Party of Four

Three days ago, I stood in the bathroom at Stella Cucina’s, locked in the handicap stall with my best friend as she confirmed my fear: “You’re going to be a mommy.” Now I stood in my kitchen, stirring a pot of tomato soup while a grilled cheese sizzled in a pan next to it, trying to figure out how to tell the two men I loved that I was pregnant. I felt bad that I hadn’t told them yet. At the same time though, we’d been busy with work, and I thought that breaking away from our normal routine would have them concerned. They worried enough without me adding to it. I had also wanted to wait until after my doctor’s appointment this morning before I said anything. Just in case. I hated to break the news only to find out that it had been some fluke false positive. Though the symptoms had been telling me it was definitely no fluke. Cole and Riley knew I had made an appointment and called out of work this morning. They thought it was simply because I was still feeling bad though. I checked the time on my phone, they’d be here within the hour. I opened the patio door and plugged in the string lights so I could eat outside. There was something calming about the view of the pond. Magnolia Pointe felt like an ethereal little escape from the real world. My own private fairy world. Well, mine and everyone else that lived in the apartment complex. I took a deep breath, inhaling the savory scent of the soup while simultaneously thanking my stomach for not doing backflips. I was a few bites into my sandwich, dipping it in the soup when Cole texted: Riley’s stopping for gas. Do you want anything? I sat the bowl down on the small table I had next to the futon and started to reply: I’m good, thank you. I’m on the patio when you get here. I resumed my eating while I waited. A gentle breeze blew across the pond and ruffled my curls. I yawned. Something about discovering my current condition had worsened some of the symptoms I’d been feeling, such as the fatigue. I had just set my empty bowl down when I heard approaching footsteps in the grass. The wind carried the smell of cigarette smoke over and my stomach churned. “i***t, she’s been sick, put that out,” I heard Riley before I saw him. He was carrying a lemon lime Gatorade and he smiled when we locked eyes. Then Cole turned the corner behind him, cigarette free. “Hey,” he spoke softly, leaning down to kiss my forehead before he sat next to me. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but…” He handed me the Gatorade. “Thank you,” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. Cole leaned down to kiss the top of my head, then sat on the other side of me. “How are you feeling?” “I’m managing.” “I hope you feel better soon,” Riley’s arms snaked around my waist as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “Yeah, about that…” I trailed off. I wasn’t going to get any less pregnant anytime soon, and the longer I waited, the harder it seemed to get to figure out how to tell them. Every rehearsed monologue just didn’t sound right. I had to just rip the bandaid off and say it. Let them react in whatever way they were going to. “I probably won’t be feeling better anytime soon. Not for a few months at least…like nine months…” Cole’s brow pulled together, creases forming on his forehead as his mind worked out the riddle of my words. Riley’s chin lifted, his lips parted and eyes wide as the realization of what I was saying sank in. “You’re pregnant?” “Pregnant?” Cole echoed, his eyes widened, lips parted in disbelief. I nodded. “How?” “Well, Cole, when a mommy and a daddy love each other-ow!” Cole punched Riley in the shoulder, abruptly ending his sentence. “I don’t need the Birds and the Bees talk,” he told him. “I’m just…shocked.” “Imagine my own surprise,” I laughed nervously, trying to manage a smile. We sat there for a moment. The boys processing this new reality. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, trying not to crack under the weight of their silence. My stomach churned waiting for someone to say something. “A baby?” Cole finally spoke. “Yep,” I swallowed. Riley’s hand moved back across my stomach. “You really have a baby us in there?” he asked, echoing Willow’s words. You got a little baby Cole or Riley in there. What exactly he meant by us I wasn’t really sure. I wasn’t really ready to question it either, so I just nodded my head. “Something like that.” Cole and Riley looked at each other. Their expressions were unreadable to me, but they seemed to understand each other. “What are…” Cole started, then stopped. Then, “What is your plan?” “Well…I think I’m going to keep the baby,” I started. I already knew. For some reason though, saying it out loud was scary. ‘Think’ made it feel less tense. “If either of you, or both of you, don’t want to be a part of this, I understand. A baby isn’t really what any of us had in mind when this started.” I swallowed, chewing on my bottom lip again as I waited for their response. They looked at each other again with those unreadable expressions, then grins broke across their faces. “We’re gonna be dads!” they said in unison. I didn’t realize just how tense I was, my muscles tight, shoulders hunched, until that moment. A weight, heavier than I had thought, was lifted and I relaxed with a deep sigh. A grin of my own started to form as they both wrapped their arms around me. Kisses were planted against my cheeks and I closed my eyes, feeling happy tears forming in the corners. I had no idea how we would move forward. How we would tell their family, or mine. How we would handle work, and other people finding out about the whole situation. For tonight, at least, I didn’t have to worry about any of it. Tonight I could bask in our shared happiness. “How are we going to handle everything?” Cole asked after a few moments, his embrace loosening as he straightened. “Our families? Work? Which one of us-“ “Can’t we just enjoy the moment?” Riley interrupted as he nuzzled my shoulder. “None of that is important tonight.” My hand rested on his cheek, my own cheek on the top of his head. “Yeah,” I agreed, shifting so I could put my legs across Cole’s lap. I held my opposite hand out for him, wanting him to rejoin mine and Riley’s embrace. “Let’s just be happy tonight.” “Okay,” he relented, a small smile reforming as he moved to snuggle into my side, my arm around his shoulders. I knew no matter what tonight held, when morning came, Cole’s anxiety will have compiled a list of questions that we would have to figure out the answers to. For now though, I wanted to believe in the shared fantasy that they would be dads. That they could share fatherhood the way they shared everything else. Maybe they could too. There was no rule saying that we had to find out the biological paternity of the baby, and if they were both willing to step up to the plate, who was I to stop them? My dad had always said you couldn’t have too many people who love you.