THE PLAY PRETEND

Avoided

I woke up feeling terrible.

Wala akong gana bumangon at pakiramdam ko ay kulang ako sa tulog kahit hindi naman. Kung pwede lang lumiban sa trabaho kahit ngayong araw lang ay gagawin ko pero ayoko. So after fifteen minutes, pinilit kong bumangon. I went out of the room to check if Amanda’s awake but she was no longer here. I found a post-it note in the fridge and when I checked it out, I recognized her handwriting saying she left already.

Bumalik ako sa kwarto para makapag-ayos. Mabagal ang kilos ko. I just ate a light breakfast and had coffee para lang magkaroon ako ng energy para sa araw na ito. Work starts at eight A.M. so I left the unit when it was 7:30.

Vera Publishing is just a block away from here and usually, I drive my car para makarating doon kahit na malapit lang naman. But because of that dream, I decided to walk the distance para makapag-isip.

Ang sabi ko pa naman ay kahit sa panaginip ko, hindi ko siya magiging boyfriend pero hindi naman pala kami magiging mag-jowa sa panaginip eh. Kasi maghahalikan pala kami.

Kung tutuusin, bakit ba ako nagkakaganito eh panaginip lang naman iyon. No one knows about that dream except me pero kahit na ‘no! Nakakahiya iyon.

While I was walking, nagdasal ako na sana ay hindi ko siya makita ngayon. O kung makikita o man siya, siguro iiwas nalang ako.

The guard on duty today is different, kaya he inspected my I.D. so that I can enter the building. Luckily, wala akong nakasalubong na Felix sa may elevator at hindi ko rin siya nakita kahit na noong papasok ako sa office which made me sighed in relief.

I spent my time doing all the pending works on my table. Many kept coming in to submit files. Lumalabas ako para pumunta sa mga cubicle nila kapag may incomplete sa mga pinasa para maayos ulit nila. Nang napadaan ako sa cubicle ni Agnes ay nakita kong may trinatrabaho siya sa computer and I just hope it was what I told her. Paminsan-minsan din ay umaakyat ako sa executive’s office for the sign of the approval for this month’s budget.

Hindi kagaya kahapon ay naging mas maingat na ako sa pagpasok kasi ayaw ko naman na maka-istorbo ako ng hindi dapat. Dahil nga I am in finance, I am in charge to check the company’s budget at project expenses.

Noon time nang napatingin ako sa kay Felix kalalabas lang ng opisina. He is with Mr. Paul, discussing something, and judging from his gestures as well as the look on his face, it must be something serious. Mula sa pintuan ay napatigil sila, nakatalikod si Mr. Paul sa kung nasaan ako habang si Felix naman ay nakaharap sa kanya. I was trying to read the movement of his lips para magkaroon ng idea kung ano bang pinag-uusapan nila and I wasn’t aware na matagal na pala akong nakatitig sa kaniya. He must’ve felt it dahilan ng biglaang pagbaling niya sa gawi ko. Ikinabigla ko naman ito kaya agaran akong umiwas ng tingin at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.

Gosh, that was embarrassing. Naisip ko tuloy na baka ano ang isipin niya. Well, whatever it might be, nagkakamali siya.

The whole day, I was in full concentration. Kaya ng malapit na mag-dilim ay nagpasya na akong umuwi because I was satisfied for how productive I am today. When I went out of the office, dim na ang lights sa floor pati na din ang sa office ni Felix. I smiled mentally knowing that I succeeded on avoiding him today. Although it feels weird dahil madalas ko naman siyang makita kahit saan ko ibaling ang paningin ko.

I was expecting Amanda to be here tonight but no Amanda came. I checked my phone to see if she texted but there is also none kaya naisip ko na siguro ay inasikaso niya ang kailangan niya for her homecoming party. That’s when I remembered that I didn’t informed Betty yet.

Bethany, or Betty as what I call her in work, Amanda and I are best of friends. We were college buds, we took the same course in a university here in Manila but Amanda never liked it. So when Betty and I worked in the same company, Amanda took a path that is different from ours because she wanted to pursue modelling. While Amanda is a very outgoing person, Betty is timid and reserved, while I am in between them and I guess that’s makes our friendship balance.

It was 8 pm when I ate my dinner alone so I decided to call Betty, three rings and she answered it.

“Hi,” I joyfully greeted.

“Hi, Shy. What’s up?” she inquired.

“Did you know Amanda’s here?” I directly asked.

“Really?” she said, almost a whisper. Betty has always been like this. Isang tanong, isang sagot kaya naman nag-aalala ako para sa kanya dahil baka tumanda siyang mag-isa because she does not know how to socialize but, what amazes me is she applied for the position of secretary even though she barely speaks. Syempre, nasa front desk ang secretary. Siya ang humaharap sa mga taong sadya ang CEO.

Anyway, I resumed our conversation.

“Yeah, she was actually here last night. She said she will be organizing a homecoming party for herself on Friday and she wanted us to be there,” I explained. I heard her groaned at it.

“She knows a lot of big showbiz personalities now, Shy. I mean, h-hindi naman sa ayaw kong pumunta but p-parang ganoon na nga because you know, u-uhm, for sure she invited almost everyone s-she knew and you know,” she mumbled.

I understand what she means. Bethany has been anti-social ever since. Nung college kami ay kaliwa’t kanan ang mga parties. Kung suki nito si Amanda, kabaliktaran naman si Bethany. She’s always nowhere to be seen maliban na lamang kung talagang pinipilit namin siya.

Hindi ako sumagot. When Betty says no, it means no. Kaya naman nag-isip na ako ng mga pwedeng maging rason sa pagtanggi niya sa party ni Amanda pero ilang saglit lang ay muli siyang nagsalita.

“P-pero s-sige… I will go if you will go, too, Shy,” nag-aalangan pang sabi niya. Napangiti ako. “Also, I have to go home before midnight, ha?” she added. Mabilis akong tumango kahit hindi naman niya nakikita.

“Yes, Cinderella,” pagbibiro ko “If you want, I could also drive you home.”

I was not expecting a long call but when she hinted me about the strange actions of Ms. Allona and Mr. Paul.

“They’re always together. And when I said always, it means always as in palagi talaga.”

Now, this is some tea…

The problem of being in the corporate world is that, lahat ng galaw mo makikita ng nakapaligid sa’yo. That’s why I think living the life in the spotlight is quite hard. Well, this does not happen in high society only. Kahit nga wala sa corporate world ang isang tao basta ba kilala, pag-uusapan talaga ang buhay eh.

Even a normal person who earns average income per day can be subject to people. Ewan ko, siguro sa tao lang talaga ang problema.

“Well, hindi ba’t na-informed na man tayo na friends lang sila?” sagot ko sa kaya.

“I don’t think so… Does male and female friends usually hangs out together?”

“They might have platonic relationship, Betty…” I sighed.

“Sabagay.”

Naaala ko tuloy nung nakita ko rin sila. Judging from it, Bethany could be right about what she saw, but she and I could also be wrong. Anyhow, unless they spoke on what their real relationship is, everyone including me is free to interpret it into something but no one has the right to make it into something big. After all, kahit ano pang meron sa kanila, it’s their private life that we’re talking about.

Ilang minuto pa kaming nag-usap. Not long after, I heard her yawn. That’s when we decided to drop the call. Siguro, dala na rin ng pagod ngayong araw ay mabilis rin akong nakatulog.