Allistaire

#2: Secret

            “Ano, Daisy? Pinuntahan ka ulit ni Seymore? Binalikan mo na naman ba ang ex mo?”

            Umagang-umaga ay iyon ang bungad ni Raven. She was dragging a yawning Alyssa behind. Sumalampak ang dalawa sa harap namin ni Ash. I was usually the one who always gets up first. Pagkatapos ay si Ash at ang dalawang ito. Nasa east wing ang dormitory namin samantalang nasa kabila naman ang dalawa.

            Unti-unti ay pinuno ng aantok-antok naming mga schoolmate ang hall para kumain ng breakfast.

            “We didn’t see each other yesterday, Raven. Kinulong mo ako sa bathroom, remember?” Pinandilatan ko ang kaibigan.

            “Oops! Sorry!”

            I rolled my eyes heavenwards. Hindi ko malilimutang ni-lock niya ako sa loob ng girls’ bathroom para huwag kaming magkita ni Seymore. It was the second time she did that, hoping she’d be successful one day to truly break us apart.

            Ngayong umaga, kahit wala ang tulong niya, masasabi kong tuluyan na nga yata kaming maghihiwalay ni Seymore at hindi na magbabalikan pa.

            On my right hand, I wore Ate Cala’s present to me. Noong una ay kinamumuhian ko ito pero kalaunan ay sinuot din, thinking I’d be less homesick if I do so. Her birthday present for me yesterday was the gold Cartier bangles that I wore this morning. Alam kong kailanman ay hindi magiging sapat ang mga materyales na bagay ngunit ganoon yata talaga kapag nagmamahal. Kahit kapiraso ay tatanggapin at pagtitiyagaan.

            “What’s for breakfast?” Alyssa yawned.

            Sa kabilang banda ay naroon si Mrs. Mildred. May hawak itong sandok at suot ang maruming apron mula pa kahapon. Our plump lunch lady was sporting her usual grumpy face, completing her killer chef look if this was a horror movie.

            “Oatmeal and boiled eggs.” I wriggled my nose.

            “Again? Why must we suffer every day?” Sinabunutan ni Alyssa ang sarili at dumukdok sa table.

             Raven was busy bickering with Cleo at the other table so I turned to Ash instead. She was inexplicably silent ever since this morning.

            “Did something happen between you and Jace? Did you do it?” ngisi ko.

            Seymore was with Jace when he visited yesterday. Siguro nga ay nagbalikan kami at ka-double date pa sina Jace at Ash. If only Raven didn’t lock me up inside the bathroom that morning. But even if we patched things up, we’d still go on our separate ways because I was to be married in the afternoon.

            “I chickened out, Daisy. We were supposed to do it in the janitor’s quarters but I bolted! Now Jace doesn’t want to talk to me!” Umiyak si Ash.

            Halos sabay-sabay namin itong nilingon.

            “Chicken!” Cleo shouted from their table.

            “Ang layo mo na nga, nasagap mo pa! Sana ay naging radio ka na lang!” Raven growled back.

            Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang grupo ni Cleo sa kabilang table. Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Ash na kahapon pa pala nalulumbay. Her full bangs were in disarray, and her nose was red like Rudolf, the reindeer.

            “Hindi ba ay nagbasa ka pa ng Kama Sutra? Akala ko nga ay maghe-head spin ka pa!” halakhak ni Raven.

            I gave her the look, shutting my friend up almost immediately. Alyssa held our poor friend’s trembling hands. With her innocent eyes, she whispered, “It is not s*x that gives the pleasure but the lover.”

            Ash cried even more, lamenting about her unreciprocated love letters.

            I consoled my friend through my sermons. It included trying to make her understand that boys in our age only wanted one thing: to get under our pants. That was what she and my friends, and perhaps all of us in our all-girls boarding school thought. It was our gospel of truth, believing in it more than the scripture lectionary we read every Sunday afternoon.

            “Kaya humanap ka ng mas matanda sa’yo, Ash.” I lectured my friend, oblivious to the fact that I was already thinking about someone that wasn’t Seymore. No, he didn’t even come close.

            Buong araw nitong binagabag ang aking isipan at damdamin. On my right hand, I was clutching Ate Cala’s gold bangles, but on my left, my fingertips were grazing the light yet sturdy material of another band of gold. My wedding ring.

            Hindi ito napansin ng aking mga kaibigan dahil sa unang tingin ay parang accessory lang. I wore all sorts of rings and even the spiral ones. But it was indeed my wedding ring. I married Allistaire Delgado yesterday in Saint Dominic Cathedral.

Ang magkasukob na araw ng aking birthday at pagkamatay ni Mommy ay nadagdagan pa dahil sa aming pagpapakasal.

            My eyes weren’t puffy anymore that I thanked the sun and stars. Otherwise, Raven might think that Seymore and I talked again. Baka ikulong na naman ako sa bathroom.

            “Daisy! On the board!” Sister Anabel whipped her long ruler on my table.

            I jumped on my seat, not knowing I already zoned out. Cleo smirked and flipped her hair. Muntik pa akong madapa nang itabig nito ang paa sa aking nilalakaran.

            “Lampa,” my archnemesis hissed.

            Inirapan ko lamang ito at tinanggap ang chalk ni Sister Anabel.

            The next morning, nothing changed. Ash still didn’t receive a letter of reply from her boyfriend Jace despite her incessant mails to Kuya Jojo, not to mention her bribes to our poor church custodian. Phones were strictly prohibited in our boarding school so we were pretty much communicating in the old-fashioned way.

            “Draw a p***s and put your face in it!” Alyssa clapped eagerly at lunch.

            Lalong umiyak si Ash at hindi na alam ang gagawin. I was now eating her yogurt since she didn’t have any appetite.

            “Gusto mo, Ash, ako ang mag-drawing sa noo mo?”

“Why not write love poems in it? To express yourself?” I suggested.

            “Shut up! May sulat na naman para kay Daisy at sa akin ay wala!”

            I made a face. “Seymore?”

            In my mind, I was reminding myself that I could no longer accept letters and entertain boys. Yet with the unfamiliarity of marriage, I couldn’t quite decipher it. Kung galing Seymore man iyon ay tatanggihan ko na lang siguro. Siguro.

            Umiling si Ash. “It’s from Angel. Your suitor from the higher batch. Napakadaya talaga!”

My mouth formed an ‘o’. Mas maganda kung si Angel at hindi si Seymore. Mas kayang kong tanggihan. I shrugged and paid no attention to it unlike all those other times that we’d gossip about our suitors.

            While my two other friends comforted her, I was stroking her back. I was once again zoning out as I stared outside through the large picture window. I was seeing my memories yesterday instead of the brilliant green mountaintops surrounding our boarding school.

            Unconsciously, my thumb was once again stroking my ring.

            “Hindi kita papakasalan! Ayoko sa’yo! Get away from me, you asshole!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs with the angry tears brimming my eyes.

            Hindi nakinig sa akin si Ilay at patuloy akong kinaladkad papunta sa likuran ng aming school. Natatanaw ko na ang kaniyang nag-aantay na Aston Martin. I was clutching on my school uniform that was stained kaya suot ko ang pang-P.E. class.

            “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Paulit-ulit kong binabawi ang mga nakagapos na kamay ngunit sadyang mas malakas siya.

            Ilay groaned and slammed me on the nearby wall. He looked terribly pissed off, his lips snarling. Mas tumapang ang tingin ko at nakipagtagisan sa kaniya.

            “Hindi ako magpapakasal sa’yo! Humanap ka na lang ng iba mong pakakasalan!”

            “Unfortunately, my stubborn fiancée, that is not up to you. Our marriage was already written five years ago. I’m pretty sure you know of that agreement,” Ilay hissed, his eyes going dark. “Ikakasal ka sa akin sa ayaw at sa gusto mo. At kung kailangan kitang kaladkarin papasok ng simbahan ay asahan mong tutuparin ko.”

            “Hindi mo ako mapipilit! Sinabing ayoko sa’yo! You will never be my husband! I will not marry someone like you!”

            “Start accepting your fate, Daisy! Do you part in our compromise! Bago matapos ang araw na ito ay pinapangako ko sa iyong kasal na tayo. Kahit lumuha ka pa ng dugo ay walang mangyayari. Suck it up because I don’t want to get married to you too! You’re nothing but a spoiled child!”

            Lumagapak ang aking palad sa kaniyang pisngi. Parang kinukuryente ang mga kamay ko. Ilay gritted his teeth, his jaw clicking harshly. Mabangis ang katahimikan nang bumaling ang mukha nito sa kabilang banda.

            Fear swallowed my cries. I flinched when his taut shoulders flexed brutally.

            Suddenly, he was dragging me once again by the wrists. Binunot nito ang susi at pinatunog ang kotse. Buong lakas niya akong tinapon sa loob. I was crying for mercy the whole ride as he drove us to the nearest cathedral.

            “Daisy! Angel sent you a parcel!”

            The memory faded away into the green pastures of our school’s vacant lot. I blinked a couple of times. Kahit nasa hall ay tanaw pa rin ang maliit na second gate sa likuran ng aming eskuwelahan. I could almost see Ilay’s wrath seeping out of his obsidian eyes as he violently shoved me inside his car. Remembering the throbbing of veins on the side of his neck made me shiver.

            “Ano raw iyon, Alyssa?” I calmed myself and turned to my friend.

            Si Ash ay lalong umiyak habang nakikitang binubuksan ni Raven ang aking package. Nag-aabang lang ako, marahang dinadampian ng hawak ang kalambigi sa pulso sat singsing naman sa daliri.

            Angel Lucero, my suitor of the month, sent me a human-sized teddy bear. Pahirapan pang inakyat sa dormitory. Isa pang nakikisiksik sa aking ulonan. The day went on with the laments of Ash and Cleo’s occasional insults. Sa araw-araw ko sa boarding school ay hindi talaga nawawala ang intrimitida kong classmate.

            Kinabukasan, dumalaw ulit si Ilay para ibalik ang aking tumbler na naiwan sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. I was looking for it the whole day yesterday but now it made sense. Only I didn’t expect that he would be the one to have it. And that he’d return it instantly. Hiyang-hiya ako nang inabot niya ang aking tumbler.

            “I already talked to Sister Margaret. Your emergency contact will now be me in case something happens. My number is at your disposal,” Ilay nodded.

            Bahagya kong inalog ang hawak na tumbler. I was looking at his Italian loafers hitting the ground. Ilay was wearing his Armani suit, looking so immaculately handsome. My schoolmates would jump him without doubt. Sa second gate na aming tagpuan ay nakatago naman.

            “Alam na ni Sister Margaret?” I pursed my lips, refusing to meet his gaze.

            “Na ako ang asawa mo?”

            Napapikit ako. I fought the urge to back away. It didn’t feel right whenever he says it like that. It sounded too casual on his lips. All I felt was the fat man sitting on top of my chest. Because how could this man be my husband?

            This cruel man whose name reigned in the business industry, whose wealth reached every narrow corner. This man who was known for his ruthlessness and had the most powerful empire under his command. How could someone like him marry someone like me?

            Lalong nadepina iyon nang bumaling ang tingin ko sa aking suot na school uniform. I was now wearing the skirt and blouse, not the jogging pants. Standing in front of Ilay in his posh suit and expensive cologne, I could only feel small and helpless.

            “I thought...” I licked my lips. “I thought this is going to be our secret...”

            The wind softly blew through my hair and swayed my short skirt. Dinala ng mabining hangin ang mamahaling pabango ni Ilay sa akin. That scent followed him everywhere. It never failed to made me think that he was carrying wads of cash in his pockets.

Behind us, the tall buildings of my school echoed with the students’ chatter.

            “I’m your secret.” Ilay knitted his brows. “But you’re not mine.”

            Yumuko ako, kinakalma ang nagwawalang puso. Inipon ko ang hanggang bewang na umaalong buhok sa isang balikat. Kuya Jojo stepped outside, taking out the trash.

            “Aalis na ako, Daisy. Babalik na ako sa trabaho,” Ilay muttered after a while.

             I nodded, feeling my wedding ring while looking at his. As if sensing my gaze, he, too, touched the masculine version of my ring. Its girth doubled mine, its edges rougher and stronger. Nag-angat ako ng tingin dito. Mas tumalim ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin.

            “Call me if there’s anything you need. Take care of yourself while I’m away.” Ilay stood up straight, his full height easily dominating mine.

            Umayos din ako ng tayo at ipinakita sa kaniya ang aking tumbler. Sumilay ang sinag ng araw sa kaniyang sumisingkit na mga matang kakulay ang abo.

            Ilay nodded and motioned to the closed gate. “Go...”

            Tumango ako at sumunod. Sa aking bawat yapak ay ang mabibilis ngunit malalalim na mga tambol ng aking puso. Iniisip ko pa lang na naabala siya sa kaniyang trabaho at bumalik ulit dito, nagmaneho nang matagal para lang isauli ang aking tumbler ay umuurong na ang tiyan ko.

I couldn’t help but to look back at him. Ilay was still standing on his spot, eyes deliberately focused on mine. Nakasingkit pa rin ang mga mata nito habang tinatanaw ako. Para itong laging galit at hindi napipigilan sa kahit anong gusto.

            He nodded again so I resumed my steps.

            “Daisy! Angel is outside! Dumalaw!” hila sa akin ng isang classmate.

            “Huh?” I was disoriented, not knowing if I should focus my attention on Ilay alone.

            Lumingon akong muli sa likod. Sakto naman ang paglabas ng isang babaeng staff sa aming school. She went straight to Ilay who raised his brows at me.

            “Bilisan mo, Daisy! Naghihintay si Angel!” hila pa ng aking classmate.

            “Allistaire! Buti at naabutan kita! Kamusta ka na?” tanong noong lumabas na babae.

            I gulped, feeling the same heaviness on my chest. Habang hinihila ng excited na classmate ay palingon-lingon ako kay Ilay. He looked so reserved standing on that same spot. Tumango itong bahagya sa kausap ngunit kaagad ding ibinalik ang tingin sa akin.

            My heart skipped a beat when our eyes locked.

            “Liz...” He greeted Miss Elizabeth although his dark, brooding eyes remained on mine.

            I looked away. Tiniis ko ang malalakas na mga tambol ng puso na ngayon ay may kasamang hagupit ng sakit. Tuluyan na akong nakapasok sa school dahil sa paghila ng classmate.

            My friends weren’t lenient with Angel like how they were with Seymore. However, Raven wasn’t able to lock me up inside the bathroom unlike the last time. Pinagtitinginan kami buong lunch dahil nasa table namin ang grupo ni Angel. They surely stuck out like a sore thumb, being the only group of boys to eat in our hall.

            “Do you like my gift yesterday? Tinabi mo ba sa’yo kagabi?” Angel leaned on my side.

            Walang nagawa ang mga nagbabantay na madre kung hindi ang umiling. Wala ako sa sariling tumango. Ash who sat beside me was flirting with his friend. Probably her rebound kung sakaling maghiwalay sila ni Jace. Raven and Alyssa were shaking their heads at me from across the table.

            “Malambot ba? Yayakapin mo iyon sa gabi ha?” bulong pa ni Angel.

            “Sige...” I answered absentmindedly, nudging my wedding ring with my thumb.

            Angel was grinning from ear to ear. Kausap nito ang mga dinalang barkada sa aming table at nakikipagtanguan sa ilang mga kakilala sa campus. Like Jace and Seymore, Angel came from Saint Matthew but was a higher batch. Cleo was looking daggers at me from across the hall. Their group was consoling the girl that Angel stopped courting ever since he knew that Seymore and I cooled off once again.                 

            “Malalandi talaga ang mga grupo ninyo, ano? Lalo ka na, Daisy. Uhaw na uhaw sa mga lalaki. Simpleng malandi lang,” irap niya sa akin nang kumuha akong tubig.

            “Angel is looking for excitement so he went to me instead. It’s not my fault that your friend is a lousy girl.” I snickered before turning my back.

            Cleo and her friends were seen sulking if not throwing me murderous looks. Kahit na diskumpyado sina Raven at Alyssa sa pag-entertain namin sa grupo ni Angel ay nagtatanggol pa rin. To be honest, I wasn’t really interested with my new suitor as of the moment. Hindi katulad dati na tutok ako. Maybe I was just restricting myself to do so.

            Our marriage was still new to me. The ring helped a lot to make me remember. Yet sometimes, the train of thought would crush my mind solid. I was the wife of a notorious, billionaire CEO. I was Mrs. Allistaire Delgado. Blood would come rushing in my head whenever I thought about it. The idea was unorthodox. Someone as high and mighty as him shouldn’t marry someone like me – a mediocre school girl.

            Pagkatapos ng lunch ay sinamahan ng aming grupo sina Angel pabalik sa kanilang sasakyan. I was zoning in and out, not that my suitor was minding it. Nagyayabang lang naman ito sa kaniyang mga pag-akbay at paghawak sa akin.

            “Gusto mo bang dumalaw ulit ako bukas, Daisy? We’ll have lunch again.” Pinisil nito ang mga pisngi ko.

            Raven gagged behind us.

            “Sige! Nang tuluyan na akong makalimot!” halakhak ni Ash na nakakapit ang mga braso sa isa pang higher batch na kaibigan ni Angel.

            Bago pa man ako makapag-react ay sumalubong na ang grupo ni Cleo. Ang dating pinopormahan ni Angel ay humagulgol nang dinuro ako. Nauuna si Cleo na sumasabog ang mukha sa galit.

            “Mang-aagaw! Malandi ka talaga, Daisy!” sugod niya.

            My friends acted as a human barricade, easily deflecting Cleo’s attacks. Umawat rin ang mga barkada ni Angel habang ito ay pangisi-ngisi lang sa tabi. Nakipag-high five pa ito sa mga kasamahan na tuwang-tuwa habang dinuduro ang umiiyak nitong dating nililigawan.

            “Let’s go, girls! Hindi dapat natin urungan ang ilusyonadang iyan! You bullfrog!” Sumugod ako.

            “Daisy! Cleo!” Sister Margaret was marching with her entourage of clergymen. “Both of you! In my office! Call your guardians!”