UN-BROKEN

It had been a long day at work, filled with meetings and deadlines, but all I could think about as I drove home was how tonight was going to go. “I will dress very pretty,” I said to myself smiling. My car glided through the familiar streets of my area, the evening sun shining brightly. As the car turned into the driveway of my two-bedroom apartment, I tried to push the weight of the text Tayo sent me. The words echoed in my mind: “We need to talk”. I tried convincing myself that everything was right. I got out of the car, closed the door with a soft click and walked towards the front door. I inserted the keys into the lock and opened the doors slowly, the smell of scented candles ushering me in. It was a new routine I developed, lighting candles so I would make the atmosphere peaceful and nerve-healing. I dropped my bag on the table while I glanced at my reflection in the hallway mirror. I walked briskly to the fridge, opened it, took out the half juice from yesterday and drank, the coolness burning my throat. After that, I microwaved my spaghetti and chicken I had prepared before leaving for work. I ate silently while watching “Untangling the Past”, a sitcom I recently started following. After eating, I washed my plates, took out the trash and put my work clothes in the washing machine. My phone started to ring as I was about to get into the bathroom; it was Becca. “Hi babes. I just got back from grocery shopping. Hope you got home safe?” she asked. “Yeah, sure, you know how hectic Lagos traffic can be,” I said, sighing. “Swears, I just thank God I have my personal car, I can’t imagine getting into different buses, soooo hectic,” she said laughing, I joined her. “I’m going for a dinner date this evening, Tayo said he wanted us to talk.” “Hmmmm, finally at least he can explain why he has been acting strange towards you. He better have a good explanation for his attitude sha.” “I hope he does, so we can go back to how things were normal.” “Awwwwwn, someone is missing her bobo, abeg don’t oppress single pringle like us,” she said jokingly. “Single Kor, you with your numerous flings, and what about Donald, your recent guy?” “That one is there jaare, he doesn’t have money like I thought he had, I go soon leave am,” she said the last phrase in pidgin. We both laughed heartily. “Becca, you can never change”, I say in between laughs. “Yes, nau, there’s no love without money. Let me leave you to your romantic dinner plans. Have fun babe, and tell me the details of how it went down.” “Sure, no problem”, I said, and she hung up. I got into the shower immediately after I dropped the call. I got out and sat on my bed with a towel on my head and one on my body. My two-bedroom apartment felt hotter than usual despite the ceiling fan spinning above my head. I sat at the edge of the bed, staring at my reflection in the mirror, tracing the faint lines and eye bags I had developed because of work stress with a fingertip. Deep down I tried convincing myself it came from the colour-changing light bulbs I just got from “Treasured Finds”, the store I get my things. I should have been getting dressed. Bistro Bliss, the restaurant I was heading to wasn’t far, just a short drive to Victoria Island, but if I keep on sitting there lost in my head I’d be late. Still I made no move to change. Instead, I reached for the gold necklace on my nightstand the one Tayo had giving me on my last birthday. I ran my hand over it smiling softly. Tonight felt like an important night. He had been distant lately, but I convinced myself it was work stress. Maybe after tonight things will begin to feel normal again between us, this night we might talk and laugh like we used to. He had picked the restaurant, one of our favourites which had to mean something right? A breath shuddered past my lips. “Stop overthinking,” I say to myself. Lately, it felt like all I ever did was overthink. The late replies. The short conversations. The way his touch had changed, less loving, less certain. But I shook my head, pushing the thoughts away. He was making an effort, and that’s all that mattered. I finally stood up, opening the wardrobe with more force than necessary. My fingers brushed over my outfits, pulling out a red cocktail dress he once said brought out my eyes. The compliment had happened on a night like this one when we went on a date. I pulled the dress from the hanger, pressing it against me as I faced the mirror. The only sound from the apartment was coming from the sitcom I had been watching. I wasn’t in the mood to watch it anymore. I just wanted to focus all my attention on tonight. As I fastened the necklace around my neck, a small, hopeful part of me imagined him seeing it and smiling, reaching out to touch it, remembering. Remembering the way we used to be, the promises whispered in the dark, the laughter shared over suya and late-night drives through Lekki. Keys. Phone. Purse. I grabbed them all, taking one last glance around the apartment before stepping outside. The evening air was thick, and humid against my skin as I walked to my car. The drive to the restaurant was short, too short. I passed across streets rapidly. My fingers tightened around the steering wheels as I caught sight of the restaurant sign glowing in the distance. I smiled anticipation making my chest beat faster. Tonight things will go back to how it used to be. I had to believe it. ⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕ Bistro Bliss smelled like a luxurious blend of foods, grilled meats and spices, but all I could taste was regret. “I’m sorry Olivia,” Tayo said, his voice calm, too calm. It was the kind of tone you used when cancelling a dinner reservation or returning a shirt that didn’t fit, not when breaking someone’s heart. I blinked trying to understand what he just said, my fingers tightened around my spoon, I couldn’t continue eating He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring at his untouched smoothie like as if it held the words he couldn’t bring himself to say. The restaurant bustled around us, waiters moved swiftly between tables. I could hear laughter from the group at the far end, their joy a cruel opposite to the pain I feel inside me. I gripped the edges of my chair, my fingers digging into the worn wood. “So that’s it?” My voice barely heard above the chatter around us, I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to hear it. I should have seen this coming. The signs had been there, the short distant replies, the forced smiles. But I had convinced myself that things would get better. That maybe we were just going through a phase like couples used to and we would survive. A part of me didn’t want to make a scene, but another part still desperate for an explanation wanted to shake him, make him see me. I wanted to make him remember. He wouldn’t even look at me. He sighed, rubbing his temple before running a hand through his hair the way he always did when he was nervous. “I just think… we’ve tried our best to make this work.” A cold numbness crept through me, replacing the initial sting of his words. Tried our best? As if love was a difficult task. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. I wanted to be angry, but all I felt was empty. I searched his face for something, maybe a proper explanation on how we got to this point. The chair scraped against the floor as he stood, slipping his car keys into his pocket. For a second, he hesitated, like he might say something more. My breath caught in my throat. But then, with a slight nod, he turned and walked away. I sat frozen, staring at his retreating figure, waiting, hoping, that he would glance back. He never did. The sounds of the restaurant pressed in, the clinking of cutlery, the soft hum of music playing in the background. I sat there long after he was gone, my jollofrice untouched was now cold, my hands still clenched in my lap. The ice in my Chapman had melted completely. Around me, everyone was oblivious with what just happened. The waiter called out orders, couples whispered over drinks and food, someone laughed from across the room. The world hadn’t stopped spinning just because my heart had shattered. The waiter approached me hesitantly, glancing at the empty chair across from me. “Madam, do you need anything?” My throat burned as I forced out the words. “No, I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t even close to fine. I exhaled shakily, pushing my food aside. Tayo had left me. Love was supposed to feel safe. But as I sat there, staring at the space he had occupied just minutes ago, all I felt was the sharp, stinging pain of goodbye. Maybe I should have fought harder. Maybe I should have asked him why. Maybe I should have begged. My phone sat on the table, the screen dark. No messages. I let out a bitter laugh. The world outside was moving on. The streets of Victoria Island were still buzzing with life, taxies honking, hawkers moving between traffic. Somewhere out there people were falling in love, while I sat here, drowning in heartbreak. I reached for my purse, forcing myself to move, to breathe. Tayo had left. For the first time in a while, I had no idea what came next.