Plus Size Love

* My secret for yours *

My eyes probably were as big as plates when I looked at him. I just shook my head in disbelief of what I just heard.

"Please say that you are joking right now..." - Wait, I want him to be joking? Oh my God, what. the. hell!?!

"Well... Not the reaction that I was expecting... So... Yeah... Sure... Just joking. Let's go with that."

He finished with an uncomfortable wink.

I closed my eyes and couldn't stop my brain from imagining how it would be to make out with someone like him... I pictured his lips on mine, his body pressing me against the wall... His fingers touching my skin. My blood boiled.

And then, suddenly I remembered who I am and the type of woman that he is used to be with... It was most effective than a bucket of freezing water and a slap of reality right at my face combined. 

There was no point in lying to myself about that. It was never going to happen...

I like myself, I like my body... I've made peace with my appearance a long time ago. But it is still a daily practice and I'm the only one who knows how much it did cost me to go through all that. Yeah... there it goes my own painful background story...

But to think it's possible that someone like Liam would be interested in me in this way is a completely new level of self-confidence. One that I can't even grasp. No, I'm not quite there yet... Maybe in one or two decades, but no promises.

"I have no words right now... I... Liam, God! Can we just pretend that we never spoke about that, please?" - In my mind, I could get an enormous eraser and rub all out. Yeah... I have a really vivid imagination. I wasn't able to deal with that right now...

He stared at me, and I could see his expression changing from awkward into certain in a click. And I just knew that he wasn't letting this one go that easy.

"Actually, no. I can't. Sorry." - And in a snap, he took the little amount of calmness that I still had in me. - "We have plenty of time, you just made me crazy curious... I need to focus on anything else. And I'm not even going to talk about how much you hurt my fragile ego...."- He had one eyebrow raised and a disapproving yet ironic expression showing at his beautiful face. - "So now I'm not going to shut up until you explain it to me. Why not?"

"Liam... Please... Don't do that." - I pleaded.- "It's not about you, ok!? It's about me. Your ego is safe! I'm not the kind of girl that chooses s*x to pass over time, we work together, and just... I'm not your type... That is all."

I exhaled deeply, shaking my head. Right now I was sitting at the floor, side by side with Liam Levitt, explaining why I wouldn't have s*x with him... Let's explore the concept of surrealism here, could we?

" I can accept the first two... But not the third one... How do you know my type? I don't even know if I have a type..." His face was contracted in a big frown, he was really thinking about it.

I watched him incredulously. Was he being serious? I snorted, not able to hide my amazement.

"Come on! Of course, you have. Gorgeous women, thin models, or actresses... Sculptural bodies..." - And then I finished like someone explaining why two and two make four while throwing my hands in the air. - " I'm just normal. Not. Your. Type. "

"Oh, this?! You can't be serious about that! The only difference between you and them is that they spend all their day at the gym and pass their lives making crazy diets. I do that too when I'm shooting... You are as beautiful as any of them..." - I could see where his speech was going to... I've heard it millions of times... And I was done with that. - " it's just to do the same."

"NO!"

"What?"

"I SAID NO!"

"Why not?"

" I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MYSELF TO FIT ANYBODY ELSE EXPECTATIONS ABOUT MY APPEARANCE! THAT'S WHY!"

A long awkward silence filled the room... It was so intense that I could listen to him breathing. I dared to look at him, he gulped.

He f*****g gulped!

"O.K. I can see that I got an exposed nerve right there..." - He kept talking showing his hands to me, a symbolic white flag. - " I didn't intend to offend you. And I'm really sorry... Please don't kill me."

I sighed guiltily. Yeah, he was right. I was clearly overreacting when he was obviously - at least at his point of view - making me a compliment. I had been into this situation times enough to know that anyone meant to hurt me with their words. They couldn't imagine how it felt for me to hear them and probably never would. 

"You're right Liam. I'm sorry... I get irrational... when people highlight this topic around me."

We smiled, accomplices, knowing that I was quoting his words from a few minutes earlier.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked softly.

"Wanna talk about why you are in your current "f****d up" state?" I shoot angrily but regretting immediately.

"Wow. That bad?" - his eyebrows were almost reaching his hairline, that was how much surprised he was.

"Yeah... That bad." - I whispered closing my eyes and resting my head on the wall behind me.

We had a few more moments of silence, a slightly calmer one this time before I heard his voice again.

"Ok. Let's do it."

"Let's do what?" - I shot my eyes open feeling really confused. What the hell he was talking about now?

"My secret for yours." - He pointed his head in my direction with a strange lightly scared look. - "We have plenty of time in our hands. Let's bond!" - He finished with a large smile.

"NOPE."

"Oh come on Gen, let's do it. Are you not even curious about why I'm in this "f****d up" state? Quoting your words."

I sighed again. 

I was sighing a lot. 

I decided for full honesty.

"Of course I am. I just don't want to share mine." - I smirked to him. - "And since when we are at nickname terms? Did I pass out for a week and you forgot to tell me?"

" See!? We are already bonding!" - He chortled. - " We don't need a week, even if it's possible that we will end stuck here for that long... But, let's not talk about that. You can call me Lee. "

"Liam... What are you doing?"

"I'm distracting us."

" Really?" - I couldn't prevent rolling my eyes. - " That's nothing else you would prefer to do with your time?"

The sound came in an explosion. He just cackled. A sudden outburst of uncontrollable laughter.

"Well, you didn't appreciate my first proposition... So let's go with the second, but not as fun, alternative." - I could feel my cheeks burning. He was talking about making s*x with him again. Oh God have mercy of me!

"Unless... You changed your mind..." He mumbled playfully.

"No. I didn't." - I didn't know what I was going to get myself into, but I couldn't see other better options either. - " You start."