Finding Home

A small wooden chair.             Compared to everything else it wasn't much to look at, but in the middle of the afternoon when the sun hit it just right, it became the most magical place. A place where Olivia could escape her reality and imagine she was sailing the high seas, eagerly listening to the tales told by the sailors in the nearby harbor.             That day she caught herself again. Daydreaming. Sitting there in the parlor letting her mind wonder. She really couldn't help herself. Every inch of her screamed for an adventure outside those four walls. It was midsummer in 1776, and the cool salt breeze blew her long sandy-blonde hair away from her face as she closed her dark brown eyes and listened to the sounds emanating through the open window overlooking Portsmouth. It was the place she had called home all her life – well, at least as far back as she could remember. It was considered one of the busiest port towns in England. Everyday, people would line the streets going about their lives almost as if it were nothing more than an endless cycle.               A few streets from the hustle and bustle, down a long road, sat a tall, three-story shabby house with its cracked outer walls and crooked wooden banister. This was the town's orphanage, a place Olivia had lived for the past ten years. She didn’t remember much from before that time, except that she was only four when she was brought there.             Olivia suddenly heard a voice outside her thoughts and looked towards the door. It was Michael. Another fellow orphan.             “Olivia, what are you doing?”             “Daydreaming.” Realizing what she had said, she quickly corrected herself, “I mean, thinking.” She sat there watching him. Waiting for whatever cruel thing he might say next. Olivia never really could understand why he didn't like her. It was almost as if he would seek her out just because he was bored and had nothing better to do then torment her.             “No, you said ‘daydreaming’. I heard you. Waste of time,” he mocked as he took a large bite out of the apple he was holding. Smacking his lips together as he chewed. Olivia hesitated and looked away as to avoid his piercing dark eyes. Mustering up the courage she turned to him, “One day I will leave this place and sail the high seas like the sailors in the harbor.”             “You, sail?” Michael laughed, his large round middle shaking. “What a joke. To think you, a mere girl, sailing the seas. Why I could die laughing at that one!” Olivia became so furious she couldn't find the words. All she could do was glare at him as he turned and walked out of the room. She quickly scrambled for something, anything to say. “I will! I will sail! You will feel foolish for ever saying such things! I will! One day I will sail!” Suddenly, Olivia felt completely wounded by the cruelness of Michael's words. How could one person be so ignorant, so set in their ways? His words stung deep. Within minutes, Nathaniel made his way into the room. He found Olivia staring blankly out the window, her discomfort evident. She turned to him, “Do you think I could make it out there, out on the ocean?”             “Don't listen to Michael. You know he only cares about himself. To others, he is nothing more than a talking donkey.” He paused, glancing out at the harbor. “If the seas are your dream, then you must follow your heart.” Her thoughts relaxed as she smiled at him before realizing her face had become increasingly warmer. She turned away for fear she was actually blushing in front of Nathaniel. That was the last thing she wanted him to see.  Nathaniel Mason always had a way with words. Always knew what to say to brighten her day. He had been at the orphanage nearly as long as she had, coming after his parents died, something he rarely talked about to anyone, even her. He was one of the only true friends she had at the orphanage. “There it is – that smile I was looking for,” Nathaniel said cheerfully as he took a step towards Olivia. All she could do was stare at him as he ran his fingers through his short blonde hair. Olivia felt her heart race as she stood and walked over to him.             “Thank you. I do feel much better,” she managed to say before her mind began forming its own thoughts. “It is just ... I hate being looked at as just a girl and nothing more. I am more than that, and I want to do more than sit around here waiting for my bleak future to begin. I want to be out there, not cooped up in here.” Olivia stopped abruptly, realizing she was beginning to ramble on, something else she hoped to never do in front of Nathaniel. She never wanted him to think she only cared about herself, which simply wasn't true. She cared about him, but she would never tell him that. She quickly added, “But you do not need to hear about my thoughts.” Olivia felt so embarrassed and instantly glanced down at the floor.             Taking a step towards her, Nathaniel placed his hand under her chin coaxing her to look at him. Soon their eyes met. There it was – the weakness in her knees. The feeling she always felt when he gazed at her. Now Olivia was starting to turn into one of those crazy hopeless romantics from the throngs of books she had read. She knew she really needed to stop reading about sappy love stories and stick to daydreaming about adventures and life at sea. Of course, daydreaming is what led her to that very conversation she was having with Nathaniel. Thus, the vicious cycle continued.             In a low soothing voice, which, by the way, wasn't helping her knees, he said, “No. That is where you are wrong. Everyone has dreams no matter what they are, and if you want to be seen as something more than just a girl, to sail the high seas, then find a way to live your dreams.” Olivia had suddenly felt her pulse race and her cheeks burn like hot coals. This was it, the perfect time to tell him the truth. How he truly was the only one who ever understood her. Saw something in her she didn’t see in herself. Without him, she couldn't even consider her dreams becoming a reality. Olivia's hand shook as she slowly reached up to touch his.             “Nathaniel, I…I have something I want to tell you. I –” Suddenly she was interrupted by the loud chime of a bell. Olivia pulled her attention away from him long enough to look beyond the room to a distant door down the hallway.             “Yes, Olivia, what did you want to say?”             She took a step back and smiled at him, losing any confidence she had. “That…it was almost time for supper.”             He stared down at the floor, and said, somewhat disappointed. “Oh…is that all?”             Nathaniel moved towards the door, but before exiting, he glanced over his shoulder. “Will I see you at supper then?” Olivia nodded as he turned back and disappeared around the corner. She flung herself down onto a nearby chair. She knew she did the right thing in not telling him. She would save herself the embarrassment as he probably didn't feel the same. Olivia felt her thoughts and feelings for Nathaniel were best hidden, safe from gawkers who would have loved to torment her with this juicy information. Tease her endlessly, mercilessly. She sighed. Being with Nathaniel would just have to be another one of her daydreams.             After a few moments had passed, she stood and walked out of the parlor. The hallway in front of her seemed eternal with doors on both sides that led to different rooms. At the end of the hall was the large dining room where all the meals were served. As Olivia moved closer, she became aware of humming coming from the small kitchen adjacent to the dining room. It was Sister Rebecca, the matron of the orphanage. She was in the middle of putting the final touches together for supper. She was a short, plump older woman with a kind, worn face.             Olivia took a step towards the doorway of the kitchen. “Would you care for some help, Ms. Rebecca?” She preferred to be called this instead of Sister Rebecca because it was easier for the younger children to pronounce. Honestly, Olivia had to agree, it could be a mouthful sometimes especially when you were talking quite fast.              “Oh no dear, but thank you for asking,” replied Ms. Rebecca. Olivia turned to carry on her walk to the dining room.             Over her shoulder, Ms. Rebecca maintained her work as she continued, “How has your day been, dear child?” Olivia was thrilled that she wanted to talk with her. Usually Ms. Rebecca was so busy with running the orphanage, cooking meals, tending to the small children, the most Olivia would get from her was a head nod or if she was lucky, a hello.       Olivia moved towards her. “My day has been wonderful. I was just sitting in the parlor dreaming about the ocean and wondering –” Olivia stopped midsentence when she couldn't help but notice Ms. Rebecca's constant uninterested nodding, something by then, Olivia was also very familiar with.             “That is nice, dear. You know our Lord and Savior will give you the abilities you need to fulfill your dreams.” She perked up smiling, thinking Ms. Rebecca had finally understood what Olivia was feeling.             Until Ms. Rebecca continued, “With a little practice, you could learn to sew and cook. Someday, you may even marry and bare your husband many children.” Not wanting to hear anymore, Olivia decided to thank Ms. Rebecca for her advice and excused herself from the room. Olivia felt herself boiling inside. Women and girls were so much more than domestic servants and obedient wives. Olivia wanted to be finished with people and their judgmental ideals. She stood in front of a new decision she needed to make. Should she continue into the dining room where multiple people await her, or does she sneak off on her own and skip supper? No. As wonderful as that sounded, Olivia really didn't want to go to bed hungry. She had experienced that before and all it resulted in was a sleepless night. On the other hand, she could tough it out and not only eat, but see Nathaniel, whom Olivia had told she would be there. Did she really want to disappoint him? With that said, she moved slowly down the remaining hall and into the noisy dining room. There were two long wooden tables with benches on either side for the children to sit at. Olivia spied her usual spot at the end of one row. She seemed to always sit alone. Nathaniel looked up from his seat and noticed Olivia as she walked in. Smiling, he stood and strolled over to her.             “Do you want to sit with me this evening?” he asked. Olivia wasn't sure that was such a good idea. She had become accustomed to eating by herself, and he was always surrounded by people who usually didn't like to associate with her 'strangeness'. He smiled at Olivia again and suddenly she found herself nodding yes.             “That's wonderful,” he replied.             Wait! Did I just agree to sit with him?   Olivia thought as she reluctantly followed Nathaniel and tried to piece together the last few moments. Apparently, her heart had decided to override her brain. Nathaniel led her over to the other side of the room, and Olivia sat down next to three other children who were too busy in conversation to notice her. Nathaniel took the seat next to Olivia. Michael and Emily, a girl her same age, sat across from them. Emily was beautiful with long, curly chestnut colored hair, deep green eyes, and skin as radiant as a summer day.             Emily and Olivia locked eyes before Emily snapped, “What is she doing here?” For reasons mostly unknown to Olivia, Emily hated her. Hated with a passion. Besides Michael, Emily was the only other person at the orphanage who truly despised Olivia. Most of the others either ignored her or avoided her, but Emily would truly go out of her way, make it her mission, to make sure Olivia's life at the orphanage was exceptionally miserable. “She was succeeding,” Olivia muttered to herself.             “I invited her to sit with us, Emily. Olivia is a very kind person. I just wish you could see what I see or at least try,” answered Nathaniel firmly, coming to Olivia's defense. Emily sat back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest, thinking, before her annoyed expression relaxed into a sly smile.             “Oh, Nathaniel. It is so nice of you to try and help charity cases such as this one. You have such a big heart,” Emily said sarcastically while glaring at Olivia. Michael burst out laughing. Olivia was really not in the mood to deal with either of them. Every part of her wanted to jump over the table and slap that pretty little face of hers. Olivia knew she had to get out of there.             Her whole body shook with anger as she stood and pushed the bench back. “Emily, I am very certain of one thing: we both live in the same orphanage. If I am a charity case, that makes you one, too.” Hushed tones filled the room as everyone looked in their direction. The only sound that could be heard was Olivia's boots hitting the floor as she walked briskly out of the room. Nathaniel couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. He angrily turned to Emily. “Most of the time I can ignore the things you say to people, but this time what you just said to Olivia was unforgivable.” * * * *             Olivia had rushed past Ms. Rebecca as she made her way to the dining room, a large pot in hand. Olivia couldn't stop. She was so upset that she just wanted to get away. Away from here. Away from her life. Away from everything. * * * * Nathaniel stood and walked out of the room to find Olivia just as Ms. Rebecca stepped into the room.             “Now God's wonderful children, who is ready for supper?” she said, happily placing the large pot on the end of a table. The room once again bustled with noise and excitement. Emily was still shocked at Nathaniel's words and his intent to console Olivia. She decided to slip out of the room and follow Nathaniel. * * * * Olivia was halfway out the front door when she felt a hand on her shoulder.             “Please let me go! I just want to be alone!” Her cheeks were wet, and her eyes were red. She spun around and was completely surprised to see Nathaniel standing there.             “Now you don't mean that,” he said softly. “Come back inside and just ignore Emily. She is mean to everyone.”             Olivia took a step towards him. “She isn't mean to you. Besides, you seem to be the only person who really understands me and – never mind.” She forced herself to stop speaking when she realized how close she came to telling him everything.             He stood there staring at her, his head tilted to the side. Not saying a word. Olivia wanted to grab his arms and lightly shake him, make him tell her what he was thinking. The silence was driving her insane. Olivia was just about to turn away when Nathaniel leaned in and gently kissed her cheek. Immediately, her heart skipped a beat and her cheeks flushed a crimson red.             Did he just…kiss me?               She looked up at him and blurted out, “What was that for?” Olivia suddenly felt mad at herself. Nathaniel made a move, which proved he may actually have feelings for her and she came back with that. If he did like her, he may not anymore. Olivia bit her lip hoping Nathaniel wasn't offended.             “I am not sure, but at least you seem to be feeling better,” he replied, running his fingers through his hair, still staring at her. It was obvious that he was changing the subject to avoid any uneasiness between them. Now Olivia knew she blew any chance she had.             “Yes, I do feel better,” she blurted out. “Thank you.” Hoping that was the answer he was looking for, but inside, her mind and heart were racing.             “Now let us go back inside and see what kind of soup we are having tonight,” smirked Nathaniel, as he offered his arm to escort Olivia back to the dining room. * * * *             Unknown to the two of them, their conversation was overheard by a third-party lurking in the shadows. Emily had apparently seen them standing on the front porch and hid on the dark staircase next to the front door. She became furious with what she had heard and seen. She couldn't believe Nathaniel may have feelings for someone such as Olivia and not for her. Olivia was just – strange. She knew she had to do something drastic to stop this madness. Instantly, it hit her, the perfect plan, like the stereotypical candle burning over her head. A greedy grin crossed her face and she slowly stood. Casually, she strolled back into the dining room as if nothing had happened. * * * *             Olivia thought it was strange that Emily wasn't in the room when they returned, but she arrived a short time later and sat back down across from them.             She glanced at Olivia. “I see you have decided to come back and join us.”             “Yes, Emily I have,” Olivia said politely as she shot a delighted look towards Nathaniel.             “Humph,” snorted Emily. Honestly, Olivia was trying not to let Emily bother her too much since her head was still reeling from her conversation on the porch with Nathaniel and that kiss. She felt herself blush again.