The Diary of the Suicidal Girl

Dear Diary: I don't know what's happening in my life . I feel like I just want to cross the street with the green traffic lights on. I feel uninterested to continue with my life. Who would want to continue with this kind of life?. f*****g routine job, broke, cheater boyfriend, broken dreams. No one would ever want to stay in this life. But why am I f*****g here? and how many times did I say LIFE? "If you want to kill yourself, just jump on the building not here!!" I look at the furious man talking to me. I don't care you bald with a long mustache . I don't care. You better hit me with that old  car! "Sorry" - Yes, right. I am still. Too kind to say these things in real life. I continue walking like a zombie. Going to a routine office job. Wait until it finished. then shoot! go home. No extra activities because first I don't have energy,second I don't have money. Third, I hate these people. **** I thought everything will be the same that day, but what happened will change my life forever. This boring life will not be boring anymore. It will continue. I know it will. 8pm. I worked overtime because my boss told me to finish the presentation that he will present tomorrow. Look at this asshole. I made it, I researched it, it's all my work then all the credits will go to him. All he needs to do is to read and study the work that I made. Nah, forget about him. Let's continue to where I am now. I'm waiting for  lrt. Oh, rush hour. I need to squeeze myself just to get in. I love Philippines. As the lrt doors opened, Immediately went inside. Trying to swim in a large crowd of tired commuters of manila.  I tried to be in the pole where I can lean my head. I was soo tired. I want to be rich. How can I be so f*****g rich? Maybe I should try lotto? Nah, waste of 20 pesos. I can just eat fishball or tokneneng. It is much worth it. While I was here I would like to introduce myself. I am Rebecca Dizon/24 years.old/ working in an advertising company life. My parents died when I was 18 years.old. I was left alone trying to continue this meaningless life. I am trying to find any motivation to everything I do, but since my parents died I can't find anything.  I have a boyfriend...HAD.. James. He is a f*****g cheater. He cheated with my best friend Aleine and they have been hiding this to me for a year. James and I had been together for a year and half and because of him I tried my best again to survive and he did this. "Ms. Do you want to sit?" - A good-looking guy who is seating beside me break the silence of thoughts. I just look at him. I don't know how to react. " Ms. Hello?"- He waved his hands in front of me. " Uh?"- I went back to reality. Am I daydreaming a while ago? "I said. If you want to sit here?"- He repeated. "Yes." - He then stand up and let me sit. He is still beside me. I was nervous. What the hell? am I nervous? ***Station. It's time to go out of this train. Finally! I go out of LRT as fast as I can. without looking back. "Miss! Miss!"- I heard that voice. The man earlier is walking fast towards me. "Miss!!!!"- He hold my hand that cause me to stop. "What?"- I ask nervously. "There." He pointed my back. "What?"- I'm really confuse what is he trying to say. "You have blood. uhm, you know girl days"-  I immediately look at it and oh shoot! There is!. I'm panicking what should I do?, but since I'm not the girl who is overly reacting. I remain calm and just look at him trying to ask for help using telepathy hahaha. I hope it works...I hope it works.. " Here" - He gave me his jacket. "Thank you, again"- He didn't smile He just look at me. "UHM, how can I return this?' - I asked.  He just look at it. "It's yours now. Next time don't be dumb"- then he walks away. What? I am not dumb. It isn't my fault either?..Asshole. *** 11:30PM  I'm here now in my lonely bedroom. Thinking if I should go and kill myself?  Would it be worth it? What do you think Diary?  It's 30 minutes before April 13th.  The day my parents died.   I stand up and find myself walking out of my apartment door. I think I want to just walk outside at this hour. It is very peaceful around here by this time. I found myself standing beside the bridge. It's so peaceful. I can hear none. I'm looking how tall is it and if I am going to survive if I will jump here? Who would even care though? I don't have parents, I don't know my relatives. I don't have boyfriend nor best friend. My phone vibrates and there is a message from Aleine.  "Hello, Becca. I miss you a lot. It's been 4 months since what happened. I hope you can for give us? I want you to be my Maid of honor. You are my best friend since high school and I can't imagine without you in my wedding" . And now, you are getting married to the man I love and you want me to attend your wedding? Seriously? you are torturing me. I want to cry . I want to cry so hard. I want to scream loud.Very loud to release all the pain that I am having now. I'm about  to jump when I heard a loud scream. "Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" To be continued.....