Cosmic Undead

He stared at the photograph on his hand, smiling sheepishly. While his colleagues were too busy to notice him, Jeremy brought the picture close to his face and kissed it. A beautiful lady stood in the picture. "Jerry? You got headache?", Mia asked, as she walked in. "Imagine the boss walks in, boom! you're off to jail" "The boss has no right to do anything against me", Jeremy said and looked up at her. "in three, two, one" The boss walked in, immediately. "Hey, Jerry! I need you with me... just a few minutes, please". "Uhn?!", Jerry exclaimed, gaping as if he were called to his death. He sprung up. "I'm very sorry, sir. I really need to get the heck out of here, as soon as now" "What's the excuse?" "Does it have to be me?", Jeremy asked, as words began to storm out of his mouth. "I have a beautiful wife and, trust me, she really loves me and she gets paranoid and work is not an excuse- not to her, trust me- if you really love me and don't want me dead, you have to let me go... please!" His boss stared blankly at him. He definitely didn't get anything Jeremy had said. "Why?" "It's our wedding anniversary" "Woo-hoo!", Mia teased him. "I wonder what she was thinking when she took your ring... Such a sexy looking damsel to a potbellied old fart" "The last time I checked, I'm just 30", Jeremy replied, calmly. The last time he looked in the mirror, his stomach was definitely as flat as a saucepan; not the size of a pot, though the six-pack dream was bound to remain a dream. "Congrats, Jeremy. Come over, Mia", the boss said, quickly, and walked out. "Hmph!", Mia fumed, as Jeremy threw a victory smile at her. "Am I really that ugly?", Jeremy asked, casually, as Mia walked out after the boss. "She keeps mentioning it again and again." "I'm pretty sure she never mentioned ugly", Dave, a male colleague sitting closest to him, said. "She only said 'potbellied', 'old' and 'fart'. And, at times, she calls you 'sloppy', 'blind', 'huge nosed' and those kinds of stupid things. That could only mean one thing, Jerry" "What? She's envious of me? 'Cause I'm the best or what?" "No, i***t. She likes you", Dave said. "Are you kidding? Where in the world is it a rule to say bad things to people you like?" "It's fact, man. You take it or leave it", Dave said to him. "She fakes the hatred to cover up the truth. She's not envious of you. She's envious of your wife." Jeremy had his right hand stroking his five strands of beards, as though he was in a deep meaningful thought. "Don't think about it", Dave said, joking with him. "You already have a wife with two huge chest cups and it's your wedding anniversary." Jeremy got the joke. No, it was serious. "Wouldn't hurt to have one with two chest bowls, would it?", Jeremy played along as he bounced out of the office. "Still wonder why a beautiful lady with chest bowls would be jealous of an handsome man". His wife would be mad. He forgot that day. She always waited for him to greet her, whenever there was something important to celebrate (her birthday, the half year wedding anniversary, her mother's birthday?, Christmas, Easter), so she'd know if he keeps their hysterical love in mind... or so she claimed. 'Who knows if it's just a strategy? She forgets to greet me first so she hides under the pretence that she has been waiting for me to greet first. hmm!', he thought, stroking his goatee, as he walked on. Crazy weird thoughts run around, disrespectfully, in his mind. ".... and kill as many people as you desire. Buy at discounted prices...." Those words broke into his head. He held onto the first clause, as his eyes fell on a toy shop. The man was selling toy guns. There was no reason to be scared. He walked closer to the toy shop. "Buy your guns and kill as many people as you desire. Buy at discounted prices, only lasting for a few hours. After that!!!, death becomes rare. Murder becomes expensive! Buy your guns and kill...." "How much are the guns, originally?", Jeremy asked. The clowny shop owner replied, disrespectfully. "You're not blind... Kill as many people as you desire.... at. discounted prices" There were price tags on the items. Yea, he's not blind. "Okay. How much discount are you giving them now?", Jeremy asked again; another stupid question. "You're still not blind", the shop owner sighed and replied. "The discount only lasts a few hours. Buy your Kalashnikov, snipers, rifles for your kids so they can kill your irritating neighbors and stubborn landlords... Buy at discounted prices so they can prepare for the third world war" Every detail was already stated on the price tags. Jeremy pointed to one of the guns. 'I'm definitely taking advantage of this' he thought. It was a small realistic pistol, originally sold for $9, with a discount of $3. There was no use for the gun. He was actively thinking of one. "Do you have a mask? I got to play a prank with this" "Yes. It's forty dollars", the shop owner replied. "No way! I'll get a mask for ten dollars. Are you kidding?!", Jeremy exclaimed. The man was probably getting his gain from the other goods. "No discount on that one or what?" "No discount." "Ok. I won't be needing the gun again. Can I have my six dollars back?" "Sorry, no. Payments are not refundable. Items can be returned if customers desire." "What's the use of returning the item if I won't be getting my money back?!" "That's why experts advise that you should never return a purchased item, no matter how bad it seems", the shop owner replied, dramatically. That didn't make sense. Jeremy didn't understand. He didn't try to, either. "I'll pay twenty for the mask", Jeremy said. The shop owner looked at him. "Note; that's fifty percent discount. But I'll sell it, only because your wife's pregnant for me" "What?!" "Just kidding. I don't know you, or your wife", he walked in and brought out a mask. "You can't just bring out a piece. Don't I get to pick?" "Did I tell you I sell masks?", he replied, throwing a carefree smile at him. "I bought that s**t, two years ago. Needed to buy this shop" "You robbed? I don't even care. The mask is ugly" "Your wife wouldn't find it beautiful, anyway. Happy anniversary" Jeremy was going to smile and say 'thank you very much. She's beautiful' but "Who in the damning cages of hell are you?" "Oh, me? I just happen to know you and everyone else, especially when I want to" "Whoa! So everyone's Mario the i***t, now. Seeing everything everywhere", Jeremy replied, ready to ignore, though still very curious. "It's Mario the gamemaster and he's a diviner. Idiots are different species; your specie, I believe", the shop owner said and whispered, leaning closer. "Guess what?" "What?" "You'll die, tomorrow, so a good advice for you is; travel wherever you may go, drink a lot of yoghurt and f**k your wife tonight" "Ew! I don't entertain such disgusting talk in public", Jeremy replied, hysterically, as the words hovered in his mind. "That was one of my plans, though. She likes it...... wait! I'll die?!!?" "Just kidding! You will. No jokes, this time", the shop owner replied. "Enjoy the limited time you got. Go home. She's missing you, already" Jeremy stood still, wondering if it could be true. What if it was? "But... I-" "There's a queue behind you, Jeremy. They'll lynch you if you stay too long" There was an actual long queue behind him, waiting to get the weird man's attention. He was never scared of death, neither was he sure if he believed what the man had said. What if he was actually going to die? 'If tomorrow is the day, then today is my day', he thought and started running home. He wasn’t sure if he was scared to die, at the moment, but he was pretty conscious of the time, anxious to get home and begin some fun with his wife. ★ He was going to sneak in and surprise her. Luckily, the door was not locked. He pressed down the door handle, as gentle as he could to avoid the slightest noise. No, it would always betray him. He didn’t hear his wife call so she probably didn’t hear the door open. He walked in and closed the door, silently. She was probably in the bedroom. The room wasn’t soundproof but she would hardly hear him approaching. He stood in front of the bedroom door, excited. He was going to barge in and shout ‘Happy Anniversary'. That was the best idea of surprise in his head. “Three, two…”, he muttered, breathing in and out. “One!... Surp- what!?!!” His eyes had fallen on a tattooed arm, first. Then, he had seen his wife’s sexy bare legs. It had happened so fast but his brain had processed every image so quick that it all seemed slow. There was a man in the room with his wife. He was on top of her. Her skirt was raised up, around her waist and she was wearing no pants; it had been flung aside. The guy had also pulled down his jeans and pants. They were kissing and had gone so deep, already, that they didn’t hear him come in or notice his presence. His other hand was on her small boobs. “Jerry?-“, she choked on her saliva, as she saw Jeremy standing and staring at them. He was really crying in his head, already. She pushed the tattooed strange man aside, almost throwing him off the bed. “Oh my God. It’s not what you think, Jeremy” The tattooed guy stood up, quickly, pulling up his pants. He was going to rush out when Jeremy pulled out his toy gun. It looked too real to realize how fake it was. “Get back here, you dumbass!” “Jeremy, I’m sorry. Please, put the gun away. I can explain!”, his wife said, panicking on her knees. “Shut up, Hailey. You could have told me about this, long time ago. I would have stopped caring” “Please, let me go”, the tattooed guy said. “She hired me. I’m very sorry” “Hired? Hailey!? What’s all-“ “I’m sorry, Jerry. I can explain. Just let him go”, she pleaded, sincerely. The tattooed guy ran out and Jeremy focused on his wife. It was his fault. His wife was an addict and he already knew that. “I’m not enough for you, am I?” “I’m sorry, Jerry”, she replied. Her eyes were laced with tears. “I was hurt. Your job was always getting in the way and I felt I was no longer your priority. I thought you no longer cared…” Tears rolled down his eyes. He really wanted to end his life in a good mood. “I always care, Hailey. I’mhere, now, because it’s our anniversary. I wanted us to have some fun” “We can still figure things out, I promise”, she said, hastily, wiping her tears from her face. “This won’t be happening again, I promise you.” “No, Hailey. It’s too late to make that promise”, Jeremy replied. “If it happens again, you can shoot me”, she said, impulsively. She probably actually loved him. “I promise” “I won’t be buying a real gun just to scare you. I would never use a gun on my wife”, he replied and dropped the gun. She stood up and walked closer to him. “Don’t step closer”, he walked backwards. “This is our last day together” “No, Jerry. I’m sorry. Please!”, she cried, bitterly. “Please, don’t do this. I… I love you!” Jeremy had staggered out, already. He was only half conscious, as the thoughts ran chaotically in his mind. The thought of his death returned and now, he was scared. He should get a drink and get a little drunk-er than he already was.