Forbidden Baby

Chapter 16 – Festivities

Thia’s POV

I woke up on the morning of my final exam with trepidation. I was sure I had done enough revision to do well, but after this I had my scan, which meant only one thing. Mum and Dad finding out the truth. I tried not to think about it as I headed into the classroom.

As I set my focus to the task in hand, all thoughts of this afternoon had been side lined, and I managed to get through the exam feeling relatively okay about it. I wouldn’t find out for 2 weeks how I had done, but my teachers had said I could start preparing for next year’s curriculum anyway, so not to get behind if I did pass.

Everything here seems to be moving on smoothly and I was starting to enjoy being in this place. It was lonely at times, sure, and lack of reality sucked, but I loved having my independence and the freedom of my own space.

I made my way from the exam room, a small amount of relief washed over me as I revelled in the knowledge that my last exam was finished. I headed straight over to Lilly’s office, which was only a short walk away. I was going to have lunch with her before the scan.

‘Here, I made you a sandwich’ she pushed the plate towards me ‘How did it go?’

‘Good, I think! Will my results come here?’ I asked cautiously, hoping they wouldn’t go to my parents’ house.

It’s weird, but as I settled into life here, I no longer saw their home as mine. I had considered, when it was time to move back, I would probably struggle to readjust to life with them once again. I was enjoying being independent.

‘They will come directly to you via your email’ she smiled ‘You ready for this afternoon?’

‘Yeah, I’m ready to get this over with. At least after this I will have one less thing to keep a secret’ s**t, did I say that aloud!

Lilly gave me a questioning look as she peered at me, ‘Thia, anything else you want to tell me?’

‘Um, no, honestly, it’s only, ugh’ I didn’t want to lie to her, I was sick of all the lies, ‘I know who the baby’s father is, I just didn’t want them to know. They wouldn’t take it well’ I sighed.

‘Ah, I see, well, they don’t need to know, I guess. Unless he took advantage?’

‘NO! No, nothing like that’

‘Well, I wont pry anymore, you know where I am if you want to talk about it’

‘Thanks Lilly’ I was grateful she stopped asking questions.

‘Ok, let’s go’

We made the familiar trip to the clinic, and we went straight through to the waiting area for the scan. When I was called though I went over to the bed and got ready. I don’t think I would ever get used to the sensation of the cool liquid being squeezed onto my belly.

As the monitor was turned toward me and I saw my little girl on the screen, tears lined my eyes, she was so clear to see, her features already more obvious and her limbs, body and head faced the screen as if she was saying hello.

In that moment, I was lost in awe and wonder and the beautiful life I had created, and I vowed that whatever happened, I would cherish and love the time I had left with her. She was absolutely everything to me.

I had spent so long feeling sorry for myself and my situation, I had forgotten to enjoy the life I had growing in me. In that moment, I realised, it didn’t matter what my situation was, I needed to live in the here and now.

I left feeling positive and happy for the first time in so long, it felt liberating. Lilly noticed the change in me, but she didn’t question it. I was glad, I didn’t want to have to explain myself. I wanted to live in the moment and be happy.

When we arrived back at the house, we went straight to Mrs. Radcliffe’s office. I felt a little apprehensive going into her office, but Lilly held my hand like she was my security blanket. We entered her room, and Lilly spoke.

‘We have some unexpected news’ she seemed stoic and official, unlike the Lilly I knew.

‘Yes’, she looked over the rim of her glasses above her computer screen and eyed us suspiciously, my stomach dropped a little in anticipation, but her reaction would be nothing compared to my parents.

‘Well, it seems the initial sonographer was a little inexperienced, Tabitha is actually only just 26 weeks pregnant and isn’t due until the 18th of April’

‘That’s quite some error’ she looked sceptical, and I tried to hide the worry from my face.

Lilly kept her calm exterior and continued, ‘They apologised, but at this stage, there is little we can do about the error, the person in question no longer works for them’

‘I see’ I wondered how much of that was actually true, and worried Lilly had done too much to help me, Mrs. Radcliffe did not seem remotely impressed ‘Well, I guess you are right. Tabitha, I will need to call your parents and inform them of this right away. It will mean at least another month stay here, and you already have an unusually long stay’

‘Yes Mrs. Radcliffe, I understand’ I wasn’t sure if she wanted me present for the call or not, but she answered my silent question for me.

‘You may leave, you don’t need to be present for the call. If there are any problems, I will let you know’

I left and thanked Lilly who gave me a hug and went off to continue her other duties. I, on the other hand, was finished for the Christmas holidays, so went straight back to my apartment and spent the next hour staring at the scan picture of my baby.

I didn’t hear from Mrs. Radcliffe, or my parents, so I assumed they had agreed my additional stay was okay.

***

Christmas Eve

I slowly sunk into the sofa with a warm cup of milky tea and switched on the tele. I wrapped myself in a blanket and let my mind drift into the fantasy world of the Christmas movie that was showing. I was alone, which is nothing new, but this was different.

Everyone had gone home to be with their parents or family and of course, I would not be doing that. A small part of me thought I would be allowed home, but I had no way of asking, and I still had not heard from anyone.

Mum and Dad hadn’t even called and checked that I was okay. Mrs. Radcliffe had never mentioned if they had called, and I dared not ask, because I had a phone, and she would wonder why I hadn’t used it! Too many questions I couldn’t answer loomed.

I figured they must be furious with me. I don’t blame them in a way, I had really f****d up, but I am still their daughter. I waited all day hoping that the last post would bring me a card, I was desperate to hear from the boys.

I missed my brothers. I hadn’t realised how much I would until they were taken away from me. But I wasn’t going to sit here and dwell on the things I couldn’t change. The last post would have been here by now, I had nothing.

So, as I curled up on the sofa and got comfy, I allowed myself to enjoy the peace and immerse myself in the fantasy world of a Christmas Miracle, as I daydreamed of my own. Baby girl kicked happily as I sipped on my tea, and for that moment, I was content.

When Christmas morning arrived, I was in no rush to get out of bed. It was warm and comfortable, and I melted into the duvet. Only when my belly rumbled, did I stretch and drag my carcass out of the cocoon I had created.

It was cold and frosty outside, and as I made my way to the front room I looked out of the window and momentarily wondered what the people I loved in my life were doing right now. Opening presents, spending time with their families, laughing, and joking.

I found peace with my situation and silently prayed that they were all well, safe and happy. It was the first time I had prayed since I had left home. As my thoughts processed, I really did mean it, I believed it, and I hoped that God would listen to me.

Baby girl was getting cranky, she and I both needed feeding. I made my way to small kitchen and took out the treats I had afforded myself in this week’s shopping. I warmed the small selection of pastries I had bought and made tea while I waited for them to be ready.

I switched on the tv and hoped there was something comforting and magical to watch while I ate. I found an old black and white movie and sat and watched it in awe. I had never seen anything so old fashioned; it would never have been a choice I would have made if I had options.

But as I sat and watched it, I found myself being transported into another world, and the simplicity and clarity of the images on the screen made me forget everything that could have possibly worried me in that moment.

When the movie finished, I made my way into the kitchen and started preparing my Christmas dinner for one. I had considered not bothering, but the idea depressed me, so I decided I would try and make a mini roast dinner.

I had spent some time watching a cooking show so I knew what to do and wouldn’t set the place on fire, I had taken notes so I wouldn’t forget! I switched on the small radio so I could listen to Christmas songs that played while I prepared everything.

Prior to this, in the few cooking lessons I had had in the main kitchen downstairs, I had really only learnt the basics of cooking rice, pasta, veggies, a few sauces to go with it and basic meat prep. I was becoming more self-sufficient, but I was by no means an expert.

By early afternoon, everything was ready, and I was sat eating my meal for one. I was so proud I had succeeded in making something edible and not destroyed the kitchen in the process. And it was good!

I allowed my food to settle before doing the dishes and baby girl kicked happily. I had begun to love the feeling of her moving and kicking, even though sometimes it was uncomfortable and hurt! She made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

I spent the next few hours reading my favourite book and by the time the evening had come, I was back on sofa with my blanket ready to watch my favourite Christmas movie of all time, Miracle on 34th street.

It was the perfect way to end what could have been a potentially awful day, but instead of allowing the misery to consume me, I embraced the time I had in my own little world, just me and my daughter, happy and together.

I found myself talking to her a lot recently. More for myself than for any other reason. I found when I did, she seemed to like it. I wondered if I had gone mad thinking this, but everything I spoke aloud, she would move or kick me.

I found this always made me smile, so as I ran myself a warm bath, ready to get settled for the night, I talked to her telling her all about her amazing uncles, her Dad, and her auntie Loretta. It gave me solace and she seemed to enjoy it. I relaxed into the bath and let the water envelope me.

When I snuggled back into the warmth of my bed, I said goodnight to Baby Girl, switched off the lights and drifted into a peaceful sleep, not concerned or worried about what the future held, but at ease with the time I got in the present with my little girl.