CHAPTER 5.2
1176 Words
"Parang nakatikim na ako ng ganitong flavor ng cookies. Hindi ko lang matandaan kung saan at kailan."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Whatever. Anyway, I'm leaving. I just came here for a book." He continued to gaze at me. "Stop that! Staring is impolite."
"Not when you're staring at the most impolite person you've ever known."
"Or do you mean it's not rude when your stare is ruder than you?"
"Zsss. Thanks for the cookies."
"My pleasure, baby," pang-aasar ko sa kaniya.
Umangat naman ang sulok ng labi niya. Sarap niyang isako at ipasok sa oven, eh.
"I mean the cookies you made for me when you were 16."
Nakagat ko ang dila ko ng hindi sinasadya. Biglang nagdirilyo ang puso ko sa kaba at tila ba nanghina ang tuhod ko. Iyong pakiramdam kanina na pilit kong itinaboy ay tuluyang nabuhay at pinapahina ako non.
Pilit kong kinalma ang sarili ko para 'wag niyang mapansin ang pangangatal ng aking sistema.
Shit! How did he know?! Since when?!
"What are you talking about?" I pretended to ask innocently.
Don't let him catch you, Marciella.
"I know that you know what I am talking about, baby."
"Cut the last word! And FYI, I still don't know what you're talking about. You're just overthinking!"
"Yes, I do, and that's because of you."
I rarely rolled my eyes, but when I did, he was often the reason.
"I don't know about you." Before I could take another step, he blocked my path. "What are you doing?" I grumbled irritably.
I said I loved the book, but I regretted coming back here. I couldn't decide whether to blame the book or the cookies.
"I knew it was you, Ell, the one who gave me cookies way back in high school."
My heart quickened. "Of course not."
"How long will you hide the truth? How long will you have doubt and fear when it comes to me?" He said with seriousness.
And there it goes... the pain has completely consumed my heart. I endured it; I didn't want to let my guard down.
"As long as needed, Ashmer," I replied softly.
"You've said you hate changes, but you're the one who has changed a lot. What happened, Ell? Where is the genuine Marciella in everything? Where is the old Marciella who was my childhood friend?"
"You made me change. You made me become who I am today. So, don't look for the old Marciella. She can't be found anymore. This is who I am now, whether you accept it or not." Various emotions played in his eyes, while I made sure he saw nothing in mine.
"I'm so sorry, Ell," he said emotionally.
"What is sorry if the damage is done? Please, don't dig up the past. It won't help either of us. We'll just get hurt, and everything will become more complicated."
Walang sabi-sabing nilisan ko ang office niya at dumiretso sa flat ko. Nang tuluyan akong makapasok ay napaupo na lang ako sa sahig at napasandal sa sofa na nasa likuran ko at kasabay nun ay ang pagsilandas ng luha ko.
I thought... I had already forgiven him. I thought the past was behind me, but why is it like this? Why does it still hurt? It courses through every part of my body.
Why, despite everything, have I been able to love him and get close to him?
I'm a fool! A damn fool! I never learned my lesson from what happened 11 years ago. Gab was right; why do I let him hurt me like this?
"What happened, Ell? Where is the genuine Marciella in everything? Where is the old Marciella who was my childhood friend?"
You've changed me, Ash. You've extinguished the old me, the old Marciella, through the pain you've brought to her.
Dahil sobrang tahimik sa loob ng flat ko ay naririnig ko mismo ang sarili kong hikbi. Here I am crying over and over again because of that stupid past.
God, how do I bury the past? Tell me, and I'll do it.
"Bal."
I immediately looked up. It's Gab, once again. She's always been here by my side whenever I'm hurting, whenever I'm drowning in pain.
"G-Gab... I'm okay. Don't worry."
"No, you're not. I can feel it, Marci, and it hurts damn much! It's killing me to know that... You've never moved on from your past. Why can't you just forget him? Why did you let him hurt you again?"
Tears welled up in my eyes even more.
Bakit kailangan maramdaman ni Gab ang sakit na meron ako? Nasasaktan siya dahil sa akin, umiiyak siya dahil sa akin.
Nagpapaumanhing tiningnan ko siya. Umupo siya sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko.
"I don't know why nararamdaman ko ang sakit na meron ka Marci."
"I'm sorry, Gab..."
"No, you don't have to say sorry. I'm grateful that God lets me know when you're in pain or feeling down. Do you know why?"
Tears started to fill her eyes. "W-Why?"
"Because you always keep your problems to yourself, and you're so good at pretending. That's the purpose of our strong bond, Marci. You can't lie to me, and I can't lie to you."
Yeah, maybe she's right. I'm too good at pretending, even to the point where he can't see that he's already hurting me in a different way.
"Sana... Sana kapag ako ang nasa sitwasyon mo, 'wag mo sanang maramdaman," napapanguso niya pang saad. Kahit masagana pa ring tumutulo luha ko ay natawa ako.
"Madugas ka! Hindi puwedeng gano'n, Gab. Kailangan malaman ko rin."
"Na! I think may disadvantage din talaga ang strong bond nating ito," napapakamot niya pang saad.
Niyakap ko na lang siya. She always makes me happy whenever I feel sad.
"Thank you, Gabriella," may halong asar kong sambit sa pangalan niya.
Nagmamaktol na kumalas siya sa yakap ko. "Bakit kasi Gabriella pangalan ko? So old!"
"Para naman 'yong pangalan ko ay hindi."
"Pero mas mabuti na 'yong sa'yo kaysa sa akin. Lagi tuloy akong binubully ng Jinro na 'yon!"
"Gab?"
"Hmmm?"
"Protect your heart, please. Di madaling masaktan, 'di madaling... Magmahal ng taong 'di kailanman mapapasayo."
Napatitig siya sa'kin at napasinghap. Alam kong naiintindihan niya ang point ko.
"I will, so please Marci do the same. Kapag umiyak ka pa uli ng dahil sa lalaki, babatukan na talaga kita."
"Do it."
"Ha?"
"Batukan mo ng lumipad ka sa ere," banta ko. Natawa naman siya.
"Ito naman 'di na mabiro. Okay ka na ba?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"Wala 'yon, o siya mauna na ako at ililibre pa ako ni Jinro ng ice cream," excited niya pang saad at excited na tinungo ang pinto.
"Gab!"
"What?"
"Grow up!"
"I am, Marci!"
"No, you're not."
"Whatever," natatawa niya pang saad at tuluyan ng umalis.
Napasinghap na lang ako at muling naalala ang kanyang sinabi.
"What happened, Ell? Where is the genuine Marciella in everything? Where is the old Marciella who was my childhood friend?"
As I mentioned, once someone leaves you or hurts you, you'll never be the same again.
- Writer
