Finding Me

I just find out that I am adopted. I know, I just throw it to your face, right? Well, they did too, I mean my parents. They didn't just say it. I anyways, can't blame them; after all, they did their best raising me well. If only I didn't turn out to be a complete failure. Trouble maker; I fight, a lot, just about with everyone, no friends and surrounding of a lot of peoples who hates me, bully me... a lot. Oh, and no, live didn't start from that shocking news. To be honest it is a cause of something bad but not the start. They didn't tell me about it because I mean trouble, or because they were tired of me, but because they thought that might help me... I hope so. that was what they said trying to clear their way to finally say it. Okay, the start. It is a bit complicated, something I still couldn't understand. I was in a fight with my boyfriend; not a physical fight like with others, it was an argument. I would say silly but it felt like we were ending. It was about us not kissing, at the very list, though we were dating for about three months. I felt like I don't want to lose him, so I kissed him. It was like fire work, my first kiss... trust me not like fourth of July fire work, but a lot like volcanic eruption. I loved it. I was stupid to think someone popular like him would want trouble like me; after all it was the reaction and the high hopes that he was looking for. The jock was on me, they got it on viedo and I become jock of the year; my ecstasy, shock and crying.... everyone at school shared it and I become something, something news. It's funny some can pretend that well. Forgive my manners, my name is Bekim. I am not a blessing as the meaning of my name, but a trouble, I think my parents gave me that name so in hope I would turn out to be one. Again, the kiss wasn't the start to my life or the broken heart. It was what happened after that. My story started three days and a week after that dramatic kiss; for reasons I am still not sure of. I kept seeing him everywhere I go. He became a psycho stalker. Just for remembering him and his reaction, I still get goosebumps, in fear. He lost his charm; his good look was gone just like that. It felt like I was his primary concern, like he cared about me and me alone. he would even stand for me against his friends, just to defend my pride and stop the bullying. He literally became a concern for me and I became the center of attention in the school. He, one day, walked to my seat, in biology class. He didn't look good at all, he seemed he was passing through a struggle to sleepless nights. "I can't, I just can't, " he breathed a smile as he shook his head in disbelief. "I just can't stop thinking about you," he screamed and I frown in concern. I didn't know what to say or how to act like I was just staring at him shocked, lips gasped and afraid to look around the class, where all the students are starting at us. "I love you; I love you," he said it through his teeth. as if he was in pain, as if something is forcing him against his free will. It was all quite for a while, but I took the moment to digest what he just said to me. Imagine it, I am jock if the year after the kiss and I realized his admirable pretending to making sure I stay that way. He didn't mind breaking my heart days ago and he said he loved me. What would you do if you were me? Me, I ran like I lost my mind. I speed out the class room and all the way to my home like someone was chasing me. I'm not trying to justify anything, ahead. just stating the facts, the way they were. Just when I thought it was about to end, I became the freak in the school. Everyone thought I bewitched him. As if I mean danger, everyone would quickly change spot to get away from me. 'G, even I was starting to fear myself.' My life was officially ruined. No one wanted to share even a lunch table with me and his situation got worse conversely. I was more alone than ever before. Then came week after that kiss. I was having lunch, on a table by the corner. He simply walked to me like someone high on drugs. I shook my head tried and disappointed on what I guessed he was about to say to me. "Tell me what to do? I can't stop this consuming feeling. I love you... please tell me what to do?" I was sure he was about to cry as well. I heard it in his voice. "Say something, anything?" I look to his direction tiredly as I shook my head in disbelief. All eyes on us and ears were to our direction. it wasn't a secret that everyone was eager to hear my answer. you know what they say, fool me once... whatever. "Die," there, I said it bluntly. I got back to my lunch and proceeded digging in. Moments later, we heard a falling from the rooftop. A bump, as if something soaked touched the ground. Attention was to the French window of the lunch hall. Everyone got closer to get a better view. some are screaming, some throwing out. I look out the window only to see his lifeless smashed body on the floor, the splashed blood everywhere, I turn back and joined those who were throwing up. Everyone still remembers that. It's unforgettable. but everyone remembered my words of advice for him. The time when I said 'Die.' It all started from there, for sure, but what happened to my parents. What am I to do with their lifeless bodies, now and before me? What just happened?