I am Darling

My Face Off

I am Darling, I was Invincible. But it was hard to process the utmost pain. My mind was baffled. More than the hurt I was bearing, there was the notion of responsibility on it all. Was I to blame? I asked myself. My parents were so worried. They wanted me to stop school til everything was solved. But I couldn’t. I was trying to keep my distance from Coach Jim’s case before but whether I liked it or not, I was already involved. I must be there now. I must know every detail that was coming out. I had to be composed. I had to focus.

I took a week out again for another break.. I missed studying everytime things like these happen. Investigation was so slow and police didn’t know what to do. I even became their suspect. They invited me to the station but they couldn’t pin a conclusion. No evidence was found in all of the crime scenes, from Shawwie up to Gwen. Gab’s disappearance was not thoroughly investigated because no body was found and he was just considered lost. It always leads them to a dead end.

I was hurrying to get to school. I didn’t wait for Dad to take me. I rode a bus and travelled alone. I know my parents again would be so angry with what I did but Dad had to stay away from school. He shouldn’t be there for the scoundrel to see. I had noticed that everyone close to me had suffered the consequence and I had to do something. I had a feeling that the assassin was just inside our school premises. I had to stop him but how would I do that. I was an athlete.. yes.. I may know a little defense stuff. I may be strong enough to protect myself but how about those people I love. They couldn’t be possibly on my watch every single minute. They had lives of their own. Though my friends’ lists lessen, I do still have close friends in school. Some of my classmates, some of my teachers, some people at the dean’s and registrar’s office and even our security guard were close to me. Do I have to stay away to protect them all?

I was approaching the entrance. I became aware of those fiery, scared and curious eyes staring at me, maybe wondering how I was dealing with these events that bit by bit eating me up. Some may care, some may be afraid and some may blame but nothing could I do but accept that my loved ones would always be in danger because of me. “Darling, you are called at the Dean’s office, Mr. Russell wants to talk to you.” Rhea told as she approached. Rhea was a working student at the school and she was also good to me. I just gave her a nod and rushed to the office. It was full of teachers, student officers and staff who were eager to know more developments on the killings of our own. When I arrived, everybody looked intently but say nothing at all. They were waiting for me. I entered another door straight to Mr. Russell’s office. He was the President of the School and I had to be careful in what I say. “Good Morning Mr. Russell, you wanted to talk to me?” I asked in a very well mannered voice. “Good Morning Ms. Vadlit, please sit.” Ms. Vadlit.. I almost forgot my surname. I seldom hear someone call me that. I was used being called by my first name Darling. I helped myself to the chair and sat in front of him just separated by a big round table. “It’s not hidden from you that crimes had been happening lately and victims are from school, the death of Coach Jim happened here and I just want to ask if you know something about those incidents. I was informed that those people killed were close to you if not close enough.” “Just last week after a play here, again a friend of yours was stabbed to death and in those entire occurrence you were the last person seen being with them before they got killed.” “How do you explain that Ms. Vadlit?” With a broken heart I answered, “I don’t know what to say.” “I guess you had said it all.” “Even I could not understand what has been happening to my life nowadays, Sir.” “I loved all of them and they took a big part on my being.. and were taken away. My heart is deeply wounded and I feel so alone and tortured. If loving them is a sin, you can imprison me now for the rest of my life. Maybe this is what I get for being so stubborn and self centered person. I didn’t give a damn on their priceless presence when they were still around. Mr. Russell, I may had a bad reputation in your school, I was a lousy, desperado and a no soul kind of individual before, you may call me anything you want, but one thing is sure, I cannot kill someone I love. I can hurt them through bad mouthing, humiliating and degrading but killing them was way out of my capacity. But they’re gone now, explaining to you would be useless because no matter what, I couldn’t bring them back to life again. So you can punish me if you want Sir.. I don’t care anymore, my life’s been pointless since I lost them.” “Okay, Ms. Vadlit.. I just want your side of the story there’s nothing to worry about. I will always believe in you, the way I believed when you were our top student and athlete before all of these things happened. I hope you’ll be active in all our activities again. I understand where you’re coming from and I promise to keep you informed in all the developments of the cases. Just one thing.. please Stay Safe.” Mr. Russell comforted me. “Thank you very much Mr. Russell, thank you for the support.” I replied. I was happy Mr. Russell understood me but not enough to ease my pain.

As I walked outside, still the burden in my heart never faltered. Eyes were still gazing and I had no choice but to accept their anger or appreciate their sympathy. Jessy was waiting for me in the hallway. “Hello, are you okay?” She asked. “I am so sorry for what happened that night, I wasn’t there, I fell asleep in the actor’s room after the play, I was so tired and when I woke up it was already morning.” She explained. I just hugged her so tight. I was too afraid for her. I don’t care about myself anymore. I was worried about what’s the culprit gonna do next. With tears flowing from my eyes I said.. “I am afraid I would lose you too.” “I am as strong as a horse and I know how to take care of myself, don’t mind me.” She replied. We were walking through the hallway when we passed by some students scornfully talking about me. “The cursed girl has passed, give way or you will be next..” Someone told. Then I heard their laughing, teasing and sarcastic talking and I ate it all up. Jessy was just quiet and patting my back. I was about to react to all those negative judgment but still I controlled my temper. “Just walk, do not mind them, I’m here.” While we were walking along she paused a while and I was shocked as she just punched the guy in the face. Never thought she would do such a thing. Now I had to be cautious. We were in trouble. There were only the two of us and they were more or less ten. The guy stumbled to the ground and was knocked out. He lost his consciousness and I saw his nose bleeding. Jessy had really given him the punch of her life. I don’t know how to react but deep inside I was laughing and saying he deserved it. With Jessy’s strength who would have thought she was a girl. As his group were about to go after us, thank God somebody from the Dean’s office had called our attention. It was Rhea. “Stop it, stop it or all your parents will be summoned.” Rhea was respected by everyone because she had been at the Dean’s office for a long time and most would consider her as one of the school’s leaders. Her reputation as a very good working student became her edge on getting that respect. “Help your friend and bring him to the clinic.” She exclaimed to the group. “We’re not yet finished you crazy girl.” One of his friends warned Jessy before carrying him immediately to the clinic. “Yeah.. I’ll be waiting”. Jessy answered. “Wow! girl you really are strong.” Rhea told Jessy. “Yeah right, that’s what they get when I’m angry.” She replied. We all just laughed and Rhea said, “Before those bunch of morons come back you two should go now.” “Thank you Rhea.” I told. We right away packed our belongings that scattered from that commotion and went away from the area. “I never thought you would do that.” I told Jessy. She just smiled. After minutes of talking about those group, “So see you again later, I still have class and I missed so many lessons.” I added. “Ok, see you later.” She answered. I went straightway to my class and forget about everything first. I have to concentrate. I was no longer the top of my class. But as long as I could pass, I don’t mind anymore.

I didn’t mingle with my friends in class. I just thought they would be safer away from me. I remember Gab. It could have been different if he was there. I could have been more relaxed in all of the worries. I remember hearing his voice and he was so near. I hope I could hear it again. Was I really hallucinating or was he really there. I was confused and had to take my medications but I was gripping to what he said that I would be fine. That all made me feel satisfied.

Class for a day was over but I had to make up for those missed lessons. I went to the library first to continue my self study. I sat just beside the librarian’s office and read all the books I borrowed. While reading I felt like someone staring from afar sitting on the edge of the table just not far from where I sat. I checked on it but never saw anyone. Then I saw a man getting out of the library looking so familiar to me and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was Gab. I remember the last time I followed someone I thought was Gab, I was hospitalized. If it was him it’s time for face off. I instantly grabbed my things and went out of library trying to find that man who was staring at me. I looked around and saw someone as if trying to make me follow. Yes.. he was that guy I followed, but I couldn’t see his face. I was very curious and no matter what danger again would bring this to me I don’t care as long as I could confirm that it was indeed Gab. I went to where that guy was going. I was sure enough of what I was doing. As I was following him someone called my name and it was Jessy. I was shaken at first because I really thought it was him. “What are you doing?” I asked her surprisingly. “Why.. what’s wrong.. I saw you looking for something so I followed.” “I’m sorry Jessy.. I thought.. never mind.. let’s go.” I was really disappointed when I lost the guy but was surprised when I turned around. I saw something on the floor. “Look Jessy, what is that?” We both came over and we saw lots of chocolates and flowers on the floor and there was nobody else to think who placed it there but Gab. “From your suitor?” Jessy asked. “Gab, Gab.” I was shouting his name. “Please show yourself, I was so sorry. I didn’t mean what I did, Gab please show yourself, I missed you so much.” He had been giving me those and my heart just can’t forget such a wonderful man who made my life so amazing. “It was Gab, I know it was him.” “I was about to see him but he ran away again.” I told her. “Who would possibly give me those but him.. it’s him, I know it’s him.” I exclaimed. “Enough Darling, he’s not here. Calm yourself down.” I was already crying and really can’t help thinking about those wasted times I ignored him. “Oh God I really missed him.” I said. Jessy was just there listening, looking and hugging me. I felt comforted. Sometimes it felt like Jessy was the girl version of Gab. She knew very well how to make me comfortable. I grabbed those flowers and chocolates and wanted to shout that time. I wanted the world to know I was so sorry. I lost a very fine man and it was all because of me. “Can we go now?” Jessy asked me. “Yeah yeah.. I’m just feeling Gab for a moment.” I answered.

I sat on one of the chairs in the hallway feeling so tired from that shouting. Jessy sat beside me. I was staring at the chocolates and flowers when Jessy said “I feel so hungry can we eat those chocolates?” she jokingly asked. “What?” “No way.” I said. “This is Gab’s and I want to hold it for a lifetime.” I added. “But really, are you hungry?” I asked her. She nodded. “Let’s eat the chocolates but leave my flowers alone.” I said. “We can’t eat the flowers.” She teased. “Here, let’s eat, I’m also hungry.” I told her. We ended our day eating those chocolates and it felt like my life was peaceful… for now.