Apparition

Chapter # 18

Liberation was nowhere to be found but then I heard your call and my path suddenly became clear.

My eyes slowly opened but I saw nothing like darkness had consumed my vision and I could see my future; gloom. The darkness gave me a strange feeling of dread and on top of that everything seemed like a lull; extremely calm and sleep inducing which is even more terrifying. The no sight of luminescence, gave me some pacification. The absolute silence put me to serene as I felt like what I have been through is nothing but a dream- a horrible nightmare. And that's nothing more than a blessing for me that What I've been through is nothing but an illusion that those heartbreaking moments, I spent with him are just a deception and here I am-

Wait. Where am I? What happened? Did I die? Is it heaven or Hell?

Oh, there's no such thing like that for me, My soul belongs to a devil and even after my death, I'll be his. Then where I am and why is my vision still not being cleared, I am still a wandering soul or not? What exactly happened?

Feeling like I am free from those shackles that caused me unbearable suffering. I tried to smile at the thought but couldn't. There’s a strange numbness surging through my body, stirring my mind. I can't move rather I can't even feel my body. It's just like that my mind is conscious and other things are in a dead quiet sleep, my heart skipped a beat, afraid to know about something unbearable. I wish I can go to that eternal sleep too; it would be better than this hellish place and horror. But, peace is something which was never bestowed upon me and I doubt it will ever be. I cannot see any signs of equanimity for me.

The darkness before my eyes began to fade away eventually and I can see that everything that happened is true and those thoughts which came to my mind faltered … Because I am still here... In my nightmare... with my soul, my heart, my body in his possession.

When I realized that I am still in this hell, an unpleasant sensation washed over me. I can feel my body again. I tried to get up but a sudden pain shot through my core, I groaned from pain and was about to fall back.

Before I could fall on the mattress again, I felt someone wrapping their arms protectively around me, holding me close and saving me from falling apart- in a sense which is a white lie. A feeling of consolation and being safe rushed in my every veins. This embrace of love gave a sweet harmony to my ravage. It was mesmerizing somehow, my mind could only comprehend to this. I wrapped my hand; the only part of my body I can move freely, around those arms of solace. I rested my head on the hard chest of the person who made me feel like nothing can harm me and exhaled.

The sound of my uneven breath masked the sound of his and our breaths mixed up at a moment and echoed in the room. I felt like those arms are gonna protect me. His heartbeat made me feel secure and serene. As long as I am in those arms no one can harm me, not even that devil. I can hear his heartbeat clearly. At one time, This sounded like a melody to my ears. Those arms didn't remove themselves from me; instead they brought me closer to those feelings of heavenly serenity.

“It’s okay… You are fine.” His soft voice came out like a whisper. An involuntary smile crept upon my lips when I heard it. "It was terrifying." I murmured, clinging onto him.

"I didn't mean to." His voice was so remorseful. "But I promise, will happen ever."

I let out one last shaky breath and lifted my heavy eyelids to see the face of the person who gave me this tranquility. With a faint smile, I lifted my gaze and a horror-stricken feeling surged through me. My whole body stiff as my emerald eyes met with those silver eyes that used to be filled with nothingness are now filled with immense love; with the desire to protect me. It's something I don't want to think- let alone to feel. The same devil which made me face such menacing things a human can't even imagine is now looking at me with such in-depth emotions of love and dedication.

The revolting thought which is evoked within me that I found comfort in them is disgusting. My breath became louder as he stared at me with concern.

“You okay?” He asked gently, brushing my hairs falling on my face away while moving his fingers over my skin tenderly, giving shivers to my soul. STOP IT!

I will never allow myself to submerge in that affection.

"How can I put my faith on a devil's word?" I asked desperately. "Share yours with mine." He spoke in a barely audible tone which made me give him a dolorous look, "It's painful." I whispered.

"An emotion. " He whispered back.

"I don't trust your words."

I want to get away but the pain in my body is intense and makes me unable to move. I looked down and saw bandages wrapped around my stomach. I swallowed hard in fear and tried to say something but couldn't, my voice was stuck in my throat. The feeling of fright aroused by his act, I can feel it under my fingernails. The stir feeling of knowing what's going in his mind as if it can calm me to know what he actually wants. That the affection shown by him is real or just he is trying to shatter me.

He placed me back on the mattress so gently that I can break so easily as if I am a glass doll. He moved his hand towards my face and began to caress it. I shut my eyes and shivered at the contact.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of.” He low voice, caressing me. I gulped and slowly opened my eyes and asked in a mumble, “Did you do this?”

“No.” He replied sincerely, but how can I know if he is sincere or not? Stuck in the dilemma and turned my head away.

“Why…?” I asked in a croaked voice as a tear rolled down from the corner of my eyes. He remained silent as I sensed him pulling away, giving me an unclear answer and that look of compassion which I never want from him which deluged me in undesirable thoughts.

“I cannot feel.” Not being able to understand the fathom of his words, I didn’t say anything. "And what about the belief you spoke of?" I asked.

"Call it a deception as we speak."

"Make me." I said in a croaked voice.

Why are you causing me that much martyrdom? I don't need your sympathy because you are the one that causes me that much pain. His every action induced an unimaginable terror within me. My quivering lips tried to plead for him to stop this pain but couldn't. My voice is struck in my throat. I can feel the fondness radiating from him. I didn't dare to open my eyes with silent tears rolling down my cheek.

Your silence is killing me!

I curled my toes and tightened my grip around his arms. He noticed my distress and put his hand over mine, making me let go of his hand.

“Don’t.. go.” I whispered desperately. “The loneliness scares me.” I said in a broken voice. I opened my eyes and looked at him with my watery gaze, not wanting him to leave me alone here, the thought of being alone terrifies me. He gave me a look filled with sadness. He doesn't want that. He is hurting, a sensation of pain which is intense. Being perplexed about his action, why is he hurting when I am the one who's being crushed under the weight of his presence. Why I can see behind those clouds of nothingness- Fear of losing.

“Please..” I pleaded again. He kept looking down with the mournful face.

For a mere second, I want to give him compassion for it. I shook this thought off. The moment it crossed my mind He didn't look at me. He moved away and turned his back on me. I closed my eyes with tears gleaming down my face along with aching pain on my heart. I felt a hand squeezing my hand in an assuring way. I turned to look at him. He held my hand but his head was hanging low. He didn’t turn to me, just kept holding my hand.

I can tell that he was hurting. Hurting because I couldn't give him the look he gave me. That I couldn't forgive him for the misery which was given to me but at the same time, I want him to be with me to be at my side and say that ‘he is here’ which is throwing me into those pits of turmoil. I don’t know why, but I don’t want him to get away.

What made me not to believe him is that he is a devil and is very proficient in hiding his own emotions and showing different ones to deceive anyone. It felt like the moment I'm gonna give in into his affection he'll break me terribly. That's the only thought that's making me not to fall for his trap- which might not be a trap and what he felt for me is actuality.

Knowing what's going in my mind, He let out a sigh of disapproval and shook his head.

“Believe what your heart told you.” He said.

“It’s in your possession.” I said hurriedly. He let out a dry chuckle and the sound of it made my heart pick it’s pace. I looked at him timidly, he turned to me and said, “Feel, Mary.”

A shiver went down to my core as my throat dried. My body shuddered and I turned my head away. I am afraid I might not feel something for him, which might be fatal for me. Before these horrendous thoughts could affect my mind and make me feel what I don’t want; I came up with an answer- I need to run.

~The bird needs to fly far away~