The One I Cannot Have

Chapter 3: What a mesmerizing, paralyzing, tragic little thrill

I made sure I wasn't being watched by anyone when I entered my building. “What a p*****t” I said to myself after I finally closed the door of my apartment.

Next day before going out I checked around my colony to see if that p*****t was still around again. I found nothing suspicious and I made it safely to my office. I was glad I didn't have to deal with that stranger for the next half of the day as my job is not easy, I had to work long hours to make a decent living that could pay my rent and make some savings (very little) after all my expenses.

While working I didn't even remember anything from the previous night. I was happy to end my work hour at 6 and took my regular route back to my place. But, but, but…. I wasn't even 5 minutes out of my office and I was stopped by the same stranger from last night. Still, I wasn't as scared as last night because evening is quite safer than night. I tried avoiding him as if I didn't notice him yet, but he wasn't going to let me walk away easily.

“We met again,” he said, walking beside me. I slowed down as there was no way I was going to let him follow me to my colony.

“Definitely not a pleasure” I replied without even looking at him.

“You are still so stubborn. I like it. So, is it going to be your bed or mine?” There we go again.

“You know what? No bed” I said trying to overtake him.

“You like on the couch then? Or the kitchen counter? Or in the shower? Warm shower in this cold month of the year?” He wasn’t sounding like he would stop and leave me alone.

“Are you still drunk?” I asked.

“Why? You want to f**k after drinking? No problem. I am totally into that. I promise to give you the best s*x of your life even when you are not in your senses” I rolled my eyes. I haven't seen any p*****t casually asking for s*x.

“What is your problem? I don't know you”

“You know my name girl”

“No, I don't, what was it? Chad? Ray? Sid? Some really common name” I tried to pretend I wasn't even 0% interested. I actually didn't remember his name.

“You are so interesting… and really a bad actor”

“I am not interested in you” I made it clear.

“Come on, I'm not forcing you. I'm just asking for one time s*x. We can do it and then next morning you can forget me like it never happened. It will be just another s*x. But that doesn't mean it will be boring. You will not regret it. I'm too good in bed”

“Do you randomly approach people on the streets to have s*x with you? Just because you have some money? Do I look like a hooker to you?”

“No, you don't, that's why I've been approaching you since yesterday. Or you can say even more. I noticed you last week coming out of the same office and I can say you don't have any man to satisfy you anytime soon” he said and I thought he is really a good observer.

“None of your business”

“Come on, don't you want to have s*x too? You are sexy, young, girls like you deserve regular treatment in bed. I'm talking about just one night”

“That doesn't mean I'm going to let a stranger get into me”

“Why don't you come to my house, talk for a while, get to know me, drink a little and then if you want to leave, you can. How does that sound?”

“Oh, you are letting me go this easily? Do I look like a fool to you?”

“No. You look like a virgin to me” he said and my mouth was lost of words. How? How does he know? We barely met.

“Your body language says it all” he said again and I was still looking for words to say.

“What are you? A PhD in psychology? A biologist? A doctor?” I asked, trying not to look at his face.

“We are not going to talk like this in the middle of the road, are we?”

“You don't look hesitant to talk about anything in open either”

“Okay. I'm sorry. But I really want to go somewhere quiet, somewhere in private to talk and you know. Come to my house” he offered. I wanted to completely ignore him but some part of me wanted to continue the conversation and go with him. I was a lonely woman in a busy city, it's not like I'm desperate to be in a relationship, I don't want it. But he is too handsome to reject me when he is following me constantly without threatening me. I didn't want him to leave but I didn't see it safe either to go with him.

“No” I said

“Come on. We will talk first I promise. I won't stop you if you still want to leave…”

“We will go to my place. Not yours” I don't know what I was thinking but I felt it safer to let him know my address than going anywhere with him.

“Alright, I get it completely. Shall I call a cab?” He asked and I was about to say yes randomly when I said,

“No, we are going to use public transport”

“Okay, I understand you can't trust me this soon”

As we decided, we took the metro and walked to my apartment building. We took pizza on our way, he paid for it as there was no way I'm going to cook and feed him from my salary. It was a 4-floor small building in the middle of a residential area. I live on the 2nd floor with useless windows. The houses in this area are so packed, no matter on which floor you live, you can only see the walls of other buildings out of the windows.

I was so nervous taking Gary into my apartment, I made sure nobody sees me with him, or I'm getting kicked out the next day. I locked the door immediately when we were in.

“So, this is where you live… quite small” he started to make a statement from the very minute.

“It's really small, this is what I can afford here. So, am I undesirable now? You want to leave?” I was making little effort to irritate him.

“No, you are not. So can we go to your bedroom now?” He asked and I had no other option as there was no place to sit in the little living area, the bedroom was the only place I could make him sit.

“Sit on the chair” I said as I saw him approaching to sit on my bed.

We sat uncomfortably looking at each other. I was more uncomfortable as I never had any guy in my bedroom before. I couldn't believe I got this far with him. I didn't even know him.

“I really wasn't expecting you to adjust in such a place. I know rent is quite high here. Where do your parents live?”

“We are not going to personal questions”

“I won't mind telling mine”

“Ask something else” there was no way I was going to tell him anything about my early life.

“What's your salary?”

“Seriously? This is what you are going to ask me?”

“Okay, why are you still a virgin? You are in your early twenties, attractive, living away from home. Why don't you have a boyfriend”

“Well. I didn't get a chance to have s*x with someone I might want to.”

“When was the last time you had a man?”

“In my teens. The relationship never got anywhere to have s*x. I was like 15. I wasn't going to have s*x anyway before I'm 21”

“Why so?”

“Because I didn't want to do anything at my early age that I can regret all my life. I was young and it takes at least 18 years for a girl to physically develop. Mentally at least 21 to be aware of things. I didn't want to make impulsive decisions at an early age that could ruin my life or my future.”

“You were ahead of time I should say”

“Thank you”

“What is your age now?” He asked and I wondered if I should tell the truth or not.

“23”

“I bet you won't regret me tonight. You know you were really smart. I'm not saying I'm attracted to only virgins. I'm not like a person who enjoys exploiting women for taking their virginity. In the end it's your decision.”

“Thank you”

“Young girls nowadays don't think like you and get pregnant at 14 with boys they won't be even staying till 18. Single moms are increasing at such a fast rate” he said and I nodded. I didn't expect to have this kind of discussion with him.

“You look uncomfortable, why don't you get changed into comfortable clothes, you might be hungry too”

“Yeah, I should. I've been wearing this since like 10 am.”

I took my home clothes, and went to the bathroom to get fresh and changed. I made sure I didn't wear anything provocative in front of him. But deep inside me, I wanted him to be lustful towards me even in my worst clothes.

I wore a white t-shirt and blue yoga pants. I could have worn simple loose joggers but I chose tight yoga pants. I don't remember what I was thinking. Maybe it was too cold.

I saw him watching me without blinking when I came back with the pizza. I couldn't meet his eyes; he was looking too seductive.

“Can I get comfortable too? Like just keep my jacket off? He asked politely and I nodded. I watched him take his jacket off his body and his grey t-shirt was looking too tight on his body. I could see his muscular physique, strong biceps, and flat chest. His body was already seducing me. He noticed that I was checking him out and he was enjoying it. He made my eyes stuck onto him; I wasn't looking back from what I already let into my bedroom. I could feel my body wanting it. I could feel the sensation between my legs. He didn't even do anything yet.

“So, after pizza or before opening the box?” He asked in a low voice and that's when I tore the pizza box seal.