In Her Head - Collision Course

Burdening

Elle felt better this morning, the talk with Peter last night helped, he was understanding that Elle wanted to take it slow, it scared her that she could just throw herself at him the way that she did. Elle decided to sit on the balcony before everyone woke, she wanted some thinking time, thinking of Peter was still giving her flutters all over, it felt like she was humming and it was vibrating all through her body. Peter was understanding, she wouldn't be able to take the morning after pill, they didn't work as she had tried before. Elle wiped a stray tear that escaped, she was to see the counsellor tomorrow and they could chat before deciding on the next steps. Elle felt the wetness on her hand and nearly jumped, she looked down to Xena after having forgotten she was there, "I am sorry Xena, I'm just being a soppy cow, you see, my head is a bit screwed," Elle said to her, Xena put her paws on Elles leg and raised herself to look in Elles eyes, she leaned her forehead to Elles and Elle put her arms around her. "You are one amazing girl, I will get there though" Elle said to Xena. Xena went back to a sitting position and rested her head on Elles legs.

She is incredibly intelligent, Elle thought.

Elle looked out at the view, she heard movement and looked into the living area to see Nancy heading her way and she smiled, Nancy smiled back at Elle. "Good morning sweetheart," Nancy said leaning down to kiss Elles forehead, Elle smiled at Nancy, you could see the love in Elles eyes when she smiled back, she adored this woman, Nancy took the other seat and looked out at the view, they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before there was a knock at the door. Elle went to get it but Nancy motioned for her to sit down and went to the door. Xena sniffed towards the door, she then snorted and put her head back to resting on Elles leg. Nancy walked in with a mug of tea and a mug of coffee. "Nancy, I'm not sure I want to leave," Elle laughed out. Nancy laughed too and they had their drinks in silence.

Xena walked back into the living area and stood near the doorway leading to the rooms, Elle thought she might have heard the kids getting up so she got up to see, Elle opened the door and heard giggling, "good girl Xena," Elle whispered stepping through and creeping to find out what Emily and Michael were up to. As Elle got to the doorway the giggling was louder, Elle peeked her head round to see the pups on the beds, they were trying to get under the covers to where the children were hiding and giggling. Elle cleared her throat, "Ahem," the two pups jumped off the beds and sat beside them. 

Oh God, we are going to have trouble here, if these pups come home with us they will all be up to mischief, if they don't we are going to have screaming and crying, Elle thought.

The children peeked out of the covers smiling, "Can we go swimming today?" Emily pleaded. "Oh, morning Mummy," Elle responded, the children laughed, "sorry Mummy, good morning," Emily said. Michael got out of his bed and made his way to Emily's, Elle joined the children and they had cuddles. "We need to shower and get dressed, you pair, I love you both," Elle said, kissing each of them on the head. Michael was off out of the room, "me first," he shouted as he ran into the living area. "Where are we Mummy?" He asked, alarmed and just realising they weren't at home. Elle could hear Nancy's booming laugh, Elle got up to head to Michael, beckoning for Emily to go with her, "this way honey," she heard Nancy tell Michael, Nancy was still laughing and Elle chuckled. Once they were all dressed Elle and Nancy were still smiling, at least the kids were comfortable enough. While Michael was showering, Esme was laying down outside the door and Emily was playing with Colt in the living area. Elle and Nancy took the opportunity to get the rooms tidied and sort out the clothes. When it was time for the children to swap places, Nancy took their things to the car.

Nancy came back up to the room after a while, she had been talking to Belinda, "Breakfast should be ready now children," Nancy told them once she was in, Elle could smell the breakfast, it was definitely calling to them. "Listen kids, no talking loud through this hallway, keep the noise down, others will still be sleeping," Elle warned them before they stepped out of the suite to go downstairs. Emily and Michael nodded now fully dressed.

They made their way along the corridor, just as they reached the door of Peter's room, it opened and he stepped out. Elle flushed red, the memories popped into her head. "Morning Peter," Michael said grabbing his hand, "are you coming to breakfast, I am super hungry," he continued. Elle was open mouthed, Peter winked at her and they made their way to walk downstairs. Not to be left out, Emily grabbed Peters other hand and they all didn't stop talking. Elle stopped at the jade dragon statue and she touched it, she loved the intricate carvings on things and she just had to touch them. Everyone had gone on to the dining room but Xena stayed with her, Elle was in awe of it, it had so much detail.

Belinda came up alongside Elle, "beautiful isn't it?" Belinda said, Elle jumped slightly, she was so intrigued by the detail of the dragon she didn't notice Belinda walking up. Elles hand flew to her chest and she let out a nervous laugh, Belinda looked mortified that she scared her, "sorry Belinda, I get so lost with the details of these that I don't focus on anything else," Elle apologised. "I am sorry too honey, I should have made a noise. It's my favourite one," Belinda confessed, pointing to it. "We call this one Ezekiel-Brantley," Belinda said, Elle was thoughtful, "I like it, powerful, noble and brave of heart," Elle said, she was smiling, she remembers looking at names for the children and came across a few names but only a few stuck with her. "Yes, exactly that!" Belinda cried, she was shocked Elle knew the meaning of the name, "you must see the one I have in the library, he is huge and you will spend ages there," Belinda told her and Elle smiled, as they walked through the arch to the hallway Belinda was still shocked, "Oh Belinda, I didn't get a chance to thank you for yesterday and having us overnight, even the dogs. You have really put yourselves out for us and I appreciate it," Elle said thankfully and honestly. "Pfft, don't be silly, we should be thanking you, we have had a great time and it has been no bother, I'm fond of the wo.. ..dogs and the children, they are so amazingly kind and considerate, you are a wonderful Mother Elle, they are fantastic children," Belinda told her. Elle smiled, she appreciated Belinda saying that but she would head on her way after breakfast and talking to Peter to find out what she should do about the dogs. She knew Belinda must have had enough by now and Elle felt she had overstayed her welcome. 

Elle and Belinda entered the dining room, everyone was comfortable and chatting, Emily and Michael were sitting either side of Peter. Frank was at the head of the table, a seat to his right was spare probably for Belinda, while Michael was in the seat to Franks left. Elle found it odd that Peter wasn't there instead of Michael but guessed that Michael probably had a hand in rushing to the chair. The seat in between Emily and Nancy was free, Elle smiled knowing that would be Nancys doing. Nancy was next to Matt, then it was Toyah, two of the children from yesterday, then Billy and Stephanie, another two of the children from yesterday and then there was Peter's cousin Maggie, she had come along yesterday with her husband and the children but he had to leave early so Elle didn't get a chance to meet him.

Elle sat down, there was a selection of food laid out, Elle took some bacon, sausages, eggs and beans. She loved a good breakfast on a Sunday, it was the day where she would eat a full breakfast then cook a roast dinner not to eat it, Elle normally reheated her roast to eat on the Monday. One of the staff brought Elle a latte and she was surprised, she looked questioningly at the staff member and he nodded his head to Peter. Peter noticed and held his one up smiling at Elle, she smiled back and mouthed a thank you and she took a sip. It was a caramel latte, almost as good as Artigo's, her heart was singing and she smiled wider.

Once breakfast was finished Nancy took the children outside to play. They kissed Elle and took Nancy's hand, "are you coming Peter?" Emily asked, "I will be out a little later honey, I promise," Peter told her and all the children cheered.

Looks like Uncle Peter is the fun one, Elle mused.

Peter waved the kids off then he came straight to Elle, he put his hand out for her and she accepted it, as she stood up his lips claimed hers and she melted into the kiss. It was gentle and slow, his hands were holding her waist and Elle placed hers around his neck, Peter pulled her closer as the kiss deepened.

Oh God, I cannot do this again, Elle thought as the stirrings of her arousal began. 

Elle broke the kiss and rested her head on Peter's chest and brought her breathing back to normal, Peter kissed the top of her head and held her. Peter knew that Elle was still struggling with what happened yesterday and he wouldn't push her. How could he tell her that it was natural? He had no idea and decided silence at this point was best. He was dreading what comes next, Elle would probably berate herself when she realised the draw was stronger now they had bonded and she would get to a point where she wouldn't be able to deny her arousal. Eternal connections have a healthy s*x life, unless one perishes, they wouldn't want to be intimate with anyone else. Peter would have to keep his distance as much as he could until she was ready, he wouldn't use it against her as much as he wanted to bury himself inside her.

"Shall we take the kids canoeing?" Peter asked her, Elle knew that they would love that and she smiled nodding her head but then it dawned on her that she would be leaving shortly. "Peter, sorry but we will be going soon. We are going to get under your Mums feet, it isn't fair to her," Elle explained apologetically. Peter laughed and it made her knees weak, "Elle, everyone stays until after dinner, we normally have it after early on a Sunday and everyone heads off at about 5pm," Peter said. Elle looked shocked, "but we have been here since yesterday, your Mum must be sick of us," Elle said wondering how Peter made it sound so normal. "I am not sick of anyone, I am loving having you all here and you are all welcome to stay!" Belinda cried, she must have come in at the last part of the conversation. "Peter go and get some coffee for me and Elle please, we will be in the study," She added and Peter kissed Elles forehead and walked off, leaving Elle to wonder what the hell just happened. "Come on honey, let's head to the study," Belinda told her. Elle walked towards her a little apprehensive, she was sure this was going to be horrible and the fear pooled in the pit of her stomach. When Elle reached Belinda, Belinda put her arm through Elles and kissed her cheek, "don't worry honey, we are going to talk about why you feel like a burden all the time. We need to clear the air, you are a part of this family and our home is yours," Belinda told her. Elle could feel the sting in her eyes but breathed deep to get past it.

They walked through the door and turned left onto a corridor, Belinda opened the third door on the right. Elle walked in, it was carpeted in soft pink and there were four crushed velvet tub chairs with soft pink trim around a rose gold and glass table. The walls were a soft grey colour and the skirtings were painted white. Toward the back of the room there was a high gloss white desk with rose gold accessories, the room felt bright and airy. "This is my study," Belinda told her proudly, "It's beautiful Belinda," Elle told her honestly and Belinda smiled wide beaming. Belinda motioned Elle over to one of the chairs, and they both sat down. "right, what is going on sweetheart?" Belinda asked, "I just don't want to overstay our welcome, it isn't just us now, it's the dogs too. You have been so welcoming, my kids are quite hyper and I don't want to have you say it's okay just to be kind," Elle explained. Belinda frowned and then nodded as if she was starting to understand what was going on. "Honey, if I invite you to my home then you can be sure I am comfortable enough within myself to do so. You were invited because we see you as family and you belong with us, every child here is hyper, as you will have seen yesterday and that is the way we like it. All children need to let loose honey, that is why they can do it here with different activities. I spent some time with Emily and Michael yesterday, they are full of empathy, love and joy. Elle, children need to experience that as they aren't naturally born with that. They are young and those qualities are amazing," Belinda told her. Elle's tears held a threat to spill from her watery emerald eyes, they glistened in the sunlight.

How can I believe that when you would probably talk about me the minute my back is turned? Elle asked internally, you cannot accuse her of that, not everyone is the same, she battled.

"Elle, I can only imagine what you have been through to be feeling this way but you are family and you haven't overstayed your welcome at all. I am looking forward to your future visits with the children as Frank and I dote on them already," Belinda told her. Elle could feel she was being honest but she couldn't bring herself to trust what she was saying fully. Belinda noticed her hesitation, "Elle, please do me the honour of at least staying until dinner, I would love another water fight," Belinda told her, Elle laughed and the tears spilled. Elle was more relaxed so the tears didn't last, it was a couple that Elle managed to wipe away quickly. She nodded and smiled at Belinda, "honey, I think he went to columbia for the coffee," Belinda remarked, Elle laughed hard. 

They heard a knock at the door, Elle was still chuckling as Belinda got up to let Peter in, he held a quizzical look when he noticed Elle, "how was Columbia?" Belinda asked him and Elle laughed again because of the look on his face, it was a mixture of shock, confusion and rolling his eyes. Peter put the coffee on the table and gave Elle a kiss on her forehead, Belinda sat down and waved Peter to sit, Elle stopped laughing and smiled at him. "So you two hazed yesterday," Belinda stated. "Mum, nooo," Peter said and Elle burnt red from embarrassment. "Oh hush, I hazed with your Father. It is natural," She admitted, Elle put her hands on her face and Peter almost scrunched his face up, "I don't want to know Mother," Peter said with his face still twisted. Belinda laughed but didn't say anything further, Elle was mortified but she had to apologise for her behaviour yesterday. "I am sorry Belinda, I didn't mean to leave the kids, I er.. ..had no intention of erm.. ..I er.. ..erm, I am so sorry," Elle tried to apologise to Belinda. "Oh please honey, don't you dare apologise to me or anyone else. I understand, better than anyone. I had met Frank at his parents house, we were there for the gra.. ..a get together, our families knew each other but we hadn't connected since I was a baby, well, three hours after we met we were.. ..well.. ..you know." Belinda told them. "Urgh," Peter grunted, "Mum, we will see you later," Peter said, Elle was almost the colour of a beetroot but hearing there were others that had done the same thing didn't make Elle feel so bad. Peter kissed Belinda's cheek and grabbed Elles hand, "thank you Belinda," was all you could hear Elle say as she was almost dragged from the room. Elle could only imagine how embarrassed Peter felt over his Mum confessing that.

Peter put his arm around Elle, "so, canoeing?" He asked her, Elle nodded her head leaning into him. She still wasn't 100% comfortable but it was better than before, if only by a little. Xena was waiting by the back doors for Elle, Elle rubbed her head as she was on her way out then Xena walked on the other side of her and they went off to find the children. Over by the play area, Nancy smiled brightly at them, "Peter, will you ask the kids if they want to go canoeing and I will talk to Nancy," Elle suggested. Peter grinned, he knew the kids would love to but Elle just let him have the credit with the kids. Elle gave Nancy a cuddle, "I just talked with Belinda and she asked if we could stay for dinner, we should be done by 5pm," Elle told her. "I know I planned to leave soon but are you okay to stay until then?" Elle asked, "I mean we can leave in the hour if you want to and I don't want to overstay our welcome," Elle added quickly. Nancy turned to Elle and held her cheek, "I am fine until after dinner my darling, I wanted to stay until then, Belinda wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you here that whole time," Nancy confided. They rested their forehead against each other, it was a tender moment. 

"Okay, life jackets on, I will be round to check them. The rules are simple, no showing off, no leaving the group, no banging into one another," Peter told them. "Yes Uncle Peter," they all replied, even Emily and Michael had joined in. Yes, when Peter asked Emily and Michael if they wanted to go canoeing, he put himself in it because all the other children could hear him. Elle laughed, thinking it was time they pulled their weight after yesterday. 

I will be at the back and watch them, Peter can lead them, Elle thought.

Peter was smiling, he loved this, he adored having the kids around. Peter left them all at the docks and walked to a large boating shed, Elle didn't notice it there yesterday on their return, Peter walked in to get the canoes out and he wouldn't accept the offer of help from Elle. He got Elles first so that she would be in the water when he started to get the kids in one by one. Elle got in waiting for all the children and Peter, Xena walked to the dock, she looked at Elle, "do you want a run Xena?" Elle asked her, Xena wagged her tail. "Go on girl, have fun and be careful, I will see you soon," Elle told her and Xena barked for the pups and went towards the woods. Elle felt a little sad, she wasn't sure she would see Xena again once she had her freedom again, but she wasn't going to hold her back, Elle just prayed that the children would be okay and could settle later. Peter had finished getting the kids in their canoes and he was ready to get into his, when out of nowhere, Belinda ran up behind him and pushed him into the river. Peter's face was shocked until he saw Belinda on the bank next to his canoe, he just sighed and lay back on the river floating, "Well played Mother, well played," he sighed. Elle laughed, realising this was a regular occurence and noted for keeping her wits about her in future.

The day was going well, they all went upriver to Peters and then back. Elle was really enjoying herself and could actually relax with the children, she had always been so on edge whenever she was in groups with the kids, she didn't want to impress people but her parenting was judged, there was always someone to say her kids shouldn't be running like that or screaming when their joy was overflowing or that their kids would never do that. For a single parent it was tough. Everyone else always thought they knew best and they would make sure to say. This was just children having fun, no ill intent and no parents trying to outdo the others. This was bliss in comparison and Elle could feel it, then the realisation hit, Elle didn't socialise with the right people and although she knew and had broken contact years ago, the realisation of their behaviour made Elle pale because she had allowed it to go on.

"Are you okay Sweet?" Peter asked Elle as they put their life jackets in the boat shed, Elle walked over and put her arms around him, "I am, just thinking of how much I have enjoyed it here. It is so accepting and the kids have had real fun, thank you," She said kissing his shoulder. Peter smiled wide and hugged her back tight, Elle heard the screams and when they looked over towards the pool, they could see Frank waving a water blaster in the air, he was telling them all to scream the war cry. Xena came bolting to stand in front of Elle, looking around, when she realised what was going on she snorted as if she was disgusted with their antics. Elle and Peter laughed, "go and have a run or some fun, it's all good," Elle told Xena. Xena whined and looked back towards the kids then Elle noticed the grey blurs, seeming like the pups were joining in again. "Well you can go, they will be fine with us for a bit," Peter told her, Xena whined again as if she were responding and she walked towards the hill she lay on yesterday and Elle and Peter went to join the water fight.

They day flew by and as they all gave their thanks and said goodbye, the kids cuddled Frank and Belinda, Elle was shocked as the kids didn't take well to others. "What do we say kids?" Elle asked them, "thank you," they told them. "You don't have to say thank you to us, just make sure you come back, we have had a great time," Frank told them and her earned squeals of delight.