HE WAS A SHE

CHAPTER 6: INVINCIBLE—HIS MASK UNDERNEATH

Every one of us has our own unique way of surviving and competing with the complexity of life. Others fight head-to-head while some just let things happen as they are—come what may, as they say. But for people like us who only have one choice laid at our hands, we fight. We fight regardless of the tedious path and uncertain outcome. But sometimes, fighting too much can drain our energy and lead us to feel weak. And along with that tiredness, we cave into the darkness and deepest pit we create in ourselves so no one will use our frailty to our disadvantage. But too much hiding isn’t good at all. First, it can heal us and take a better step forward. But sometimes it would only lead us to create a fake identity, a fake personality, or a fake version of ourselves. And since we get used to hiding our true selves, the more we are hurt and crushed. Being invulnerable to pain only makes us more broken inside.

***

The waves calmly crush each other as they reach the seashore. Birds were flying freely up in the red velvet sky. The sun was slowly disappearing from the horizon, trying to hide from the moon. As the sun slowly vanished into the thin air, it reflected a beautiful phenomenon. Its disappearance was perfectly reflected in the stillness of the wide sea.

“Wow!” I uttered while staring at it closely. “It’s beautiful.” I smiled. “How could goodbye be so pretty in the eyes?”

“What a fool!” He sighed.

“What?” I was flustered by his arrogant personality. “Fool? Who? Me? Hey!”

“Yes, you!” He bluntly replied. “How could you appreciate trivial things like that? Have you not witnessed a sunset before? Sunset happens every day. There’s nothing special about it.”

“Hey!” I s*****d him on the head.

“Hey!” His eyes widened and he gnashed his teeth in disgust. “Have you gone mad? Why did you hit me, huh? And, why are you dropping your honorifics? You should be polite to me. I’m your boss. Remember?”

“So?” I smirked.

“So? Hey!” He smirked while staring at me closely as if his eyes were about to burst from glaring.

“What? Why? Why are you looking at me like that?” I confusingly asked.

“Nothing!” He responded while shaking his head and stood up. “Forget it.”

“What is it?” I continued asking, while following behind him. Tell me! What is it? What were you thinking earlier, huh?” I pricked

him on the side. “Oh?” My eyes rolled into surprise seeing his tickle. I continued teasing him like a child playing with his friend. Seeing him smile and laugh as if nothing happened earlier, gives me relief. “That’s it. Just smile.” I whispered to myself. “You look good when you’re not frowning.” I suddenly stopped. A thought came to mind. “What’s wrong, Eli? Get a grip on yourself. Get back to your senses. Understand?”

“Let’s go!” I uttered. “It’s getting late. We have to go. So, we won’t get caught up with the heavy traffic.”

“Why are you in a hurry?” He asked while sitting back in his position. He laid back and closed his eyes. “Let’s just stay for a while.”

He breathed in and out, feeling the night breeze.

“You have an early Monday board meeting,” I uttered. “You told me that you can’t mess up this meeting. This is very important for you. You’ve been working your butt for a month just to make sure everything is perfect. Well, I know taking a rest is not a bad idea. But, you can’t slack off, especially after what happened in the restaurant. Have you forgotten? You have to prove them wrong. You have to prove to the Chairman—to your dad, that you can do well.”

“Why? Why do I have to prove my worth to them in the first place? To him?” He deeply sighed. “Am I not allowed to make mistakes? Am I not allowed to fail? Am I not allowed to live and breathe just like any ordinary guy out there?”

I remained silent. I looked at him with the same pity I had on that day he was sleeping and calling a woman’s name. I sighed deeply.

“What was that?” He asked, looking surprised at my sudden action. “Are you looking down on me? You might think I’m pathetic, just like how my dad dissed me earlier, as if I’m his biggest flaw. Figures! Why would I ask these things from someone who hasn’t walked in my shoes?”

“I’m not sighing because I thought you were pathetic,” I replied. “I breathe deeply because I didn’t expect that someone who had almost everything and seemed to have a perfect life seemed to have a story to tell. And, I don’t need to walk in your shoes just to understand what you feel. I experienced a lot more pain than that. A day is not enough to narrate how painful my life is.”

“Well, now you know that not all people who are smiling in front of the camera have a perfect life.” He added. “You’ve seen it. Front view experience, isn’t it?”

“Now I know why you were treating people like that,” I commented.

“Treatment? What kind of treatment?” He curiously asked.

“You didn’t know? Or, you’re just pretending you don’t?” I asked.

“Why?” He proudly asked.

“You’re treating people as if everyone is your enemy. You treat them just like how your dad treats you at the restaurant, as if you made the whole MC Group bankrupt.” I explained.

“Hey! You don’t know me. So, how can you judge me and tell me I was like my dad.” He strongly uttered. “I will never be like him. Never.” His eyes were bulging round.

“Fine! As you say so.” I didn’t answer any further. Hearing from him in denial, he's obviously unaware of it.

“Oh! You sounded like you didn’t believe me at all,” he said. “Tell me! What is your story then, Mr. Best Judge of character?”

“Why does the hot seat suddenly on me?” I almost got bewitched by his seamless interrogation. Luckily, I wasn’t able to talk about my family. “Eli, you shouldn’t trust him. Of all people, not him.” I told myself. “Why are you suddenly getting curious about my personal life? And as far as I can remember, you told me not to get nosy about each other’s lives. Remember?”

“But, you already saw me at the most embarrassing moment of my life,” he said.

“That’s not embarrassing… especially if you know you didn’t do wrong,” I uttered. “That’s not something to be ashamed of, to begin with.”

“Almost every day since I moved into their family, dad has been looking at me as if I’m his biggest mistake. Whenever I would mess up at school or I failed to be at the top, he would summon me to his study area and scold me the whole night. And he hates it when I start to cry. At first, hurtful words ran from my left ear to the right, as if an abstract melody. And I got used to it. But after I started working for the company, words weren’t enough. He began to lay his hands on me. He would beat me up. Slap my face or even punch me on my head.” A tear fell from his cheek.

“Why didn’t you leave?” I asked. “If it was too tough, you should have left home.”

“I did. Many times. Since I was very young,” he replied. “But the last time I did, I was shocked by the reality that I didn’t have a place to go. I went to find my mom only to see with my own two eyes that she already had another family to attend to. And she seems happy without me.”

“How can you be so sure that she’s happy without you? Or, she’s not missing you?” I asked. “You haven’t asked her yourself. You just left looking like a fool.”

“I don’t need words to confirm it. What I saw is enough.” He coldly replied. And the way he talks about his pain isn’t just about his relationship with his dad, but it’s also about his mom. He had resentment since then and has been bringing that inside of him for too long.

“Words hurt more once you hear them, especially if it’s the same as what you saw. It’s like a confirmation of something you hope it’s not.” I uttered. “But then, hearing even the words you don’t want to hear helps you heal and move on from the past. It helps you forgive and forget.”

“I don’t need to forgive and forget just to heal and move on.” He furiously answered back.

“I’m not saying you have to forgive and forget them. I was talking about you.” I said. “I also failed to forgive and forget the people who had hurt me in the past. But to help me stand up and continue to fight, I forgave myself at first. And learn to forget that things happen because I let them happen in the first place. I may not be able to free myself fully since I haven't forgiven them yet. But giving myself forgiveness I can’t give to other people helps me to be invincible through pain. And continue the fight for all those people that I loved.”

He stood silent for a moment. I don’t know if he gets what I was saying a while ago. But I do hope he does. Because I can’t feel this for him—I can’t feel pity towards him. He’s my enemy. No matter what happens, he will always be a Cruz. His family needs to pay the price for what they did to my family. And having second thoughts just because he is as miserable as I am, he won’t look good at achieving my goal. I needed to set a wide distance away from him. Although I need to be close to him as his secretary, I need to maintain a wide distance from my emotions, since I know I easily get bewitched by someone who has experienced a painful past like me. Being invulnerable to my emotions is the mask I always need to put on, especially in front of a fierce lion.

***

In the office.

It was still 7:00 am and the whole company was in chaos. Well, as usual. That’s Monday madness in the company. Everyone is busy preparing for the quarterly board meeting, especially since this meeting will determine who’s at the top edge of the highest position of the company. The Board of directors gather four times a year to discuss very important matters like electing a new CEO of the board, important company projects, and milestones, and even discussing solutions and not problems. The meeting usually starts at 9 am to give ample time for everyone to prepare, since some directors come from different parts of the country and the world.

But with all the chaos, I didn’t see him around. On Sunday morning, he texted me to be as early as possible for the board meeting on Monday. He even clarified and repeated numerously that I needed to be at the office at exactly 6 am. He didn’t stop texting me. He even called me late at night and reiterated every single detail I needed to prepare for the meeting. I can’t even remember how he ended his talk, because the last time I know, I was already waking up at early dawn in the same position I had while having a phone conversation with him last night.

I tried to call him. But he’s out of reach. I messaged him and left an email but got no response from him. “He should be here by now. He’s the first presenter for the board meeting so he shouldn’t be late.” I was agitated while walking swiftly all over the place in search of him. “Where could he be?” I was edgy right now. “He can’t mess up right now. Not now that my plan has just started. He’s the only key to my goals to be successful.”

“He arrived,” Bobby whispered in my in-ear monitoring.

“For real?” I asked.

“Yes. He’s already in the lobby area and is walking towards the elevator. 10 minutes from now, he will arrive at the board room.” He added. “Relax, Eli. Just calm down. You’re not the one who will present in front of the board of directors. It’s him. So, relaxed!”

“I know but I cannot rest my worries, not until he finishes his presentation and secures the CEO position,” I replied.

“If I didn’t know you, I would think you were acting like his girlfriend or something.” He commented.

“Girlfriend? No way!” I easily defended myself from Bob’s groundless suspicion. “I’m just worried because if he fails, my ultimate goal will also be a failure. You know how cautious MC Group is and for me to walk easily in the company without anyone’s suspicion, I need my position as his executive assistant. I only got started and everything will be useless once he failed today. I couldn’t redo my plan from the beginning. You know how much I waited for this day to come. You know, of all people, how much I’m willing to risk everything just to get justice and revenge for my family.” I strongly added.

“I know. And I’m not doubting you for that.” He uttered. “I’m just reminding you of your goal, especially after what I heard and saw the other day about you and your boss's intimate conversation at the beach. I know you’re slowly feeling pity for him. I know how you would react when someone narrates their painful past. I’m just worried about you,” he added.

“No need to worry about me, Bob,” I expressed.

“Bye! He's already here.” Bob quickly added as soon as the elevator dings.

His right. He finally arrived. “But, wait!” I told myself. “Something’s off with him. But, I can’t figure it out exactly.” I stared at him from head to toe. “Is it his suit?” I wondered. “Well, he changed it a bit. I guess he finally listened to my fashion advice.” “Is it his shoes? Well, he picked the perfect fit for his suit.” “Is it his newly trimmed hair? Well, it looks good to him. He looks very manly this time.” I nodded. “Stop it, Eli! Get back to your senses.”

“What are you staring at?” Suddenly, he asked and moved closer so that I could smell his perfume. “Hey! You’re like a block of ice.”

“Nothing!” I quickly responded. And diverted his attention by handing him his tablet containing the PowerPoint presentation and the supporting documents he requested. “These are all the research I did over the weekend. It’s the same as the one that I sent yesterday morning. And these are summative for the results.” I added while we walked in the hallway going to the board room.

“Okay, good.” He nodded while his eyes were fixed on the screen. “Did everyone arrive already? What about the chairman? My grandfather? And my dad…” His tone suddenly shifted as the CEO—his dad arrived.

“Good morning, chairman!” He greeted him.

I bowed down while fixating my eyes on him. It’s still fresh in my memory how they had a not-so-good father and son bonding a few days ago. I wonder how much activity they must put through just to show in front of a lot of people that they are a happy family. Everyone wished to have the kind of life they had—a nice and huge house, a comfortable life, fame, power, and prestige. And probably everyone would do anything just to be in their position. I even had the same wishes way back in the past. But after seeing how messy their life is, I easily drop those unimaginable wishes.

“Cuz!” A voice was heard from the back. Blake, jack’s cousin, has arrived. Well, it’s because he's also part of the board. But every time I see him, I don’t feel good at all. I feel like he won’t do anything good. No wonder he was penned as the black sheep of the family. A chic maniac and someone who always plays around—happy-go-lucky in short.

“Blake!” They exchanged greetings.

“Another act, I guess,” I hissed.

“I heard you’re doing the presentation for today’s meeting.” He uttered. “I also heard grandpa would be joining as well. That’s maybe the reason why you look so anxious. Relax, dude! Take it easy.” He smirked.

“I’m not anxious because I know I can do well with my presentation.” He proudly responded. “I’m Jack Cruz and I wasn’t born to be a loser,” he whispered.

I giggled softly. “Good for you,” I told myself. He looked pissed off seeing how he clenched his fist as if he wanted to punch someone.

As soon as the Chairman arrived, the meeting began. Jack presented his ideas well enough to gain the approval of almost 2/3 of the board. His career at the company wasn’t easy. Despite being the son of the CEO and the grandson of the chairman, that doesn’t give him a free pass from pressure and doubts from everyone. He needs to always prove himself to everyone, always needs to, even to his father. And making mistakes is not in his vocabulary. That’s maybe the reason why he’s been so tough, because he can’t afford to make a mistake. And I don’t need to hear this story exactly from his mouth. Seeing him work Mondays to Fridays and even during weekends during important meetings tells me he has been putting on a mask to survive in his messy world. That’s why this presentation means a lot to him. Luckily, he aced it well. Not just well enough, but the best. He never fails to excel once given the challenge upfront. He knows how to shut down everyone’s doubts about him. And for that, I must give him my appreciation. No wonder his grandfather looked at him and accepted him as part of their family. And with his impressive academic record, he was entrusted with the COO position. Everyone applauded his presentation, even his grandfather, the chairman, was in a standing ovation. Even a smile couldn’t leave the chairman’s face.

“Well done, grandson. Well done.” The chairman happily applauded. “I wasn’t wrong in taking you into the family and admitting you into the company.”

“MC Group is in the right hands, Mr. Chairman.” One of the directors commented.

“No wonder he is your grandson,” someone added.

“I guess it runs in the blood.” The chairman laughed. “Keep up the good work.” He gave him the warmest hug. I’ll go ahead. Let’s

Have dinner at home, okay? See you!”

“Yes, Mr. Chairman!” he replied.

“Congrats, Brother!” His cousin smirked after everyone left except the three of us. He moved an inch closer and whispered something in Jack’s ears that made his eyes pop out in shock and made him freeze for a moment. I haven’t seen him acting this way before. He’s arrogant, self-centered, and rude. Anything negative character you can think of, that’s him. But seeing him shiver with fear, suddenly a thought popped out of my mind. Everything was just a mask.

“What could it be?” I asked myself. He was so distressed seeing him walking as if his mind was floating somewhere.

“Chief? Sir? Mr. Cruz?” I called while following him behind. But he continued walking as if he didn’t hear anything. I hurried my steps until I accidentally bumped into him after he suddenly halted.

“Ouch!” I screamed while touching my forehead.

“No need to follow me around. Just stay at the office and finish all the paperwork I told you to finish for next week’s meeting. I need it on my table by tomorrow morning.” He narrated.

“What? Tomorrow morning?” I uttered. “Where are you going this time?” I added while seeing him walking troubled.

“Why?” He asked while staring at me, looking so annoyed. “Who are you? That I need to explain my whereabouts and my actions. Who are you? That I need to answer all your questions. You’re just my secretary. You only moved when I say so. And now, I am telling you, stay in my office and do what I told you to do. Get it?” He hissed.

“Huh! What was his deal this time?” I asked, feeling so clueless about what I had heard earlier from him. “Was it so hard to answer my question? I only asked where he would go looking so troubled. I was only worried about him. Why is he so picky and all? Whatever!

Yes! Suit yourself then.” I added.

“Wait!” I told myself. “Worried? Who? Me? No way!” I murmured. “Why would I be worried about him in the first place? He’s right. I’m just his secretary and he is my boss. The only connection we have is because of work. Nothing more and nothing less. That’s right, Eli. No need to worry about him. Hey! I’m not worried about him. I’m only asking because I’m his secretary. I should know his whereabouts if the Chairman or the CEO asked. I only wanted to know so that I could do my job well. That’s it.” I babbled while walking inside his office.

“Hey! Eli.” Bobby suddenly called. “Are you okay? Where did you practice a skit earlier? Why are you talking to yourself?”

“I’m fine.” I deeply sighed while seated freely on the couch lying on my back and staring at the high ceiling.

***

At night in the office.

It was already past 8 pm and yet he hadn’t called. I have already finished all the paper paperwork he ordered to see on his table by tomorrow morning. I shut down my computer and arranged all my stuff on the table. On my way out, I stopped for a while and stared at his empty office. For the past few days, I have seen him busy staring at his computer while looking at a bunch of documents at his side. He couldn’t even take a sip of his coffee. Nor take a bite of the food he requested to be ordered at his favorite restaurant. Sometimes, he would walk standing beside the glass window while staring outside. But not to take a break. He was still doing some work. He was murmuring and practicing his presentation. He started his workday as early as 7 am and ended super late. I wonder why he would work that hard for this company. Why would an heir to the throne work so hard if everything was just handed down to him easily? Why would he exert so much effort if he had employees who would work for him? I mean, I don’t think he just wanted to be a good example to his employees or something. That’s not his personality. There must be a huge reason behind it.

“Let’s go, Eli. Remember, you’re only here for one goal—to find anything that you can use to find justice and seek revenge for your family. You shouldn’t involve yourself much with other people’s business,” I whispered.

But while I was in the elevator, my phone beeped. A text message had arrived. My eyes rolled into surprise seeing the person who sent the message. It was him. The person who keeps on running on my head like crazy.

“What does he want from me this time? It was already past 8 pm. I’m done with my work. Is he checking on me if I finished my work or not?” I grumbled as I opened my phone.

‘Bring my black suit to Ara Hotel in 10 minutes. It’s in my office. Hurry!’

“What? Huh!” I grunted. “It’s already past my working hours. Why would he boss me around even during this time? And why would I go then? Suit yourself!” I added and just ignored his message.

“Seriously? You won’t budge on his instructions this time?” Bobby asked.

“Why would I?” I added while turning the car engine on.

“You won’t go?” He added.

“No.” I strongly added.

“Okay, then.” He added.

But while on the road, a news report was flashed on the huge LCD screen. My eyes rolled in shock. The news stated that the suicide incident that happened five years ago at MC Group wasn’t a suicide after all. Someone is behind it. The only heir to the throne was part of it.

“What is this all about?” I asked while reading the news on the internet. “Did someone know other than my dad about the truth in the past?”

I quickly scanned my phone and the social media were in chaos. I quickly drove the car and rushed to the hotel. He told me to go home early. But, I halted a few meters away after seeing him talking with his dad and grandfather.

“What was that?” His grandfather irately asked. “Why is a groundless rumor about what happened in the past suddenly springing up again? I thought you’d fixed that already. And what? You’re part of it?”

“I’m sorry, Chairman.” He bowed endlessly. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry? Is it true? You had something to do about it?” He shouted. “And you!” He switched to Jack’s father.

“Why did you let something like this spill out unexpectedly? In front of our VIP clients. What would you do this time to fix this mess?” He yelled and left Jack all alone while Jack’s father followed behind.

He stood there like a block of ice. He stood for a while until he turned his back and saw me a few meters away. He stared at me for a minute. Looking at his eyes, I felt his mask was slowly fading away. A mask he always puts on trying to show everything is under his control. A mask he puts on in front of everyone--telling, he is unbeatable against pain and pain. And a mask he used as an act even in front of his own family. I was a few meters away but I saw a single drop of tear slowly fall from his cheek. And his invincible mask became a mask of someone who is broken and crushed.