In His Time

As a child, I grew up attending Sunday School and, during summer time, the Daily Vacation Bible School. Many bible stories were told and many prominent people were mentioned. I like listening to these stories over and over. I wonder if they are true. For me, they are just characters in a novel that I like to read. Growing up, more stories were told and they are more complicated than before. No more David and Goliath but Job's stories are now being told. Digging into the different perspectives of each character. The challenges are more complicated, a lot more challenging. Then the story of Ruth came up. She was described as a true dependable friend, God's faithful servant, seeking God's will in everything she does. I was so astonished by her story. How she overcomes her trials and struggles in life and is victorious in the end. But still, these are merely stories for me, although I believe that the Bible is God's word and everything written is true. For me, it's just a book to read, nothing else. Little did I know that in my lifetime I would get to meet a real "Ruth". That I will come to know and be with someone like Ruth. I would like to share her life, as was told to me by her, for us to be inspired and to see what God can really do to our lives. That God is still the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8 NIV) That whatever we are going through He is always there, even in the darkest hours or phase of our lives. I do not believe in circumstances, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. But maybe yes if you believe in the circumstances. I guess so. Maybe I do not know. Her name is Ruth, not the character in the bible, but a real person. They have the same name. I thought she was just a typical person, timid and shy. Let me share her story and hopefully get inspired by her life. She told her story to me on her deathbed. This is her story. It was a joyful day, December 6, 1958. I was born to a missionary couple and she is the second child. I grew up in a Christian family. My father is a pastor and mom is a lay worker. My father was assigned to the New Tribe Mission, that is why we were always travelling. My mother is a Christian and a pastor’s wife is in a delicate condition. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. Still, she is with the family serving God. Although she could have stayed with her sisters in Manila, she had chosen to come with my father and so I was born in Surigao. I have seen my parents as missionaries-church workers and friends to everybody in all walks of life. They have compassion to win souls. Although we may not have the luxury in life, yet God is faithful to us. God is always sufficient to supply all our needs. “And my God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19 NASB). We are sent to a good school, have shelter, food and all the things that we may need. But most especially serve Jesus together. As a family, we would have our family devotion, pray together and sing praises. As I was growing up, the faith that I witnessed in my parents encouraged me to seek more about Jesus. During a crusade, in May 1976, I can still vividly recall, I decided to completely give my life to the Lord. It was a very remarkable experience in my life. When I totally surrendered my life to the Lord, I thought I was in the clouds of happiness. Joy floods my soul during that day on which I felt I was released from sin and now entering a field of roses. I thought that’s it, but I was wrong. Life did not just stop there, instead my journey had just begun. Being a Christian does not mean everything will be easy. There are thorns along the way. Moreover, there are crossroads to be crossed. Therefore, my journey is just about to unfold. It was a very gloomy day for me when my mother passed away, January 13, 1977. She was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4. She refused to have it removed because she wanted to meet our Savior without any surgery. I was in 4th year high school then and it pains a lot to lose a loved one. Especially if that someone is your mother. As if my whole world stopped for a while. God provided me with joy in those days of turmoil in my life. I know that this is just temporary because this is not a goodbye, only a goodnight, a short distance alone. Because I know that we will soon see each other. It is indeed a crucial one for me, for someone young to face such a trial, to lose a special person in your life, which is so hard to bear. The Lord showed me the way of acceptance, joy and life. [“I am the way, the truth and life; no one comes to the father except thru me.” John 14:6 NASB] I was searching for answers to my question but nothing was available…I thought, but I was wrong. God’s words serve as my guide in times when I was so sad, afraid and at a loss. I have learned to depend on His words. I was able to face I and overcome the pain. Plus, the fact that my sister and my brother are also grieving with me. We learn to support one another. To cherish, more, one another, to value the presence of my siblings. I think that it also helps us to stick together. After that first road of trial I went on with life. I also tried to be active in the church. I continued my studies, but in life, there are times when you have to choose which way you will go. Mine, I choose to live with my aunt instead of living with my father. Because after a year after my mom died, he got married again, and at that time, I was not ready to live with him in that new situation. We helped our aunt, me and my sister Delta with her business. We tried to save some money to pursue our studies, but due to growing demand for attention needed in the business that did not happen. God is always on watch over us. Like what He did with Joseph, He uplifts His faithful servants. With God’s grace, we were assigned to manage the store. My sister and I were appointed to help manage several stores. We become the right hand of our aunt, whom God has graciously blessed. The second crossroad came in the early in the 1980’s. I had a relationship with a Christian guy. It actually started in the late part of the 70’s but the problem blew up in the early part of the 80’s. He decided to serve the Lord and so he entered the seminary and chose to be a pastor. I was so upset ‘coz I was not able to see each other, I felt I was not loved and was not given enough attention. I was so vulnerable at that time. Then, I met my future husband. He was always there and I was given the attention I was looking for. And so, come February 8, 1982, we decided to tie the knot. It was not planned but I can say it was a decision that I made on my own. It's like jumping off a cliff. I had second thoughts about marriage because I know in my heart that I should not be yoked with unbelievers. [“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? “ 2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV] I did not know what scripture means by heart or what is the purpose of that verse. I just realized its essence in the latter part of our relationship. In times of trials as a couple, we usually have different outlooks on life. For me, every problem is just a trial that God allows to happen in our lives to manifest His glory and to hold them much closer to His promises. But for him, every problem is a tragedy, that every problem is not a trial but a curse. And so life was not that easy for us. Aside from my marital problems, I also have my spiritual battles. In 1984, I had my first miscarriage. I feel bad about it knowing that I almost have my own son. Then God’s loving hand is always there to comfort me. Assuring me, that everything will be fine. In 1986, I had my second miscarriage again and another one in 1988. I really feel so bad, as if my world stops from turning. My whole world crumbles. I cannot take the pain of losing my children. I have dreamed about taking care of my children, having them in my arms, holding their tiny hands and feet, hugging them, kissing them, hearing them call me Mama, sing their lullaby’s, hearing them cry and have them in my arms and hearing them that Mama is here. I have it all here in my mind, I have longed for it so much that when I had my miscarriage, I cannot take the pain. The pain of losing my mother, it all comes back to me. The pain, the agony, feels like I am all alone, it all returned to me as if haunting me. No one understands how pain I am going through. As if I wanted to ask God to take me at that very moment to be with my children. Then, God’s love is always there for me. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB) God’s promises assure me that everything that is happening He knows it, I just have to trust God in making His way in my life. I learn to entrust God in His plans for my life. I lift up to Him my pains and sorrow. Every teardrop I have cried, I offer it to Him. Then, suddenly, he took away the pain and restored the joy in my heart. I decided to live in Bulacan to be closer to my family. Aside from being closer to them, my relationship with the Lord and my commitment was restored. I started to serve God truly as a church worker in Heights Christian Church, led by my father Rev. Paquito Borela. And I saw God’s provision in my life. My husband was able to work overseas and we are able to buy our own house. I am so delighted to see that little by little God is giving me things I only wished. We were also given the chance to go to South Korea to attend a convention with my father, my sister and some members of our church. In 1997, I was diagnosed with cancer (Adenosarcoma in the endometrium-ovary) stage 3B. I was shocked to have received the news. I could not believe what I just heard. My body was freezing at the thought that I might leave my husband and my family soon. I am so scared and worried about many things. There were questions in my mind but I could not think anymore. My family’s reaction is my concern. How will they accept it? I am not sure about getting the treatment for two reasons: 1. I do not have the money to support that intensive treatment. 2. Even my doctor is not so sure that I will be healed. During those times, I did not know what to do and I am in doubt God reminded me of His promises. [And He said, “if you will give earnest heed to the voice of the Lord your God, and do what is right is His sight, and give ear to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have put on the Egyptians; for I, the Lord, am your healer.” Exodus 15:26 NASB] I finally decided to have the treatment and God’s provision is always there. [“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 NASB] God uses people to sustain me throughout the time that I am having my treatment. Everything that I need God provided for me. I always felt His presence every time I was alone in the treatment room. As if God was physically with me throughout the entire journey. After a lot of treatment, I am healed. Surely God is the Lord that heals even in the present times. Words are not enough to express how thankful I am. God has given me another chance to live. His words are true and you can depend on that. After my bout of sickness comes another challenge. I realized that my marriage was really coming to an end. My husband had a son with another woman. For almost 18 years of marriage, I did not realize that my sacrifices were not enough. I felt like a loser that I was to be blame. Yet God’s comfort is always present, assuring me that even circumstances like this may happen in my life. God is always there to see me through. [“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4 NASB] But then I find it in my heart to forgive my husband. Since we do not have any children, I thought this might be the answer to my longing for my children. We reconciled and decided to take his son to be our own child. Everything was turning out okay; even if people might say bad things to me, I did not mind them. All I know is I wanted to save my marriage and I wanted to show my husband that there is a difference between being a Christian. I want to show him God’s love and mercy. But I was wrong. Everything that I planned and expected did not happen at all. After a year and a half, I found out it was true. It pained my heart so much; I did not know what to do. My eyes were blinded by that truth; all I can see is that I am a loser; I am not enough and that all I did was just in vain. Then I decided to end it all. I gave them their son back. Although it hurts so much, I know tolerating it is a bigger mistake, so I have to let it go. Then I decided to live with my aunt in Manila. There I started my new life and began to be active again, singing for the Lord in Cosmopolitan Church-Visayan Congregation. I became a member of the Pilgrim’s Choir and had a job at JMT Farms. For almost a year, I enjoyed serving God through singing and having a job at the same time. It was a different perspective for me. I learn to be independent and to regain my self-confidence. The Lord’s hand is always there to guide me, taking me to places I did not expect. Make me soar like an eagle-to expand my horizon. A door of opportunity was open for me, to be with my brother Emmanuel. God led me to go to New Jersey. For some this may sound impossible, but with God all things are possible. [Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”. Matthew 19:26 (NIV)] It was just a dream, I did not know that it might be possible to go to other places. To be able to go to New Jersey sounds impossible for a person with no possessions at all. However, if it is God’s will, then nothing can keep you or hinder you from fulfilling His plans for you. [“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV] People who know me are stunned to know I was able to go to the United States. And for me, it is a new chapter in my life. A new place, a different culture; a totally different place for me. Where I can start a new life away from all the heartaches and memories. But deep inside my heart there is this feeling of revenge. I will try my best to make my life better, to prove to my husband that I am much more worthwhile than that woman. No one knows what is going on inside my mind and what is in my heart. But I was wrong. God knows everything. During my stay in New Jersey, I attended a worship service in Beth Israel. From the first day, I knew that this was the place where I wanted to worship God. I felt that I would grow and learn more in this congregation. The messages of Rabbi Jonathan Cahn gradually and powerfully struck me. It opens my heart and my mind to accept and to forgive my husband. With God’s love and mercy, the pain, the revenge in my heart, He made it all disappear. Instead, it was replaced by forgiveness, acceptance and love. From that day on, I felt I was a new person. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to break free from those entire deep-sunken feelings. Really, God knows us more than we know ourselves. It is never easy to let go of pain, yet God made it easy for me. Moreover, I can say it is more joy and relief than carrying those burdens in your heart. Then one night, it was February 25, 2003. I can still vividly remember that night. I was praying in my room, kneeling at the bedside, I did not realize I had fallen asleep. When I got to my senses, I finished my prayer and decided to sleep in my bed. Suddenly, I saw a bright light in my room. It was so bright that I covered my eyes with my comforter. I heard a voice saying, “Ruth, what do you want me to do?” It was a vivid voice asking me. Then I did not answer from my mouth, but I answered from my mind. “Lord, you know my heart. I want to tell people of Your love, Your forgiveness and that You died and resurrect for our sins. Then the voice asked me the same question the second time. “Ruth, what do you want me to do?” Although my eyes were closed, I could see a big screen on the ceiling with different people walking with head coverings looking around. However, I do not recognize the place. They seem to be from different nationalities. I pointed out to those people and I answered, “You wanted me to tell them of your love, your forgiveness and that you died and resurrect for our sins.” Then the voice said, “I am glad that I heard what I want to hear.” Then the bright light was gone in my room and I checked my watch it all happen in 20 minutes, its 12:40 a.m. Then I started praying and thanked God for that vision. Since then, I have prayed for what ministry I should go to. I joined the care ministry where we send cards to people who are sick and need encouragement. We also visit them in the hospital. This was said while she was still in the hospital. I asked him how he got to know her. He told me this story from one of Ruth's good friends, Stephen, and this is his story about her. In the fall of 2002, Ruth took one of the classes I was teaching at the Arise and Shine Academy at Beth Israel. Around that time, we learned that one of our members, Mayra Mesa, had cancer. Pastor Brendan and I formed a small ministry group to bring worship and fellowship to Mayra's house since she was undergoing treatment for a ministry group and could not come to the congregation. Every Sunday morning before my class, I would pray for Mayra. Ruth was very concerned about her. She longed to meet her so she could minister to her and encourage her with all the Lord had done for her during her illness. The only problem was that we had to keep the group very small due to Mayra's health. One day Ruth wrote a letter to Mayra, whom she had never met before, to encourage her. The letter touched Mayra deeply since it contained an outpouring of love from someone she did not even know. Mayra then invited Ruth to come to the fellowship. At that time, we had about 8-12 men and women who came regularly to encourage Mayra and bring church to her. The group followed Mayra from hospital to rehab to hospital wherever she went. We noticed the Lord would anoint our fellowship and bring the same powerful and sweet worship everywhere. We always felt as if we were in Mayra’s home. Months went by and Mayra had her operation, which was successful. When Mayra was well enough, we began taking the group on the road and visiting other members of the congregation who were sick, wherever the need was. I said to the group that we no longer had a pillar of fire and a pillar of cloud to lead us like the Israelites, but Yeshua (Jesus) said that wherever the need was, He would be present in it. So, I said the needs of the people would be our pillar and we would follow the needs of the fire and cloud. So we call the group pillar/cloud and then later just the pillar. As Mayra improved, some of the people stopped coming or moved away, including the guitar player. We encouraged Ruth to begin playing her guitar. Therefore, after many years, Ruth began to play the guitar and lead worship. She was a blessing. Then we noticed that each week the only ones who remained on the fellowship were Mayra, Ruth, Gail, and myself. We continued ministering together at nursing homes and hospitals, evangelistic outreach, having fellowship and the Lord developed a deep bond of friendship and love amongst us. He did deep work for us as we shared our hearts, problems and life with one another. We encouraged each other and grew a lot in the Lord together. We sometimes had conflicts but we always worked through them. We tried to teach Ruth how to live in the high stress area of the metropolitan NY/NJ area. We taught her many things with our words, but Ruth taught us many things silently through the humble, joyful, servant-like life she lived. We were all very blessed. God was in it and we praised Him for His goodness. Ruth lived up to the meaning of her name, loyal friend. She was always faithful, encouraging, loving and true. Even though we are absent in body, we are all very present in spirit. Since all four of us are believers and possess eternal life, we know that our bonds of friendship are for eternity. . Whenever the pillars went together, there was always the sense of the Lord's presence with us in peace and in power. So that everywhere we went ministering together, the Lord did tremendous things as many people received the Lord through our ministry. Even when Ruth was back and forth in the hospital here, we led almost all her hospital roommates and some of their family members to the Lord as they saw the love between us and heard the Word of the Lord. Wherever we went, we saw His hand move. As she continues to fight her sickness, she wakes up and continues her story again. I told her to rest but she said she may not have much time, so she went on. Then I met this group; we call ourselves The Pillars. We visit sick people; we go to different places and try to share the gospel with all kinds of people from all walks of life. They have been my close friends and my family. Through these people, I did not feel that I was alone at all. Although there are still hardships and trials while I am staying in New Jersey, my friends help me to overcome them. I was also encouraged to play the guitar during our worship time. During my younger days when we were still in the province, I remember we used to play the guitar with the youths in the church. We sing, we praise the Lord and, often times, that is what we do. But when I grew up, my family moved to Manila and, as time went by, it had been a long time since I played the guitar. After a long time, it feels so good to be able to play the guitar again. I can feel God’s love and grace through these people, and so I am thankful that God gave me friends like them who support and encourage me. I also joined the Dance Ministry; I did not know nor believe that I would be able to dance. People who knew me would be amazed to know that I am dancing. During my growing up years, I would still ask my mom to make milk in a bottle for me. I was so chubby and, so because of that I was too shy to dance, because I might fall. I did not really try to dance at all, plus the fact that I had because of surgery on my right foot. I can remember I was about four then, my cousin and I were playing and we carried a tin can of paint. Little did we know that the lid was not properly placed, so it cut my right foot into two crosswise. The only thing that holds them is my skin. It was really sliced. So that also contributed to why I did not try to dance at all. It took a while for them to heal and I have to undergo therapy for my feet to regain their strength. So dancing was one of my “dreams”. It is something that is not possible. Then, if God blessed you, what else is impossible? I started to pray about it because I really wanted to dance. Some of the dance ministry members encouraged me to attend their group dance. I started to participate in the group dance. Praise the Lord! I cannot describe the feeling. I attended their practices and I was given the opportunity to participate in one of their dances. I was so nervous, I prayed for guidance and courage. Went on with the steps and was able to finish it. After our dance, I asked my friends how it was and they said that I did well. God gave me the strength to overcome my fears. I was able to dance for the first time and, as my friends say, you will never know nor imagine that I have not danced in all my life until now. Really, God’s gifts, love and mercy know no bounds. When He showers you with His grace and gifts, no one is greater than him. For greater is He that is in me. The time that I was in New Jersey, God showed me many things. Things that would help me grow more in God’s love and wisdom. When my brother Emmanuel went back to the Philippines, I felt scared of being alone in New Jersey. I did not know what to do. I know God will see me through, but I have doubts. The loving hand of Jesus is always present at all times. I realized that God allows things to happen in our lives because He has a purpose to every circumstance that happens. We may find it difficult during that time of facing our circumstances, but later on, we learn from those difficulties that will help us to grow as a person and as an individual. It helped me a lot to regain my self-esteem and I learned to depend more on Jesus than anybody else. For I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. [“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)]. No matter what happens, God is always there. Even if we walk in the valley of darkness, or faced with tons of problems, or in a quiet green pasture, God is always there. He is our refuge and our strength. [“God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble.” Psalms 46:1 (NASB)] And my journey continues as I wait for God's plan.