Loving Mrs. Hwang

Futile

"Will you date me?" Seolhyun asked again. Her expression changed to frown when I haven't answered yet.

I glanced at Mrs. Hwang again, her expression was stoic. I couldn't read her but somewhat, I saw that she was also stunned with what Seolhyun asked me.

"Taeyeon?"

"Oh, um... sorry I'm just... I can't believe it..." I managed to say.

Seolhyun frowned more. This was my chance to make Mrs. Hwang jealous. I should take this opportunity.

"Okay, let's... let's try it Seol," I finally answered her.

Yoona yipped at the side as she was watching us since Seolhyun came back from the corridor.

"Oh gosh guys! I'm happy for you both!" Yoona shrieked as she jumped excitedly and clapped her hands.

Seolhyun's eyes went round and she expelled her breath in a whose. She plastered a big smile on her face then jumped on me as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"You don't know how much you make me happy with this Taeyeon," Seolhyun confessed as her hug tightened.

Shit. My eyebrows bumped together in a scowl. I was worried and I already regretted answering her question.

I stared at Mrs. Hwang, she was fixing her things on the table, she looked tensed as her lips were tight. I could see her sour expression but she was covering it with her stoic expression.

I smirked then hugged Seolhyun, there was no turning back. I should just proceed with this even if I don't know what will happen. My decision was selfish but there's an urge that telling me to try it. I want Mrs. Hwang so I would do anything for her, then I should prepare myself for this thing called karma. I know this decision has its own consequences.

It all started since then.

Officially, me and Seolhyun are dating. Many students are jealous of me because they say I'm lucky to have her as my girlfriend. It just happened so fast, she moves a little fast but I could feel that she's happy.

We kiss, hug and holding hands at school. Well I do that when Mrs. Hwang is around or near us. I know she's jealous but she won't admit it.

But as the days passed by, her expression became unreadable and flinty. She's kinda used to it, I was thinking if she knew what I am doing.

Did she know that I'm just doing it to make her jealous?

What? She could read mind now? Am I too obvious? We act civil since I started to date Seolhyun. She doesn't look at me like she used to be. She seems not to care anymore.

I hate it. I hate the fact that she's ignoring me. I hate that she doesn't care and she's not jealous. Maybe she really love her fiance. Gosh. Why would I thought that she doesn't love him? I just assumed that I could get her attention if I dated Seolhyun. f**k.

Screw me. I'm so dumb to think that right?

Now I'm in this relationship, I just can't get out because I will hurt a special girl. A very special girl for me. Seolhyun. She's special for me and I can't break up with her that easily just because my plan didn't work. That sucks. That stupid.

Well it's not yet done, I'm still waiting for my karma.

Seolhyun looks really happy being with me and I can feel how much she likes me. If I wasn't fond of Mrs. Hwang, maybe... maybe I would have feelings for her. Okay let me correct that, I have feelings for Seolhyun but not as much as what I feel for Mrs. Hwang.

If I only knew that Seolhyun loves me since freshman, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe, I would give us chance and not this stupid infatuation towards my professor.

I kinda like Seolhyun but Mrs. Hwang is different.

Really? f**k me.

Lunch time. Seolhyun walked me to Mrs. Hwang's room and we stopped in front of the door. She gave a bottle of water and kissed my cheek "I'll see you later babe," she sweetly smiled.

I nodded.

"I love you," Seolhyun suddenly confessed.

I looked at her surprised.

She held my cheek and caressed it "You don't have to say it back, I just want you to know. I will wait for you Taeyeon."

I pursed my trembling lips, I wanted to cry but I kept myself from doing it. I didn't want her to see me crying, she would probably ask what's wrong and I couldn't afford to hurt her. This was just a game and I used her.

I'm really guilty about this.

"T-thank you," I murmured and she nodded happily.

"See you babe," she walked off as she waved at me.

I turned around and knocked on Mrs. Hwang's door then I heard her yelled come in. I opened the door and revealed myself.

"Come in," Mrs. Hwang repeated.

I entered the room and closed the door.

"Please lock the door," she requested and I complied.

She beckoned me and patted a seat next to her so I walked to her and sat next to her. She put a big lunch box on the table and opened it "I made kimbap for us," she said excitedly.

Mrs. Hwang stared at me "Try it."

I shook my head "I'm not hungry Professor T."

She frowned "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Tell me," she demanded as she crossed her arms.

I looked at her and I slightly opened my mouth but no words came out so I just avoided her stare.

"Taeyeon, tell me..."

"Seolhyun..."

"What about her?" Her concern tone changed to rough.

"Sh-she loves me," I replied.

"She loves you. Well..." She paused. "That's... that's great, you should be happy," she almost whispered those words.

"But I don't love her," I admitted.

"What?" She asked in disbelief. "But she's your girlfriend right?"

"Aren't you jealous of her?" I asked hopeless.

"Jealous. Wait... are you trying to make me jealous??" She concluded with her teacherly voice.

"So are you?" I reiterated ignoring her question.

"Gosh Taeyeon, you did this to make me jealous?" She couldn't still believe it.

I remained silent.

"How could you do this to Seolhyun? You're just using her and no, I am not jealous. Please stop this just because of your infatuation," she irritably said.

And that was it, I needed to burst.

"Yes I know, how stupid I am to do that! All I could think is you, for you to notice me. I'm so blinded by this 'infatuation'." I quoted. "Right! It's just a f*****g infatuation," I raised my voice a bit.

"Don't raise your voice to me! You're being disrespectful!" She retorted. She totally bit my head off.

I laughed miserably, she was treating me like a student. That's all I could be to her. "I'm sorry Professor T for being rude. Don't worry about this infatuation because sooner or later, it will be gone. Infatuation right? It's just temporary and I want you to know that I like Seolhyun a lot. I don't wanna hurt her, she loves me and I'm so willing to love her back. I think it's not hard to love her." I'm so done with this s**t.

Mrs. Hwang's eyes softened.

"You're right, I should stop this. I'm sorry Mrs. Hwang," tears filled my eyes. "I don't know what's happening to me. I met you and I became like this. I shouldn't feel this way but I can't control it. You're my professor and you're engaged, I know that and now, I swear I will stop this delusion. I will not bother you anymore Mrs.," I sincerely stated as I met her gaze.

"I'm sorry Taeyeon," she sadly apologized.

That was enough, I had enough. I'm tired to fight for the love I wanted. Silly. Love? Do I love Mrs. Hwang? Nah. I don't think so.

I should give myself chance to open my heart for those people who love me. Seolhyun deserve it and I deserve to be happy.

I smiled to hide the pain though it was really hard "It's not your fault Professor T, thank you because you're not mad at me."

Mrs. Hwang leaned closer to me then she hugged me, it was comforting but it was also hurting me.

After some drama, we ate lunch. We ate all the kimbap she made. I didn't know that I was hungry but thanks to her delicious food.

Seeing her will definitely hurt me but what can I do? She's my adviser but she's also a friend. I won't avoid her because of what happened, this will help me to move on and I will see things why she's not meant for me.

After our last class, Seolhyun and I were walking to the hallway hand in hand. We were having our tutoring session at their house.

Honestly, she's making my heartbreak less painful.

Then a group of girls blocked our way, they were familiar to me. Oh! They were Seolhyun's friends. They smiled at me, heck no, those were smug little smiles.

I glanced at Seolhyun and she looked pale.

"W-what's up g-girls?" Seolhyun stuttered as she asked them. She looked anxious.

"So you finally do it, Seolhyun," one of the girls said.

"Please... let's talk about this later..." Seolhyun pleaded.

"No, we should inform Taeyeon about it... about the dare," she insisted. They were so bumptious and I didn't like it.

"No, let's go Taeyeon," Seolhyun squeezed my hand and dragged me.

"Tell her about it! We dared you to make her fall in love with you and be your girlfriend right?" The girl shouted and everyone heard it.

Seolhyun and I stopped.

"W-what?" I dubiously asked.

Seolhyun's friends followed us.

"You heard it, it's just a dare. Seolhyun doesn't like you, duh," her friend said with an attitude then they laughed.

"You're very confident with yourself Taeyeon and we don't like you. Before the school start, we had a party. We played Truth or Dare, Seolhyun took Dare so we asked her to fool you. I never thought you'd be that easy," she sneered at me. I wished I didn't have to know this, ignorance is bliss.

Shit. So this is my karma huh? It f*****g hurts! I feel like Seolhyun betrayed me, she just played with my feelings. She deceived me and made me believe that it's all true.

Anyway, why would I be mad at Seolhyun? We're just even. I used her but I thought she could save me from my misery. I'm disappointed I guess.

Karma is really fast and it will stab you hard.

I sadly smiled "Okay..." I gently slipped my hand from Seolhyun.

"Taeyeon... let me explain," Seolhyun begged as tears shone in her eyes.

"You don't have to, it's fine Seolhyun. I deserve this," I was about to walk but she blocked my way.

"No, no, you don't deserve this Taeyeon. Please, let me explain," Seolhyun was crying and panicking.

"Seolhyun, you don't have to explain. It's just a game, she doesn't belong to us," the girl told her then they laughed. Yeah, they are all rich.

Everyone around us murmured. Surely they were talking about this, spreading the news.

"Shut up!" Seolhyun yelled at her. Instantly, they shut their mouths. It was the first time that we witnessed Seolhyun raised her voice. She was furious and ready to explode.

We will talk but not now. I noted myself. I felt like a fish out of water in my own school.

"I'm sorry Seolhyun but let's talk some other time," I rushed and walked off, I couldn't deal with her because I was in the heat of moment.

This situation overwhelmed me, the pain is unbearable and it feels like my world is crashing down. My whole body is aching.

I need a break! A f*****g break not another heartbreak.

×××××