Epiphany

Apricus

Full of sunlight

Matapos ang marahang pagsara ng pinto ng kanyang silid, dumeretso si Carrack palabas ng balkonahe. Mula sa bulsa ng shorts na suot ay kinuha n'ya ang pakete ng sigarilyo at nagsindi ng isang piraso. Matapos magpakawala ng isang malalim ng hininga ay sumandal s'ya sa salaming dingding na nagbabahagi ng sala at balkonahe. Filling his lungs with the smoke, he looked at the busy life of Cubao before him.

Naguguluhan kung ano ang dapat maramdaman ay mabilis na bumabangon ang inis sa buong sistema n'ya. If there's something he feared the most, that's uncertainty.

Carrack likes Hannah. It started with a simple infatuation. Hannah is his type of woman. She's so feminine, prim, soft-spoken, and she have the gentle glow with her. But what attracted him the most was her innocent charm and her delicate aura. She looks fragile and he wants to take care of her.

As he spent time with Hannah, Carrack started to got drawn more and more. The more he got to know her depth, the more he took things seriously. And the moment their lips touched, he made a promise with himself that he will take care of her.

Carrack isn't on the point where he can declare his love yet. Hindi n'ya pa alam kung pagmamahal na ang nararamdaman n'ya para sa dalaga. Ang sigurado n'ya lang ay ayaw n'ya na nasasaktan ito. Nababagabag s'ya sa tuwing makikita n'ya ang takot at pag-aalinlangan sa mukha ni Hannah. Nayayanig s'ya sa tuwing umiiyak ang dalaga at nakikita n'ya kung paano ito nasasaktan.

And now that they resorted to a desperate move, he's wishing and praying hard for everything to be alright. Because Hannah deserves the peace of mind. Hannah deserves happiness. And Carrack wants to be that happiness for her.

Gusto ni Carrack na malaman ang nangyari sa nakaraan. He also wants the truth. But he wants to keep his promise with Hannah. Sa dami ng kabiguan na sumira sa tiwala ng dalaga, isinusumpa ni Carrack na hindi na s'ya dadagdag doon. He wants to assure her that she can trust him and his words. Gusto n'ya na patunayan kay Hannah na hindi s'ya magiging kabiguan nito.

Kahit hindi pa s'ya sigurado sa nararamdaman n'ya, seryoso si Carrack kay Hannah. Hindi n'ya sasaktan at bibiguin ito. Gusto n'ya na ibigay ang lahat ng pagpapahalaga, pag-aalaga, at respeto na nararapat para sa dalaga.

Sa malalim na pag-iisip, hindi na namalayan ni Carrack na nakaubos na s'ya ng sampung sticks ng sigarilyo. Panandaliang natulala s'ya bago bumalik sa loob para kumuha ng bagong pakete ng sigarilyo mula sa nakaimbak sa isang drawer sa bar n'ya.

Bitbit ang isang bote ng whiskey at shot glass na nilagyan n'ya ng yelo, bumalik s'ya sa balkonahe. Anxiety started to crawl on his system. He's worried for Hannah. He knows that this moment, as he sat in the silence, Hannah is facing her fears. And thinking how she's breaking herself just to be able to be alright, he wants to dive straight to hell and face that demon haunting Hannah.

And yes, he believes Hannah. There's no way that she's just making things up. The fear and anxiety clouding her aura is too genuine to be made up. The hatred burning in her soft eyes at the mention of the name is as vivid as the blazing sun. And as he listened to her, he knew in his heart that he believes in her words.

And as coward as it may seems, part of him also doesn't wish to hear the whole of the story. Dahil kung ngayon na alam n'ya pa lang na nasira ni Skipper Vergara si Hannah at may nagawa itong masama noon ay nakakaramdam na s'ya ng galit. Baka kung malalaman n'ya ang detalye ng kademonyahan ng lalaki ay baka makapatay s'ya.

Carrack Licht Amante would not give a f**k that Skipper Vergara is his cousin's husband. And Caspian Mondragon is aware of that. Tahimik na tao si Carrack pero alam ni Caspian na kayang tumawid nito sa sukdulan kung magkakaroon ito ng rason.

And hearing the whole of Hannah's story, Caspian felt relieved that Carrack was not on the room. Dahil kung nakakaramdam s'ya ng pamumuhi ngayon, alam n'ya na kung si Carrack ang makakaalam ng narinig n'ya ay hindi magiging mahirap dito na magwala.

"Gaius," Caspian called his cousin. Napatuwid s'ya ng tayo sa nakitang pagkakakuyom ng mga kamao nito. Ramdam n'ya ang pagkamuhi na nararamdaman nito. He can feel the killing intent he's pressing.

Mondragons are originally a family of assassins. To them rape is far more evil than murder. And with that concept etched on the members' being, Gaius felt like killing some ass tonight. And he wouldn't give a f**k if that asshole is his brother-in-law. He's confident that Candice, his wife, will understand him.

"Gai, we have to verify the information first," sinubukang pakalmahin ni Caspian si Gaius. Maaari kasi na kathang-isip ang istorya ni Hannah at dahil iyon na ang pinaniwalaan n'ya ay iyon na ang katotohanan para sa kanya. It's a rare incident to forge a truth on the subconscious mind but it's possible.

"We will," seryosong sabi ni Gaius at pinagmasdan si Hannah na payapang natutulog na sa ngayon. "I need that to appease myself right after killing that bastard."

Caspian took a deep breath. Kung mapapatunayan na may kasalanan si Skipper, hindi magdadalawang-isip si Gaius na ipaalam iyon sa mga magulang nila. And knowing his father, Frost Mondragon, paparanas nito sa isang rapist ang buhay na malala pa sa kamatayan.

And things will get too complicated. Because killing Skipper will upset his wife Tricia Amante. And hurting Tricia Amante is like declaring a war with Justin Mondragon. Because their cousin Justin is in love with Tricia.

This is too f****d up. That's what on Caspian's mind. They got tangled.

As the cousins stepped out of the room, they went to look for their friend. They found Carrack sitting on one of the high chairs on his bar. He's drinking a whiskey while puffing a cig.

"She'll be good as new after she wakes up," Caspian squeezed Carrack's shoulder.

Carrack gave out a mocking grin. "She's not lying, right? She was violated. She was defiled," he said with certainty.

"We did what we came for," Gaius said in a dismissive tone. "Take care of the girl."

Tumalikod na ang dalawa matapos nilang magtanguan.

"I will. Because she's my girl," Carrack said before the two shut the door after they stepped out.

After a moment, Carrack started tidying up. Iniligpit n'ya ang mga ginamit n'ya at uminom ng tubig. He decided to take a bath.

And in his mind, he just want to pretend that Hannah was just sick and she's better now. Ayaw na lang n'ya na punuin pa ng alalahanin ang sarili n'ya. Because what Hannah wants is to move on. And he'll die for her wish to come true.

If he let himself get stuck with the issue with Skipper Vergara, he knows that it will affect their relationship. And that will rob Hannah off her chance to a fresh start. And Carrack doesn't want to be the one who will ruin her this time. So he wants to just hold on to his faith and hope.

And to leave everything into karma. After all, what goes around, comes around.

After taking a bath and making sure that he's not reeking of alcohol and smoke, he sat on the side of the bed. He carefully combed his fingers through Hannah's hair.

"Be okay, baby," Carrack sighed. "So you'll be ready for me."

Carrack bent down to kiss Hannah on the forehead then he went out of his room. He picked up his phone to call on his sister.

"Selene," Carrack greeted in a serious tone.

Selene's brows furrowed upon hearing the tone her brother used from the other line. "Yes?" She replied, not hiding the hint of her curiosity.

Carrack took a deep breath then leaned his body against his glass wall. He looked down at the lights from the distance. "Hannah's with me," he started. "I want you to call her mother and tell her that you're together. Make an excuse."

"What?!" Napatayo si Selene sa kinauupuan n'ya dahil sa gulat. She got no idea why the two were together.

Carrack sighed. "I'm not in the mood to explain things to you, Selene Rosario. Just do me this favor." He started walking to his bar and pour himself a shot of whiskey. "You can come over in my place if you like. We're here at Manhattan Heights."

"Of course I'll be there! Why are you with my best friend? At bakit magkasama kayo?" Selene asked. She started arranging her things. She initially planned to work overtime for today, but she knew she can't concentrate on her work unless she got to know what's happening.

"Let's talk in person," Carrack said then ended the call. He threw his phone on the couch then he went out of the balcony with his shot of whiskey.

If he's going to be honest with himself, he wants to know the full details of what happened to Hannah. He's confident that he can accept her no matter what the circumstances are. It's just that...

Inubos ni Carrack ang alak sa baso at muling tumanaw sa malayo. Alam n'ya sa sarili n'ya na mas higit ang paggalang at pagpapahalaga n'ya sa desisyon ng dalaga. He wants to give her everything she deserves. Respect, hope, faith, and in time... love.

Carrack was already tipsy when Selene arrived at his unit. Agad na pinaulanan s'ya ng kapatid ng mga tanong na hindi n'ya mawari kung sasagutin n'ya ba o hindi. Sa huli ay nagdesisyon na lang s'ya na dalhin ang kapatid sa silid kung saan natutulog si Hannah.

"Carrack!" Halos pahisterya na sigaw ni Selene at agad na hinampas ang braso ng kapatid. Nagmamadali na lumapit s'ya sa gilid ng kama at sinuri ang natutulog na kaibigan. "Have you touched her? Why is she sleeping on your bed."

"If I did touch her I won't be calling you here, stupid," nakairap na sabi ni Carrack at tumalikod na para makaalis. Hindi n'ya sasagutin si Selene dahil hindi naman n'ya alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Hindi n'ya alam kung ano ang alam ni Hannah na dahilan kung bakit natutulog ito sa kama n'ya.

Selene was full of confusion as she checked on her best friend. She knew her brother well, and she's confident that he did nothing wrong, but she's puzzled for the reason why they're together. And why is Hannah sleeping on Carrack's bed? Carrack is not someone who'll casually bring someone on his home. He never even invited someone on his room. Her brother is a very private person and having Hannah in his bed means something.

Dahil sa ginawang pag-angat ni Selene ng braso ni Hannah para masuri ito ay nagising ang dalaga. Sa una ay naguuguluhan pa s'ya at nagtataka kung bakit puno ng pag-aalala na nakatunghay sa kanyang si Selene. At mas kumunot ang noo n'ya nang mapansin na nasa silid pa s'ya ni Carrack.

"Why are you here?" Selene asked as she helped Hannah to sit up on the bed.

Hannah yawned then smiled at Selene. "I was in the mall earlier. Nagkita kami ni Carrack then I suddenly felt ill. He helped me then brought me here."

"Bakit dito sa bahay n'ya? Bakit hindi sa ospital?" Selene raised a brow.

Hannah shrugged. "Maybe because his house was closer around the area? Hindi ko alam, Sel."

Selene stared at Hannah for a long while. Hannah simply smiled at her.

Thinking that Hannah is not someone who can casually lie, she just shrugged everything off.

Carrack ordered dinner for the three of them. He was watching a local news show when Selene and Hannah stepped in the living room.

"Kumusta ang pakiramdam mo?" Carrack asked Hannah. Punung-puno s'ya ng pag-aalala pero dahil sa presensya ng kapatid ay nagtunog walang pakielam iyon at tila kaswal na tanong lang.

"Okay na. Thank you," Hannah shyly replied.

Palipat-lipat ang tingin ni Selene sa dalawang kasama. Hindi n'ya mawari kung ano ang iisipin, o kung may dapat bang isipin. 

Right after dinner, Selene decided that it's time to go home. Carrack called Henry, his personal bodyguard, to send the girls home. 

"I'm drunk and I can't drive. Si Henry na ang bahala sa inyo," Carrack said in a dismissive tone then he started walking to his room. He went to his closet then picked a pair of shorts then he went out of his room again. He went straight to his gym without checking if he still have his guests. 

Carrack started stretching then he run on the treadmill. Nang maramdaman na maayos na ang pakiramdam n'ya at nawawala na ang tama ng alak ay pumwesto na s'ya sa punching bag. He poured his emotions on his heavy punches. 

Carrack felt anxious. He wanted the truth, curious by it, but he's desperate to keep his promise. 

And another thing bothering him is how Hannah sees him now. She seems to be back on her timid self. At ang pinakanakakapagbalisa sa pakiramdam ni Carrack ay kung ano na ba s'ya sa buhay ni Hannah ngayon. Kasama na ba s'ya sa nalimot ng dalaga?

She told me she loves me. Carrack convinced himself with that. 

Mentally and physically exhausted, Carrack fell asleep on the ring of his gym. He woke up the next day with flu. 

A week passed without a word from Hannah. Nagkasakit na s'ya at gumaling ay wala s'yang nakuha mula sa dalaga. Carrack felt more anxious, and now he's frustrated as well. 

And the worst part for him is that he doesn't want to bug her. If he's part of the past she wanted to forget, he'll respect that. If being left out was the price for Hannah's peace of mind, he'll embrace that. No matter how much it sucks. 

Carrack tried to call the Mondragon cousins but he can't reach any of them. And another week passed, he just heard the news that Skipper Vergara is missing. 

Carrack clenched his fists. Skipper's disappearance meant something. That he's guilty and Caspian and Gaius took care of it. 

"Are you listening?" Xyz snapped his fingers on Carrack's face. 

Carrack shook his head. "Can we discuss this tomorrow? I don't feel like working today."

Xyz watched his cousin as Carrack made his way to the liquor cabinet. Carrack took two consecutive shots of whiskey. 

Knowing his cousin, Xyz didn't bother ask if there's a problem. Kung gusto ni Carrack, magsasabi naman ito. 

"Let's talk tomorrow. I'll be going now." Xyz said then left Carrack alone on his office. 

Carrack took a deep breath. All he wants right now is Hannah's happiness.