MY DOUBLE LIFE

Saturday

Saturday mornings were meant to be silent.For most people.For Nandi , Saturday was the one day she didn't have to pretend.She woke up at 9:43 a.m. with sunlight streaming in through the curtains and her phone vibrating in some unknown place below her pillow.She groaned.Reaching blindly, she located it.Six notifications.Two messages, three dating-app matches. And One missed call.She smiled and then she remembered Thabo. And she didn't like that. Her smile vanished and not because she had a bad night in fact opposite happened it was good and that was the problem good nights made men think there could be another one. Nandi opened the first message. THABO: Morning. Coffee?She stared at it.Coffee, such an innocent word and yet coffee meant conversation and conversation meant familiarity, familiarity bought questions nd questions were dangerous.She deleted the notification, then she opened the dating app.A new match awaited her. Marcus, 34.His profile held three photographs, a picture of a dog, and the words:Looking for something real. Nandi immediately unmatched him."Absolutely not". She tossed the phone on the bed.Something real? Everyone said that at the beginning, Until real became inconvenient and complicated, Until real meant choosing one person and trusting someone, and trusting someone had cost her three years of her life.She got off the bed.The woman who had been to bed almost two in the morning was gone.By lunchtime, Nandi had transformed again.No mask.No dramatic makeup.Just jeans, a white blouse and her glasses.She looked ordinary and that was exactly how she liked it.She met Lerato at a café in the city.Lerato took one glance at her."You look tired." "I'm fine." "You went out." "Maybe." Lerato rolled her eyes. "Nandi." "What? " You know you're allowed to have a normal relationship, right? "Nandi nearly laughed." A normal relationship? "Yes." "with whom? "With someone you actually like.""I like plenty of people." "That's not what I mean." Nandi stirred her coffee. Lerato watched her closely. "You never stay." Nandi stopped stirring. "Stay where? "Anywhere." Silence. "You're always leaving before people get close." Nandi looked up. "That's because people aren't meant to stay." Lerato frowned. "Who told you that?" Amara didn't reply. She didn't have to. There were some questions that had names she refused to say. Three years. She had given someone three years. She had learned their habits. Their favorite food. Their fears. Their dreams. She had known how they took their coffee. She had known what their face looked like first thing in the morning. She had trusted them with parts of herself she had never shown anyone else. And then she had discovered that while she was building a future, he had been building another life. Her chest tightened. She took a sip of coffee. Lerato reached over the table. "Hey." Nandi looked up at her. " You don't have to tell me." "I know." "But whatever happened..." Nandi waited. Lerato squeezed her hand. "...it doesn't mean everyone will hurt you." Nandi gently drew her hand away. "Maybe not." She smiled. "But I don't need to find out." --- That evening, Nansi stood in front of her wardrobe. Black dress. Red dress. Blue dress. She ran her fingers across them. Tonight was different. No mask,No hiding. She wanted to see what happened when she walked into a room as herself. Almost. She chose a red dress,Simple, Elegant. Dangerous enough. Her phone buzzed. A message from a new number. UNKNOWN: Drinks tonight? She smiled. She hadn't even saved his name. Perfect. Mandi : Where? The bar was crowded. Nandi sat at the counter, slowly sipping her drink while the stranger next to her tried to start a conversation. He was charming. Funny. Confident. Exactly the kind of man she usually liked. "You come here often?" She smiled. "No." "First time? "No." He laughed. "You're difficult." "Maybe." He studied her. "I like difficult." Nansi turned towards him. There was that look. The one she knew too well. Interest. Desire. Curiosity. She could have walked away. Instead, she smiled. "That's usually what they say." "What happens after? "They find out." He laughed. So did she. For a few hours, everything was easy. No history. No promises. No future. Just music, drinks and the intoxicating feeling of being wanted. And that was exactly how Nandi liked it. Because desire was simple. Love wasn't. At 2:11 a.m. she stood outside her apartment. Alone. The stranger had asked if he could come upstairs. She had said no. Not because she didn't want him. Because she knew herself. There was a difference between wanting someone and needing them. She refused to need anyone. She unlocked her door. Inside, the apartment was silent. She placed her handbag on the table. Then she looked at herself in the hallway mirror. Red dress. Messy braids. Smudged lipstick. A woman who looked confident. Untouchable. Free. But her eyes told another story. Nandi stared at herself for a long moment. Then she whispered. "I choose when it ends." She wasn't sure whether she was talking about tonight. Or everything. Her phone buzzed. She looked down. A message from the man she had met. UNKNOWN: I had fun tonight. Maybe next time you let me take you upstairs. Nandi smiled. She typed: Nandi : Maybe. Then she deleted the message. She put the phone face down. No maybe. No next time. No expectations. That was the rule. She walked towards her bedroom. But before she reached the door, her phone buzzed again. This time, it wasn't the stranger. It was a number she hadn't seen in three years. Nandi froze. Her blood ran cold. She stared at the screen. The name she had spent years trying not to remember appeared below the notification. Zola, For the first time in years, the other Nandi disappeared. And the woman who had been hurt three years ago came rushing back.