The Diary of the Suicidal Girl

Dear Diary 1

Dear Diary:

I don't know what's happening in my life . I feel like I just want to cross the street with the green traffic lights on. I feel uninterested to continue with my life. Who would want to continue with this kind of life?. f*****g routine job, broke, cheater boyfriend, broken dreams. No one would ever want to stay in this life. But why am I f*****g here? and how many times did I say LIFE?

"If you want to kill yourself, just jump on the building not here!!" I look at the furious man talking to me. I don't care you bald with a long mustache . I don't care. You better hit me with that old  car!

"Sorry" - Yes, right. I am still. Too kind to say these things in real life.

I continue walking like a zombie. Going to a routine office job. Wait until it finished. then shoot! go home. No extra activities because first I don't have energy,second I don't have money. Third, I hate these people.

****

I thought everything will be the same that day, but what happened will change my life forever. This boring life will not be boring anymore. It will continue. I know it will.

8pm. I worked overtime because my boss told me to finish the presentation that he will present tomorrow. Look at this asshole. I made it, I researched it, it's all my work then all the credits will go to him. All he needs to do is to read and study the work that I made. Nah, forget about him. Let's continue to where I am now. I'm waiting for  lrt. Oh, rush hour. I need to squeeze myself just to get in. I love Philippines.

As the lrt doors opened, Immediately went inside. Trying to swim in a large crowd of tired commuters of manila.  I tried to be in the pole where I can lean my head. I was soo tired. I want to be rich. How can I be so f*****g rich?

Maybe I should try lotto? Nah, waste of 20 pesos. I can just eat fishball or tokneneng. It is much worth it. While I was here I would like to introduce myself.

I am Rebecca Dizon/24 years.old/ working in an advertising company life. My parents died when I was 18 years.old. I was left alone trying to continue this meaningless life. I am trying to find any motivation to everything I do, but since my parents died I can't find anything.

 I have a boyfriend...HAD.. James. He is a f*****g cheater. He cheated with my best friend Aleine and they have been hiding this to me for a year. James and I had been together for a year and half and because of him I tried my best again to survive and he did this.

"Ms. Do you want to sit?" - A good-looking guy who is seating beside me break the silence of thoughts. I just look at him. I don't know how to react.

" Ms. Hello?"- He waved his hands in front of me.

" Uh?"- I went back to reality. Am I daydreaming a while ago?

"I said. If you want to sit here?"- He repeated.

"Yes." - He then stand up and let me sit. He is still beside me. I was nervous. What the hell?

am I nervous?

***Station.

It's time to go out of this train. Finally! I go out of LRT as fast as I can. without looking back.

"Miss! Miss!"- I heard that voice. The man earlier is walking fast towards me.

"Miss!!!!"- He hold my hand that cause me to stop.

"What?"- I ask nervously.

"There." He pointed my back.

"What?"- I'm really confuse what is he trying to say.

"You have blood. uhm, you know girl days"- 

I immediately look at it and oh shoot! There is!. I'm panicking what should I do?, but since I'm not the girl who is overly reacting. I remain calm and just look at him trying to ask for help using telepathy hahaha. I hope it works...I hope it works..

" Here" - He gave me his jacket.

"Thank you, again"- He didn't smile He just look at me.

"UHM, how can I return this?' - I asked. 

He just look at it. "It's yours now. Next time don't be dumb"- then he walks away.

What? I am not dumb. It isn't my fault either?..Asshole.

***

11:30PM 

I'm here now in my lonely bedroom. Thinking if I should go and kill myself?  Would it be worth it? What do you think Diary?  It's 30 minutes before April 13th. 

The day my parents died.

I stand up and find myself walking out of my apartment door. I think I want to just walk outside at this hour. It is very peaceful around here by this time.

I found myself standing beside the bridge. It's so peaceful. I can hear none. I'm looking how tall is it and if I am going to survive if I will jump here? Who would even care though? I don't have parents, I don't know my relatives. I don't have boyfriend nor best friend.

My phone vibrates and there is a message from Aleine. 

"Hello, Becca. I miss you a lot. It's been 4 months since what happened. I hope you can for give us? I want you to be my Maid of honor. You are my best friend since high school and I can't imagine without you in my wedding" .

And now, you are getting married to the man I love and you want me to attend your wedding? Seriously? you are torturing me. I want to cry . I want to cry so hard. I want to scream loud.Very loud to release all the pain that I am having now. I'm about  to jump when I heard a loud scream.

"Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

To be continued.....