I am Darling

My Nemesis

I am Darling, I was Invincible. But I was way out of my limitations. I didn’t expect to be this weak. All my life I had never been sick. But this time I felt so vulnerable and I cannot hide it. Yes, I thought of having hallucination but deep within me I know it was real. I saw Gab and I couldn’t be wrong. The voice.. how can I forget that voice, the one that stunned me during practice of our high school presentation. The voice I’d been talking to every single minute at his car everytime he brought me home. The voice that made me laugh genuinely despite of all the pain I caused him. The voice that brought music to my world while others brought noise.

After getting out of hospital I rested for a while and never gone to school in days. I was being surprised by visitors at home. It was Jessy. She was accompanied by my classmate Gwen. “I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for visiting.” I said. “Jessy keeps asking me about you so I brought her in your house.” Gwen replied. “Hi Darling, how are you feeling now?” Jessy asked. “Never been better.” I said. “So, may I go now.. I have a class in 30 minutes, I just brought Jessy here.. take care of yourself Darling and you too Jessy.” “Thank you Gwen, see you in school.” Jessy replied. “Be safe Gwen.. thank you.” I added. I turned to Jessy and said, “Thank you for your time, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness especially at the hospital.” “I am now considering myself as your friend so I will be with you for the rest of your life.. sounds good?” Jessy asked. I gave her a smile and reached her hand and said.. “We will be friends for life from now on.” She sat beside me and squeezed my hand saying “Thank you for letting me in to your world.” I almost cried, though I felt something odd about her, she still managed to touch my heart in a very special way. “One more thing why I really wanted to see you, I auditioned in the play you were into before and I want you to know that I got a role and I want to invite you to come and see me act.” When I heard about it there was something in my heart that felt so empty. Maybe it was because I missed acting on the stage or maybe I missed the people I’d been mingling with during the play or maybe I just missed the one that fills my soul…, nobody else but Gab. “Why do you look so sad?” “You don’t like to see me on a play?” She curiously asked. “No..no.. it’s not that.. I just remember someone.” I said. “Was it Gab?” she added. Tears again were slowly falling down my cheeks and God how I missed that guy so much. “Yes..” I told. “Can you tell me about him?” She requested. “Gab was a suitor and I took him for granted at first. I found him so mysterious but a shy and handsome guy that gave me the interest to know him more and the first time I heard him sang on that stage, I was being mesmerized by that voice and I thought he would be a threat but I was wrong. I fell in love with him and became the light of my world. But still I took him for granted and never valued his presence in my life and I kept on hurting him til he ran away from me.. he kept running away from me but that time it was for real.. he ran away and never came back. Oh God.. if only I could turn back time I would tell him I am so sorry. I was just hooked by fame and never thought I was hurting him that much. I want to let him know that I have changed now,, I love him so so much.. I would never find anyone like him. I was so stupid.. sooo stupid.” After telling her my story.. I saw her so uneasy. “What’s happening to you, are you okay.” I asked. She told me “I was so touched of your love story that made me almost fell off this chair.” We just both laughed and I felt good that time. I felt I had already told Gab what I really wanted to say.

When I came back to school after a week of rest, I was worried if I could still make up with my missed exams. I may not be on top of my class anymore but still struggling for a decent grade. My 1st period class would be in 30 minutes or more because I arrived early. So I still have time to review all my notes at the cafeteria. A certain girl approached me accompanied by her 2 friends saying “Oh.. see here.. see here.. ladies and gentlemen, presenting to you.. here’s the Most Beautiful Girl in school, the Best Performer and the Top of her class.. but not anymore.. How’d you been doing with your life Loser?” Then they mocked every single part of me over and over and laughed to death. I recognized her though I forgot her name... she was the one I slapped during a rehearsal on a play. Oh yes.. she had all the reasons to get angry. I was a nasty piece of work. But if I was on myself before I could have slapped her again, I could have stripped off her clothes and place it inside her mouth, I could have pulled her hair and pushed her head and banged it on the wall, I was an athlete and I knew I was strong enough to carry and throw her away from the driveway to the school exit. But I gathered a lot of patience now. Maybe because I was filled up by a massive pain and devastation, I was able to control my temper. She was about to slap me like what I did to her but Jessy was there to stop her insane intention. “Leave her alone or you’ll go through me first.” “You.. you.. (pointing to her companions).. do you have any problem with her? “How about you? (pointing to the girl)” Jessy scared them off. Maybe they got afraid of her because she was big for a girl and a smaller sized lady won’t even try to mess with her. “Thanks again.. you’re always there when I need someone.” I whispered to her. “Anytime.” She answered. “So glad you’re here now, tonight’s gonna be my night.. are you ready to watch me?” I was excited for her. “Yes of course.” I grinned. Being with Jessy was very valuable to me that moment. I forgot about all those negative vibes that came my way. With her I felt so comfortable and as of the moment I would say she had taken the place of both Gab and Shawwie.

Night came and time to watch the play, I can’t help but reminisce the good memories I shared with Gab, how he completed every minute of my watching as he delivers his piece in the play but.. I forced him to quit and he did. Now my guilt would be in me forever. How ridiculous I was to force Gab to stop acting. I really didn’t have any conscience at all.

I invited Gwen to come with me to the play and she never hesitated. Gwen also became closer to me when Shawwie’s gone. She had been a seatmate in most of my classes. She and Shawwie knew each other longer than I was. We both came early and sat in front so I could see the performance clearly. The play would start in 20 minutes or more so Gwen and I still had time to talk. She asked me about the death of Coach Jim and I don’t know what to say. “School staff said he was stabbed many times and that was the cause of his death, I wonder if you have more information because he was your coach and you were close to him.” She told. “I never talked to the team yet since I quitted and I was afraid to know the real reason that’s why I kept distance to any information I may get. It was pity that I talked to him that time just an hour after he was found dead. So I don’t know what to think. Coach Jim was a father figure to me though I was a hard headed athlete, he understood everything I’d been doing and took a lot of patience in coaching me. I will never forget his goodness.” I recalled. Gwen comforted me by tapping my shoulders and said. “You’d been through so many struggles and you remained strong, if I were in your shoes I would be in a mental facility right now.” I just said thank you and added. “You and Jessy had been a big help to my recovery, I really appreciate what you both are doing to me.”

The play was about to start. I was bit nervous though this would be my first time in my high school life that I would just be part of the audience and not acting on stage. The feeling was weird. And there they go.. I immediately saw Jessy in that lovely wardrobe. I was amazed by her eye-catching looks. She really looked so familiar but then I never gave much thought to that. She was more than a recognizable beauty. She was out of the ordinary. When she started to deliver her performance I was again stunned, astonished, amazed and all its synonyms. I felt this before when Gab was the one up there. My heart was melting and my knees were wavering. I experienced the chill inside my nerves and cold sweat running all throughout my body. She was unbelievable. She just made me miss Gab so much. If she was a man maybe I had also fallen in love with her like Gab did to me. Audience were applauding and giving them all a standing ovation. Gwen whispered, “Now you had found your nemesis, she did so good.. just like you.” “I am so proud of her.” I replied.

After the play, we waited for Jessy outside the gymnasium center but she never showed up. People were all going out of the center. Gwen and I were the ones left out there, so we decided to go after a tiring, long heartwarming presentation. We were also hungry and we decided to eat first before going home. Gwen volunteered to buy food outside the school premises and I waited for her from afar. I was too tired to walk so I sit and rested on one of the chairs located just beside our school entrance. Maybe this was what I got for not joining any activities anymore. I got tired so quickly.

I wondered what took Gwen so long. I’d been waiting for her long enough but she was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly I heard a shout not that far away from where I was resting. “Help.. help.., anybody.. help.” I suddenly got up on my feet and tried to trace where the crying came from. “Gwen? Gwwwwen?” I yelled. I crossed the street running and looking around hoping I would see Gwen. Blocks after blocks I searched for her… and I didn’t fail but… it was too late. I saw her crowded by people as she was lying on the street.. again clothed by her own blood. “Gwwwwen..” I shouted. “Does anybody called an ambulance? “Please call an ambulance.. please help my friend.. please..” I was begging everyone there. I was so devastated. How can I stand another pain? “Oh God please help my friend.” But there was no sign of life anymore from Gwen. I hugged her.. squeezed her.. prayed to God that she was gonna regain her consciousness but.. she was gone. I just screamed that night as loud as I can. I had no way of showing my devastation to everyone but to scream. I was cursed and I was still paying for all the wickedness I’ve done in the past. I know there will be more to come and I don’t know if I could still handle it but I gotta fight this. It was not very easy. I was stumbling upon the most horrible chapter of my life.