The Princess Swap

15.

I missed Ryker.

They say you don’t really appreciate what you have until you lose it. In my case, it was a who, not a what.

“This will look fabulous on me.” Jordyn held a dress to her chest, turning left and right in front of the mirror.

I twirled a pen, pretending to write in the Princess’ empty diary. The only thing in the pretty pink book with a heart-shaped lock, complete with a heart-shaped, silver key, was a happy birthday wish on the front page, signed, ‘Your Loving Mother.’

“Find something shorter.” Raven rummaged around the Princess' wardrobe and pulled out another dress. “Here, try this.” I watched as she handed a blue dress to Jordyn who held it up and wrinkled her nose in distaste.

I tried on the same dress the previous day. Wilhelmina had wrinkled her nose as if vomit decorated the front rather than thin floral prints. It exposed my ankles; a distasteful, almost criminal act in her eyes.

“Hey, I’m taking this. You don’t wear it anymore.” I looked up to see Jordyn holding a silver bracelet between her thumb and index. Raven rubbed her wrist. She had one exactly like it.

“That’s a friendship bracelet,” I stated, just as Raven said;

“You gave her that bracelet last month, you know? To celebrate our two years of being best friends?” Her laughter strained. She continued to finger the bracelet. I abandoned all pretence of writing, slamming the notebook shut to stare at Jordyn.

“Yeah, but I lost mine the next day. It’s too pretty to waste away” Jordyn turned to meet my stare. I stared at her, long and hard.

 Ryker used to say I was jealous of girls like these. ‘Stop thinking you hate them. You’re just jealous of them.’ How could I hate people I didn’t even know? From childhood till my nineteen years, I never befriended anyone important. Why would I hate girls like these if I never got the privilege of hanging around one?

After over a week of being cursed with Jordyn, I reaffirmed my stance.

I couldn’t bemoan people born into affluence their luck, but I could dislike them for acting like Jordyn.

“Drop it.” She did a double-take, the jewellery almost slipping from her grip. Yet she shrugged, placing the bracelet on her wrist, holding her hand out to Raven. Even Raven that liked to act dense hesitated to reach out.

“I bought it. I have the right to take it back.” I wasn’t surprised. She said the most ridiculous things from time to time. For someone who claimed to be my – the Princess’ best friend, she never bothered to hide her unfriendliness. She didn’t even bother to hide her jealousy.

‘I’ll make a better Queen than you.’ She had said. Right. To. My. Face, while Raven chuckled like an i***t. Unbelieve didn’t sum up the emotions I felt then.

“Take it back as you’re taking yourself out,” I muttered, going back to scribbling nonsense on the Princess’ empty diary. Who cared about a stupid bracelet anyway. If Ariana wanted it, she could get it back whenever she got back her body.

“What’s wrong with you these days? You’ve been moping like someone broke your silver shoes.” Jordyn sat at the edge of the bed, twisting her wrists from side to side to admire the bracelet

“Didn’t you hear her engagement will be called off?” Raven tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, sitting too. The bed was big enough for three of us but I felt cramped as soon as they sat. Especially when Raven leaned forward to peek at the diary. “What are you drawing?”

I looked down. My scribblings had formed the image of a faceless man. Jordyn snatched it up.

“Oh-uhh are you drawing your Prince? You told him to find a new queen but you’re here doodling like a lovesick teenager?” She snorted, covering her hands with her nose, making it sound more ladylike than I could ever achieve.

I pressed a finger to my temple as she continued a long tirade. Whining worse than Marcella. Almost gloating.

“Jordyn?” She paused to stare at me, her lips in a thin line.

“What?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did.” I raised my head with a sigh, catching Raven’s eye. She shook her head once, an almost unrecognisable gesture.

“Another one then.” I pulled my attention back to Jordyn. “Do you think you’ll make a better Queen than me?” Raven swallowed. Jordyn lost her impeccable posture before re-straightening her back.

“I – I mean. If you’re going to call off your engagement then I may be a better fit. I’m an Alpha after all.” She flipped her hair behind her shoulder.

Ah, hierarchy.

 I looked at Raven. Raven looked at her hands. At least, one of them had the decency to be ashamed for such blatant, brazen competitiveness. She didn’t even bother to hide she was trying to steal her friend’s fiancé.

I once overheard two sisters discussing. “A man that wants to be stolen will be stolen no matter what you do,” One had said.

Only important things could be stolen. Every other thing that goes missing I say they’ve been disposed of. Jordyn could dispose of the Prince for me. They seemed a perfect fit. Two arses. Like peas in a pond.

I missed Ryker. Terribly.

I couldn’t decide now if my life as Selene was any worse than my life as the Princess. But every time I thought of the scars on my back, Xavier’s boots on my ribs, the days I had to go without food, I knew that nothing could be worse than being me.

So the Princess’ friends couldn’t be called friends. So the Princess’ mother behaved like an overgrown child, refusing to talk to her daughter for two days now, so it was lonely, a life that went on every day but didn’t seem to have any purpose asides entertaining an entitled prince, but there was food and water and respect. Kind of.

I didn’t dread waking up. I didn’t cry myself to sleep. People rushed to cater to my every need. It wasn’t as perfect as I had seen from the outside, but I wouldn’t call it terrible. I would wish for it again if I could wish away the Prince. He almost made things not worth it.

“Jordyn, I like your nerve,” I said, sitting up straighter. Both girls looked at me like another head grew out of my neck.

“Nerve?” She exchanged a look with Raven who shrugged.

I shrugged too. “It takes a lot of nerve to get on my bad side.”

“Your bad side?” For once, her superiority diminished. I noticed than when she got lost in thought, her posture slackened. Not very queenly, Marcella would say.

“In a year, maybe less, who do you think will sit as Queen?” I shrugged again, getting out of bed. “It takes a lot of nerve to get on the Queen’s bad side, Jordyn. I’m assuming that’s what you’re doing. I can’t seem to figure out why, though.” I paused to stare her down. Her superiority hadn’t diminished. It vanished. Raven looked from me to her and then back again, twiddling her bracelet. “Why are you trying to annoy me, Jordyn?”

“I’m not trying to annoy you,” She exclaimed, her skin turning darker. “I heard you planned to call off the –“

“Don’t raise your voice,” I cut her off, faking a wince. “So it’s unintentional then.” She stared, aghast. “Until it becomes official, I suggest you watch how you speak to me and about me. We’re friends. Not competitors.” I walked out.

I expelled a deep breath, my back against the wall beside the room. Here I was, fighting a battle that wasn’t mine to fight. Putting people in places when it wasn’t my place to do so. God only knows what disasters awaited me in my pack. God only knows how long I would have to keep living as the Princess.

I caught a glimpse of golden hair and almost rushed back into the room.

“Beta Callan!” I exclaimed, hurrying forward to meet the man that put me in this mess in the first place. My crush. My ideal man. Too bad I never got to see more than a few glimpses of him even though we both lived in the castle. He was always on the go and I – well, I could say I moved with the wind. For the two days since I didn’t have to play puppet with Zion, I had nothing to do.

Absolutely nothing. It was driving me crazy, having to listen to Jordyn and Raven all day.

I even started looking forward to having someone teach me how to sit like I had a plank in my back.

“Princess Ariana. You shouldn’t run.” He grabbed my elbow as I approached him. His deep baritone still did funny things to my stomach. I held back a stupid sigh.

Damn the princess for putting me so close yet so far away from my crush.

He wouldn’t like me like this. Not when I was promised to the man he served. Uggh! I almost stumped my feet.

“Thank you. You’re so kind.” I smiled. It must have been too wide as he lost his small gracious smile.

“Oh.” He nodded, letting go of my elbow. I felt the loss at once. “Did you need something?” He asked when I continued to follow him, slowing down his fast strides.

“No.” I stopped. He did too. “I mean, yes!” Awkward Selena had come out to play. I winced at my loud voice. “I wanted to thank you for ensuring I got back safely the other day.” He frowned. I panicked, thinking I had said the wrong thing. But then he smiled, showing off perfect, straight white teeth against dark skin.

“It’s kind of my duty, Princess. But you’re welcome.” He bowed a little, signalling the end of the conversation. He turned to walk away and again, I followed. He looked down at me, turned and then looked at me again, surprised I still followed.

“Princess?”

“Beta Callan? Can I call you Callan?” I asked, walking slower as we moved to the lobby with more people moving about.

“You can call me anything you want, Princess.” I sighed again. I had dreamt of those words on many nights. If only he would say Selene, not Princess. If only he would say that to me.

“Callan.” His gaze snapped to mine. “Do you remember a girl crying at the Cathedral some months ago? You stumbled upon her after a run and gave her some money?” He looked at me how Raven and Jordyn had a few minutes prior.

“I –“ He barked out an awkward laugh. “There are a lot of people crying around the Cathedral, Princess.”

My shoulders fell.

Knowing and suspecting were two different things. I suspected the incident did not – could not mean as much to him as it did to me but knowing still made me bitter. That incident changed my life. Not even because it turned me into a weird stalker that landed me in the Princess' body. If Beta Callan could see me, surrounded by darkness and with my head in my laps, what stopped others from seeing me?

If he could see me hurting, why couldn’t my Alpha? It made me understand that I wasn’t too small to be seen. To be concerned for. To be acknowledged. It made me realize that my invisibility wasn’t tied to my relevance. People just didn’t care. I would never be important. My absence made no difference. Whether I stayed or disappeared, people wouldn’t notice. They didn’t care enough to.

It meant everything to me but he didn’t even remember.

I didn’t know I had stopped walking until he spoke again. “Uh – are you enjoying your stay in the Palace?”

“My – stay?”

“Beta.” Zion came from nowhere. “Excuse us.” And then he was pulling me away by my elbow.