Better the Devil you know

Tony

Walking in the front door after a shitty day at the office, I slam it behind me, cursing under my breath as I glance at the clock on the wall. Another day I make it home after 11pm to only be up again before 6 to do it all again. I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending loop. Work and home, home and work. I don't have time for the gym or dinner at home, I eat and work out in the office and I don't date. The only relationship I have is with my work. I occasionally catch up with my brother Jerry. Jerry is like my right hand man. He always has my back. We are both tall and easy on the eyes but Jerry is just so much more relaxed and easy going than I am. I don't remember the last time I had fun or smiled for that matter. Everything had to be done straight away right from the first day I took over father's company. All the policies and procedures had to be updated and implemented, new staff hired that could streamline the workload and I had to go through over 40 years of paperwork to make sure it was all above board since I know someone murdered my father to keep him quiet about something. I have to believe the paper trail is buried in these files somewhere, and when I find it, someone will pay. I've reached the answering machine and press the play messages button. The first five messages were all pretty much the same. Each one a different woman saying my mother gave them my number to organise a drink some time, one from mother asking if I got the calls from the girls and then one from Jerry sounding very excited about the time he spent at mothers and he had news for me. The only news I want is about Rita.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me! At 25, I’ve had girlfriends, partners, random s*x but Rita, she haunts me. I have never met anyone who could be tall, quiet yet bold and articulate. No one has ever been like her. I find some of them so intriguing and stimulating but I always find myself wishing they were her. Attraction is always followed by regret then resentment. I keep punishing myself for what I did to her. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever want me after what I did, how I treated her? I put the empty glass on the counter and reached for the bottle of scotch. It was a hard day today and things were not going to get better any time soon. Jerry, my brother was coming over with news from our parents. Probably another invitation to another generic holiday dinner. I haven't been to see them since I moved interstate, leaving Jerry to play happy families. My parents didn't like us dating common girls preferring us to date debutants and wealthy women they arrange for us to meet. Jerry never minded, being too lazy to have standards. Rita was different. Her parents didn't have much. They had suffered the loss of a child at the expense of their other children. They had to split the family in two for a long time while Rita's brother Kyle was ill and they never recovered. Rita showed her strength through all the grief, the loss of family in every sense of the word. My mother kept trying to persuade me to “update my social status” at every chance she got but no one could compare to Rita. Her long red hair falling down her back in a mess of waves, reminded me of fire the way it would shine and not be controlled by any means. She had the brightest blue eyes that sparkled with a hint of mischief when she smiled and her laugh was contagious. She always made me feel like I was on top of the world. I don't think I ever have had deep conversations with any woman I felt like she knew all my secrets - till that day. 

The door slams as I reach for another glass for Jerry, pouring a healthy 3 fingers over ice. I don’t know why this couldn’t wait. Brisbane has been good to us, the business was doing well. We own the building and the top two floors were our apartments. Both penthouses had half a floor each. Mine faced north, Jerry’s south. The floor underneath the apartments was a custom made private garage with an external lift for our cars to be delivered from the street. Handing the glass to him as I make my way to the couch waiting for the usual reports about his trip. Jerry always took great joy in knowing I hated hearing about Mother and her escerpaids. He was older than I by 4 years and took great delight being babied by her. We were both tall and muscular and that caught the ladies eyes. His dark short hair in contrast to my dark unruly locks. To look at us you wouldn’t even know we were brothers “Get it over with” I snapped at him. “Well, it was an interesting trip. Ran into an old friend of yours while I was there, they seemed excited to know you hadn't drunk yourself to death and more than a little disappointed you didn't visit. I must admit after the way you treated her it wasn't surprising to find her 3 sheets to the wind” he smirked into his drink. Now, who the bloody hell wouldn't know where I am? Obviously, someone, my parents don't socialise with, then again, Sydney was a big place. All my friends know where I am and what I'm doing even when I’m c**k deep in trouble. He had been away for a while, not sure how long since I was buried in work. “You won't guess who it is,'' Jerry said, topping up his drink. “She gave me this” handing over a business card with a phone number and address, nothing else. As I took the card from him I got the faintest hint of honey and vanilla. My eyes bulge open as I take another look. “It couldn't be, could it? You spoke to her?'' Jerry patted me on the back as he headed to the door. “You won't know unless you call” and he is gone. Bastard stole half my bottle of scotch and left me with more anxiety than I'd felt since the day I left. Do I call or do I just head home? Home, that place hasn't felt like home for years. I couldn't wait to get away. Now it seems I have to go back, to face my demons, and see the devil herself. Going back to Sydney was not going to be pleasant. Once I've packed I head to the airport. A private jet was ready and waiting for me. I storm onto the plane, “lets go before I change my mind” I tell the pilot. I had found enough dirt in the archives to warrant a closer look by some professionals and the best were waiting for me to land at the airport. The detective I had spoken to before I left had said he would look into things for me but so far I have had no more information. The flight felt like it took forever. Nothing could put my mind at ease. The damn trip was necessary for me to move forward and attempt to heal. The pilot announces we are beginning our descent to Sydney airport and the heavy awkward feeling takes up residence in my stomach. As the plane pulls up to the gate I disembark with a heavy heart. 

I can't believe I’m doing what I said I never would do. I'm going "home". I hired a car for the duration of my stay, I don’t need a driver telling mother where I go and who I see. The traffic from the airport to the north shore was chaos and a good distraction from my inner turmoil. I pull into my mother's driveway. This place has never felt like home to me. So sterile and void of warmth and love. The house has a spectacular view over the harbour.Three story white brick with italian marble floors, Floor to ceiling glass doors that open to an outdoor entertainment area and pool. The staircase inside looked like it belonged in a movie, straight up to a wall of glass then splits to continue to the second floor. Mother loved being so dramatic. I couldn't run away fast enough when I finished my degree and never wanted to look back. Mother is so full of joy at my return I can taste the bile in my mouth as she stands at the top of the stairs. I'm sure she is thinking of a suitable candidate for marrying me to improve her position in some ridiculous club. Sure I might screw who she throws at me but I will not entertain marriage, no f*****g way. They don't want me for any length of time, they just want the money they gain with marriage. Hell if they were that desperate they should marry mother and keep me right out of it.

My first day out of my mother's clutches, I find myself wandering through the shopping complex. I always liked shopping for clothes and computers for myself but picking out a gift for someone special, I always took my time. Mother used to send a personal shopper or father's personal assistant not liking to mingle with the masses. I bet she won't look for me here, it's beneath her. I forgot how simple things could be. Not every moment taken with meetings and operational emergencies. I sit for a moment thinking about how I can spend less time at the house when something catches my attention. Focusing on my surroundings, my gut clenches for a moment when my eyes fall on the most beautiful long red hair I have ever seen. No one should have the hair of a goddess, only Rita. Could it be her? I ask myself as I rise from my seat to follow her. She was tall and I must say had an ass I could watch all day. The way she sways when she walks is like gliding on air. I stay far enough behind the woman to listen if she speaks but won't notice me following her. She stops to look in the window of a*****e then starts talking but no one is there. She moves sideways and I notice a stroller with a toddler. As I move closer I catch a glimpse of her face. I gasp.

"Rita?" She looks up at me, recognition in her face. She turns with the toddler and runs. Why is she running? I have never seen anything so beautiful and frightening in all my life. If this is the woman I love, what did I do to make her run from me? She couldn’t know my secret, I swore I would take it to the grave, but if she is running then she knows what a monster I am. I do my best to keep up as she darts through the crowd. I lost her for a second, as I turned I caught a glimpse of her running into Myers. If i dont catch up now I will lose her. She reaches the elevator and the doors close. The indicator on the elevator shows she is heading down, the nearest stairs are on the other side of the complex. I will never make it.