel the butterflies in my stomach as we closed the door of my room, that I stood there for a while, just lost in my thoughts again.

He placed the food and drinks at the table beside the couch. He’s already sitting before he looked at me again.

“Something wrong?”

“Nope. I’m good”

“You’re not a good liar, you know?”

“I’m just thinking”

“About?”

“About us? If there’s an us? Things happened too fast, I’m not sure what’s happening and tomorrow, I’m leaving not knowing what exactly it is that we have”

“Okay. I guess, that requires some discussion but it is probably better and more comfortable if we talk while we’re both sitting here in the couch?” He was walking towards me as he said those words and has already crossed the distance between us when he finished what he said.  He held both my hands and kissed them, as he guided me towards the couch until we’re both seated.

He lifted my chin so I am looking at him, into his eyes.  “I like you. I like you a lot”

Those words, his eyes, I felt like I’m drowning. I feel the lump on my throat building, not sure what to feel.  I like him, but I just got my heart broken. I felt both fear and longing at the same time. I long for the attention, the care,everything that Khalil is making me feel but I also fear that I will lose it, and it’s going to hurt.. It’s going to hurt so much.I closed my eyes as I felt the tears start falling. Then I felt his lips kissing the places where they fall, until they reach my lips.

He kissed me gently as he held my face with one hand and his other hand supporting the back of my head. I started kissing him back, still my eyes closed. Unsure of where this will lead us. Then he pulled back from the kiss and pulled me to his chest, holding me close to him.

“I want to be here for you and take away all the hurt that he brought you. I know we will have to part soon, but we can keep in touch?” he said those in a voice that’s filled with pain and hope that I couldn’t resist but hug him back.  

“I’d like that” I whispered

“Insha Allah, I can come visit you after a couple of months or so. If you only know how much I want to be with you” I can feel his pain as he said those words, that aching feeling of longing for someone and missing someone. I felt that when Mark left, I am feeling the same now as Khalil holds me close, knowing it will be a while before I see him again after I leave tomorrow.

He looked at me again and pressed his lips on mine.